It was nearly midnight when Arizona arrived home, having been stuck at the hospital in back to back emergency surgeries all day. Slipping quietly into the house, she locked the door behind her, peaking into Sofia and Riley's rooms to see both of them sound asleep. Slowly, she made her way into her bedroom, where she saw Callie sitting up in bed, reading a book, clearly waiting up for her. It didn't surprise her, given their on-call room fight earlier that day. But while most days Arizona would be grateful for this gesture, today, she was just too exhausted.
Closing the bedroom door softly behind her, Arizona began to undress, stripping off her clothes and tossing them haphazardly into the hamper before slipping into her pajamas. She swiftly made her way to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and washing her face before turning off the bathroom light and heading over to her bed, all the while avoiding Callie's gaze. As she was doffing her prosthesis, she felt Callie shift beside, turning to face her before speaking cautiously, "Arizona, it's really not about the wheelchair."
Inhaling deeply, Arizona closed her eyes. With her back still turned to her wife, she sighed, "Callie, please. I've been up since 3am. I can't do this tonight." There was a moment of tense silence before she felt Callie roll away from her. With a defeated sigh, Arizona pulled herself under the covers, and turned off the light, staring at a spot on the wall opposite her and trying to forget the day.
Riley sat at the kitchen table in the morning, waiting for breakfast and reading one of Sofia's Harry Potter books. Arizona was moving frantically around the kitchen, trying to pack lunches and fix breakfast all at the same time. As two slices of toast popped up, she grabbed them frantically, smearing them with strawberry jam and walking them both over to the kitchen table, placing one in front of Riley and one at an empty place next to her. "Sofia! Breakfast!" she called out, continuing to move about the kitchen, pouring herself some coffee into a to-go cup and taking a sip.
Sofia walked out into the kitchen, plopping herself down at the table and taking a bit out of her toast. When she saw Riley absorbed in her copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, she snatched it from her hands. Riley looked at her in shocked indignation, "Hey, give it back! I was reading that!"
Sofia shook her head, "It's mine, and you can't borrow my books anymore." Riley sighed dramatically, reaching over to grab it back, but Sofia easily moved it out of her reach. "Give it back! Arizona!"
Looking up from the kitchen, Arizona sighed in frustration, "Sofia, give it back. That wasn't nice."
"No," said Sofia petulantly, "It's mine, and you can't make me—"
"Stop being a brat!" Riley snapped, causing Arizona to shoot her an exasperated look, "Riley, don't call her that. Sofia, I want you to share—"
"I don't care what you want! It's my book!" Sofia insisted stubbornly. Callie walked into the kitchen, a look of concern crossing her face, "What's going on in here?" But Arizona had already walked over to the table, grabbing he book from Sofia's hands. Looking up at her mother in horror, she whined, "Momma! You can't do that—"
"I can and I will. If you can't share then neither of you get it," Arizona said firmly, "Now go get ready—"
Both girls protested vehemently, Riley crossing her arms and shouting, "Arizona, that's not fair! I was reading it!" At this point, Callie stepped in to back Arizona up, "Girls, listen to your mother and go get dressed."
"She's not my mom! And neither are you!" Riley shouted back, her eyes blazing with anger that stopped both Callie and Arizona in their tracks. Shaking off her momentary shock, Callie countered, "Well, we're responsible for taking care of you right now, so you're going to listen to us. Understood?"
"Whatever," Riley grumbled, wheeling away from the table and into her bedroom to finish getting ready for school. Sofia followed suit, picking up her toast and trudging off to her room, leaving Callie and Arizona standing mutely in the kitchen.
"Arizona—" Callie began, but Arizona ignored her, heading off to finish getting ready for work.
"It's been three days," Arizona stated, as she and Timothy skated down the road toward their house, the autumn leaves falling around them onto the smooth, suburban sidewalk. Timothy shrugged, "I mean, the Colonel isn't exactly a talkative guy. Maybe—"
"Maybe what, Tim? Dad walked in on me and Joanna kissing, and you really think he has nothing to say about that?" Arizona snapped, causing Timothy to throw up his hands defensively, propelling himself forward ahead of her, "Alright, calm down Zona," he made a smooth 180 degree turn to face her, braking with his toe and stretching out his arms to stop her, "I get what you're saying."
"Do you, though? I mean, what if he kicks me out?" Arizona responded, the anxiety that had built over the last couple days beginning to surface. Timothy raised his eyebrows and looked at her seriously, "Do you really think he would do that?" He asked with concern, his dropping adolescent voice cracking on the lilt of the question.
Arizona shrugged, gently pushing him aside so that she could skate past into their driveway, skidding to a stop in front of their porch steps where she sat down, "I don't know what to think. I mean, you've heard his opinions on Don't Ask, Don't Tell. He's not exactly pro-gay."
Timothy nodded as he rolled up next to her, lowering himself onto the porch step as he tried to comfort his seventeen-year-old sister, "If he was gonna kick you out, don't you think he would have done it by now though?"
