AN: You know, it'd be really really much faster for u to get updates if u reviewed. Seriously.
"Hey kids, sorry for coming in like this, but I gotta kill you. No witnesses ya'know. It's a secret war between magicians only." Lancer apologized in a very non-apologetic manner, before trying to shove his long, red, hard, hot spear™ into Shirou's chest. Keyword being tried, as with a loud and mighty BOOM!, Mister Torgue High-Five Flexington arrived in the kitchen, and then proceeded to LIFT Lancer up before SUPLEXING HIM, while wearing a bolo tie!
When Lancer landed on the floor, he attempted to flip himself up, only to be used like a jackhammer via being smashed even further into the ground, courtesy of Mister Torgue's explosion-enhanced punch.
"I AM MISTER TORGUE HIGH-FIVE FLEXINGTON MOTHERFUCKERS!" With that line said, Mister Torgue felt even more empowered, the drain he associated with producing his explosions lessening, while at the same time he felt as if he had even more energy.
Also, as Mister Torgue got stronger, Lancer got even more…excited…about the fight. I'm not saying Lancer is a masochist, but well…. Anyways, as his head was smashed even deeper into the ground, Lancer felt that as soon as he recovered from the knockback and stun-lock effects he felt, he was definitely upping the ante of the fight, if not from his own enjoyment then from the screaming in his head.
'LANCER! I FUCKING ORDER YOU TO USE YOUR RUNES AND KILL THOSE TWO FUCKERS! THEY'RE TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT ALIVE!' Bazette screamed at him.
'Yea yea, alright, I'll activate my runes. Chill girl.' He replied before ignoring her screaming. Seriously, couldn't his Master see that this was very enjoyable. Why, it was quite comparable to the time he had sex with Aife…alright, I take it back, he's a masochist.
Meanwhile, Shirou had sufficiently recovered his mental faculties to persuade Mister Torgue to run with him to his shed- excuse me, I meant workshop, piss-poor one as it is, in the hopes of doing something…magicky…enough to stop Lancer; of course the two had a very differing opinion on what stop entailed, Shirou thought of talking and incapicating, while Mister Torgue simply wanted his favorite gun SWORDSPLOSION! to shoot Lancer in the face.
However, just as they reached the shed, Lancer had also burst in into the shed, resulting in a sort of comically deadly Mexican standoff except there wasn't that much space to do the standoff.
'No, it can't end like this. I haven't become a hero yet, I want to live!' Shirou thought in his mind.
'I'm going to SWORDSPLOSION! that fucker in the face!' Mister Torgue thought in his mind.
Then, a glowing circle underneath their feet appeared, before a blinding light appeared, blinding everyone except Lancer. When the light died down, two new figures were standing on the circle.
"In accordance with the Holy Grail War, I, Servant Saber, have heard your summons and have come to serve. I ask of you, are you my master?"
"I am Severus of Tarentus, Dreadnought of the Ultramarines. I have come forth to eradicate all evil. Will you cooperate?"
The two voices would have been a weird chorus if not for two facts: when Severus appeared, the roof got a rapid and unprecedented expansion, before vanishing due to it being broken in two. Additionally, his voice was very loud and low, like a rumble before a thunderstorm combined with standing directly in front of the loudest stereos in a rock concert. Suffice to say, nobody heard anything except him, and poor Lancer was clutching his ears due to his extra-sensitive hearing, while Saber had turned around to view the source of the voice, which was revealed to be a strange, metallic…thing.
The thing, for there was no word that could describe it accurately, was an armored, bipedal walker, bristling with modern weaponry. Not a very fitting contender for the title of 'Heroic Spirit of Old'.
Looking at it, Saber was reminded of Kiritsugu's weapons, which bore a passing resemblance to it- in the sense that a Ferrari and a Tank was similar.
"Shit…what the fuck is that thing?!" Lancer was starting to panic. And for good reason, for Severus had turned towards Lancer, and started firing his Accelerator Autocannon and his twin-linked Heavy Bolters. Suffice to say, Lancer had to run away, what with the heavy-caliber bullets that also exploded trying to reduce him to blood and gore, shouting "This is unfair!"
Omake:
BOOM! The big explosion from the summoning circle would herald the arrival of Mister Torgue's servant…the Bomber-Class Servant, Tsar Bomba.
"I AM TSAR BOMBA, OF THE BOMBER CLASS. LET'S BLOW SHIT UP."
"FUCK YES! EXPLODE TO DEATH MOTHERFUCKERS!"
Omake part 2:
Then, a glowing circle underneath their feet appeared, before a blinding light appeared, blinding everyone except Lancer. When the light died down, two new figures were standing on the circle.
Or that was what should happen. What happened instead was that while one light died down to reveal a cute, petite blonde girl wearing an armored dress, the other light continued to expand in size, going through the roof (while destroying it in the process), and then going up, while rapidly expanding in size, forcing everyone to evacuate, even as it continued to grow in size.
Soon enough, the pillar of light slowly faded away…to reveal an Imperator Titan. Standing at over 50 meters, it was a majestic sight to behold, even as it trained its guns on the puny little humans below it…
"I AM EXEMPLIS, IMPERATOR TITAN OF THE LEGIO IGNATUM TITAN LEGION. IN THE NAME OF THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND, I AM HERE TO GRANT YOU SALVATION FROM YOUR HERETICAL WAYS."