Disclaimer: I don't own the story titled Brokeback Mountain. I'm not profiting from writing this. All characters are the soul creation of Anne Proulx.
A/N: Merry Christmas to my readers who celebrate. Sorry again for the delay. Enjoy!
Chapter 11
Confessions
Ennis and Jack spent the day setting up camp. Jack put up the tent while Ennis crouched around the newly built fire pit. They invited Bobby to join them, but he didn't want to intrude. There would be plenty of time soon enough. Ennis already had tied the picket line and put up the horses. As he prepared the evening meal, he watched Jack fuss over the tent canvas. He thought it was funny how Jack swore at every little thing. Ennis laid down the potato he began peeling and walked over to Jack.
"Why don't you take a break," Ennis stated as he wrapped his arms around Jack?
"No, I can't. I've got to get this fuckin tent up so we've got somewhere to sleep tonight," replied Jack while pushing his way out of Ennis's embrace.
"You know, Jack, we've slept on the ground before. It's not going to kill us," explained Ennis as Jack went back to fixing the tent.
"If that's what you want Ennis, but it's going to get fuckin down right cold," Jack asserted.
"Jack. We've got like three days. Why don't you help me build this fire and we'll eat some supper? I brought your favorite . . . beans," stated Ennis.
"Well all right. I guess we can finish camp tomorrow," agreed Jack as he dropped the stakes for the tent ties.
Jack helped Ennis finish preparing their supper. Before long, the two men, with full stomachs, sat under a moon lit sky and warmed themselves with some whiskey. They talked about a lot of things: spring maintence, new foals and calves and of course, their love. Jack seemed to always, when drunk, go on and on about that. One topic that seemed avoided this night was Bobby. Ennis wanted to talk about it, but felt that he shouldn't push the issue. He just slowly drifted off into a deep sleep while listening to Jack chatter about what seemed to be nothing.
Section Break
Ennis woke early as usual. He found himself interlaced with Jack. He laid there staring at Jack, while he slept, as the sun danced upon him. Ennis loved this time of day where everything had an innocence to it. He tried to roll onto his back to have a cigarette, but Jack noticed, tugged at Ennis and pulled him close.
Ennis whispered, "Hey, don't you think someone's got to get up and start breakfast."
Jack whimpered and moaned, "No, stay here."
Jack quickly grabbed Ennis's hand and placed it on his penis. Again, Ennis pulled his hand away like he did when they first were on Brokeback. Ennis jumped to his feet and began to explain to Jack what the doctor said and of course Jack tried to plead with Ennis.
"Please, it's just been too long, Ennis."
"Jack, you remember what the doctor said, it could permanently hurt you."
"Yes, I know, but this is killing me. I need you . . . now!" Ennis stood above Jack and slips his pants on and ignores Jacks pleading while Jack's hand is outstretched. He changes the subject, quickly.
"Well, if we want to do any hunting today, we better get going."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," replied Jack while releasing his grip on Ennis.
Ennis made his way to his feet, walked behind the tent and proceeded to urinate. While doing so, he thought about a quick breakfast. When he finished and put his penis back into his worn, blue jeans, he thought, 'we've got left overs from last night!' He made his way to the still steaming fire pit and relit it. As the breakfast aroma rose from the fire, Jack woke.
"Your finally up, sleepy head," Ennis stated to Jack.
"No, not really."
The two men ate briskly, forgone bathing, saddled their horses and readied the pack mules. For today was their only day to hunt for some of their winter rations.
Section Break
They made their way through the moss, lined trails and across the many streams that meandered along Brokeback Mountain. There was a sizable amount of silence between them except for the occasional creak of leather or Jack's undesirable, harmonica playing.As they were making their way, through the last stream and onto the big pasture, Ennis finally spoke up.
"Jack, you mind me askin, what happened to you and Lureen?"
"Well, Ennis, I believe it was a mixture of things. Mostly her father. You know. He'd just interfere with everything, including raising Bobby and how I should have treated Lureen. She was always Daddy's little girl. There were times when I believed that Bobby needed help, or the school teacher would call and express concern. She wouldn't believe it. I mean, but there was a boat load of reasons, Ennis."