"I don't know," Arizona mumbled, trying to keep the fear out of her voice. She sighed and continued, "I just feel like I'm letting him down—"
"Zona, you don't really think that. I mean, it's not like it's your fault," Timothy insisted earnestly. Arizona shook her head, "It's not just the gay thing. It's like—I can't join the military, I'm not gonna have kids—"
"Wait a minute. I'm pretty sure gay people can have kids. Sure, it's not super common, but you can adopt, and do that thing where the embryo is implanted in your womb—"
"Okay, stop talking about my womb," Arizona cut him off with a roll of her eyes, "I know I can have kids, I just don't think I want them. You know, the responsibility of taking care of someone else like that." Timothy sat quietly for a moment as his sister began unlacing her left skate, and pulling it off her foot.
"I don't know, Zona. I've always pictured you with kids. I just think you'd be a great mom," Timothy stated with surprising sincerity. Arizona looked at her fourteen-year-old brother, perplexed, before finally responding, "Well, think what you want. But that's a ways away anyway." He continued to hold her gaze with surprising intensity, before shaking it off, pushing himself to hist feet.
"Well, I'm gonna go to Nick's place. He's got a new Nintendo," Timothy said, trying to sound casual. "Wanna come?" Arizona shook her head, "Nah, I got homework. Lucky for you, though, because I'd kick your butts." Tim laughed, offended, "Would not!" But he knew that she was right; Arizona was much better at video games than either of them. He waved good bye and skated down the street as she picked up her skates with her left hand, pulling herself on the banister with her right and turning to head inside.
Entering the silent house, Arizona was about to head up the stairs to her room when she saw her father sitting in the corner, staring in her direction. Slowly, hesitantly, she walked toward him, taking a seat in a chair across from his in the living room.
They sat silently for several minutes; Arizona was trying to find words to form—something, anything to say to him. She was desperate to know what he was thinking, but she was too nervous to speak. Finally, her father asked, "Are you still who I raised you to be?"
Arizona looked into his clear blue eyes, swallowed the lump forming in her throat and nodded, hoarsely whispering, "Yes, sir, I am. I promise."
He nodded, looking at his daughter before finally reaching out and taking her hand in a rare display of affection, "Then we're okay."
Tears welled up in Arizona's eyes and she willed them not to fall, squeezing her father's hand in return, "Yes, sir."
"I just don't know what to do," Callie said dejectedly as she took a sip from her coffee and looked over to where Cristina was sitting at the cafeteria table across from her. "Arizona's barely said two words to me in the past three days. She can't even look at me. And Riley and Sofia are still not getting along." Letting out a long sigh, Callie shook her head, "I mean, what are we going to do? She wants to adopt her and I'm just … not sure?"
Cristina pursed her lips, watching Callie carefully as she took a bite of her pasta, before finally responding, "Yeah, that's a difficult situation." Callie rolled her eyes, "Yeah, thanks a lot." Cristina shrugged defensively, "What? It is. I don't know what else to tell you."
Callie shook her head angrily. "She said she thought we were 'on the same page,'" she sneered bitterly, using air quotes to emphasize her dismay at Arizona's words. "How can she have thought that? And how can she just assume that I'm going to be okay with just adopting a kid? Just because she wants to? It's a big freakin' decision, one that both parties should be involved in! Don't you think?" Cristina nodded, "It would ideally be a shared decision," she stated calmly, causing Callie to scoff.
Looking over at Cristina, she shook her head in annoyance, "You know, I have to admit. I kinda thought you would be on my side. With everything that happened with Owen, it seems like you of all people would want me to have a say in this. I mean, I seem to recall you saying that you think that you can't compromise on having a kid."
Cristina pondered, but eventually shook her head, "I did say that. And I meant it. Still do. You should have a say. But Callie, it's different than it was with Owen."
Callie shrugged in frustration, "I guess—"
"No, Callie, it is," Cristina continued, "With Owen, it was about having kids in the abstract. And yes, he wanted kids and I didn't, and that was enough for it to be a deal breaker, but with you and Arizona… this isn't about if you want kids. It's about if you want this specific kid. And she's already gotten attached, and in some ways, you have too. It's just… it's different."
Callie sighed, her anger dissipating, leaving only fear and dread in its wake, "Maybe you're right." She swallowed the rest of her lukewarm coffee in a couple big gulps before slowly bringing herself to her feet. "I'll see you later, Cristina," Callie mumbled before turning an heading out of the cafeteria, tossing the paper coffee cup in the trash as she left.
"Alright, I'm about to enter the frontal lobe," Amelia informed the OR as she focused on removing the carcinoma from the brain of the nine year old laying on her operating table. Arizona was there to assist, monitoring her vitals as Amelia worked. "Oh, she has beautiful margins. Don't you, little malignant tumor you," Amelia cooed at the tumor. Arizona rolled her eyes in exasperation, waiting for Amelia to finish her work.
