AN: The first half of this chapter Chuck does display some... slightly disturbing(?) behavior, if you will... those that are familiar with the Groundhog Day movie most likely know what part we've reached (several of you asked about it your recent reviews). Just wanted to give a heads up before proceeding!
Just like clockwork, at eight am sharp Chuck's alarm went off, yet today he didn't even care. He had tried his hardest to be selfless, helping out his friends... even helping Georgina and it only bit him in the ass. In the end everyone was happy but him.
What was the point? He thought to himself as he rolled back over in bed, burying his face into the pillows, willing himself to go back to sleep and to never wake up again.
Only he knew he couldn't be that lucky.
As if Jenny loudly leaving a little while later wasn't enough to get him out of bed, Nate's familiar string of cursing after his phone notification went off did the trick.
Tired of dealing with it all, Chuck decided to grab a bottle of whatever he had left in the bar – "A bottle of Dom, of course," he grumbled to himself as he just happened to grab that particular bottle first, as if fate were playing a cruel trick on him – and dragged himself up the stairs to the roof where he stood at the edge, leaning against the railing, overlooking the city he once loved.
From where he stood, he could see Central Park, and he tortured himself thinking of how she was most likely there, with Dorota and that Cameron guy from Columbia, feeding the ducks... further off in the distance he spied The Empire State Building, standing tall. That damn building was starting to become the bane of his existence he decided as he cursed it.
He took another sip of Dom straight from the bottle when he decided he couldn't do this anymore.
He couldn't go on, reliving the same day, not knowing if anything he did mattered, if he would ever succeed in obtaining a different outcome and breaking this curse he seemed to be stuck with. He didn't care what Bill Murray's character did in the movie to pass the time. This was no life. At least not one worth living. And he didn't care to try anymore. How the guy in the movie survived for what Nate told him people speculated to be decades was beyond him. It had been at least six days (he was starting to lose track) and he was already done.
Looking down below, he figured it couldn't hurt or do anymore harm than he had already experienced. No matter what he did, he knew he wasn't going to wake up with Blair beside him tomorrow morning.
With a sigh of resignation, Chuck took one last sip from the bottle before dropping it to the ground beside him, watching the glass shatter into pieces.
Shattered.
That's how he was beginning to feel. His heart was shattered every day, having to endure the same torture and misery day after day... and even on days when he thought he got it right, got to spend it with her... he'd still wake up alone the next day, having to try, try and try again.
This needed to end.
Carefully slipping one leg over the railing and then hoisting himself up over to stand on the small ledge on the other side, Chuck stood there for a moment, his back to the world as he still held onto the railing with both hands, deciding if this was really what he wanted to do.
Looking over his shoulder, he noted it was a long way down. And that it would most likely hurt like a bitch.
He remembered being in this position once before, nearly a year and a half ago... however it had been Blair to stop him, to prevent him from going over the edge for good.
Yet she wasn't here this time. Nor would she be.
"Just do it," he told himself as he realized just how tightly he was still holding on. "This ends now."
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, pushing himself away from the ledge and building as he finally let go. As he felt himself freefalling, the wind howling against him, he opened his eyes and exhaled. Watching the sky above as he fell, it was an almost euphoric experience.
And then he heard screams of the people below as he felt the back of his head smack against the pavement, hard, along with his back.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Chuck sat up suddenly with a gasp as he heard his alarm sounding. Looking at his phone, he noted it was once again eight am. Rubbing the back of his head, he was a little surprised, despite knowing he shouldn't be, that his head wasn't sore, nor was the rest of his body.
Walking over to the bedroom door, he could hear Nate and Jenny carrying on a conversation in Nate's room across the hall.
Annoyed, he trudged out into the penthouse and over to his safe where he punched in the security code and removed the handgun he had kept in there in case of emergencies.
"This is definitely an emergency," Chuck muttered to himself as he eyed the piece over in his hands.