"Jesus, Jack, I didn't realize things were that bad off," Ennis rambled while watching Cigar Butt's footing on the stream's edge.
"The other thing about her was she let that damn business of hers go to her head. Once her daddy died and she got all that money from him, she then called all the shots. I mean everything. I was just what you'd call a "equipment salesman" to her. Hell, Ennis our love life died. We barely even fucked, not even twice a week if you were lucky. Our relationship was better handled over the God damn phone. It's better off this way, Ennis. She offered me some money when we got divorced, but I didn't take it. I told her that I'd rather just go on my way rather then be paid to leave. So I went back to rodeoin' and saved the money I won."
"I'm truly sorry, Jack. What was it like for you when you saw Bobby at the ranch," questioned Ennis?
"Shit Ennis, I thought I was going to die. I couldn't believe he found me. I could have been anywhere. How did he know I was here?"
"That's a damn good question, Jack. He looks good though, nice and well mannered and such. You think he got that from Lureen?"
"Yeah, but he got the ranchin', rodeo stuff from me," Jack stated as he followed Ennis's horse out onto the meadow.
"Well, I wonder what he's gunna want from you now."
"I'm not too sure, but I hope he plans on stickin' around. I'd sure like to make up for all the lost time."
Section Break
Time had passed and the leaves were falling again, but this past year proved to have some interesting turn of events for Ennis and Jack. In May, beautiful Alma, Jr graduated from high school. She finished with honors. She didn't make valavictorian, but that was ok with Ennis. With graduation came spring foaling and the girls were always there to help. There was another good crop of calves, but the unexpected loss of one of Canyon River Ranch's greatest bulls had now caused major chaos. Fixing all the fencing had been a monumentous job. It's still not all finished. Again, they've had to hire more hands. In order to help out, Bobby returned to his father's ranch.
Jack sat at the long, mahogany table and searched through dozens of breeders tabloids looking for a new breeding, bull. He decided, in order to find the best bull, he would turn to someone he knew could carry out that task. He would have to find Dustin McClaine. Dustin always had the better knowledge of breeding bulls growing up and he still does. He helped Jack find his first bull when he started the ranch. With his chin upon his hand, staring out the living room window, Jack thought, 'Where would I find him.' As he thought about this, Ennis stepped into the room.
"Hey there, Jack," stated Ennis as he walked past Jack and into the kitchen for some coffee.
"Hi, Ennis," Jack answered back quietly.
"What's going on Jack, you sound miserable," asked Ennis?
"Well, I gotta try to find Dustin and we hadn't heard from him in more than a year. You think he'll help out," explained Jack.
"Gee, I'm not really sure. I think he took everything pretty rough when we told him, you know. Couldn't we use Andrew to find us a new bull," asked Ennis while he rushed to put some sugar in his steaming cup.
"Yeah, I guess we could, but I think that Andrew has agents or something find bulls for him. I don't know Ennis. We just gotta get ourselves a bull by spring or at least by breeding season. These damn cows are gunna start to cycle by March."
"I know, Jack. Just see what Andrew says ok and let me know."
"All right," Jack stated as he collected the tabloids.
"I'm headed back out to the south pastures to try and finish the last 50 feet of that fencing," Ennis explained as he turned to exit the cabin.
"See ya, Ennis!" As the door slammed behind him, Ennis shouted back, "Yeah see ya."
Jack walked into the kitchen, poured himself a mug of coffee, and prepared to go over and see Andrew. He thought, 'he helped with holding those cattle last year, hopefully he can find me a bull.' He sat again at the mahogany table and threw on his boots, then his heavy flannel jacket. He stood quietly, sipping the hot brown liquid looking out the screen porch door. He wondered if this would be his last year breeding his champion Angus. His cattle were what brought in the good money, while the horses, on the other hand, were more or less for fun.
"Damn it! What the hell I'm I going to do if I can't find another fuckin bull," Jack said out loud while slamming down his mug on the small table next to the door.
