Episode 3x10

A/N Yay, it got better, well, a little. And once again – NO SHAW. I loved the interactions between the Sarah, Chuck and Casey. Plus some really funny moments. My colleague watched "The Mask" last night (that's where we are) and she enjoyed it! She thinks Shaw is great! I felt like throwing my stapler at her! And my chair! Aaargh! Now that that's out of my system, let's continue. There were a few Charah moments, let's see if there hope somewhere.

BTW – I saw some stills from season 4 and I'm worried. At the rate they're going, Chuck will be bald by season 6 - LOL. I like the season 3 haircut.

I don't own Chuck. Don't sue me. I will audit you. I still remember how.

"Unfortunately your mission at the CIA facility was a day too late. The vault had already been compromised and a new drug called Laudanol was stolen. Military scientists were able to create a prototype pill that could suppress emotions in battlefield soldiers...make them stronger, faster...fearless."

"Wait a minute. No fear? Could that help me flash?"

Sarah was taken aback by Chuck's reaction. "Well, maybe, but then you won't feel anything, Chuck."

"Right. But I could work. Perfectly."

Sarah couldn't believe he would even consider that. Burying your emotions was one thing, but suppressing them completely? He wouldn't be Chuck anymore. Who was she kidding? She hardly recognised him now. Her Chuck was gone. Sarah's felt the all too familiar ache piercing her chest. How is it possible to miss someone so much when he's sitting barely a foot away?

"Sarah," Chuck motioned her over to the door, "I just flashed. Casey is being played. His old commanding officer is a guy named James Keller, high up in special ops. He's the guy who turned Casey's former sensei because now he's a member of the ring."

"What?"

"Casey doesn't know anything. We've gotta talk to him and tell him who this Keller-guy really is."

"We can't. Casey committed treason and he's still refusing to talk. They're moving him to a black site in Thailand, outside of US torture jurisdictions."

"When?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Okay, then we got to break him out before then and clear his name."

"If we do this...and if we get caught, we're gonna be tried for treason and you're gonna lose everything and you're never gonna get the chance to be a real spy." Sarah hesitated. She was scared to ask the question. "Is that what you want?" This is it Chuck. Prove to me I haven't completely lost you to the spy life.

"It's Casey."

Sarah's heart lifted. "I was hoping you'd say that."

"Three years. Three years of missions, training...I'm his friend...how can all of that have been a lie?"

"I don't know. Some people change. You move forward as a spy and the line between what's right and wrong becomes more and more blurry. You don't know what to believe in...or who to believe in." Sarah watched Chuck as he went through the motions of preparing for the mission. The words were out before she could stop them. "I thought you had changed."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I know that you want to be the perfect spy...and I know what it means to you and...what you've sacrificed to get there..." The life you wanted. The life I wanted. "But please don't lose that guy that I've met three years ago." Don't lose that guy I fell for. "Don't give up on the things that make you great."

Chuck gave her a wistful smile. Sarah sighed inwardly as she handed him the gun. She hated this part. The roll she played in turning Chuck into a spy.

"I'll always be that guy." Chuck pushed the gun back towards her, brushing his fingers against hers for a brief second. Sarah's hand started to shake a little. She stood quietly for a moment and tried to compose herself.

Chuck fastened his backpack, thinking about what she said. "Sarah, I..."

"We should probably focus on the Laudanol." Sarah knew she was hiding behind her job again, but if they continued this conversation right now, she would fall apart. And she wasn't sure yet if she could believe in him again.

"Take the pill, Chuck."

"What pill?"

"You gave him the pill?"

"It's in your right pocket. Laudanol was developed to calm emotions, eliminate fear. Chuck, it can make you the intersect you were always supposed to be."

But what about the guy he was supposed to be?

Sarah's heart stopped when she took in the scene in front of her. The agent was struggling to breath and Chuck didn't let go.

"Chuck!"

She rushed forward.

"Chuck stop!" He turned his head to face her. His eyes were cold and lifeless. He still didn't let go. It scared her. He scared her. Realisation dawned slowly and he dropped the man to floor.

Sarah watched as Chuck led Casey out of Castle. It was the end of team Bartowski. She didn't have time to dwell on what that meant.

"I want to commend you, agent Walker, for your work with the intersect. He seems to need you less and less."

"Yes...uhm...Chuck has certainly changed and he is well on his way to becoming," she forced out the words, "the perfect spy."

"A while back you requested a transfer out of Burbank and I haven't forgotten. There's an empty seat on my flight back to DC if you'd still like to go. We could discuss it on the way. I leave in an hour, if you'd like to join me agent Walker."

Sarah swallowed hard, trying to dull the ache in her chest. Four hours ago they set off on a mission like so many times before over the past three years. Just the three of them, like old times. Now Casey was a civilian. Chuck proved he could function as an autonomous spy. She was offered a reassignment. It was over. She had sixty minutes to decide. Does she stay and allow the new Chuck to break her heart every day? Or be a spy, bury the pieces and go quell a revolution in Jakarta with a fork?