"Got it," Amelia called out triumphantly. "Okay, now we can close. Forceps?" she instructed, reaching out her hand as the scrub nurse handed the instrument to her. Arizona sighed, "You know, it's creepy when you talk to tumors so affectionately." Amelia laughed, "Creepy, but endearing?" Amelia teased, but Arizona didn't respond. "What's up with you?" Amelia asked, her voice tinged with light annoyance.
Arizona sighed, "Nothing, just keep working please?" Raising her eyebrows, Amelia responded, "Okay. Spill. What's up?"
When Arizona didn't answer, Amelia started venturing guesses, "Riley? Callie? Sofia?" Arizona shook her head with a sarcastic laugh, "All of the above." Amelia waited, and Arizona knew that she wasn't about to drop it, so she reluctantly kept talking, "Callie doesn't want Riley living with us anymore."
"Woah, she said that?" asked Amelia incredulously, and Arizona shrugged, "Well, no. Not exactly, but I don't know." Inhaling quickly, Arizona continued, "Riley's social worker called and said there was another placement option, and Callie thinks we should consider it. And I just… can't."
Amelia nodded, "I mean, you can't exactly make this decision without Callie—"
"I know that, but we can't give her up. Especially not right now. She's so hurt and withdrawn, and she's just starting to open up to me, and I'm just worried what would happen if we abandoned her right now," Arizona said, distress creeping into her voice. "Not to mention I… I just… I can't," Arizona finished softly, already feeling like she had told Amelia too much.
"Okay, I get it," Amelia answered calmly, meticulously applying the sutures to the tissue. A sly smile crossing her face, "Hmmm, grieving by herself, withdrawn, remind you of anyone?" Arizona looked at her in anger, "Really? Now?"
"Sorry," Amelia answered, still smiling softly, "I just was wondering if you might be projecting a little."
"So what if I am?" Arizona shot back indignantly, "It doesn't mean I'm wrong." Amelia sighed, "True." Pausing as she focused on her stitches, she finally continued, "Look, I'm sure if it's right, Callie will come around. It's not like she said no flat out. Just give her time."
Arizona pondered silently as Amelia finished closing, her anxiety brewing. It only had been a few days, but she just didn't know what she would do if Callie said no.
Callie arrived home from the hospital just after 8pm. She dragged her heavy feet over to the dining room table, dumping her purse in a pile on the hard wood surface. She spotted a pink post-it note from Arizona, letting her know that dinner was in the fridge. While it was a gesture she appreciated, as she hadn't eaten since noon and was starving, she also figured it meant that Arizona, once again, wasn't in the mood to talk to her tonight. It had been more than three days since their screaming match in the on-call room, and her wife had been avoiding her the whole time. Not that she was ready to talk either, but the whole situation just felt like it was getting worse.
She was about to head over to the fridge to serve herself some left overs when she heard her wife's voice coming from down the hall, "I'm worried about you." Looking up with curiosity, she followed her wife's voice, realizing it was coming from Riley's bedroom, where the door stood slightly ajar. She quietly approached, standing outside so that she could listen.
"You don't have to worry about me," Riley snapped aggressively, but Arizona continued firmly, "Your teachers say that you won't participate in class and you're barely speaking to Callie and Sofia. You're barely talking at all—"
"I talk to you," Riley whispered softly, pausing a moment before continuing, "Isn't that enough?"
Callie heard her wife inhale deeply before responding gently, "You can always talk to me. You know that. But I'm not the only one who cares about you." There was a moment's silence before Arizona continued, "When my brother died… I shut practically everyone out. My parents, my family, my friends, they all wanted to help, but I wouldn't let them. My best friend Nick was the only one I talked to, and I even pushed him away sometimes. And then, he had to leave and go back to his job in New York, and… well, I'm just saying—"
"That maybe I won't be able to stay here?" Riley spat, and though her voice was hard, it quivered unmistakably with hurt and fear. Callie's heart clenched in shame. Arizona responded instantly, "Riley, no." Taking in a shaky breath, Arizona continued firmly, "You are a part of this family. You will always be welcome here." Callie heard her wife place a kiss on top of Riley's head before she continued, "I just wish you would let Callie and Sofia be family to you, too."
"Do you really think they want to?" Riley asked quietly, her voice wet with tears. Arizona responded instantly, "Yes, I do." Her voice was firm, with no room for doubt.
Having heard enough, Callie headed quietly back toward the kitchen so that Arizona wouldn't know she had been eavesdropping. She wanted to be angry with Arizona. After all, her wife had, in a way, just lied to Riley, giving the girl reassurance that she wasn't entitled give, especially considering the fight they'd been having over the past few days. But the anger didn't come; all she felt was guilt and sadness. Finding that she was somehow no longer hungry, she headed slowly into the bathroom and went to take a shower, hoping the hot water might wash away some of the stress and pain from the last couple of days.