They had been waiting for hours, with only a single update from a resident telling them that the surgery was going as well as could be hoped, but that it would likely be several more hours before they were finished. So, the three of them just kept waiting helplessly, Callie in the middle with Sofia on her left and Riley on her right.
At one point, Callie stood to use the restroom and grab herself some coffee. Lord knows she needed it. "Do either of you want anything? Hot chocolate or a cookie? You can have anything you want," she asked them gently, but both of them shook their heads silently, Riley staring at her lap in her and Sofia sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest. With a sigh, Callie nodded. She looked over to Cristina who was sitting at the other end of the room, who nodded to indicate that she would watch them and find her if there was an update.
Sofia sat silently, sneaking glances over at Riley, who was sitting just as mute and still as she was. She thought of the words her mother had told her in the car earlier that day, and shamefully, of the words she had said to Arizona. Biting her lip, Sofia scooted over, taking Callie's vacated seat next to Riley.
Riley heard her move, and looked up at her, but Sofia wasn't ready to say anything yet. She simply stared straight ahead, so Riley looked back at her lap, twirling her earbuds between her fingers. She had been holding her iPod since the crash, but hadn't moved to play it or put it away. Finally, Riley heard Sofia speak up, "I'm sorry I called you a gimp this morning."
Riley shrugged, "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it." She paused and after a moment, added kindly, "I think Arizona knows you didn't mean it too." Sofia felt tears welling up in her eyes again. She determinedly blinked them away, swallowing the lump forming in her throat, "I hope so."
Riley sat, gathering her thoughts, trying to figure out how to phrase her next words, "I know you were upset because that weird lady said that Arizona was my mom." Sofia nodded, unsure of how to respond. They both sat wordlessly for a moment, and Riley thought that maybe Sofia had nothing more to add. But finally, Sofia spoke, "I know it's not your fault or anything. I was just jealous, because like, no stranger has ever assumed that about us. Strangers stare at us in the grocery store. When she comes and gets me from school, new teachers think she's my nanny. Kids at school call her my step-mom. One time, I broke my leg and went to a different hospital, and this doctor wouldn't let her see come and see me." Sofia shook her head, sighing in frustration as she wiped the tears from her eyes once more, "And then, this stranger takes one look at the two of you and… I don't know, I just got mad."
She ended her explanation, hugging her knees tightly to her chest and looking away. Riley bit her lip, letting the story sit for a moment, before responding, "It was kind of weird for me, honestly. I mean, I love Arizona so much. And it's not like I don't think of her…" she paused, not quite ready to voice that thought she'd hidden in the back of her mind for weeks. "It's just that, a part of me liked it. That a stranger thought she was my mom. I never knew my mom, and Arizona, well… " she hesitated, looking for the right words, but when she couldn't find them, ended anticlimactically with, "It was nice."
Sofia nodded in begrudging acknowledgement, still unable to look at Riley, but Riley kept talking anyway, "But then I felt guilty that I liked it. Because my dad… it's like I was betraying him." She finished, looking back at her feet, her fingers still twirling her ear buds anxiously.
Sofia looked at Riley, a new understanding coming over her, and whispered, "Yeah, I can see that." Riley turned her head to meet Sofia's eyes, a small but genuine smile crossing her face.
"I'm sorry, too," Riley said, after a moment's pause. When Sofia looked at her in confusion, she elaborated, "For what I said about your dad. That he didn't mean anything to you. It's like saying my mom doesn't mean anything to me, but that's not true. Even though I didn't know her, I'm sad about that sometimes." Sofia shrugged, looking away before speaking, "But you were right too. It's not the same thing. Like, I am sad about my dad, but the thought…" she took in a shaky breath before continuing again, "the thought of losing…" a sob escaped her lips as she buried her head in her knees, her body shaking with her cries.
Riley reached over, placing a hand on Sofia's back, "You won't lose her. She's gonna be okay." Sofia looked up at her, choking back a couple more cries. Seeing the fear in Riley's eyes that she was desperately trying to hide from her, Sofia reached out and grasped Riley's hand and squeezing tight, "You're not gonna lose her either."
The gravel crunched beneath her feet as Arizona walked down the path, getting further and further away from the military base. She knew that she would likely get in trouble for wandering out of bounds but she didn't care. Today had been awful, and she just wanted to get as far away as possible from the terrible kids in her class. And besides, she was thirteen; if she were from a civilian family, this wouldn't even be an issue. The rules were far too strict here.
"Zona, wait up!" a voice called out behind her, small feet sliding against the gravel as her 10 year old brother hurried to catch up. Instinctively, Arizona quickened her pace, "Go away, Timothy!" she hollered, her voice laced with annoyance, but her brother persisted, breaking into a run. He had almost caught up to her when his worn out tennis shoes slipped against the gravel and he lost his balance, crashing to the ground. Hearing him fall, Arizona turned and ran to help him, kneeling beside him and examining a scab on his arm, "Are you okay?" she asked gently, but her brother was already back on his feet.
