Stupid Geniuses Ch 3
… Yeah, nothing really to say. XD My life is boring.
Piper: XD I'm glad you are official amazing and one of my favorite reviewers. It's amazing that begging works for you! I do it all the time but it doesn't usually work. OHMYGOD! THE EYES! *shun* Just kidding~ I'm updating now, so is that good for you?
Chibi Angel of the Uchiha: I'm glad that I can please you~ Your wish is my command. That goes for all my reviewers!
SnowsShadow: I'm glad you paid attention to that. That's going to play a huge part in later chapters! :3 Lots of fluff from both Tobi and Kisame so you've got a lot to look forward to! So fluffy…it's fluffy!
Likes to Smile: Kisame's…special. He looks like a fish. XD Yeah… he's probably going to need a genjutsu or something… So many questions! She's stupid, they were hungry, and I wouldn't want them either!
Thanks to Ayase Reincarnated for the favorite and SnowsShadow for the favorite and alert!
"Here's my number," I say writing my cell phone number on the pad of paper next to me. "You punch the number into the phone, press the green button, and let it ring. I should pick up but if not, leave a message and press the red button to hang up, okay?" There are nods. "Okay. Ground rules: No setting the house on fire, no rough housing, no breaking things, no killing. Figure out how to watch TV and channel surf, that'll keep you occupied," I look over at the 'ninja' sitting on the couch. They're looking over at me like I just grew another head.
"TV…?" Hidan frowns and I chuck the remote at his head out of annoyance after turning it to on.
"Figure it out." Wrapping a scarf around my neck, I look over at Kisame and Tobi. They look perfectly comfortable in their Akatsuki cloaks. "Are you crazy? It's freezing!" I pull on my coat and gloves, pulling that pale lavender knit hat that Yuki bought me for Christmas a last year.
"We're used to the extremes," Kisame says shrugging as he slips on his shoes. "This is warm next to the weather in the Snow." I shrug as well and pull on a pair of boots as Tobi bounces around us like we're some kind of screwed up maypole.
"Can we go? Can we go? Can we go?" He asks excitedly.
"Yeah," I say opening the door. "We'll be back in an hour or so,"
Or never~ My inner giggles behind her hand evilly.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Tobi screams, flying out of the room like he was shot out of a bullet. Kisame sighs and follows after him, waiting for me to lock up before we leave.
"This is going to be a b*tch," I mumble hanging my head. Kisame grins.
"Be happy we're going with you. Itachi could have sent Hidan or Deidara. Now that would be entertaining." He grins even wider as we walk out. I immediately start to shiver, wishing I had a thicker coat. Our breath can be seen and I giggle a little.
"Chain smoking!" I say breathing in and out really fast, making my head spin. "Holy crap. Vertigo," Tobi grins, bouncing around more.
"How do we get to the store?" Kisame asks as I rub my arms against the cold.
"Taxi. I'm not going to freeze my a$$ off walking." I say and step out into the busy street. Kisame jerks me back and looks at me like I'm insane.
"What the hell are you doing?! Are you trying to commit suicide?!" He says shaking me a little. I slap his hands away from my shoulders and glare.
"You guys are the stupidest muggers ever," I say stepping back into the street and holding my hand out as Kisame says something along the lines of "we're not muggers." A few taxis go by and I flip off the one that passes me next. "Dammit," I sigh and take off my gloves before putting my fingers to my lips and whistle sharply. A taxi jerks to a stop. "That's how you do it,"
"What is that?" Tobi probably looks confused.
"Taxi, get in." I say sitting in the middle between the two.
"Where to?" The gruff taxi driver asks.
"The grocery store on seventh please?" He nods and drives off at a break-neck pace.
…line…line…line…line…
Kisame and Tobi, both looking very shaken, stumble out of the car and fall-face first- onto the sidewalk. I step out and over them after paying the cabby.
"You okay? You act like you've never been in a car before,"
"We haven't," Kisame says woozily and I get them ginger ales from the vending machine handily in front of the store.
"Drink this," I say bending down and poking Tobi in the shoulder. "It'll help your stomach," He nods and gingerly takes it. I can almost see the question mark over his head as he examines the can. Sighing and trying not to squeal over how cute that is, I pop the tab.
"Oooh," He says and grins up at me before turning away so he can drink the soda. I have a silent squeal-over-how-cute-that-is fit before going over to Kisame, who's groaning into the cement.
"Kisame-san," I say gently pulling him into an upright position, pulling him to a bench before going and getting Tobi as well.
"Don' call me that," He grumbles, watching me with slight fascination as I pop the tab on his soda. "Just Kisame,"
"…Okay," We sit in silence, the two men drinking their sodas and me rubbing my arms or my hands.
After a few minutes I get too cold and buy a cheap hot chocolate from the vending machine. It's weird but I get a small thrill out of feeling the warm Styrofoam cup in my hands, just watching the steam waft into the air. Kisame finishes his drink first and throws the can lazily into the trashcan before he looks over at me as I take a small sip of cheap hot chocolate, wincing when I burn my lips and tongue. He sighs a little before putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer.
"Tobi takes forever to do anything and he's not going to want to move until he's d*mn good and ready. I don't want you getting hypothermia or something," He says when I give him a stereotypical "WTF?!" look. After a second's thought, I nod and rest my head on his shoulder. He's practically radiating warmth. I shiver unconsciously and he pulls me a little bit closer.
Tobi looks up from the soda, which he's been messing with-with such fascination that I'm surprised he hasn't whipped a microscope out of his pocket to examine it- and I can feel the smile. He turns away and I see him tilting his head back to finish off the last of the soda before he puts his arm around my waist and slides close to me. We sit there for a few minutes, the three of us.
"Let's go," I say after another minute of us sitting in the silence. "We should really get going. They're going to start wondering where we are."