Chuck pulled the photo strip out of his pocket. "You know, you could still go back."

"The general made the terms of my dismissal...crystal clear."

Chuck tossed the pictures on the table in front of Casey. "I was talking about Kathleen. She lives right around here man and...uh...you got a daughter, Casey."

Casey turned around slowly. "You know I've made my decision between love and love of country a long time ago...and it was the right decision for me."

Chuck nodded.

"Now you have to make a decision whether that's the right one for you. Walker is a good woman. It's still not too late."

With her hand on the doorknob, Sarah turned around, taking everything in one last time. She closed her eyes as Chuck's words echoed off the walls.

"I just wish I knew something real about you. Can't you just tell me...just one true thing?"

"Hey, it'll be okay. Trust me."

"I don't need to know more...not about who you were...because as much as you don't think so, I know who you are."

"You need to know that your father's sins are his, not yours."

Sarah swallowed her tears as she closed the green door behind her.

"Hi." Sarah was startled. Chuck showing up here tonight was the last thing she expected. "I'm glad I caught you before you left."

"What are you doing here, Chuck?"

"I just wanted to tell you..." his eyes travelled to her suitcase "...that's a lot of luggage for a weekend." Sarah didn't say anything. She didn't have to. He met her gaze again, his eyes unreadable. He was doing that more often these days. "You're not coming back." It wasn't a question.

"No, Chuck," she answered softly. This was the one conversation she hoped she could avoid. She tried it twice before, telling him she was leaving, but both times she stayed. And the first time she wasn't ordered to do so. Quite the opposite actually.

"I see." He was quiet for a moment. "When does your plane leave?"

His question caught her off guard. "I have to be at the airport in an hour. I was supposed to fly with general Beckman, but..."

"So you weren't planning on saying goodbye. A year ago you at least afforded me that courtesy. I guess I never realised how much you've changed." Sarah felt her anger threatened to rise to the surface. He was turning this around on her? She opened her mouth to protest, but then Chuck extended his hand and all thoughts fled when he simply said "it was a pleasure working with you agent Walker."

Sarah didn't take his hand. She was too stunned to react. Chuck dropped his hand and shrugged. "And tell Shaw he's a lucky guy. He gets to be a spy and he gets the girl." With that he was gone.

Sarah didn't know how long she stared at the elevator doors after it closed behind him. A grunt behind her brought her back to the present. She nearly let out a frustrated groan. For three years she hardly had any visitors and tonight of all nights, it was like central station. She swallowed the lump in her throat before she turned around.

"Hi, Casey." He just grunted again. "I'm actually on my way..."

Casey nodded his head. "I can see that. DC, I assume?" He held out a package to her. "Give this to Beckman, if you don't mind."

Sarah frowned. "Casey, what is that?"

"The Laudanol I took from the safe."

Sarah narrowed her eyes. "I don't understand. I thought you gave it to Chuck?"

Casey motioned towards her newly vacated hotel room. "I think we should take this inside."

Sarah didn't know if she should hug, kiss or shoot John Casey. Right now she was leaning towards shooting. "You gave Chuck a decoy?"

"I needed him to be fearless. To believe he was. For Kathleen."

"But why not give him the real pill?"

"I didn't want to take the chance with Keller. In case it didn't play out like we planned..."

"That was not part of the plan, Casey. You didn't trust us." After everything they've been through, he pulled a stunt a like this?

"I did, Walker, but it wouldn't have worked if I told you. I just couldn't take the risk. When it comes to someone you...sometimes you have to do whatever it takes." Sarah could relate to that, but then she realised something. If Chuck didn't take the Laudanol...

"Casey, he almost killed someone. If he was...Chuck, it means that..." She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

"It was the intersect, Walker. Chuck just never accessed the ability before because he's Chuck. Look, Sarah, I don't think you understand his fear. The days when he was scared of the bad guys and ran screaming like a little girl from danger is over. Chuck knows that he can control his flashes now and get himself out of almost any situation. But he is afraid that the intersect will take over and that he will no longer be in control his actions. He tries to avoid that by selecting what he flashes on and what not. Today he overcame that fear and the intersect worked perfectly, but it also proved him right."

"So he's the perfect spy now? Whether he wants to be or not?"

"Hardly. He realises what he has done and whether he thinks it was because of the Laudanol or learns the truth, it doesn't matter. He knows what he's capable off when he suppresses his emotions and, if I know Bartowski, he's going to go right back into Chuck-mode and be selective about taking what he needs from the intersect."

Sarah sank down onto the bed. What Casey said made sense. She should have realised that. Chuck refused to let her train him in physical combat. He was scared that he could hurt her. And even though he was a good marksman, he never carried a real gun. Chuck preferred tranq pistols and nun chucks. "So you really think what happened today was a one-time thing?"

Casey grunted. "I'd bet my career on it. If I still had one." Sarah winced. She still couldn't believe Beckman did that. After everything Casey sacrificed for his country, he deserved better.

"Casey, I'm sorry..."

