Chapter 49

GLARING TRUTH

Aisha blinked at Mei Zuo, not sure if she heard him right.

"Wh-what did you just say?"

Mei Zuo took a deep breath and repeated the words he had committed to his memory for the longest time.

"Nihon ni kaettekite kara mo, aatashi wa itsumo anata no kotowo."

Aisha swallowed, remembering a time not too long ago when she said those words to one person alone. Mei Zuo noticed her sudden withdrawal and spoke again.

"'When I get back to Japan, I will think of you.'" Again he repeated the Japanese sentence. "I still remember your promise. How about you? Do you still remember it?"

The load on her heart became heavier and she could not bear to look at him any longer without feeling the guilt weigh itself on her. When it was clear that she was not about to say anything any time soon, Mei Zuo lunged, putting a hand on the window of the car.

"Do you, Aisha? Or have you forgotten you ever said those words to me?"

It took a while for her to answer. "I haven't forgotten."

"Haven't you? Because from the way you have been acting, you do not seem to remember anything."

Aisha closed her eyes momentarily. This is it, she thought. The moment I have been dreading.

She knew this was inevitable; this confrontation was bound to happen. Still...she did not want to hurt him. She did not want to hurt Mei Zuo who, at one point in her life, had been her strength.

She shook her head, her hands gripping the steering wheel so tight that the veins in her wrists seemed to pop out. "I did not forget," she said softly.

"Then talk to me!" Mei Zuo whispered fiercely, pleadingly. "Stop avoiding me. Tell me something...anything!"

Aisha looked at him and bravely met his gaze. When she spoke the conviction in her voice was unmistakable.

"You should not have come here, Mei Zuo. You should just have stayed in Taipei and forgot all about me."

He was taken aback by her words, and he stepped back, looking at her in confusion. "What are you saying?"

"You made a mistake coming here, because nothing is going to come out of this."

Mei Zuo's stormy eyes battled with hers and she fought the urge to just turn away and step on the accelerator that would take her away from him. But this has to end, and it has to end NOW.

Convincing himself that she was not seeing straight, Mei Zuo shook his head. "Aisha, I know I am confusing you, dropping in on you so suddenly and I am sorry, but think about this a bit further. I came here for you!"

"And what about Xiao Qiao? Haven't you considered her as well? Her feelings? She is such a nice person, Mei Zuo. Surely you know she does not deserve this kind of treatment from you! And your friends, the F4, everyone else, your parents!"

Refusing to hear her arguments, he shook his head. "Let us focus on us for a minute here."

"Oh, Mei Zuo, don't you see?" Aisha felt like bursting with pent-up emotion, caught between the need to tell him everything and the desire to spare his feelings from being hurt. "There is no 'us'!"

He shook his head vehemently. "No. I do not believe that. If you would just open your eyes, and look around - "

"It is you who should open your eyes and look around, Mei Zuo. Look at what you have, at what you are throwing away. Over what? Over me? And is it worth it? Am I worth all of that?" She shook her head sadly. "Mei Zuo, I am a nobody. I do not even begin to compare to anyone, not even to Xiao Qiao."

"Don't say that!" He lifted his palms, facing her, stopping her from saying any more. He is having a hard time dealing with this conversation to want to have Xiao Qiao involved in it.

Aisha stopped talking, letting go of the steering wheel and leaning back on the seat of her car, feeling too weak to even move a muscle.

With a sigh she stepped out of the car and faced him. "Mei Zuo, this is pointless - "

His head jerked sharply to look at her and the voice died in her lips at the turbulent look in his eyes. "Convince me that I should stop, Aisha. Tell me I should stop."

"Stop. Stop this." Helplessly she appealed to him with her eyes, but he shook his head.

"That is not very persuasive."

"I don't want to hurt you - "

"Try again."

" - I do not want to hurt anyone - "

"Not good enough."

"...I love Hua Ze Lei."

Stumped, Mei Zuo stared at her uncomprehendingly, not sure if he heard her right. But she was not about to tell him again.

It seemed for a long moment they remained there, simply looking at each other, everything else drowned by the sound of their own wild emotions going on a roller coaster ride.

Finally realizing that everything is now out of her hands, Aisha simply stared at him, watching the play of emotions on his face, from shock, to mild surprise, to incredulity, to disbelief, then to frustration as he finally regained his voice.

