Episode 3x11 – Part 1
A/N Trying something new, let's see how it plays out. Ever wondered what Sarah wrote down during her assessment of Chuck? You're about to find out, sort of. And seeing that you know I will be killing Shaw, there will be AU. It wouldn't really be necessary for this story, but hey, let's kill him anyway. Evil grin.
I loved the stakeout scene in this episode. And the naked spy. And Big Mike and Casey. BUT the ending sucked. For the love of furry kittens, what was Shaw's "are you still in love with him" comment about? How did he find out? She denied it to herself and others for three years, did she suddenly have the urge to tell her new boyfriend? And if he knew, why go after Sarah in the first place? Can you say plot hole? Anyway, let's get on with it. Oh, and even though I'm not really a big fan of song fics, random (please note – random) lyrics of the song "In my sleep" by Austin Leonard-Hartley and Kendall Jane Meade will pop up once or twice (because I just fell in love with that song in this episode).
I bought Chuck. The cheque for the first installment is in the mail. But NBC doesn't know this yet, so legally I can't claim it. [This means that I don't own Chuck, okay, not that I'm underestimating your intelligence, just covering my butt.]
Hi, I'm Sarah and here are a few things you should know and some things I probably shouldn't tell you. But don't worry, I will edit this report before I hand it in to Shaw and Beckman.
Three years ago I was send to Burbank. The mission was simple. Get in, make contact with the mark, find the intersect, get out. The mark was a tall, lanky geek. Stanford drop-out. Worked at a Buymore. Pining for a girl that left him five years ago. A certain 'l' word would come to mind, if I was the type to label people. I'm not. What would I be called? Criminal. Con artist. Cold hearted bitch. Slut. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged. Okay, so maybe I labelled him a little. Nerd. And what nerd wouldn't fall for me, right? Piece of cake.
Only thing is, I fell first and I fell hard. And then things got really complicated.
It's 6:45 and I'm in Chuck's living room. I'm here to give him his assignment. His final mission before he's officially a spy. There's no question in my mind that he will succeed. His record of the past three years has been impeccable. Our record, really, but none of it would have been possible without Chuck. I guess it's a good thing he never stayed in the car. At least, good for the missions. It has always been bad for my stress levels.
I'm early, but I couldn't face another morning waking up next to Shaw. After the weekend in Washington I finally realised what a mistake that was. Shaw took me for dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. I prefer the Bamboo Dragon. He bought me diamond earrings at Tiffany's. I treasure my charm bracelet. I should probably give it back to Chuck at some point, but I can't. Not yet. We went for a couples massage. Romantic in theory, I suppose. And that was followed by the most disappointing and unsatisfying three and a half minutes of my life. I've had a perpetual head ache ever since. When he stops buying that, I'm prepared to fake a spastic colon.
I know you're wondering why I don't just dump him and be done with it. I will. Soon. But I've learned something about Daniel Shaw. He is driven by revenge. That's the reason he is going after the ring so passionately. They were responsible for killing his wife. Shaw may be considered a good spy, but no matter how well he hides it, he acts on emotion. If I leave him now, he may take it out on Chuck. Prevent him from becoming a spy. And being is spy is what Chuck really wants. I know first-hand what he sacrificed for that dream. I'm not saying I'm sleeping (and had sex once) with Shaw for the sake of Chuck's career, but I don't want Chuck's sacrifice to be for nothing. So I'll rather err on the side of caution. Stupid as it may seem.
I wish I could say Chuck and I will be together after all of this is over, but I doubt it. Beckman is going to send him to Rome. I'm going to Washington. With Shaw. But all that will mean is that we'll live in the same city and work on the same project. That's it. If Daniel Shaw ever touch me again after this, I'll shoot his little...after I break his fingers. Somehow I think that from now on that will go for any man who isn't...Oh, he's awake. Time to get this underway.
The beginning of the end.
The first thing Chuck did was drop his coffee mug. It only made me more nervous. We haven't spent any sort of alone time together for months. He said something about having a vivid dream. I assured him he was awake. I handed him his envelope with the mission details and explained to him how agents receive missions in the field. He made a quip about being surprised in the kitchen and it involving a lot of travel. I suppressed a grin. I told him to focus. He needed to focus if I were to hang onto the shreds of professionalism I still possessed.
Chuck removed the playback device from the envelope and enquired about my vigorous note taking. I explained to him that I was recording the experience for history. The briefing started. Chuck asked the recording a question. I patiently told him so. Then he looked for a rewind button. And was surprised when the device self destructed. He made a really funny comment about that. Great, I've been here ten minutes and he almost made me laugh three times. That's more than I have in the past year. Three times more. Did I mention Shaw has the sense of humor of dry wall? Focus Sarah. This is a mission.
Chuck understood his mission. Find the mole and take out Annatoli. He got a bit cocky with his 'done and done'. He enquired about the writing again, telling me it was like junior high. I caved and smiled. And he got a little laugh out of me when he asked if I recorded all the greatest hits. All the daring escapes, last second bomb diffusions and all the world class stake out mixes. He imitated a DJ.
Then I slipped.