"I'm fine. Just tell me where you're going," he insisted eagerly, ignoring the angry red mark on his arm. Arizona sighed, "Tim, you aren't supposed to be here." She crossed her arms over her chest, not about to give up her privacy that easily. But her brother was equally stubborn, "Neither are you. And if you make me go back, I'll tell the Colonel you're here and you'll be grounded for the next month."
Arizona rolled her eyes, but uncrossed her arms. She knew she'd been defeated, "I'm just going down to the riverbed. If you must, I guess you can come along." A bright smile crossed Timothy's face, his dimples accented and his blue eyes sparkling, "Thanks Zona!" Arizona didn't respond, turning back toward the path and continued walking, her kid brother closely on her heels. They walked in silence for a while, until Timothy finally spoke up, "Zona, what were all those girls saying about you at school today?"
Arizona looked down at her feet; she had been hoping her brother hadn't noticed them taunting her. She knew that they didn't actually know anything. They were guessing, and even thought they happened to guess correctly, they still didn't know that. But still, she was unnerved by how they had latched onto the way she stared at Jennifer's hair just a little too long. She'd thought she'd been hiding it well—she didn't even fit the stereotypes. She loved pink and hated sports, except for skating but that hardly counted. And yet today, she felt as if suddenly she was wearing a giant sandwich board the read DYKE in all caps.
"It doesn't matter. They don't know anything," she finally answered her brother. Timothy nodded, but the concerned look on his face remained. Arizona hated that he was worried about her—after all, she was the big sister. It was her job to look after him. To be a good man in the storm and protect the things she loved.
When they finally reached the river, Arizona sat down in front of it picking up stone after stone and tossing them in, watching the ripples crash against the slow moving current. Timothy sat next to her, picking up scoops of gravel and letting it drain between his fingers, pattering on the ground like rain.
She didn't know what compelled her, but suddenly she felt that she had to tell someone. Maybe it was the steady flow of the river or the ripples of the pebbles crashing into the water or the terrible feeling of hiding something so deep within her for so long, but she just couldn't keep it all inside anymore. She had to trust someone. And even if he was her kid brother, who seemed to spend all day looking for new ways to annoy her, it often seemed that he was the only friend she had in this stupid town.
"Timothy, I'm gay," she finally said, barely above a whisper. He was silent for a long time—it was excruciating. She wasn't even totally sure he had heard her but she couldn't manage to say it again. Finally, she felt his gaze turn toward her and heard him reply, "Does that mean you're gonna marry a chick?"
A small chuckle escaped Arizona's lips at that phrasing—it was so Timothy. "Yeah, Tim. That's what it means."
This time, she didn't have to wait long for his reaction. Relief flooded through her veins as she saw a humongous grin spread across his face, "I'm gonna dance so hard at your wedding!"
Making her way back to the waiting room, Callie carried a large coffee in one hand and two chocolate chip cookies in the other. Even though both girls had told her that they weren't hungry, she was hoping that somehow, a mediocre cookie from the hospital cafeteria might change their minds. Neither of them had eaten dinner, after all, and she was getting worried about them. She hadn't eaten dinner either, but she was so anxious that the thought of food made her nauseous.
As she rounded the corner to the waiting room, she froze. Sofia had moved over into her chair, and was talking to Riley, for the first time probably in weeks. She watched Sofia pull her knees tighter to her chest, and burst into tears, and was just about to run up to comfort her when Riley reached over, placing a hand gently on her back. She waited to see how the gesture would be received, and was shocked when she saw her daughter reach over and grasp Riley's hand tightly in her own.
Callie felt the tears well up in her eyes as she watched Riley, who had been so worried about Arizona, and now, who was comforting her daughter so gently. And in a rush, she knew Arizona was right. This was her kid, their kid.
It didn't matter that she didn't share Riley's blood, and it didn't matter that she didn't have the strong, seemingly instant connection that Arizona did. This kid loved her wife and her daughter so much, and that was enough. Callie knew that somehow, when she wasn't looking, when she was worrying about everything that might not work out, Riley had become a part of their family.
She took a deep breath and collected herself before walking over to the girls. "Okay, so I know you both said you didn't want anything, but I was hoping you might change your minds when you saw these delicious chocolate chip cookies!" She held out the two seran wrapped cookies with a smile. After a moment, Sofia and Riley exchanged a look, bursting into giggles and reaching out to take the cookies.
"Thanks Callie," Riley said, with a small, but genuine smile. As Callie's eyes met Riley's, she somehow knew she was referring to more than the cookie. Callie leaned forward, placing a kiss on the top of Riley's head.