The second week progressed much like the first. Rehearsals continued, Chloe's bitchiness continued and Trevor and Harriet came up with performance ideas that had Casey's eyes widening in astonishment – and questioning her own sanity again.
But, despite this, Casey was in a better frame of mind this week.
Firstly, Derek was speaking to her.
Secondly, Derek was speaking to her – a lot.
Thirdly…actually, he was rarely off the phone.
"Your phone bill is going to be enormous, Derek." She chided him on the Wednesday of the second week.
"So you phone me then." He suggested. Casey considered that.
"Okay. I'll call you back." She said, hanging up.
He was chuckling when he answered. "I didn't mean straight away."
"Why not?" She said smiling and then launched into a continuation of the conversation/argument they had had at breakfast.
It was easy to talk to him. They fell in and out of conversation the way they had at college. Actually, a lot of the time it was more argument than conversation. Nothing serious, just the bantering of two thirty-somethings who have more than a little shared experience between them.
"Why the hell did you volunteer for the competition?" Derek asked one time.
"It was sort of thrust upon me." Casey revealed. "I didn't come up with a valid reason not to quickly enough."
And then another time, after Casey had endured a mammoth Chloe session – which she didn't bother to share with Derek. "Why the hell did you marry Chloe, D?"
"It was sort of thrust upon me." He revealed. "I didn't come up with a valid reason not to quickly enough." Casey stuck her tongue out at him even though he couldn't see her and he continued. "Besides, my best friend was a complete fail at talking me out of it."
"I was supposed to talk you out of it?" Casey gasped. "You gave it to me as a fait accompli."
"I was expecting you to throw a hissy fit."
"I wouldn't have done that Derek."
"I know. I got that after the event when you didn't. Why not?" The last part was added softly and slightly hesitantly. Derek still wasn't sure if Casey felt anything other than friendship for him. He knew they missed each other, but he wasn't sure how far that went – on her part at least.
"Because I thought you were in love, that you'd moved on and met the right person. Who was I to turn around and tell you otherwise?"
"You were my best friend, Casey. You are my best friend. Even if you didn't feel that way about me, I wanted you to put your best friend hat on and call a halt to it."
"If that's what you wanted why did you go through with it?"
Derek sighed. "Because the way you looked at me when I said it…I was convinced you didn't care."
"You're an idiot."
"Yeah. I know."
She huffed. "And so am I."
"Oh look! It's the little virgin and her guardian angels." Chloe screeched across the dining room that evening. This week apparently, she had given up on pretending to be friends. She was being openly bitchy now, and for some reason had decided to play on the restrained performances Casey had given by openly calling her out as a virgin. Actually she alternated between calling Casey a mousey little virgin and a tramp – both privately and, to Casey's horror, in some of her post-contest interviews.
This actually amused Casey, because obviously she wasn't either. She wondered what Chloe would make of Derek's role in the loss of Casey's aforementioned commodity. She said nothing.
Derek was a sore topic for the model. Luan confided that Chloe had expected him to phone her after the show with declarations of love and contrition. Casey had snorted at that, pointing out that Derek had nothing to be contrite about…for once.
It was a nice feeling to be reminded by Luan that while Chloe had been expecting Derek to phone her after the show, he had actually been on the phone to Casey…if not swearing undying love, he was at least making an effort to repair their friendship.
Whilst Chloe knew nothing of those phone calls and only guessed at Casey's affection for Derek, she was not pleased with the situation. Rumour had it that Chloe's performances for round two were going to be direct attacks on Casey. The latter wasn't sure what Derek's ex was planning, but Trevor had replied that she shouldn't worry because he had it covered and then proceeded to share his "fabulous" idea. At the end, Casey wasn't sure who she was anymore even as she agreed.
She danced and sang in the daily rehearsals, and they reassured her she was doing well, but it didn't feel right. Casey felt as though she was being bitchy and whilst she admitted to herself at least that Chloe's behaviour to herself was less than pleasant she wasn't sure that it justified the reaction that Trevor and Harriet had planned.
