It was nearly a half hour later when Callie and Arizona emerged from their bedroom. Riley and Sofia had both finished their gifts and Sofia had brought them both into her room to let them dry discretely. They were now sitting together on the couch, watching Cupcake Wars. "Oh, Florian's not going to like this one. A Gatorade cupcake? What's this guy thinking?" Riley commented, rolling her eyes. Sofia laughed, "Yeah, he's done."
They stopped talking when they saw Callie and Arizona approaching them solemnly, sad expressions frozen on their faces. Their eyes looked slightly red. Sofia grabbed the remote, pausing the television, "What's going on?" Callie and Arizona looked at each other, as if asking themselves what to say. Finally, Callie turned to face them, "Sofia, could you go to your room please?"
Sofia's face scrunched with fear, "Why? What did I do?" Arizona pushed her cheeks up into a weak smile, "Nothing, bug. We just have to talk to Riley." She was about to protest, wanting to hear what was happening, but she took one look into Callie's pleading eyes and gave in, clicking the TV off and walking to her room, closing the door behind her.
Riley looked up at Callie and Arizona fearfully, dread filling the pit of her stomach. The two of them sat next to her on the couch, one on either side, positioning their bodies to face hers. After a moment of thick silence, Arizona finally spoke, "Riley, your father died today."
Riley sat silently, the words not entirely registering. "What?" she finally asked dumbly, not quite believing that this could be real. Taking a deep breath, Arizona continued, "Your father is dead. And I am so, so sorry."
Shaking her head, Riley looked up at Arizona, her eyes wide and desperate, "No, he was fine. I saw him yesterday, and he was fine. I don't understand."
"He wasn't fine. He was in a coma. And sometimes people can be in a coma for a long time and then die suddenly," Arizona explained, working to keep her voice clear and level, feeling Callie's eyes watching her sadly. She reached for Riley's hand, but Riley yanked it away, "No! He's fine. He was supposed to be fine. He was supposed to wake up. You said he might wake up—"
"Riley—"
"No!" she screamed, tears filling her eyes and a sob escaping from her mouth. Arizona instantly leaned forward, pulling Riley into a hug. The young girl fought against her for a moment, before sinking into her, sobs shaking her small frame.
"He was supposed to wake up," she cried defeatedly against Arizona's chest. Callie stood, placing a hand soothingly on Riley's arm as Arizona whispered into her ear, "Shhhh…. We've got you. We're right here."
Sofia sat silently on her bed, unsure of what to say. "So… where's Riley now?" she asked Callie, who had just informed her of Riley's father's death. After listening helplessly to Riley's cries from the other side of her bedroom door, she had suspected that was what had happened, but somehow, hearing it seemed like a shock all the same. She couldn't imagine how Riley must be feeling.
"Momma took her to the hospital," Callie responded softly, "Riley wanted to see him." Sofia shivered involuntarily; despite all the time she spent in the hospital, she had never seen a dead body, and she didn't ever want too. It seemed creepy.
"So, what do we do?" Sofia asked her mother. Callie shook her head, reaching out and brushing Sofia's hair behind her ear, "There's not much we can do, except be there for her." Nodding, Sofia looked up at her mother, "How do we do that?"
Callie laughed humorlessly, shaking her head in defeat, "I don't know." She shook the tears out of her eyes and looked to her daughter again, "But I think you'll know."
"Okay," Sofia said. After an uncomfortable moment of silence, she said to Callie, "I think I want to go to bed now. I'm tired." It was a lie. She wasn't tired, she just didn't want to sit here awkwardly and continue talking to her mother about this tragedy, not knowing what to do or how she should feel. Callie nodded solemly, "I love you, m'ija," she whispered, placing a kiss on the top of her daughter's head. "I love you too, Mami," Sofia mumbled, laying back on her bed, relieved, when she heard her mother closing the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
Pushing on her coffee maker, which held a to-go cup poised underneath the drip for precisely a situation like this, Arizona stumbled to get her scrubs on in the dim light of the bedside lamp in her studio apartment, just a few short blocks from the hospital. She had only gotten four hours of sleep before her pager woke her up at 2am. And after working for nearly 30 hours straight, four hours of sleep was not nearly enough, but it would have to do. As she clumsily hopped into her sneakers, she heard what sounded like a knock coming from her front door.
She ignored it at first, assuming it was just a noise from outside or her sleep deprived brain causing her to imagine sounds in her apartment. But then it came again, three loud unmistakable knocks on her front door. It was confusing—who was knocking on her door at 2am? Stumbling over to the door, she yanked it open, freezing in terror at the sight before her.
Two men stood solemnly, dressed in class A military garb. "Good evening. I am Captain Michael Coleman from Company A, 3rd Battalion, 27th Ordinance, from Fort George G. Meade, Maryland. Are you Dr. Arizona Robbins?" the one standing on the left asked her quietly. She nodded numbly. "I have an important message to deliver from the Secretary of the Army. May we come inside, Dr. Robbins?" he asked, and she wordlessly stepped aside, allowing them to enter her small apartment. They stepped inside, closing the door behind them. Arizona began to shake with dread. She knew the army didn't send 2am messengers with good news.
Some part of her brain heard her coffee machine beep, indicating that it had finished brewing, but she made no move to go and get it. She crossed her arms protectively over her chest. Biting her lip as she prepared for the news she desperately hoped these men were not going to give her.