"And what about me?" he asked in a low tired voice. "Did you ever love me at all?"

"Mei Zuo..."

"Did you ever feel anything for me?"

Aisha was shaking her head. "Don't do this..."

In an instant he had her shoulders in a tight grip as he violently shook her. "Don't do this to me!"

With wide eyes Aisha stared up at him, surprised by his sudden outburst. But he did not seem to notice he was hurting her as he said again, "Please...!"

"Mei Zuo!"

They both turned abruptly to the sound of the voice and Aisha almost cried with relief when she recognized Jing standing not a few feet away, watching them. She could not be sure how long the other lady stood there and how much she witnessed, but from the way she was looking at them, Aisha could tell Jing saw and heard everything.

Mei Zuo's hands fell away from Aisha's shoulders and she stepped back, rubbing her upper arms to ease the sudden pressure put upon them.

Jing stepped forward, her eyes trained on Mei Zuo. "That's enough, Mei Zuo," she said in a gentle but firm voice.

Mei Zuo, clearly shocked by what just happened, could not meet Jing's eyes. "Jing," he mumbled.

"Aisha has an appointment at the JA. I came to pick her up." She turned to Aisha. "Ready?"

Dumbly, Aisha nodded. Jing smiled. "I brought my car with me. It'll be best if we go there together." She reached out and took Aisha by the hand, pulling her along.

It was a short walk to Jing's car, but to Aisha it seemed like forever before she felt Jing gently nudge her into the vehicle. She looked gratefully at the other girl, but Jing merely nodded at her slightly before turning to give directions to her chauffeur.

Mei Zuo remained standing where they had left him, looking forlorn in the middle of the deserted parking lot. Aisha looked down, not really having the heart to see his pain, knowing she caused it.

Jing's hand reached out and held hers. Needing something solid to hold on to, Aisha hung on to it tightly, gripping with something akin to desperation as she mumbled the words over and over.

"Thank you...I'm sorry...Thank you...I'm sorry..."

Fixing her silk scarf around her neck, Shancai turned to smile at their host who was seated beside her on the dinner table. It has been quite a productive evening. Certainly she has no regrets going about with this. Little by little she managed to convince their affiliates into continuing doing business with Skylark.

Quite frankly, at first she had apprehensions, not sure if she could pull this off. After all, talking to people from high places has never been her strongest point. She cowers in the presence of authority.

But desperate times call for desperate measures. And these are desperate times. She could not afford to lose Skylark.

After all, it is the only thing she has right now.

She bit back a sigh, not wanting to let the others see the sudden pall that set over her.

It has been eight days since she left Taipei. She had been to two countries already, flying in to Hong Kong, then to Singapore. Now she is back in Hong Kong. Tomorrow she will push on to Bali to speak with the resort people.

Pretty exhausting, but it helps a lot in taking her mind off her other 'more serious' problems. Especially with regards to her marriage.

She looked up as the Cantonese hotel owner addressed her.

"How are you liking our city so far?" he asked, eyeing the silk scarf. "I see you have done some shopping."

Shancai smiled, looking at the scarf she bought at the store at the hotel where she checked in. "Just a little," she replied.

"You should go around the stores tomorrow," the wife of the hotel owner said. "We have some of the best items here."

"I would love to, but I have an early flight to Bali."

"Ah! Bali!" The host smiled reminiscently. "A beautiful place. Too bad you are going there for business. It sure is paradise, especially for young lovers. You and your husband should try going there together soon."

She was not able to answer right away. When she recovered, she gave a small smile. "Thanks. Maybe we will," she replied and reached for her wineglass, hoping the action would discourage the couple from pursuing the topic any further.

Later while she made her way up to her room in the twelfth floor of the hotel, loneliness once again settled in.

She misses Dao Ming Si so much.

But she did not really feel like going back to Taipei a while yet. Out here, away from Taipei, she is far from Dao Ming Feng's scheming plots, Dao Ming Cheng's watchful eyes, and even Dao Ming Si. She knew she was contradicting herself but, as much as she wanted to be with him right now, she knew she also needed some time away from him, to think.

At least they still talked over the phone every day since she left. But their conversations were terse, brief, strained.

