Changed Roles, chapter 9

"Are you telling me that you have a daughter," Francine asked as Michael sunk down onto the sofa next to her.

"That's exactly what I asked Liza; I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea," Michael confided as he looked at Francine intently. "I'm so mixed up, that's why I need your help, you're so together and I'm desperately hoping that you care enough about me to help me get through this."

Thrown by Michael's declaration Francine responded by saying the first thought that came to her mind, "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Michael, but I'm-"

"I can't believe that I did it again; I thought that we could have…I thought that you truly cared for me," Michael said brokenly as he started to rise from the sofa. Francine grabbed his arm and kept him from getting up as she sighed and shook her head.

"You haven't misjudged my feelings for you; I care for you a great deal, what you've totally misjudged is how together I am. I learned at a fairly young age to not show vulnerability or uncertainty; my father made it abundantly clear that he had a low tolerance level for both. He wanted a son but he got me instead and he never made much of an effort to hide his disappointment from me as I grew older. I'm not together at all; I've simply gotten very good at projecting that image to protect myself from being hurt," Francine concluded sadly.

"I think that you're more together than you give yourself credit for being but even it is mostly an act; it has served you well," Michael said with a look of admiration on his face. "I should have told you how deeply hurt I was by Liza when you confided in me about how badly you were hurt by Jonathan but I'd never let anyone know how much her leaving me that way still haunts me. You didn't let your bad experience keep you from leading a full life; you're -"

"I'm almost thirty-five years old and I'm alone; if you think that I haven't let myself care too much for a man since Jonathan you'd be wrong. I was a mess when Jonathan dumped me and I fell into a relationship with a man at work who was also going through a rough time. He never mislead me about how he saw our relationship but I let myself hope that we could have a future together; I was still very focused on getting married."

"What happened," Michael asked kindly.

"When he sensed that my feelings for him were getting serious he ended things with me very abruptly. I was hurt and angry at the time but I came to realize that he'd done the right thing; we wouldn't have lasted as a couple because we're too much alike."

"In that case it sounds as if you're better off with him out of your life," Michael said sympathetically as he reached out and took Francine's hand in his.

"His name is Lee and he's become my closest friend," Francine explained to a surprised Michael who released her hand. Francine looked pointedly at the hand that Michael pulled back and said, "Lee is and will continue to be my closest friend; I hope you can handle that fact because while I care for you I love Lee as a friend. Lee is in a serious relationship with a terrific lady and he is no threat to you." Michael still had a slightly dubious look on his face so Francine continued, "When you stood me up last week I ran into Lee and his girlfriend's sons and wound up having dinner and spending the evening with them."

"You had dinner with your former lover and the sons of the woman he's currently seeing; don't you think that's a little strange," Michael questioned.

"That's exactly what Lee thought when the boys surprised him by inviting me to join them for dinner but he got over it. We had a great evening together and I got the chance to get to know two boys that I've been hearing about for years. I've never taken the time to get to know any kids before and I'm starting to realize what I've been missing out on."

"I tried not to think about not being a parent and it didn't actually bother me until my younger brother became a father. When I go up to Boston to visit I see what a special bond there is between a father and his children. My niece and nephew are four and six years old; they're a lot of fun to play with but all I've ever done is play with them and then I go home. What do I know about being a parent," Michael asked as he got up and returned to the bar to refill his scotch glass.

"Michael, every parent starts out as a beginner, but your daughter is much older than your niece and nephew are so you won't need to learn all the things that your brother did when he became a father. At fifteen years old your daughter isn't an impressionable little girl she must have strong thoughts and feelings of her own. I'm not an authority on teenage girls but since I once was one I suspect that she'll be fairly blunt in telling you what she thinks about your situation."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Michael admitted as he took a sip from his refilled drink. "Physically she's in very rough shape and the doctor only allowed me into her hospital room a few times for a couple of minutes each time. Liza insisted on being there each time and Lisa barely said a word to me. I understand that Liza is terribly upset but I think I deserve a chance to get to know my own daughter especially since she may not make it. Francine, am I being selfish?"

"Are you being selfish, are you kidding, Liza has kept your daughter a secret from you for fifteen years and she only revealed Lisa's existence to you now because of her medical problem. If you are going to risk your life by donating a kidney you most definitely have a right to spend some time alone with Lisa. And as long as we're discussing selfish; isn't it a little creepy that she practically named her daughter after herself," Francine concluded with an arched eyebrow.

"Thank you, I needed to hear you say the things that I've been thinking, when I'm around Liza I feel like I'm the hurt twenty-three year old that she walked out on again. I'm so grateful to have you in my life; you're the one woman that I can trust. I'm sure that any woman that would confess that her former lover is now her best friend wouldn't keep any secrets from me." Francine managed to keep her agent face in place but Michael's words tore at her heart. She couldn't reveal her assignment to him but she no longer wanted to do what Billy expected her to.