Still standing at the front door, Jack paused and looked at all the ribbons hanging on the walls around him. He thought to himself, 'My cattle had gotten us this far, so I'm not giving up just yet.' He turned and walked out. He made his way to the barn to saddle up yet another one of his younger horses. This one is special though, it was out of his trusty, bay mare. She too, as of three months ago, died. She was 32 and foundered. A real bad case. So, Jack's gotta get himself a new mount and he had chosen this one. He had named her Sunset. Her coloring his not quite sorrel and not quite bay. She's feisty though, a lot of spirit and he liked that. As Jack saddled her up, he talked to her calmly. She shifted a little, but Jack was steady with her. He pulled her gently back toward him and rubbed beneath her chin. At the same time, Bobby walked in from the barn's side door. The door made a loud, creaking sound and with Sunset facing away from the door, it startled her. She tried to bolt from it, but Jack caught her.
"Easy there, Sunset," Jack spoke softly as he rubbed her neck and shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Jack, I didn't mean to spook her. I didn't realize you were in here," stated Bobby.
"That's ok. I've been meaning to fix that door anyway. I just don't seem to have the time lately."
"Where you headed, Jack?"
"I'm headed over to Andrew Williams to see if he can find me another bull. What are you up to," questioned Jack?
"Oh, nothing really. I just got back from town. Do you mind if I ride over with you?"
"No. Who you gunna ride?"
"Well, I was thinking of Gunner, if that's ok?"
"You sure, he's pretty quick. You gotta really keep your mind about you ride him."
While walking over to Gunner's stall, Bobby smirked at Jack and stated, "I like a good challenge sometimes."
Bobby latched on the lead rope and walked Gunner to the nearest post and tied him to it. He quickly brushed him and cleaned his hooves. All the while, Gunner is jigging left and right, putting Bobby through his paces. When he tried to put the saddle blanket on Gunner, Gunner decided to jumped sideways.
"Uh, Jack I think I need your quite hands here."
"I thought you liked a challenge," Jack stated with a chuckle.
"Very funny, Jack," Bobby said while handing Jack the saddle.
"Here, let me get him ready for you then you can have him back."
In no time Jack had Gunner cinched up and bridled. He handed the reins over to Bobby. Jack watched as his son flawlessly threw himself upon a horse for the first time on the ranch or in front of him for that matter. He too then mounted Sunset, took a few moments and practiced a little with her on cues outside the barn. Bobby rushed over to Jack, he quickly pulled up on the reins and Gunner practically sat down.
"She looks great, Jack. Have you worked with her much," questioned Bobby?
"Yeah. Only here and there, though. But she knows what she's doing," replied Jack as he pulled up on Sunset's reins to get her to back up a few steps. "Well she's good, let's go."
Both Jack and Bobby started to walk down the dusty, grey drive. At first, Gunner was excited and felt like he wanted to canter off from under Bobby, but Bobby kept his ground. Meanwhile, Jack continued to work Sunset with every step. Circles, side passes, stops, gos, and again, backups. The horses around them, in their luscious green pastures, followed along the fence, inquisitively. To both men, this all seemed so awkward. Finally being in the same place together after all these years. Especially trying to muster up some kind of conversation. But now time had passed and Bobby was ready for questions he'd been putting off. Out of nowhere Bobby finally asks:
"So. Jack, what's up between you and Ennis?"
Jack could sense that his face turned ghostly white. He couldn't find the words, he was overwhelmed with this straightforward question, especially from his son.
"EXCUSE ME! What exactly do you mean, Bobby?"
"Jack, come on, you know what I mean. I see the way you two interact with each other. You don't have to be a genius to figure it out."
Jack clears his throat. "What do you know about that kind of "stuff?" Especially when your talking about your father, at that!"
"I didn't mean no disrespect by it. Anyway, I'm old enough to know a thought or two about sexual "stuff" as you call it. I'm not 10 years old anymore. I have had a few girlfriends before."
"I really don't feel comfortable talking to you about it, all right."
"Well, when will you be comfortable about it?"