Until the final rehearsal on Saturday morning.
Press coverage of the show had been extensive. The same reviewer whose preview Casey had forwarded to Lizzie had been quick to give his opinion after the show.
Stars Ripping Out Hearts?
"Wow! Okay. Which of you is going to be silly enough to raise your hand and say you didn't watch Star with Hearts last week? Shame on you! Press the record button now, because this turkey has wings! Who said that we'd seen everything that reality TV had to offer…Bring on the mud and let the slinging begin!
For those not in the know, Friday and Saturday saw the opening round of the new reality TV show Star with Hearts, which on paper at least promised to be as limp and uninteresting as the tired genre it apparently rests under. Oh boy, were we wrong!
Not even counting the alleged shenanigans between (the sheets of) Racing golden boy Carlos Sanchez and ex-newshound Ralph Edwards (another story altogether!), what is going on between Chloe Prescott and Casey McDonald?
Can anyone say "Meow"?
Despite her attempts to portray it as something else, Miss Prescott's thinly disguised hatred of her "BFF" Miss McDonald is like the best car crash TV ever! Seriously, you just spend the whole time wondering when they were going to quit the act, put up their dukes and get down to it.
Instead, they both provided impressive performances which could not have been more dissimilar if they tried.
Miss McDonald's performance was without question perfect: Perfect music, perfect choreography and perfect costuming. Her skills as a singer were only overshadowed by her skills as a dancer, and I for one was left wondering why such a talented lady has found her niche as a writer instead. (I've read all her books, she's pretty darned good at them too). Where her fellow competitors used elaborate costumes, hers were understated, her make-up minimal, and the emotion she displayed in her rendition of "Hurt" was painful in all the right ways. By rights this lady should be walking away with the competition already…but she isn't because someone opened the door to Chloe Prescott's boudoir and decided to give us a show.
Miss Prescott's performance was larger than life, extravagant and visual. What she lacked in skill she made up for in volume. Her costumes were there…just, and I never knew that fingernails that long existed!
The crowd loved her, and the music choices she made. Personally, I found it too much.
In the end, round one was predictable because a supermodel doing a rendition of Dirrty was always going to be a win. But on all other levels, the night was Casey McDonald's.
I am left pondering two things:
Number One: What would happen if Casey McDonald were to perform something more…raunchy – we all know she has the skills.
Number Two: With an ex-wife and a step-sister like that, what on earth must Christmas be like in the Venturi household?
This Saturday sees Round Two: Musicals.
I can't wait."
They were standing in the corridor outside of the main ballroom, listening to Chloe's rehearsal in the other room. Trevor was squinting through the tiny gap between the doors trying to see what Chloe up to.
"Well she's wearing a copy of your little white outfit, with a wig like your hair and she appears to be singing…"
"Sandra Dee." Harriet finished for him. "Yeah. We can hear it, Trevor. So she's dressed up like Casey and is singing a song about a girl being a virgin. It could have been worse, I suppose."
Casey stared at her. "Why does this have to be a competition between us?" She asked.
"Why doesn't she just choose a musical number and sing it? Why drag me into it?"
Luan smirked "You know why. Derek."
"But I don't want to play her game. It's sick."
"Casey. If you get up on stage tonight and let her walk all over you people will think you are a door mat. If you get up there and give as good as you get…they'll think you are strong." Trevor pointed out.
"They'll think I'm insane."
"No they won't." Harriet joined in. "They'll think you're responding to something she started."
"I'm not a bitch."
"I know. But you do have a back bone. Use it."
"Okay. But I still think it is over the top." Casey stated.
They were quiet for a while listening. Then Casey frowned.
"Is this her dance piece?" she asked as a new piece of instrumental music started. It was lively in a very Disney sort of way. Trevor bent his eye to the gap again.
"Oh my! She's doing polkas! Very slap-dash I might add. Yes it would appear this is her dance. What is it? I don't recognise it."
"It sounds familiar." Luan said.
