A/N: I'm back! Sorry the delay, my godmother broke her leg and I was at the hospital with her. But here I am, with a new chapter! We'll have a little heart-to-heart with Hotch and Haley. No Emily on this chapter. But you'll see that it will be a HUGE push into their relationship. I hope you'll like, please let me know it you're still reading this and if I should continue. I love reviews, I miss them! :(
Chapter 11
Hotch tuck Jack into his bed and arranged the blanket carefully. He knelt down beside him and stood there, watching him sleep peacefully. He couldn't believe that everything was over, that his son was back and Foyet was dead. He thought about everything that had happened that day, how Karl Arnold laughed at his face when he was despair, looking through the pages of that book, sensing that he had fell on a trap by Foyet. He remembered the panic he felt when he found Sam's pictures at his laptop and knew that he was watching his family this whole time, always being one step ahead of him.
He remembered the guilt and sadness he felt when he found Sam almost dead at his home, without half of his fingers, with a broken leg and arm, a broken nose and countless stabs on his torso. He remembered how loyal he was, fighting against Foyet and not telling him his family's location. He grieved the loss of his friend on the hands of this psycho, who unfortunately chose him to be the victim of his sickness.
Jack tossed around the bed before settling again, with his thumb into his mouth, his teddy bear clutched tightly in his arms, sighing lightly on his sleep. Hotch brought his hand to brush a few blond hairs on his forehead and caress his head. He was so thankful that he was safe and in his own home again, that he could go back to school and play in the small park down the street with his friends, that he could live his life freely, without the risk of a sociopath being sneaking and waiting for an opportunity to use him as a way of torture his father.
He thanked God for the fact that he wasn't at the room when Prentiss put that bullet into Foyet's head. It would be just another way of branding his pure soul with the darkness that he was used to deal on daily bases. Prentiss… He closed his eyes and sighed, thinking about his female subordinate. He was on debit with her for the rest of his life. She had risked her own career and put herself on the crossfire for him. Again. How many times she would be willing to do this? Why did she always do this?
He remembered her big brown eyes trying to avoid contact with his dark ones the whole day. He couldn't even be alone with her for a few seconds to thank her for everything. He remembered her smell, the smell of her silk dark hair on his fingers when he held her earlier. God, how much he wanted to be able to hold her like that every second of every day… He remembered her words explaining her actions to them. If it was Hotch who had took the shot she would finally had the reason she always wanted to end his career. That much was true and he knew it. His Section Chief was only waiting for a reason, as small as it was, to end his career on the FBI. And he honestly didn't know the reason for such hate. He had already made clear, a lot of times, that he didn't had any interest on become the FBI's Director. He didn't want to leave the BAU. He didn't want to leave the field. He didn't want to leave his team. But apparently this wasn't enough for her.
He stood up and went to the door. Turning off the lights and closing the door softly he went downstairs, where he could hear Haley walking around. He had asked to put Jack on the bed alone, to have a moment with him by himself after all this time. He watched her on the kitchen, looking through the cabinets for a cup, probably to make some coffee.
"Hey". He greeted her.
She turned around, a little startled, and gave him a little smile. "Hey. He's asleep?"
"Yeah" He approached her and leaned into the counter. "I missed him so much. Watching him sleep so peaceful, so serene… I miss this so much… I still can't believe that it's over."
"I know. Me neither. He missed you too. Very much. Every night he asked me when he would see daddy again, why we were not at home, why he couldn't call you or you didn't call him… It was really hard."
He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I am so sorry Haley. For everything I put you through, for making you leave your house and your work, for making go hiding like a criminal, and most of all for making you and our son become a victim on the hands of that bastard. I am so sorry. I promise you I'll spend the rest of my life making up to you." He said looking at her.
She felt her eyes water and smiled sadly at him. "I don't blame you Aaron. I know how much all of this must have been hard and difficult to you. I know you did everything in you power to keep us save and I know that if it have been another way to deal with this you wouldn't have made us go away. I'd never doubt of you capacity to protect us. I'm just really glad that everything is over and we are back home".
"I'm glad too."
"Do you want a cup of coffee?"
"Sure…" He said. Looking at her he could see that she was still shaking and a little startled. "Are you okay Haley? Did he hurt you in any way before I got here?"
She bent down her head before turning to him again. "No, he didn't touch me until you get here. But he said things… Awful things… It is true? What he said he did with Sam?"
He knew that even it was hard it wasn't fair to lie to her, so he said the truth. "Yes… He broke into his house and waited for him there. Then he tortured him to make him say your location". He saw a tear fall on her cheek. "But he didn't. He didn't say a thing. He was loyal until the end, and for that I'll be forever thankful."
"He was a good man. He helped us a lot. He always tried to calm me down when I was too fearful, he always were sweet with Jack. I'm so sorry that he's dead. That he died trying to protect us. He didn't deserve this". She said, finally losing a sob.
He pulled her into his arms and soothed her. "I know. He was a very good friend. I can't help but feel guilt. He died because of me. Because of that sociopath that I brought to our lives."
