Episode 3x10 – The Monday version
A/N This is not what happened.
It's Monday
It's blue
It's OOC
It's AU
Chuck is high (or low?) on Laudonol
Sarah lied under the influence of Pentothal
I still do not own Chuck
And this poem really does suck
So Chuck still feels nothing and Sarah ran into Jack Daniels at the airport and missed her flight.
Chuck was lying on his bed, arms folded behind his head. So this is what it's like. No emotions. Nada. Zip. It's bliss. In a weird sort of way. There was a loud crash outside.
"Casey! Can you take care of that?" What good were the bugs if they couldn't do the heavy lifting every once and a while. Oh right, Casey wasn't listening anymore. He was a civilian again. Stupid, ungrateful government. He dedicated twenty years of his life to the government. They took his family away from him twice and kicked him to the curb. The greater good blows.
Chuck heard the Morgan door open. "Casey, don't you ever use the front door?"
"It's not Casey. It's the pretty one," came an out of breath reply.
Chuck didn't lift his head. "The pretty one is on her way to the stallion."
"She changed her mind." Chuck felt the mattress dip. Sarah fell back onto the pillow, staring at the ceiling. He turned his head and studied her for a moment.
"You're drunk."
"You're a robot."
"Ouch." Chuck resumed his previous position.
"What? You don't feel a thing."
"I know, but I am going to remember this in the morning."
"Sorry."
"You don't slur. Do they teach that at the farm?"
"Yes. Right before how to withstand Pentothal."
"I knew you lied to me."
"I didn't. You asked the wrong question."
"What was the right question?"
"'Sarah...this thing...under the undercover thing...do you want it to go somewhere?'"
"Oh."
"That's it? Oh?"
"Your impression of me sucks. Besides, I don't wanna talk about my feelings."
"Still nothing?"
"Nope."
"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"
"Do you think when I'm an agent I'll get a cool car like yours?"
"You can have any car you want. What do you want?"
"I like the NerdHerder."
"But it's red."
"What's wrong with red?"
"It's not really your colour."
"Says who? I love red. Owww! What the hell was that for?" Chuck rubbed his shoulder.
"You're a jerk."
"Why?"
"I burnt every red thing I owned."
"Again, why?"
"You hated my dress!"
"I didn't. Owww! Stop that! I still feel physical pain, you know."
"Good."
"Jeez, you're a mean drunk."
"Well, I guess you bring out the worst in me."
"And this is the part where you kiss me and tell me it was a mistake."
"I thought we weren't discussing feelings."
"Right. But you do own another red dress."
"I don't."
"You do. The prostitute one."
"The what?"
"The one you wore when I introduced you to Jill."
"Oh."
"That's it? Oh?"
"Did she hate it?"
"Not as much as you in your underwear."
"Yeah, that worked out better than I planned."
"You planned it?"
"I shouldn't have told you that."
"What about Lou? You had a hand in that too, didn't you?"
"Maybe."
"And here I thought it was the government that didn't want me to ever have sex again."
"Technically I am the government."
"Hiding behind your job again, agent Walker?"
"Don't call me that."
"Sorry sweetie."
"That's even worse."
"Why?"
"It was for the cover. It always sounded so...forced."
"What should I call you then?"
"Sarah."
"Okay, Sarah. Why aren't you in Washington?"
"Forget it. It's my turn to ask the questions."
"Says who?"
"The government. And that was a question."
"Sorry. What's your question?"
"Chuck!"
"Sorry. I meant shoot."
"Don't tempt me."
"Just ask already."
"Why brunettes? Lou, Jill, Hannah..."
"...Jenny."
"Jenny?"
"My turn. Why heroes?"
"You're deflecting."
"You taught me well. I get Bryce and Cole..."
"They kissed me first."
"What are you? Twelve? Owww! Aren't you sober yet?"
"No. Are you still a robot?"
"Speaking of robots...why Shaw?"
"Casey said he wasn't interested."
"Sarah, ewww!"
"Who's twelve now?"
"Who's deflecting now?"
"Hey Chuck?"
"Yeah?"
"How many times do I have to show you?"
"Show me what?"
"That I...you know...you."
"Until you believe it."
"So you know?"
"Yes. Hey Sarah?"
"What?"
"It's back."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Hey Sarah?"
"Stop that."
"You started it."
"I'm armed."
"You win."
"I always do."
"I you know you too."
"That was very articulate."
"Thank you."
"It's called sarcasm, schnook."
"I know. So what now?"
"You still owe me a kiss."
"Prague?"
"Yes."
"Morgan still owes me a condom."
"What?"
"Barstow."
"I'm gonna kill him."
A/N This is the part where you cover your face with your hands and yell "my eyes, my eyes!" If you were able to follow this, please seek help. But seriously, if I got at least one giggle somewhere, my job here is done. The real episode will be up this weekend. Have an awesome week everyone!
PS I'm rewriting Chapter 10 – it bugs me. There's something amiss with that Charah moment. Will let you know when it's up.