What is happening to us? she asked herself as the elevator stopped on her floor and she stepped out, greeted by more silence.

Sighing, she took her card key and inserted it into the slot in her door. She was about to push it open when she noticed a slight movement at the end of the hall. But when she looked at it, she did not see anything.

Spooked, Shancai called out. "Hello!? Anybody there?"

No one appeared at the end of the hall. "Is there anyone there?" she called out again.

But there was nothing.

Shrugging, thinking it must be the wine toying with her muddled senses, Shancai pushed the door open and let herself in.

"Great," she said aloud, talking to no one in particular. "Keep it up and you will wake up in a mental institution tomorrow."

She took a deep breath and went directly to the room, stretching herself out on the wide bed.

Tomorrow, she thought as sleep came over her slowly. Tomorrow she will have everything figured out.

She must have been lost in deep thought because when she next looked out of the window, she found the car has stopped and the chauffeur was stepping out. Aisha turned her neck around and saw they were on top of a small hill slightly outside the city.

They had driven up here and she did not even notice.

She turned to look at Jing beside her in the car. "Why did we stop?" she asked, glancing at her watch. "Are we not supposed to be at your office?"

Jing waved her hand away. "Don't worry. I called them and reset the meeting for later this afternoon. Yuki was alright with it."

The chauffeur now sauntered far from the car, sitting down on the rocks, well out of earshot. "I don't understand..."

"I think you need to talk?"

Aisha feigned innocence as she smiled at Jing. "About what?"

"You tell me," Jing said. "That was quite a dramatic scene I witnessed outside your apartment."

The implications of Jing's words sank in and Aisha sighed. Without a word she opened the door on her side of the car and stepped out. Jing followed suit and soon they were both standing in front of the car, looking down at the city from the distance, reveling in the quiet.

Jing was the first to break the silence after watching Aisha's profile for a long time. "Two extraordinary men are vying for your affection. You must be flattered."

"I'm not," Aisha replied immediately, making Jing smile.

"That was not meant to offend you," she admonished gently, and Aisha nodded.

"I know."

"I bet you did not see this coming," Jing said.

"I did, but I was foolish enough to hope it would not actually come to this." Aisha laughed bitterly. "You must think very low of me."

Jing's brows met. "Why would I?"

"Like Shancai and Dao Ming Si, you must also think I am all doing this for some personal gain. That I have an ulterior motive. That I am toying with other people's feelings."

Jing took a deep breath and looked out into the city. "I do not know what came over those two, but from what I heard, Dao Ming Si had a change of heart. He was actually the one who told Hua Ze Lei to come here and pursue you. As for Shancai...well, she is a smart girl. She will come around."

Aisha's smile was sad. "Still, that does not change the fact that I caused enough trouble to everyone back in Taipei to last me a lifetime."

"I do not understand why you are worried about that. Hua Ze Lei isn't." Jing moved forward until her shoulders touched Aisha, and the latter did not move an inch. "What I saw at the parking lot earlier, what I heard...that was something else, Aisha. You finally told Mei Zuo what you really felt. The question is," she turned to look at Aisha, "does Hua Ze Lei know?"

Aisha shook her head. "No, he doesn't. And I do not think he has to."

"Oh?"

"There is no way a relationship between Hua Ze Lei and I would work." The words poured out and she could not stop them. "I care about him too much to even want to cause any more inconvenience. By my mere appearance in his life, he had all these complications. Suddenly the media was hounding him. The F4 is being ruined. I caused dissension between him and his friends. The best way for me is to steer clear of him, and stay out of his life."

"And did you ask for Hua Ze Lei's opinion?"

Aisha did not answer the question. "I do not want to see him hurt."

"I don't think anyone wants to see him hurt."

At this, Aisha turned to look at Jing, as though she just remembered something. "Meanwhile YOU could not possibly hurt him."

Surprised, Jing looked at her questioningly. "Excuse me?"

"I know about you and Hua Ze Lei...before. That is why you are here, right? I heard you had quite a nice life in Europe, but you came back. Because you wanted to get back with Hua Ze Lei." She smiled, trying to mask her sadness. "You could make him happy."

Jing stared at her for a moment, looking at Aisha as though the latter had just lost her wits. After a pause, she shook her head in amused disbelief.