"We've definitely been through a lot." How could I forget? I covered quickly. "I mean not just us. Casey as well." I better get out of here. His presence was unnerving. Taking a trip down memory lane was not going to do us any good. Too much has happened. But my escape was hindered.
"Hey, hey, uh, speaking, speaking of stake outs, you're going to be at the stake out tonight, right?" Damn, I almost made it to the door.
"Right. Shaw will quarterback from the Castle." Keep the focus on the mission. We should both focus on the mission.
"But, so this is like, uh, our last mission together. Seems like we should do something special." Trust Chuck to think of that. I don't want to do something special. I just want to get it over with. I don't want to remember this. Our last night together. But at the same time I want to treasure it. I think I should go see the CIA psychiatrist when I get back to DC. Or steal myself some Laudanol.
"Something special would be you completing your mission and becoming a spy, Chuck." Just keep it professional. You can do this. One more mission.
"Of course, of course. I'm just sayin'...last mission, kinda makes you think...old times...good times. Dangerous...but, but good." Keep it together Sarah. You knew this day was coming. You have no future together, remember? Chuck saw that a long time ago.
"Yeah, it does. I'll see you tonight."
"See you tonight."
Someday, getting by my way
I think I'll be okay, for a while
I know you were never mine to keep
But I know that I'll see you in my sleep
And I know I miss you, I'll always miss you
And I know I'll see you in my sleep
I was impressed. Chuck set everything up perfectly. All those years at the Buymore must finally be paying off too. Then he surprised me. He opened one of the equipment cases to reveal a stake out picnic. He poured the champagne, telling me that no one throws a stake out like Chuck Bartowski. I already knew that. No one did anything like Chuck Bartowski. I melted. We took our seats and he switched on his iPod. Private eyes from Daryl Hall and John Oates. Another reminder of our first stake out. Then he caught me totally off guard.
"You're gonna miss me in DC. You know that, right?" He had to ask?
"I know." I don't think he realized how much.
"So...uhm...so you and Shaw are you gonna be...living together? Is that it? Like, are you...uh...are you guys real serious or what?" We we're eating our sizzling shrimp, keeping our eyes on the hotel entrance. It made the conversation a little easier.
"Uh...I don't know. It's...different." Why can't I just tell him the truth? Damn it. I'm so used to pushing him away, not talking about how I really feel. Maybe if I...no, I'm not going to play the 'what if' game. After this mission, we were going our separate ways. The thought almost killed me. It has been all day.
"Different how?" Chuck was relentless. Why now, after all this time?
"Than with you." That was the truth. It slipped out.
"You know I'm...uh...I'm..." His phone rang. It was Shaw. Of course it was. He reminded us of our ear pieces. And to stay focused on the mission. What was Chuck trying to say?
The impromptu picnic was over. With our ear pieces and binoculars we surveyed the entrance of the hotel for the mark. Chuck didn't let up.
"What I...what I was gonna ask you a minute ago...what I was about to say anyway...was that I've been...uhm...I've been thinking about what it used to be like between us..." I tried to keep my binoculars steady. "...before Prague...and uh...thinking about what life would be like for us if we made different decisions back then...if I made a different decision back then." I hang onto my binoculars. Not that I could see a thing now. "Look, I know we couldn't be together before because I wasn't a real spy, but if I pass this test, then we wouldn't have to choose between the job and us." I tried to compose myself. "If I pass this test, we could be together." Chuck still wants me? "That is, of course, if you're willing to give it another shot."
He just put the ball in my court. If I want this, a life with Chuck, it was mine. All I had to do is say the word. I lowered my binoculars and looked at him. I didn't say anything. I was trying to get my heartbeat and breathing under control, but he got the message. I wanted this. I've always wanted this. Him. So when he moved in to kiss me, I didn't hesitate. It's been far too long. I met him half way. Almost. And then...fucking Shaw. Apparently we missed the mark.
I handed Chuck the surveillance glasses to go after Annatoli. Then I saw a different side of Chuck Bartowski. A fierce determination that made my heart skip a beat. "This isn't over." I'm not sure if he was referring to the conversation or the feelings we still had for each other. It didn't matter. He was right on both counts. If Chuck becomes a spy, we can be together. But just how together if he's in Italy and I'm in Washington? Will we ever catch a break?
I've been hanging on
Scraping by, all my life
And I know you will be holding me, in my sleep
And I know I miss you, I'll always miss you
And I know I'll see you in my sleep
Please don't say it. I know the part I played in this whole mess. And that's something I'll regret for the rest of my life. I've been unsure of many things, made more mistakes than I care to admit, but this I know – I love Chuck Bartowski. Heart and soul. And from this moment, right now, I will do whatever it takes, fight whoever I need to, to make sure is happens. Our life. Our future. Our love.
A/N This was as much of the episode I could stomach for today. For now, I'm happy with this chapter, but please send me your comments so I can review it again tomorrow? My Sunday & Monday moods are very different, as you probably noticed from my Monday version of ep 10. To Balthazar497 who enquired about my soberness on that one, I should probably lie and say I was drunk (wink). Have a good week everyone!