"The Secretary of the Army regrets to inform you that your brother, Timothy Robbins, was killed in action near Baghdad on February 17. He was killed by an explosion from a roadside bomb. The Secretary extends his deepest sympathies to your and your family during this tragic loss."
Arizona closed her eyes, inhaling sharply and wrapping her arms around herself even tighter, as if to shield herself from the blow he'd just delivered. The only discernible emotion she could feel was shock.
"Do.. do my parents know?" she mumbled numbly, grasping for her chair and shakily lowering herself into a seat at her dining room table. The soldier nodded, "Yes. Your parents were informed shortly before we arrived." She nodded; she could feel her body trembling. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her.
The man on the right stepped toward her, taking a seat across from her at her dining room table. "Is there someone I can call for you?" he asked gently, looking toward her with empathy.
Her mouth had gone try, and she found it difficult to speak. Finally, she managed to push out the words, "I'm a surgeon. The hospital … They just paged me. Can you call them and let them know I'm not coming in today?" The man nodded, "Yes, we can take care of that." Arizona nodded in appreciation, wordlessly reaching over and grabbing her cell phone, dialing the phone number of the hospital and handing it to the officer to make the call.
She sat silently while he made the call, unable to take in what was happening around her, until the soldier at the table spoke to her again, forcing her from her wandering, muted thoughts, "Dr. Robbins?" She turned abruptly to look at him, her eyes wide. "Is there anyone else we can call for you? To be with you?"
Arizona racked her brain, her parents were on the other side of the country, as her father was currently stationed in California. She had friends at the hospital, but none that she felt she could share this with right now. But then, the answer came to her, "Nick. My friend, Nick. He lives a couple hours away." The officer nodded, locating the number in her cell phone and making the call while Arizona sat mutely at the table, trying not to listening, unable to bear the thought of Nick learning of this loss.
"He's on his way. Is there anything else we can do for you?" the officer asked her. Arizona looked at her lap, shaking her head slowly. There was nothing more they could do. There was nothing anyone could do.
The officer seated next her to at the table got to his feet, and informed her, "Dr. Robbins, I must be returning to Fort Meade. Again, on behalf of the Secretary of the Army, please accept the United States Army's deepest condolences." She didn't acknowledge his statement and they didn't wait for a reply, solemnly walking out the door and shutting it behind him.
It wasn't until she heard the click of the lock that she felt tears forming in her eyes and slipping down her cheeks, slowly at first and then all at once. An ugly sob escaped from somewhere deep within her throat and she let herself sink to the floor, shaking uncontrollably with deep, sorrowful cries.
Riley felt numb as Arizona pushed her through the halls of the hospital, nearing closer and closer to her father's room. She had been here so many times over the past few months, and yet, tonight, the path felt unfamiliar, as if it were part of a dream.
When they finally reached her father's room, Arizona paused to open the door. "Wait," Riley said, her voice hollow. Arizona stopped, releasing the doorknob and turning back, walking around to stand in front of Riley's wheelchair. She squatted down so she was eye level with Riley, a gesture Riley usually found condescending, but in this moment, she was desperate the closeness and sensed that Arizona knew this. "We can wait as long as you need," she said softly placing her hand on Riley's knee. Riley couldn't feel the touch, but grabbed Arizona's hand, squeezing it tightly.
"Okay," Riley said, facing forward and looking straight ahead. Pulling herself to her feet, Arizona opened the door to the room, before walking around and pushing Riley inside. The stillness was overwhelming. The machines that surrounded her father for months, filling the room with beeps and whirrs and pumps were gone, and there was only the bed now. A sheet covered Riley's father's body, and Riley felt almost nauseous looking at it, dreading looking underneath it.
Stopping Riley's wheelchair right beside the bedside, Arizona walked around, her hands hovering over the sheet, looking to Riley for her consent. Riley gave a small nod, closing her eyes as Arizona slowly pulled back the covers.
Mustering up her courage, Riley finally pushed her eyes open. She was surprised to see her father, lying peacefully on the bed in front of her, as if he was sleeping. She had grown so accustomed to seeing him with all the tubes and wires that for a second, she thought that maybe he was just sleeping, that in a moment he would wake up and give her his wide smile, inviting her to sit on his lap, telling her he missed her. But he didn't, and he never would again.
Arizona took a step back, "I can give you some time with him." She moved to walk away, but Riley's hand reached out instinctively to stop her. "Please don't leave," she choked out desperately, her voice deep and ragged. Arizona pushed back the tears forming in her eyes and placed a supportive hand on Riley's shoulder, "Of course. I'm right here."
Feeling Arizona's hand clutching her shoulder securely, Riley reached out and grasped her father's hand, pulling it toward her. She was shocked by how cold it was, how heavy it was to move, but she held on anyway, bringing it toward her and holding it tightly between both of her hands. "I love you, Dad," she whispered, tears filling her eyes.
After a moment, she dropped her father's hand. Suddenly overwhelmed, she looked to Arizona, "I don't want to be here anymore." Arizona nodded, "Okay, we'll go." She pulled Riley slowly away from the bed and pushed her from the room. Riley stared at her lap, determined not to look back. She had said goodbye, and now she had to leave.