"What are you doing with that?" he heard Nate nervously wonder from behind him.
"Taking care of a problem," Chuck announced as he closed the barrel and then the safe, taking the gun back to his room with him.
He sat on the edge of the bed, his door closed, as he waited for Jenny to leave. As much as he wasn't necessarily a fan of the girl, he decided he didn't want to traumatize her any further than he knew she already would be today.
As soon as the elevator chimed its departure, Chuck seized the moment.
The steel was cool against his lips. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.
The sound of the gun going off was the last thing he heard.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
"Damnit!" Chuck groggily cursed as he reached over to silence the nuisance. And here, he had believed The Empire State Building to be the bane of his existence days ago... now he was starting to think it was the damn alarm he had set.
He wasn't even sure what day he was on at this point.
It had been at least a week or so since he first jumped from the roof.
And then shot himself.
And then hung himself with his signature scarf.
Electrocuted himself in the bath tub with the stupid espresso maker that Nate could never figure out how to work (although he had to admit, he had looked forward to taking that thing out with him once he thought of the idea).
Purposely walking into traffic.
Speeding his motorcycle into oncoming traffic.
He once spent an entire day drinking pure alcohol nonstop, just to see how long that would take to kill himself.
Then there was the day he decided to experiment with every drug he knew how to get his hands on quickly.
Having run out of both quick and easy and "creative" ways to kill himself in hopes of bringing an end to his frustration, Chuck decided today he would seek out help once more.
"Danny Rubin," the voice answered on the other end of the phone.
"It's Chuck Bass," Chuck announced himself, frustration clearly in his voice. "I took your advice... and it sucked."
"Excuse me?" Mr. Rubin questioned, confused as to just what the young man on the phone was referring to. "Have we met?"
"Shit, I forgot..." Chuck drawled as he realized that of course the screenwriter wouldn't remember meeting him. Only Chuck was aware that they were reliving the same day over and over again. "I realize you don't remember meeting me, but I assure you, we have. To get to the point, I'm living my own personal Groundhog Day. I came to you... I don't know, days? Weeks? Ago... you gave me some advice, saying I should be selfless, work on my priorities... help out others for a change instead of only focusing on my own desires... I did that and it sucked and it still didn't work," Chuck quickly informed him, annoyed.
"What... what exactly did you do?" Mr. Rubin inquired, a bit intrigued by this conversation.
"I helped my friends – the way the day originally played out... they broke up – my best friend found out my stepsister cheated on him and then she ended up breaking it off with him... I took your advice and helped them though, making it so my best friend was none the wiser to my stepsister's lapse of judgment and in turn, certain events didn't happen and it cost me my relationship as I was supposed to win back my girlfriend in the end. I even went out of my way to help out someone I completely loathe and yet I still didn't get a damn thing out of it in the end!" Chuck barked. "Nothing I do matters! I've even killed myself so many times that I've lost track yet at eight am every morning I wake up, back in my bed, my alarm going off and the day starting all over again."
"Chuck... I'm... I'm awfully sorry to hear that... are you sure this is something you've actually experienced and not just some reoccurring nightmare you may be having?" the man couldn't help questioning. The screenplay he had written was merely fiction. Things like that didn't happen in real life. He was starting to think that perhaps maybe this young man could really use some professional help, especially if he believed he had been physically hurting himself like he said.
"You asked me that before," Chuck seethed, trying to prevent himself from snapping as he knew that wouldn't help them get anywhere with this conversation. "Give me some advice," he demanded, his jaw clenched. "Some new advice," he made sure to specify.
"Okay, so... let me get this straight," the man spoke after a brief pause to think. "You tried to help others, make it about your friends and not yourself?"
"Correct," Chuck confirmed as he waited for something useful.
"You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say but... perhaps it's fate," the screenwriter finally suggested.
