AN: So, it seems that there is very little interest in this story, what with only 2 reviews. At least there was a review. So reviewer, if u review this chapter too, u can send me a request, and I'll see whether I can fulfill it or not. Oh, and this story is going to be crack, I don't either IP, and there will be two routes for this, and they are COMPLETELY SEPARATE. Yes, my dear readers, u get to read two different versions of a half-same story.

Tohsaka Rin was having an ambiguous time. On one hand, she had managed to make sure she was in the running for the second deadliest competition on earth (the deadliest goes to the 2014 Eurovision between Russia and Ukraine). On the other, well, she had to deal with this shit:

"Well well, to be summoned by such a master. I see that our hopes for winning this war is not that high eh?" Rin's servant said.

"Servant, what Heroic Spirit are you, what is your class?"

"Well my dear cute little master, since you somehow fucked up this summoning, I don't remember who I am, although I am an Archer-class servant. By the way, congratulations on fucking up the summoning, and destroying your house."

Yes, Rin was mighty pissed indeed. Let's pray for Archer and hopes he recovers from Rin's Tsundere power-up by the time he finds our protagonist...a curious case of whether it is one Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington, or one Emiya 'I wna be a superhero HENSHIN' Shirou. Or maybe one Matou/Makiri 'I am a creepy as fuck old BAMF dude' Zouken? Disregard the last selection. (Although Shirou summoning a Kamen Rider for a Servant is a worthy idea indeed…I smell a new story….)

ACME, Inc., the company that Mister Torgue worked as a janitor for, was currently having a blast. Sales of their mining explosives had gone up dramatically, making up for lost revenue from their anvil production. Thus, they were holding an employee part to celebrate this occasion, and Mister Torgue, along with all the other employees of ACME, Inc., was invited to participate.

There was champagne, caviar, foie gras, sushi, sashimi, tempura, and a whole lot of other food. Mister Torgue partook all of them without any side effects, due to his manliness. There was also karaoke, and Mister Torgue demonstrated just why his voice was bleeped out in Pandora when he managed to twist almost every song into some form of swearing, and strangely enough, the result was like the lovechild of Victor Frankenstein and Albert Einstein: it shouldn't be good, but it was.

Anyways, the party finished, and Mister Torgue headed to his school to pick up his Chemistry homework which he had forgotten because he had immediately set off to the party scant moments after school ended.

Walking into the school, and being Torgue, Mister Torgue uttered the words of surprise:

"Holy shit, what the fuck, why the fuck are there two men in weird ass clothing fighting each other?! That is fucking cool!"

The first to turn their head was Archer.

"That voice…it can't be?! Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington?!" He exclaimed.

"That's right, I'm Mister Torgue Hi-Five Flexington, at your service! If you need any explosions, feel free to tell me! EXPLOSIONS!"

"You…die you bastard!" With that said, Archer ignored the bemused Lancer and charged straight at Mister Torgue, while whining all the way.

"It's because of you and your Torgue Corporation, that so many people get killed; every war I've fought in all had your weapons in it, and I can't even really fucking defend against them because they are fucking explosives! DIE YOU BASTARD!"

"Trying to kill me? You're not the first! EAT EXPLOSIONS MOTHERFUCKERS!"

With Mister Torgue's line, the whole was blinded in a bright flash and loud noises. When the dust cleared, things became clearer:

Archer was lying on the ground some distance away from Mister Torgue, with blood on his face, his white hair stained red (ironically making him look like Shirou), and his arm bent at an odd angle. Rin and Shirou were lying on the ground with dazed expressions on their faces, while Lancer was the only one remaining standing.

"Damn kid, that's impressive. Tch, looks like we'll have to continue this on another day, my coward of a Master is calling me back. Catch you later kid." With that said, Lancer jumped away and vanished into the night.

Meanwhile, Archer had recovered, with a shocked expression and a look of rage on his face, producing a look that indicated that he'd like to kill Mister Torgue even more if possible, before making good on that look by charging at Mister Torgue, swords in hands.

"Archer, by the power of the Command Seal, I order you to stop killing Mister Torgue!"

With that said, Archer froze stiff at the sudden command, before falling into an indiginified heap at Mister Torgue's feet due to his momentum.

"Oh hey Rin, fancy meeting you here. What are you doing?"

"Tohsaka, what is going on?" came an unexpected voice from an unexpected direction.

"Emiya-kun?! What are you still doing here at this time?" Rin stammered out while recovering from the sight of her more-than-friend-but-less-than-crush standing there while holding a rusted pipe (like the one from Sonny 2; seriously, check out that game).

"I was fixing some stuff, but what's going on? Why are magi fighting? Who was that? And Mister Torgue, you're a magus too?"

And we'll end this here for now before y'all wait too much. Please review, REVIEWS MAKE ME WRITE FASTER. SERIOUSLY, OTHERWISE I'LL JUST GO KILL ANGEL IN BDL2. SO REVIEWWWWWWWWW. OR I'LL TORGUE YOUR FACE.