"Damn it, Bobby! I'm not sure. It's not really any of your business."
"Fine!" Bobby blurted out as he gave Gunner a little kick in order to get him going faster. Bobby thought, 'Gotcha Jack, I knew it! Bobby gave a smile smirk.
They made their way down the dusty dirt drive, now with an even more awkward silence. It wasn't like Bobby didn't want to talk, it was just that his father was extraordinarily quite. When they came upon the street, Jack turned Sunset to the left and Gunner followed. He dragged on a cigarette, long and held in the smoke. His mind now thinking of 'what his son thought of him. Would he love him still or hate him?' They approached Andrew Williams's driveway, above the entrance hung a huge, metal sign, it read:
HOLLOW POINT RANCH
Bobby looked up at it in awe, knowing that the ranch must be gigantic and "well off." Along the graveled drive ran long rows of towering evergreens. It sort of looked like an old-fashioned plantation. The pastures, in the distance, were well groomed with plenty of cattle. At the end of the long driveway, stood to the left side, a white colonial style home. A two story. It had the tall white pillars and a large porch with hanging flowers pots.
As they approached the porch, both men dismounted and tied their mounts to the hitching posts alongside of the stairway. Jack removed his hat and dusted himself off outside the front door. Bobby stayed alongside Gunner, watching from afar. Jack proceeded to knock on the oversized door. "Coming," he heard though it. A few moments later the door opened.
"May I help you," said the woman in an unusual uniform?
"I'm looking for Mr. Williams, ma'am," stated Jack.
"Who shall I say is askin," questioned the woman while leaning partly outside.
"I'm Jack Twist, ma'am. He'll know who I am," he answered, reassuringly. She stepped inside. Jack turned to Bobby and shrugged like he didn't know the woman. Roughly five minutes later, Andrew made his way to the door.
"Hey Jack, how the hell are you," he stated as he saw Jack, made his way out the door and proceeded to give Jack a hug.
"I'm doin' good, Andrew," Jack returned unlocking the embrace. Then they turned toward the stairway, away from the door. "Andrew, I'd like you to meet my son, Bobby," stated Jack.
"Wow, Jack I didn't know you had a son," Andrew stated as he stepped toward Bobby. "Nice to meet you, Bobby," he said as he shook his hand.
"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Williams," Bobby returned the hand shake.
"How's those cattle of yours doing, Jack," asked Andrew as he turned back to Jack?
"Well, that's why I've come to you, Andrew. To see if you could find me a new bull. Mine died not too long ago and breeding season is coming up. Can you help me," Jack explained?
"Damn, Jack, unfortunately I can't right now. Have you thought of Dustin, I know he'd be able to help you," Andrew said?
"Yeah, I have thought about him," stated Jack. At that moment, Bobby looked almost like a deer in the light of an oncoming car. 'Where have I heard that name before,' he thought.
"I'm just now sure where to find him at, Andrew," Jack said.
"I think he said he was headed back to Lightning Flat for a while. You should check there," Andrew led on. Now Bobby really was interested, he couldn't help wanting to know more and would the two men elaborate on anything else.
"Thanks for letting me know that he went home," Jack stated. 'Home,' Bobby thought. "Did he mention if he still had his pa's place or not," asked Jack?
"Yeah, I do believe so, Jack. He never said anything otherwise," replied Andrew.
"I appreciate all your information," Jack said as he again shook Andrew's hand.
"You're quite welcome, Jack . . . anything," Andrew answered. Bobby stepped in and shook the man's hand again and tipped his hat.
"It was sure nice meeting you, Mr. Williams," expressed Bobby.
"Likewise," Andrew returned. The men departed ways. Now it was time to find Dustin and Jack knew exactly where to look.
Bobby seemed a little uneasy on the way back to Canyon River Ranch. Jack decided to ask him what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you, Bobby," Jack questioned?
"Oh, it's nothing Jack."
"Well, it's got to be something. You're awfully upset. I can see it on your face."
"I just don't want to accusate about anything else I'm not sure of."