"Fate?" Chuck scoffed at the idea. "Fate that I'm supposed to relive the same day over and over and over again? With no hope of ever breaking the cycle and moving on with my life?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying," the man quickly tried to clarify. "I mean, maybe it's fate that certain things are supposed to happen – certain things simply need to run their course. You said you intervened in your friends' relationship and while it worked out for them, in doing so, you altered a chain of events that ultimately led to preventing you and your girlfriend from getting back together," he spoke, pausing to let it sink in for Chuck. "Look, Chuck – while it's admirable that you tried to help your friends... sometimes in life things have to happen and it's not your place to fix them. Clearly, you're familiar with my most well-known piece of work – do you recall the scene in the hospital, with the old man?" he questioned Chuck.
"To be honest, I haven't actually watched it in years... it was my roommate who had mentioned it to me in the first place when I once tried to tell him about what I had been experiencing," Chuck informed him. "It was actually what prompted me to contact you in the first place."
"Well if you will recall, Phil – Billy Murray's character – eventually helps out an old homeless man as part of his daily routine. Yet by the end of the day, no matter what he does to help, the old man always dies. One day he even gets him to the hospital before his death, only for the nurse to inform Phil that the man passed away. Confused, Phil asks her why and she tells him it's simply because he was old – these things just happen, it was his time. Perhaps... certain things are supposed to happen, just because – no matter what you do to try and change it, sometimes things are just destined to be the way they are," Mr. Rubin tried to explain. "Maybe it's not up to you to try and fix your friends' relationship."
"So you're saying I shouldn't intervene?" Chuck wondered, now confused as to what it was exactly he was supposed to do.
"Phil did go out of his way to try and make things better for the old man – giving him money, buying him a warm meal, showing him some compassion – perhaps you can still help your friends but not by getting directly involved in their problems," the man suggested. "Whatever happened originally may have happened for a reason."
"I just want Blair back..." Chuck sighed, feeling defeated. So he wasn't supposed to try and prevent Serena and Nate from breaking up – point noted, he thought to himself. Yet that still didn't seem to help him get any closer to finding a way to break the cycle he was stuck in.
"Blair? Is she... your girlfriend?" the man questioned, curious.
"She's... my everything. My life's not worth living without her in it," Chuck sadly admitted not just to Mr. Rubin but also to himself.
"I understand," Mr. Rubin was sympathetic. "It must be hard, but other than what I've already told you... the only thing I can add is to not give up – keep trying, learning along the way, and eventually you'll break the cycle," he offered up.
"Yes, well.. thank you for your time," Chuck told him as he went to hang up.
Sitting back in his seat, he couldn't help but feel a bit sad. Bored and knowing it was too late to try and make a real difference today, he decided he'd check out the movie Nate had referred to. Maybe seeing it again could give him some fresh insight as to what to try and what not to do?
When it ended a few hours later, Chuck sat up with a new found strength and motivation. There has to be some way to end this, he thought to himself. Having a feeling of hope within after witnessing the happy ending, he decided he needed to go see Blair. Even if he knew she was currently on a date with another man and that he wouldn't end up with her tonight, he needed to do it for himself. It had been too long since he bothered to try and honestly, he missed her.
"Mister Chuck! What are you doing here? You must go! Miss Blair on date and purposely avoiding you and Empire State Building!" Dorota quipped as she saw him quickly approaching them just outside the Humphrey's loft in Brooklyn a little while later.
"Good to see you too, Dorota..." Chuck greeted her, much to her annoyance, as he stalked up towards them. "And I'm aware she's on a date, however I needed to see her," he explained as he stood around and waited, knowing she would soon be out from having laid into Jenny.
"What are you doing here, Chuck? I thought you were trying to Affair to Remember me today," Blair snapped a moment later as she spied Dorota, Dan, Cameron and Chuck, all standing around together.
"I needed to see you," he simply replied as he turned to stand right in front of her, smiling at her with nothing but love in his eyes all while she merely scowled in annoyance.