Casey though it did too. She frowned for a while and then her eyes widened.
"The bitch!" She exclaimed. "It's the Step-sisters' Lament."
"From Cinderella?" Harriet asked. "Yes you're right. And she is a bitch. That's an awful song."
"…And totally aimed at you."
"What's the play order this evening?" Harriet asked Trevor.
"Dance first, then singing. Why?"
"We need to up this a gear." Harriet said thoughtfully.
"You read my mind, duckie."
Casey looked horrified. "Trevor, you've already got me dancing to a song that I'm really not sure is a good idea. What more are you going to do?"
"Nothing to your dance. But when you sing the song in part two, we're going to dress you up as Chloe. You know wig, copy of her dress etc. Chloe's from Quebec, isn't she? Can you do a Montreal accent?"
"What?"
"Casey…give as good as you get."
"But…"
Luan turned away from gap in the door where she had been watching, her face frozen in an appalled look.
"Oh my god! She just announced on camera that you have a weird crush on your step-brother."
Casey gasped and when she turned to face her team she hissed in a heavy accent with French undertones. "Lead me to the freaking wig."
Chloe's performance was not as good tonight. It was as though some of the effort which should have been spent on polishing the performance was spent coming up with ways to make Casey's life a misery. Not only did she dance to the Lament – a song clearly about two ugly step-sisters' sour grapes over not being chosen by Prince Charming, but her version of Sandra Dee involved her wearing Casey style clothes and even occasionally changing the words from "Sandra Dee" to "Casey". It was cruel and it was unpolished, but it was still good enough that the crowd loved it.
"Tell me I'm doing the right thing." Casey pleaded with Luan.
"You're doing the right thing." Luan obliged. Casey looked panicked, but Luan smiled. "Honestly. You are. She's been horrible to you. Go out there and show her you aren't going to take it lying down.
So Casey sucked it up, slipped on her ball-gown, buckled her glittery shoes onto her ankles and took Trevor's white-gloved hand before stepping out on to the stage to Frank Sinatra's dulcet tones.
"She gets too hungry for dinner at eight. She loves the theatre, but doesn't come late. She's never bother with people she'd hate. That's why the lady is a tramp."
Trevor spun Casey around the floor with grace and poise whilst Harriet watched from the sidelines. Chloe's dance had been infantile like the Disney movie it came from, Casey's was classic, elegant and so subtle a dig that it was far more comfortable to watch. Besides which, Trevor cut a dashing figure in his top hat and tails, and Casey outfit was reminiscent of Ginger Rogers and the style of the forties. Harriet had to hand it to her fellow coach he had technical ability, a classic understanding of the female form – and the bitchiness only a jilted gay guy possesses. It was the perfect combination for dealing with Chloe. She leaned back and enjoyed the sight of Casey stealing the dance section out from under Chloe's nose.
Casey was breathless when she came off stage.
"I can't believe I just did that!" She gasped. "It felt amazing!"
"It looked even better." Luan reassured her, handing her a towel so that she could clean up before going in front of the judges.
The judges loved it. Chloe did not and she liked Casey's song even less.
Her costume was a red flasher raincoat, her wig the exact same ash blonde of Chloe's hair which was cleverly and securely woven into Casey's own hair. She stepped onto the stage and straight over to the judges and posed.
"Yesterday…" She said breathlessly mimicking Chloe's accent perfectly. "I was inspired to write this song."
A piano played an introductory arpeggio and she began.
"Ven you got it, flaunt it. Step right up and strut your stuff. People tell you modesty's a wirtue but in the theatre modesty can hurt you."
She stepped away and continued. "When you got it, flaunt it."
She removed the red coat to reveal an exact copy of Chloe's red dress from the first round.
"Show your assets let them know you're proud." She spread her arms. "Your goodies you must push" [she shoved her breasts forward] Stick your chest out, shake your tush [butt shake] Ven you got it, shout it out loud."
She straightened.