"Walker, don't," he cut her off. "What's done is done."

"I guess, but if there's ever anything I can do, please ask."

"Thanks," he gave her a slight nod and turned to leave. "Good luck in DC, Walker."

"Casey?" She really shouldn't be asking him, given everything she learned today about his past, but she had no one else to turn to. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"I think you're asking a question you already know the answer to."

Chuck broke the seal on the bottle of Johnny Walker Black and filled the glass almost half way. He glanced at his watch again. Thirty minutes. If he left now, he would barely make it, but he still could. He picked up the glass and put it down again. He didn't tell her. Twenty-nine minutes. It probably wouldn't have made a difference, but now he'll never know. He pulled his phone closer. He squeezed his eyes shut. Ellie would kill him if she found out he did it that way. Twenty-eight minutes.

Sarah paused at the fountain and took a deep breath. It didn't help. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute. This was ridiculous. She was fine ten minutes ago when she let Beckman know she wanted to stay in Burbank. Right after she phoned Shaw to tell him it's over. She was about to take another step when Chuck's apartment door swung open.

The tall nerd slash spy sped past her. She spun around to call him back, but he just called over his shoulder, "hi Sarah...can't talk now...have to get to the airpo..." He stopped so abruptly she swore he burned an inch of rubber of his converses. Chuck turned around slowly. "You're not at the airport."

Sarah shook her head. With three long strides Chuck stood in front of her. "You're not at the airport."

"I think we've covered that part." She didn't think it was possible, but her heart rate went up a few notches. "Chuck..."

"Wait, I need to tell you something first...I...what I wanted to say back at your hotel...if I have to choose between love and love of country...as Casey put it...I choose love. I choose you."

"Chuck..."

"And if you want to try again...if there's the slightest possibility...I'll quit the CIA...I'll quit the Buymore...I'll quit Call of Duty...I'll be whoever you need me to be..." Sarah couldn't take it anymore. She clasped her hand over his mouth.

"You are who I need you to be. I'm sorry I didn't realise it sooner." She felt Chuck smile against her palm. It made her a little weak in the knees. It also gave her the courage to finally say it. "I chose you a long time ago."

Chuck moved her hand to the back of his neck and wrapped his free arm around her. "That's what you tried to tell me at Ellie's wedding." Sarah nodded. "And then I..."

"What's done is done," she interrupted. Great, now I'm quoting John Casey.

"Does that mean I may kiss you now?" he asked as he slowly closed the distance between their lips.

Sarah met him halfway, whispering "it would be a good start."

[A/N I could stop here, but I made a promise in Chapter 10]

"Oh my god," Sarah moaned as she lay back against Chuck's chest. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, drawing small circles around her belly button with this finger.

"I told you this was a good idea." He placed a soft kiss against her temple.

"Mmm," was all she managed.

"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"Absolutely perfect." It was. The hot water worked magic on her tired muscles.

"Yeah, you are." He moved his lips down her neck.

Sarah smacked his arm playfully. "You're a goof." She moaned again when he kissed the spot where her neck and shoulder met. He knew exactly how to disarm her. She placed her hand over his and held it firmly against her stomach. She snaked her other arm around his neck and tugged on his curls. Chuck got the message. His lips left her neck and captured her mouth in a lingering kiss.

When he pulled away Sarah opened her eyes slowly, locking gazes with him. Even in the dim glow of candlelight there was no mistaking what she saw. Amazement. Trust. Love. He held nothing back. She must have done the same, because a wide smile broke over his face. "I can stay like this forever," Chuck whispered.

Sarah smiled. "We'll turn all pruny. That can't be good for..." She moved her hips slightly and broke into a small laugh when Chuck turned bright red. "Seriously Chuck? We just...three times and now you're blushing?" Chuck opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again when couldn't think of anything to say. Sarah brushed a finger over his nose, leaving a trail of bubbles in its wake. He was so adorable. She laid her head back against his shoulder. "This would probably be a bad time to remind you that we have some surveillance footage to steal."

Chuck groaned. "At least Casey..." The mood turned a little sombre. "Sarah, we have to do something."

"We will," she assured him. "We're a team. No matter what Beckman says."

"What about Kathleen and Alex?"

Sarah sighed. "That's up to Casey. All we can do is throw lady feelings at him until he caves."

"Oh crap," Chuck just realised something. Sarah's head shot up.

"What is it?"

"You're going to expect some pretty heavy PDA now, aren't you?"

A/N Happy spring to those of you in the southern hemisphere. Summer's almost here!

This was harder to write than I thought it would be. The mood changed quite a few times. Please give me feedback? Your reviews prompted me to write more in the past six weeks than I have in the last ten years! Thank you for being awesome.

There's one more episode to go in this series – please let me know what you would like to see happen. I will be killing Shaw. It will be brutal. And you'll never guess who's gonna do it. Episode 11 will not be a one-shot, too much need to happen. I'm planning on having it finished before season 4 starts. As for eps 12 and 13, I'm gonna stick with 'The ugly truth'.