"And why is that?" she demanded to know, tapping her foot impatiently.
"Because I missed you," he stated as he took in the perfection of her before him.
"Chuck, I'm on-" she started only to be cut short as his lips were suddenly on hers and she found herself caught in his embrace. Instinctively, or maybe perhaps out of habit, she kissed him back as she wound her arms around his neck, her eyes closed as she allowed herself to get lost in the moment.
"Um..." the voice of Blair's date from Columbia coughed a moment later, drawing both Chuck and Blair back to reality.
Realizing what just happened, Blair quickly pulled away from Chuck, giving him a slightly forceful shove before wiping her lips, as if she were attempting to rid herself of his kiss.
"Why would you do that, Chuck?!" she shrieked at him almost immediately.
"Because I told you – I missed you and to be quite frank, I needed to," he merely informed her, his hands in his pockets as he smirked. He knew she would be pissed when he decided to come here and do it, yet he didn't regret it one bit.
"Well you can't just go around, kissing people who are on dates with other people!" she exclaimed in annoyance as she turned away and began to stomp off.
"True..." Chuck casually admitted as he continued to stand there, watching her retreat. "However you did kiss me back," he devilishly grinned. He knew he had her attention as she suddenly stopped in her tracks, realizing that he was right. She had.
"I... I did not!" she cried out, trying not to panic as she couldn't believe it herself that she had done so.
"Actually Blair... we all saw it," Dan spoke up, much to Chuck's amusement. "And yeah... you did kiss him back."
"I did not!" she continued to protest.
"Yeah, you kind of did," Cameron chimed in, a look of disappointment on his face as he really was starting to like her.
Looking around, Blair turned to Dorota who was on the verge of adding in her two cents.
"I don't pay you for your opinions," she quickly told the help, causing Dorota to merely shrug it off. She too had seen it though. "Well, regardless of what you all so wrongly think you saw, or thought you experienced," Blair added as she turned to address Chuck, "If I did kiss him back – which I didn't! - it was simply my reflexes, as returning a kiss when kissed is merely the polite thing to do," she tried to make an excuse.
"If you say so, Blair... I think I'm going to just go," Cameron announced as he began to walk away from the group, flagging down an approaching taxi.
"Oh my god! Cameron, wait! It meant nothing! I swear!"
"So now you're admitting, you did kiss him back?" Dan tried to clarify, having heard what she just said.
"I... admit nothing!" she screamed, having grown frustrated. "How dare you!" she demanded as she turned and gave Chuck another shove. While she meant to do so in anger, Chuck couldn't help chuckling at her. He found it way too amusing.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Blair," he told her with a happy sigh before turning to walk back towards his limo, leaving her standing there, flabbergasted.
"No you won't!" she yelled out to him, annoyance in her voice. He couldn't help shaking his head in amusement as he tried to hold in his laughter. That kiss had confirmed everything for him – she still wanted him, whether she was going to admit it or not, and that was all the hope he needed to keep trying.
"Miss Blair! Come quick! My water break!" he heard Dorota announce as Dan frantically began trying to help her into their town car.
For the first time in a long while, Chuck slept somewhat well that night, almost even looking forward to start the day again.
AN: Annnnd Chuck's back in the game, determined once more to break the cycle and end up with his love!
Fun fact about the Groundhog Day movie - most of it was filmed in a little town about 30 miles away from me and the infamous quarry scene in the movie was actually filmed on what used to be the edge of my town (I actually just drove past the site last night!).
As always, thank you all for your reviews and comments as well as all the favorites and follows! I love hearing your thoughts and theories! If you like my writing, be sure to check out some of my other work as I have a new post-finale multi-fic I just started posting last week called New Beginnings. While it is a lot darker/heavier than this fic, it's not quite so angsty and depressing as my short fic "Broken" was. And don't worry - A Royal Affair and Chairytale will both be updated soon!
Until next Monday!
XoXo