Haley pulled away to look into his eyes, still holding him. "That's not true Aaron. It's not your fault. He was just a son of bitch that unfortunately aimed to you. I'm sure Sam knew that. I'm sure he didn't blame you."
She pulled him into an embrace again and they stood there for a few minutes, relieved that their nightmare was over but also mourning the loss of their friends. While holding him, Haley couldn't help but think of how much she missed him. She knew she wasn't in love with him anymore. She hasn't been for a very long time. Even before she decided to take Jack and leave while he was away, working. But still, he had been her first love. She had loved him deeply and she was sure she still loved him on some way, and always would. She missed his presence in her life, his company. She missed having him to talk about the silliest things. She missed him to be with her every day and help to raise their son. She missed him, period.
But she wasn't naive. After today, she was pretty sure that her ex-husband had already moved on. Perhaps he has not done anything yet. But she knew that he wanted to. She saw the way he looked at Prentiss that day. She saw the way his eyes always sought her eyes the whole afternoon. She saw the way he held her affectionately when she shot Foyet. And even more, she saw that the feeling was reciprocal.
It was ridiculously obvious to her how much the brunette agent was in love with him. The way she risked her own job for him, without even think the consequences. The way she had given up her dream to not betray him. The fury she saw in her eyes when she said about her desire to pull a bullet into Foyet's head. And especially the way she fought against it, against the idea of having something with Aaron or at least to admit her feelings. Maybe for fear, maybe for think that it wasn't corresponded.
She wondered how long both of them would stay blinds at their feelings and how long it would take to one of them make a move.
She pulled away from his arms when the coffee was ready and gave him one cup. They stood in silence, although no awkward, finishing their coffees before he cleared his throat and stood up.
"I think I'm gonna head home. I'm pretty sure you're tired and need to rest."
She looked at him for a second before ask. "By home you mean your apartment you Agent Prentiss's?"
He stayed looking at her with a dumbfounded face before looking down and answering. "Yeah, I'm staying at Prentiss since my attack. The team didn't want me to stay alone in my apartment and she was the only one with room available".
She shook her head slightly before deciding to be honest with him and maybe give him a little push into the right direction. "Look Aaron, I know that what Foyet said wasn't true. I know that you weren't fucking your subordinate while I was away with Jack, I know you better than this." When he opened his mouth to say something she quickly added. "But I know you for more than twenty years. I know you, Aaron. And I know your "love face". So don't even try to deny to me that you don't feel anything for her that I'll know that you'll be lying".
He closed his eyes. He knew that if anyone would be able to see through his façade was her. She was not a profiler but she was his ex-wife. "She is… I don't know. She makes me feel good. She keeps me sane. Throughout this mess she was the one who was able to put me on the line, along with Dave. Even though I've been a jerk with her and didn't deserve it, she took care of me, you know. She gets me." He said, wincing inwardly. Nice thing to say to your ex, moron."
"I know Aaron. I saw it. And you don't have to feel bad about me. We didn't work because I couldn't get you, I couldn't understand your fascination for this job and I couldn't accept your lack of time to us. But I still love you. I'm not in love with you anymore, for a very long time. But I will always love you. We made a life together, we're connected forever. And I want you to be happy. The same way I know you want me to. And I saw the way you look at her and even more, the way she looks at you. What are you waiting for?"
He sighed sadly. "Nothing can ever happen, Haley. You saw the way Strauss is always trying to come up with a reason to fire us. I couldn't do this to her. It could end her career. It's just not worth it".
"Not worth it? Really, Aaron? Because all I saw today was a woman willing to give up everything she worked for, all for you. You're really letting this job stay in the way of another relationship? A relationship like this is actually prohibited or it's just very bad view? Because if that's the case you have to think about it. She is giving you a new chance to be happy. She is someone who understands you and is capable of take the Agent Hotchner and the Aaron. So think about it. It's really so not worth it a little fight? She's not worth it?"
He stood there, looking at her and absorbing all her speech. Was Emily worth it? The answer was simple. Yes. She was. She was more than worth it. But it would be fair with her to put up with someone so damaged like him? Could he be so selfish? He was the one who was not worth it. She would be willing to risk so much for him?
"Aaron?" Haley's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Stop thinking so much. Indulge this one time. You know it is worth it. Don't throw it away".
He gave her a smile before pulling her into another hug. "Thank you Haley. Thank you for everything". He gave her a kiss on the forehead and left. He had to go home and fix some things. Haley stood on the middle of the kitchen looking to the door. I really hope she can make him happy.
A/N: I told you! Next chapter will be the first explicit Hotchniss on this fic. Pay attention to the word EXPLICIT. This fic is rated M for a reason. Muahahahahaha. Let me a review, pretty please. They really help me to write this faster :)
A/N²: Did you notice the last sentence of this chapter? And the last sentence of the last chapter? I made a little trick. Who do you think will be able to make Hotch really happy?