Chapter 49

WHAT SHE WANTS

If it were possible, he felt like his chest was about to burst. Every part of him was screaming, and he felt like exploding.

This couldn't go on, he knew. It had gone on for far too long already. That confrontation with Aisha outside her apartment building was three days ago.

Yet somehow it all seemed unreal to him, like something out of a bad dream. Many times he would wish he would wake up to find everything was a nightmare, and that he would turn and she would be there. With him. His.

He still could not quite accept it. He needed some proof. Something solid. What if Aisha just lied to him just so he would give her some space?

Yes, that's it. She was lying to him. She didn't mean what she said.

But, first things first. He had to get things straight with Hua Ze Lei before he could finally go after Aisha.

The secretary was nowhere to be seen when Mei Zuo arrived at the outer office, but he was not really keen on having to go through someone else before getting to Hua Ze Lei.

Purposefully, he strode towards the door leading to the inner office but his footsteps faltered when he noticed it was slightly ajar.

He paused when he heard the sound of voices from within, and recognized Hua Ze Lei and Jing talking.

Feeling slightly guilty for eavesdropping, Mei Zuo leaned closer to catch snatches of their conversation.

"Really, Hua Ze Lei, you should stop dallying around and talk to her. You have lingered long enough. It's time for you to take some action."

There was no doubt in Mei Zuo's mind who 'her' was.

"I am fighting for her in my own way, Jing," Hua Ze Lei replied. "She is under a lot of pressure now, and I would just worsen things if I kept pushing her."

"You have good intentions, Lei, but put this off any longer, and you might never be with her. Ever."

There was a slight pause. "Jing, do you know something I don't?"

From the way the conversation was going, Mei Zuo realized that Jing had not informed Hua Ze Lei about what happened three days ago.

He heard Jing's sharp intake of breath. "Listen, I talked to Aisha, and she told me... things."

"What things?"

Mei Zuo sucked in his breath.

"Things that I think you would want to hear from Aisha herself, and not from anyone else, least of all me." Mei Zuo breathed a sigh of relief.

Obviously something else struck Hua Ze Lei. "Wait. You and Aisha talked? When did this happen?"

"Three days ago, I picked her up for the photoshoot."

"The photoshoot that was cancelled at the last minute because the two of you didn't show up?"

Mei Zuo presumed Jing nodded in the consequent silence.

Hua Ze Lei spoke again. "I still don't get it... Why would Aisha talk to you? She is not the type to talk to anyone about something... like this. What did she tell you?"

Jing laughed slightly. "Nice try, Lei. But I am not telling you anything. Time for you to gather your skirts and give chase."

Her joke did not go unnoticed by Hua Ze Lei. "Gather...?"

Finally deciding to quit hiding, Mei Zuo pushed the door open. Both Jing and Hua Ze Lei looked at him in surprise, especially the latter.

"Mei Zuo!" Jing exclaimed, jumping to her feet and meeting Mei Zuo as he strolled into the office.

He returned Jing's friendly kiss on the cheek and looked at Hua Ze Lei. "There was no one outside so I just came right in. I hope you don't mind."

Hua Ze Lei shook her head. "It's fine." He pointed at the chair. "Have a seat?"

Mei Zuo shook his head and refused gracefully. "I came to talk to you."

Hua Ze Lei leaned back on his seat. "That sounds serious. Are you sure you don't want to sit down?"

Jing leaned closer to Mei Zuo and spoke softly so Hua Ze Lei could not hear her. "I did not tell him anything, Mei Zuo. Are you sure about this?"

Before Mei Zuo could answer her, the door burst open and an anxious Yuki walked in.

"Boss!" She stopped when she noticed the two others in the room. "Oh, sorry, I'll come back later."

Hua Ze Lei spoke. "What is it, Yuki?"

"Later."

"If it is urgent, tell me now."

After a moment's hesitation, Yuki said, "It's about Aisha."

This made Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo turn to look at the manager intensely.

"What about Aisha?" Hua Ze Lei asked, frowning.