"Why not, you already have about me and Ennis," expressed Jack with a kind of sarcasm.
"You see, Jack, while I was in town, I over heard a man talking about an accident that happened a while back, just outside town along one of the quarry roads. He stated that another man, he didn't give the name, along with another man, named Dustin, was involved with a beating," Bobby rambled.
"Really, anything else," Jack questioned with strong interest.
"Yeah, the man said that one of them was from up there in Lightning Flat." Jack was silent for a moment. 'Could Dustin really been involved with his attack,' he thought?
"And no other names were given," Jack blurted out without warning.
Startled, Bobby reiterated, "NO."
Jack decided to pick up the pace. They were already in the driveway just past the mailbox. Jack gave Sunset a kick and looked at Bobby, "Let's go." Bobby nodded in agreement. Then they were off. When they got to the end of the drive, by the cabin, Ennis was waiting for them. As they came to a rough, sliding stop, Jack yelled out, "Hey Ennis!"
The men jumped down from their horses and stood there with Ennis. They discussed what Andrew had told them about Dustin.
"Well, I guess we'll have to take a ride up there," stated Ennis while he pushed himself off from the rock wall around the circular grass mound in the driveway.
"I was thinking of sending him a letter first and if I don't hear from him, then we can make a trip up there, either way, I will find him especially after what Bobby just got done telling me," stated Jack while removing Sunset's bridle.
"And what was that," Ennis inquired.
"It seems my friend, Dustin might have had something to do with a rancher getting beaten sometime ago," Jack bellowed.
"Uh, huh," Ennis let out. Bobby didn't say much, just untacked Gunner, looking at the men occasionally. He hoped to witness something that would rat them out about being lovers, but as always the men were careful not to. They then, checked the horses to see if they were overheated and sweaty, but they weren't.
Section Break
The following day, Jack drove himself into town and went directly to the post office. There he purchased a post card and wrote upon it:
DUSTIN-
I HOPE THINGS ARE STILL GOOD BETWEEN
YOU AND I. I REALLY NEED YOU TO COME BACK
TO THE RANCH. I NEED YOU TO HELP ME FIND
ANOTHER BULL. THANKS!
YOUR FRIEND
JACK T
Once Jack finished, he headed off to pick up some groceries from the local store. He meandered around the aisles, picking up things and placing them in the cart. Slowly, he made his way around the store and thought more about Dustin then what he was buying. He really hoped that all was well with his friend and that he would at least answer his letter.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ennis, Bobby and the girls headed out on a trail ride in order to bring some of the cows closer to the ranch that needed to be breed. Foaled calves also needed to be brought to the south pastures so they can start building muscle on the good grass. So, now getting that new bull was extremely important. The horses would soon have to be moved too, to different pastures. It was a lot of work, but it seemed to help keep this family together. What started out as plans for Ennis and Jack had now brought everyone closer.
Jack arrived back home. He made his way to the porch, groceries in tow. He stumbled and dropped some of the items onto the porch.
"Shit!" Jack stated aloud as he picked up the packages. Once he got the items back in the bag, he went to the door to find a note hanging on it.
GONE OUT TO THE BACK PASTURES TO
TO COLLECT THE COWS. BE BACK SOON
TO ROUND UP THE CALVES. SEE YA LATER.
- ENNIS
'I guess I'll get ready for when they return,' Jack thought. He proceeded to go to the kitchen and put the groceries away. Leaving the brown bags on the table, Jack went out toward the barn to saddle up Sunset. By the time he finished, he could see the small, dust cloud out toward the southern horizon. 'Here they come,' Jack thought. 'Just in time.'
Section Break
Jack woke with the sun beating on him. He rolled to his right, squinted his eyes and looked at the bedside clock. It read: 8:00am. "God I overslept," stated Jack aloud. Slowly, he stretched his arms out over his head and pushed his legs toward the end of the bed. As always, Ennis was already gone. Jack laid there a few minutes and adjusted his eyes to the light. He placed his hands behind his head and propped it up. He thought of what he had to do today.