"Wow. I was not prepared for that one."

Aisha did not say anything, merely turning her gaze away, afraid Jing might see she is also hurt. Jing spoke beside her.

"I do not know who told you about me and Hua Ze Lei...before. One thing's for sure, though. You don't even know half of it. No one does. Except me and Hua Ze Lei."

Aisha did not interrupt as Jing went on talking, but she was listening, rapt. "It is a long story, and I would hate to bore you, so I would just give you the gist of it." She took a deep breath, and spoke as one who is unloading all her burdens she had kept for the longest time.

"I am older than Hua Ze Lei by a few years, but we grew up together, and we have been very close. Growing up, I knew he liked me, more than a child would like his playmate, but I did not give it much thought. After all, he was just a kid, and I adored him, but I never saw myself romantically involved with him. When I was sent here in Tokyo to study, we did not see each other for a long time, but we kept in touch. I did not know that all those years he had been holding the torch for me. I only found out when I went back to Taipei after a few years. But again, I left for France. I broke his heart for the second time."

The wind seemed to vanish, replaced by a gentle breeze that whipped Aisha's hair across her face softly.

"He followed me to France and stayed with me for a few weeks, but I met this French professor, and we got along really well. Hua Ze Lei left France, telling me to meet him in four days at this church in Barcelona." She paused and took a deep breath. "I did not go. It turns out he waited for me, because he was going to propose. I broke his heart the third time."

She swallowed. "I saw him again after a few years, but by then he has changed. He is more matured, and he was in love with Shancai. There was no longer a place for me in his heart. Repeatedly I tried reaching out to him, but he outgrew me. I became just the girl he used to love."

"And you?" Aisha asked without looking at Jing. "How did you feel about him?"

Jing laughed softly, in a way that mocked her own self. "Too late, I realized I also loved him, when my engagement with the French professor did not push through. I backed out when I realized I did not love him...as much as I did Hua Ze Lei."

"Why didn't you try to get back with Hua Ze Lei before then? Before he was lost to you?"

"I was afraid. And I was also ashamed." Jing sighed. "I put him through hell, and I knew he deserves better. Better than me. When I finally plucked the courage to tell him, his heart already belonged to someone else. Shancai."

"And after that? When Shancai chose Dao Ming Si...?"

Jing shook her head sadly. "There weren't any chances left. I blew them all away."

A long moment of silence reigned between them as they both looked out of the hilltop, the gentle breeze playing all around them, the warm afternoon sun gazing down on them.

Jing spoke again. "I guess what I am saying is...Hua Ze Lei loves you. That is pretty obvious to everyone. And I know you would never lie to Mei Zuo, so I also believe you meant it when you said you loved Hua Ze Lei. Don't throw this away, Aisha."

"You still have a chance, Jing," Aisha murmured, and Jing shook her head in resolution. "You still love him. I know that."

"Even so," Jing said softly. "Even if I love him - more than I did in the past - I would not dare. It is you he cares about."

Aisha shook her head helplessly. "There are a lot of people who...No. I am not going to hurt Hua Ze Lei further. I am not going to be selfish."

"If there is anyone who has been selfish here, it is me. I broke Lei's heart more times than is humanly possible. If there is anyone who hurt him the most, it's me. He is the most selfless person I know, and I have done nothing but hurt him. The least I can do now is to try to help him in his quest for happiness. And that road begins with you."

Finally Aisha turned to look at Jing, who smiled at her kindly.

"Don't you want to be happy, too, Aisha?"

It took her a while to formulate an answer. "I don't, if that happiness would cause others misery."

Jing looked about to roll her eyes in frustration, as a mother would to an exasperated daughter. "Enough, Aisha! Follow Hua Ze Lei's suit." Aisha frowned at her, not understanding. Jing clarified her words.

"Be selfish, Aisha. For once, be selfish."

Xu Li sighed with relief.

That was close, he thought, slipping into the elevator and pressing the button two floors above Shancai's.

He should not have gone up there. She almost saw him!

Shaking his head, Xu Li stepped into his own floor. He has to be careful. He is here to watch her, and he has been doing a fine job of it for the past eight days. He is not about to blow his cover this early.

Following her around is not exactly his cup of tea, but he has his orders.