"Do you know where she is?" Yuki asked instead of answering his question.

"You are her manager," Hua Ze Lei said. "You are supposed to know where she is."

The anxiety of the manager was palpable, and Hua Ze Lei's concern heightened.

"Yuki," he said again, "what is going on?"

The manager looked at Hua Ze Lei worriedly. "Aisha. She is gone."

The four of them were seated in the silence of Hua Ze Lei's office, the somber atmosphere weighing down on them.

Jing turned to look at Hua Ze Lei standing by the window, hands in his pockets as he stared out. On the couch, Mei Zuo sat with his head buried in his hands. Yuki was pacing back and forth, wringing her hands in anxiety.

"Yuki," said Jing, "for pete's sake, would you sit down? You are making my head spin!"

With an apologetic look, Yuki sat down on the couch.

"Now," Jing said, "let us go through this again. Yuki, you went to Aisha's apartment three days ago?"

The manager nodded. "When she did not show up at the photoshoot, I went to her apartment, but she was not there. I only found the note." She pointed at the piece of paper on top of the low table.

Jing reached for it and read the Japanese characters written in Aisha's neat handwriting.

'Yuki, I'll go away for a while. Do not worry about me. I just need time to think and be alone. Aisha.'

She folded it again, as Yuki continued.

"I checked her closet, all her clothes were there. I tried calling her cell phone, but she left it in her apartment. She did not pack anything. It was like she left on a whim, like a spur-of-the-moment thing. Otherwise she would at least have taken a few clothes with her."

Silently Jing agreed with the manager's assumptions.

Yuki went on speaking. "During the first day I let it pass. I thought it was nothing, then the second day came, then today...and still no word from her. This is not like Aisha at all. She is such a vibrant and lively girl, not one to run away when things get difficult and this," she looked at the two men, "is quite a difficult situation, I know, but Aisha... this is so out of her character. There are many times in the past few weeks that she could have run away, but why only now?"

"Maybe it is as she said in the note," Jing said helpfully. "She just needed some time to think and be alone."

"But it has been three days already!" Yuki said. "If the Press gets wind of this - "

"Damn the Press."

Hua Ze Lei pushed away from the window and met Yuki and Jing's startled glances. He repeated his words.

"Damn the Press. The only thing we should focus on right now is finding Aisha."

"Hua Ze Lei," Jing said, knowing that beneath the calm exterior, he was troubled as well. "Let us not be rash about this."

Hua Ze Lei ignored her and looked at Yuki. "Where did you look for her?"

Yuki shook her head. "Aisha did not have a lot of friends with whom she could stay with, except those in her former dance group. She is quite a private person, she never talks much about her past. I tried looking for her in the dance studios she used to frequent, but came up with nothing."

They all turned to the door as Sachiko came in, a piece of paper in her hand. "I have the address."

At this, Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo seemed to come to life. Hua Ze Lei strode to Sachiko, snatching the piece of paper from her hands.

"Just three hours drive away," he murmured. "If we start now we could get there by nightfall. Seven o'clock at the latest."

"Are you sure about this?" Yuki asked. "I mean... considering Aisha's history with her mother and stepfather, do you really think she would really go back to them?"

Mei Zuo took the decision out of their hands. "It's still worth a try," he said, standing up and walking to the door. "Give the directions, I'm driving."

Without giving the two women a second look, Hua Ze Lei slipped the address in his pocket and strolled out of the office. Jing and Yuki hurrying after him.

He left an order to Sachiko before leaving. "Get the numbers of the other members of the group and call them one by one. Keep me posted."

It was a long, dreary and difficult drive. Hua Ze Lei sat in front while Mei Zuo took the wheel. Yuki and Jing remained seated at the back, neither one felt like talking. Hua Ze Lei kept his eyes on the side of the road, speaking only to give directions to Mei Zuo, who also kept his mouth shut the whole time.

It was exactly 6:21 when the car stopped in front of a large looming house. All four of them stepped out.

"Is this the place?" Yuki asked, looking at the piece of paper in Hua Ze Lei's hands.