'I guess I better get one of my new yearlings going. I'll just have to pass on working with Sunset. She's coming along so well though,' Jack thought to himself as he finally got up. He walked over to his clothes that were draped over the back of a wooden chair next to the closet. He then headed downstairs to get a cup of fresh coffee.
This was the life he always dreamed of and it never gets boring. This is what he was raised to do and what his father did to the day he died. Everyday Jack's dreams are fulfilled right before his very eyes and he couldn't be happier.
Jack stood, leaning upon the counter, sipping the hot coffee Ennis made him before leaving again to take care of livestock. 'Well, Jack thought, I guess I better get my ass to it. I gotta get something done today.' He put down his cup and walked through one passage and into the living room and stopped at the front door, picked up a boot and slid it on. Then, the other and took his flannel that was hanging on a wooden dowel by the door.
Slowly, Jack made his way to the barn. He looked toward the ground while he walked. His shoulders were somewhat hunched up like it was cold and his hands were plunged deep inside his pockets. He entered the barn to find that Ennis brought one of the yearlings inside already for him. Jack just smiled and then thought, 'Ennis what would I do without you. I could have gotten this stinkin' horse.' Jack walked over to where they keep the tack and grabbed a rope halter and long, lounge line, then made his way toward where Ennis stalled the horse.
The horse was chocolate in color or what a lot of plains people call Gurello. It had a large, white blaze with a lot of hair at the forelock that slightly covered its eyes. It stood at the stall door with its head hanging over, watching Jack. Once Jack approached the stall, the horse pulled itself back in the stall and began to try and run around inside, snorting. Jack placed the halter and line down quietly outside the stall door and proceeded to open it. He raised his hand and shook them as he steadily made a shh-shh sound. The horse calmed. It was now time to get the halter on and get this horse to the round pen for some work.
It 's now been three hours of hard work for the yearling and Jack is exhausted. The colt is coming along just as he'd wanted, so it's a good time to stop. Jack decides to "walk out" the colt in order to cool him off. The two made their way out of the pen. 'I wonder if Dustin had written back yet, I guess I'll go see,' Jack thought while walking the colt toward the driveway. The pace was slow and soothing to both man and horse. The rigorous workout before had them aching and sweating. There was a nice breeze that refreshed them. Finally, at the mailbox, Jack reached in for the mail. He thumbed through it, at first just a bunch of bills, then reaching the last piece realized it was a post card. Jack flipped it over and read:
JACK-
NO, I'M NOT UPSET. JUST NEEDED SOME TIME
AWAY. LIGHTNING FLAT SOUNDED GOOD. YOU
BET I'LL HELP OUT. BE THERE IN ABOUT A WEEK.
WE'LL TALK THEN.
YOUR FRIEND
MCCLAINE
Jack is pleased that his childhood friend hadn't disowned him and that he'd see him soon. At this moment, Jack's stress seemed to ease off his mind and soul. 'Now, I'd be able to get my new bull and things would be normal again,' thought Jack as he led the young colt along the dusty drive back toward the barn.
When they made their way back, Jack decided quickly to tie the colt first in order to give him a brush down and pick out his hooves before putting him in for the night. He walked the colt over to the posts along the fence line opposite the barn and hooked him. Jack stuffed the mail into his back pocket and turned toward the barn. When he glanced in that direction, he first noticed the laughter, which to him seemed not so ordinary. Then, what he saw next proved to be extremely unusual. 'Was that Bobby,' the thought to himself trying not to stare, squinting.
What he saw was exactly what he thought! He stood a moment rubbing his eyes and almost straining them to see. Then again he saw them. Bobby and one of the male, ranch hands were running around the open aisle of the barn, chasing each other. Jack's mouth dropped in shock as he quickly turned away. 'Could this be true, his son gay? No wonder Bobby was straight forward about me and Ennis. Oh, God I said straight, didn't I,' Jack thought quietly as he shook his head while facing the ground. Jack walked back over to the colt who was pawing the ground with impatience. As he did so, he wiped the sweat from his brow, still quite in shock from what he saw and leaned upon the fence.