"Probably right," Kisame says and we stand up, Tobi taking my hand happily so "'Mori-chan won't get lost!" I shake my head a little as we go to get a cart. I swear he's a kid in an adult's body. He lets go of my hand and clings to the side of the cart, looking around making awed noises at everything. Kisame trails along beside me as I look down at the list I made at home. It has the usual but I figure that was made in vain and I'll just get whatever the mugger-ninja will eat.
Before long we're all laughing and joking as we walk down the aisles of the store. It's become a game. I'll pick something out and Tobi and Kisame will approve or disprove. This sparks stories and jokes. It's like we're old friends or roommates going out together to restock the fridge. It isn't hard to forget I'm their captive and they supposedly could kill me at any second. If they wanted to. That's the kicker. They don't. Maybe they really are good guys.
"Oooh, here's a good one," I say and pick up a jar of peanut butter. Tobi gives it a confused look and Kisame frowns a little.
"Never had it," I almost drop the heavy glass jar.
"Never had peanut butter? Never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Two nods tell me no. I all but throw the jar into the cart and snatch two jelly jars off of the shelf next to it. "Grape or strawberry?"
"Grape," Kisame says and Tobi points to the strawberry. Laughing, I put both of them in the cart.
"Okay…Um… OhmyKami!" I squeal and leave the cart, streaking down the aisle towards the huge display of microwave popcorns there are. It's like heaven. Kisame jogs after me, looking confused, while Tobi jumps onto the thin wire behind the cart and puts his hands on the handle bar after pushing off. He stops a few inches behind me and I can all but see the three dots above their heads. "Microwave popcorn is love," I declare and throw a few boxes in along with a case of peach-mango Fuse.
"Tobi likes popcorn," He decides jumping off the shopping cart and swinging his arms out in front of him exaggeratedly as we start walking again.
"Popcorn's good," Kisame agrees as we keep combing the aisles.
"What do you guys drink?" I ask, hesitating in front of the sodas and teas and juices.
"Tobi likes juice." He says in a tone that makes me ache for my nephew. Fifteen month old Ryuu is the spitting image of his father. Jet black hair runs in the family, alongside bright green eyes, again a family trait. One visit my brother Riku and his wife Tanaka agreed to let me babysit for a weekend so they could have a romantic getaway. I brought Ryuu shopping with me, him sitting in the basket and me pushing.
"What do you like to drink Ryuu-kun?" I'd asked and he looked up at me confused. Before I could repeat and rephrase the question, he pointed outside the cart towards a giant container of apple juice and said perfectly clearly:
"I wike juice," I about died of cuteness.
That wasn't more than a month ago and we'd had a really good time together. Ryuu declared me "Favowite Awntie Mowi" and cried when he left. I did too but that was after he was gone.
"What kind?" I ask reaching towards the orange juice and pausing. I loved orange juice but apple was good too. This question seems to throw the good boy for a loop. He crosses his left arm across his chest and taps his right pointer finger against his lips before shyly pointing at the orange juice I had been reaching for. I giggle a little and plop it in the cart before turning to Kisame.
"Mostly sake but we'll drink anything," I wince a little, thinking about how expensive sake is. He notices and waves it off. "Tea is Itachi-san's favorite. Black or green goes well with everyone but Hidan has this huge (it's almost crippling) weakness for chamomile,"
"Really?" I tilt my head to the side incredulously.
"Yeah," He says with an eye-closing grin. He opens his eyes again and takes three long strides over to the shelves across the way. He stops momentarily before picking up two of the biggest of tea, one black and one green. A wicked smile crosses his face and he picks up a chamomile tea too. "This should be good," He nods towards the huge pile of 'necessities' in the cart and I feel my wallet shriveling to nothingness in my back pocket. "For now," The word hits me like a giant boulder and I anime fall.
After recovering from the shock of the idea that I'm probably going to go into debt housing these b*stards, Tobi squeals and rushes to a display of coloring books on the side of one aisle. There's a ton with the names of cartoon characters I only remember from brief TV watching sessions with Ryuu. He's practically drooling over the glossy covers and Kisame starts to pull him away but I stop him. Tobi looks down at me (yes, I'm shorter than him. Don't rub it in) and I make his day.
"Choose one." I say then add "And a thing of crayons." He's still holding them proudly in his arms when the elderly checkout woman finishes our groceries.
"May I see your coloring book, young man?" She asks with a smile that reminds me of everyone's favorite grandma's. He nods eagerly and holds the book and crayons out to her. She appropriately coos over them before scanning them and giving them back. She gives me a knowing smile before looking at Kisame, who is gently admonishing Tobi on encouraging me to buy so much extra stuff.
"H-H-He's not my husband!" I squeak turning bright red and waving my hands out in front of me. "H-H-H-H-He's just a friend!"
"Of course he is, dearie," She says and moves onto the next customer as Kisame easily scoops the bags into his arms like they weigh nothing.
"Let's go," He calls over his shoulder as I'm left in his wake, Tobi still dancing around with his new coloring tools beside me.
"'Kay Kisame-san!" He singsongs and grabs my hand before bouncing after the giant man.
This time Kisame hails a taxi with ease, putting the groceries in the trunk before holding the door open for me and Tobi. I blushingly thank him before sliding in the middle. As soon as the door is shut and locked, the two on either side of me tense.
"Where to?" The cabby's voice is smoother than silk this time, making me shiver a little.
"The apartment complex on ninety-fourth and pine," I say and he glides off. Tobi, whose hand is still firmly in mine, tightens his grip a little and Kisame is stiffer than a rock. His huge-a$$ hand rests on my knee, his grip slowly getting tighter and tighter. Minutes pass before he breaks the silence.
"What are you doing here…Orochimaru?"