"That's what it says right here," he said.

Mei Zuo walked forward. "Let's get this over with."

Jing raced to Mei Zuo's side, stalling him. "I think I should do the talking." She could see the two men were overwrought and too tense.

They were shown into the house by a servant and were asked to wait in the elegant living room. Amazed at the vast wealth she was seeing, Yuki sighed in amazement.

"I am confused. I thought... I didn't know Aisha was this rich!"

"The man her mother married is the one who is wealthy," Hua Ze Lei said, and the three looked at him in surprise, so he added, "She mentioned to me once that her mother married a wealthy businessman, and so she thought her mother's promise not to marry again was swayed by the fact that she is marrying into money."

Their conversation was interrupted by a middle-aged woman walking into the living room. She had a friendly face, and they all could see where Aisha got her looks from. The former Mrs. Mimura still looked young and energetic.

She smiled warmly at Hua Ze Lei. "Finally I got to meet you, Mr. Hua Ze. I wanted for so long to thank you for taking care of my daughter. And Miss Teng Tang Jing. It's a sheer pleasure to lay my eyes on you. The pictures do not do you justice, believe me." Her eyes turned to Mei Zuo and she paused momentarily.

"Wait... aren't you... Ling Mei Zuo!" Her smile widened as she bowed her head low at Mei Zuo. "I still remember you from that time in Taipei. It is a surprise to see you here in Tokyo!"

The impatience on Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo's faces were so visible that Jing decided not to drag this on any longer.

"Miss Mimura... oh, I'm sorry, I don't know what to call you."

Aisha's mother smiled. "Call me Miya. Mimura was my late husband's surname. Aisha's father." A sad look crossed her face at the mention of Aisha's father. "My maiden name is Kozuke. Please feel free to call me Miya."

"Thank you. Miya," Jing spoke. "We were wondering if Aisha is here."

Genuine confusion came upon Miya's face as she looked at each of her guest's faces.

"Aisha? Here?" She shook her head. "I have not seen Aisha for more than a year since she ran away from home."

Their hopes were dashed, and this did not escape the older woman's notice. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "Did something happen to my daughter?"

Mei Zuo stood up. "Yes. She ran away from home and you did not bother finding her."

"Mei Zuo!" Jing was aghast at his outburst. She turned to Miya, who now looked miserable. "Oh, Miya, I am so sorry. Mei Zuo, apologize now!"

Mei Zuo gave Jing a look that said something like 'I am not a child so don't talk to me like I'm one'.

Hua Ze Lei got to his feet. "Thanks for your time, ma'am," he said, and turned to the others. "Let's get going."

The four of them were already by the door when they heard Miya speak. "What happened to my daughter?"

They all stopped as Miya, now tearful, came up to them. "Please tell me!"

Mei Zuo and Hua Ze Lei exchanged glances then both looked at Jing and Yuki. "We'll wait for you outside," Hua Ze Lei said and the three women watched the two of them walk away.

While Jing and Yuki talked to Miya inside the house, Hua Ze Lei and Mei Zuo waited in the car. The silence was thick, and neither spoke for a long time. Occasionally Mei Zuo would glance at his watch and look impatiently at the house.

Finally Hua Ze Lei could not take it any longer. "Give them time," he said. "Miya looks like she has a lot of questions."

"They've been in there for half an hour already," Mei Zuo muttered. "Honestly, I do not see why you are going easy on Aisha's mother. After all, she went back on her promise to her own daughter."

"Mei Zuo, right now I do not really care about anyone but Aisha. Not even her mother. Only her."

"Then what are we both sitting here for?" Mei Zuo demanded. "We should be somewhere right now, looking for her!"

Hua Ze Lei did not answer him, knowing the tension was high and any explosion of emotions could trigger something ugly between them. The subsequent long moment of silence was broken by the sound of Mei Zuo's phone ringing. He looked at it, hesitated.

"Aren't you going to answer that?" Hua Ze Lei asked, reaching for the phone when Mei Zuo did not make any move to accept the call. He sighed when he saw who was calling and received it.