"Now Chloe dance." She announced in a loud speaking voice, turning her back on the judges and wiggling her butt so much her whole body – including her breasts – wobbled. Casey danced around the stage and then back to the judges worming her way between them.
"Ven you got it, show it. Put your hidden treasures on display." She said, lifting a stocking-clad leg on the table, revealing a red garter belt.
"Violinists love to play an E-string, But audiences really love a G-string." She stood up and started to dance around the stage again. "Ven you got it, shout it! Let the whole vorld hear vat you're about. Clothes may make the man. All a girl needs is a tan. Ven you got it, let it hang out!"
She returned to the table.
"Remember ven Chloe dance? Chloe dance again!" She beamed vacuously and then launched into a strutting dance which involved a dining chair placed in the middle of the stage, and much flashing of leg and garter belt. Then she came back to the table again.
"Ven I was yust a little girl in Quebec, My thoughtful mother gave me this advice. If nature blesses you from top to bottom, Show that top to bottom, don't think twice." She wagged her index finger at them and then sat on the table between the judges.
"Now Chloe belt!...Don't think twice!"
She stretched her arms out and wiggled her breasts again.
"Ven you got it, share it" She roared. "Let the public feast upon your charms. People say that being prim is proper. But ev'ry showgirl knows that prim will stop her."
Casey roared again, swinging her legs up so that her stocking tops flashed.
"If you got it, give it." She turned around on the desk and lowered herself backwards, head to the floor, still singing. Her dress fell downwards as she did so, revealing her (decent) underwear.
"Don't be selfish, give it all a-vay!" She put her hands on the floor beneath her head and kicked back into a handstand and then the splits when she reached the ground.
"Don't be shy, be bold 'n' cute. Show the boys your birthday suit." She danced around the stage in front of the judges wobbling her cleavage.
Finally she belted out. "Ven you got it, if you got it… Once you got it, shout out hooray!"
Casey finished. There was a moment's paused. She leaned towards the judges and said in the accented voice.
"Okey Dokey. You like it?"
One of the male judges grinned and Casey knew he had seen the musical before.
"Like it? I want you to know my dear, even though we're sitting down, we're giving you a standing ovation."
.
"Oh my fucking God, baby, you totally nailed that!" Trevor greeted her as she left the stage to a standing ovation. Casey grinned, hugged him and then went back to hear the verdict from the judges who like the audience were also standing up clapping.
Luan helped her to the rehearsal room. They passed Chloe's rehearsal room just in time to hear Chloe screeching at the producer. "I want her off the show!"
Casey met Luan's eyes and raised her eyebrows.
"Don't worry about it. I just heard the ratings are through the roof. You aren't going anywhere."
They reached the room and closed the door.
"Casey. I need to warn you about something." Luan began.
"The last time you said that I found out my skank of an ex-step-sister-in-law was going to be my roomie."
"Yeah well. Not sure this is as bad, but it might be a bit of a shock."
"Oh?"
"Derek was in the audience tonight."
AN: For a proper appreciation of Casey's rendition of "If you've got it flaunt it" – The Producers, go to You tube and search for Uma Thurman's version. Please do…it's hilarious!
You'll have noticed I'm not repeating much of the songs, but the Flaunt it one was an exception. Where the lyrics are important, I will include them in the Author's Note. So here goes…
The Lady is a Tramp (Casey is saying if this is being a tramp that's fine by her)
She gets too hungry, for dinner at eight
She loves the theater, but doesn't come late
She'd never bother, with people she'd hate
That's why the lady is a tramp
Doesn't like crap games, with barons and earls
Won't go to Harlem, in ermine and pearls
Won't dish the dirt, with the rest of those girls
That's why the lady is a tramp
She loves the free, fresh wind in her hair
Life without care
She's broke, but it's ok
She hates California, it's cold and it's damp
That's why the lady is a tramp
Doesn't like dice games, with sharpies and frauds
Won't go to Harlem, in Lincolns or Fords
Won't dish the dirt, with the rest of those broads
That's why the lady is a tramp