"Xiao Qiao, this is Hua Ze Lei."

"Hua Ze Lei?" Confusion could be heard in Xiao Qiao's voice. "Where is Mei Zuo?"

Hua Ze Lei slid a sideways glance at his friend and noted the guilt written all over Mei Zuo's face. "He went to the men's room. You called?"

"Yes, I went to your office a while ago and Sachiko told me. Have you found Aisha?"

"Not yet," he replied, his heart becoming heavier and heavier.

Xiao Qiao sighed. "I had no idea this would happen, Hua Ze Lei. When she dropped by the hotel a few days ago, I did not think she was going away."

He sat up straighter. "She came to see you? When was this?" Mei Zuo was now looking at Hua Ze Lei, alert.

"Three days ago. She visited me and we chatted for about an hour, then she left."

Hua Ze Lei looked at Mei Zuo, hope in their eyes. "We'll be back in Tokyo in less than three hours."

It was an awkward situation, and even Jing was taking the heat. Even Yuki, who is quite as uninvolved in this as she possibly could, felt as though she was caught in a cross fire.

Jing, Hua Ze Lei, Xiao Qiao and Mei Zuo were seated around the table while Yuki sat on the small couch nearby, listening to them.

"She was quite cheerful," Xiao Qiao said. "She even brought some pizza along, and we had a nice chat."

"What did you two talk about?" Hua Ze Lei asked.

She opened her mouth to answer but closed it again. "Things. She apologized and… we just had small talk." She was not willing to tell them what she and Aisha spoke about, since it concerned Mei Zuo and Hua Ze Lei, and the other people in the room seemed to understand as they did not press further.

"Did she drop any hints as to where she could be?" Jing asked and Xiao Qiao shook her head.

"I told you," she said. "It never occurred to me that she could be planning to go anywhere."

Later when they left Xiao Qiao's hotel room, Mei Zuo turned around and faced her. He smiled slightly, uncomfortably. "How are you doing?" he asked.

She smiled back, obviously glad that he took the time out to ask her. "All right. Do not worry about me."

He stared at her for a moment, then nodded. "I'm glad to hear that." He looked as the others were now stepping on the elevator. "I have to go," he told her.

Xiao Qiao nodded. "I hope you find her," she said. Mei Zuo could only nod as he raced to the elevator and joined the others, ignoring the pointed look Jing gave him. As always, Hua Ze Lei's face was blank, showing no outward emotion.

She glanced at her watch and saw it was already one-twenty in the morning. She took a deep breath. Aisha, she called silently. Please let us find you soon.

Aisha glanced up as Seiju came into the living room with a glass of milk.

"Good morning," Seiju said, sitting down on the couch that has been Aisha's bed for the past three nights. "Feeling better now?"

"Much," she replied, curling into a ball on the couch, letting Seiju stroke her legs in a slow massage. "Thanks again for putting me up."

"No problem," Seiju replied, and Aisha smiled.

Seiju Tomo had been Aisha's friend for a long time now. When she ran away from her mother more than a year ago and joined a ragtag group of upstart street dancers, they stumbled upon Seiju, who owned an abandoned warehouse. She had let Aisha and the group stay in the warehouse and also make use of it as their dance studio.

Now, thanks to her group being signed on with Artiste, they had found some funding and turned the warehouse into a thriving dance studio that is now famous for being Artiste group's second home.

"You're up early this morning," Aisha said and Seiju smiled wryly.

"A phone call woke me up earlier at three a.m.," she replied, "and I found I could not go back to sleep."

"Who called at such an hour?"

"Your boss. The President of Artiste."

At this, Aisha clammed up and looked away. She heard Seiju's heavy sigh.

"I did not tell him you were here, if that's what you are worried about," Seiju said. "I was tempted, but I know you would not be too happy if I did. He sounded really desperate when he asked if I knew where you were. I almost told him. But still I didn't."

"Thanks," Aisha said.

"I think I deserve more than a simple thanks," Seiju said. "Aisha, three nights ago you appeared on my front door, asking me if you could stay here while not letting others know about it. I said yes. I knew then that you had a problem, but I didn't ask. Now I could not stay quiet any longer. What is it, Aisha?"

Aisha did not say anything.

"Does it involve Mr. Hua Ze Lei?" Aisha nodded. "So I take it the rumors aren't rumors, they are actually true? There is something between you and Hua Ze Lei?" Again Aisha nodded.

Seiju sighed. "I don't know what your problem is, Aisha, but if that Mr. Hua Ze Lei looks half as good in real life as he does in pictures, then I would go down on my knees and thank the Heavens for such a blessing."

Aisha could only smile. "Yeah," she whispered. "I guess you're right."

"I would hate to sound like I am turning you away, Aisha, but you could not stay here longer. The neighbors already caught wind of you being here and I really do not relish the thought of the media coming here just to get a few shots of my pop star friend."

Aisha smiled thankfully at Seiju. "Don't worry," she said. "I will leave today."

The look Seiju gave Aisha was skeptical. "You are not running off again?"

She shook her head. "I had a lot of time to think, I am going back to deal with things."

"Good," Seiju said, squeezing Aisha on the knee.

"Thanks again for everything."

"What, did you think this was for free?" Seiju asked in mock surprise. "Watch out for the bill, young lady!"

For the first time in three days and three nights, Aisha heard herself laugh. Things would be alright now. Yes, they will be.

They have been out for almost twenty-four hours now. They could all do with a fresh shower and some sleep, but all four of them did not seem to mind as they continuously cruised around the city streets with no clue as to where to find Aisha.

They had a quick breakfast, followed by a quicker lunch after spending the whole morning driving around. But no one was complaining. All their thoughts were pinned on finding Aisha.

At six o'clock, in the gathering dusk, they were beginning to lose hope. Soon it would be dark again, and nothing seemed to change. They still didn't not know where to look.

At an intersection, Mei Zuo stopped the car as the lights turned red. Hua Ze Lei sighed and leaned his head back, fighting the exhaustion.

Suddenly Yuki spoke from behind. "Look! Over there!"

He opened his eyes and followed the direction Yuki was pointing at. His heart seemed to leap in his throat as he saw Aisha walking in the sidewalk, joining the stream of people. She was wearing a cap, enough to disguise herself in the crowd. But he would know her anywhere.

He opened the car door and stepped out.

"Aisha!" he yelled, oblivious of the other cars around him and the people. He saw her slow down visibly, and slowly turn her head in his direction.

Their eyes met across the crowd and cars, and he saw a smile begin to appear in her face. It was like she was happy to see him, and her eyes glowed.

Suddenly the smile faded as she saw something behind him. Hua Ze Lei turned and saw Mei Zuo had stepped out of the car, also looking at Aisha. When Hua Ze Lei turned to look back at Aisha, she was no longer there.

He made a move to go after her but was stopped by the sound of honking cars. Mei Zuo went back inside the car, against his own will.

Jing called out from inside. "Hua Ze Lei, get in the car, we have to get moving!"

Confused, Hua Ze Lei turned this way and that, looking for signs of her. Defeated, he got back into the car and slammed the door shut.

When they were back on the road, Yuki said, "Well, at least she's alright."

"But she's gone again." Hua Ze Lei balled his fists and closed his eyes.

Mei Zuo spoke. "I remember her telling me once that whenever she feels sad, she goes somewhere quiet, where she could see the stars and cry without anyone seeing or hearing her."

Nobody said a word, until suddenly Hua Ze Lei spoke. "Stop the car."

Wondering, Mei Zuo stopped the car at the nearest curb and Hua Ze Lei jumped out.

"Hua Ze Lei!" Jing called out. "Where are you going?"

"Go ahead," he said. "I'll call you later."

They all watched in amazement as Hua Ze Lei hailed a cab and got in, taking the other direction.

Mei Zuo's words reminded Hua Ze Lei of a conversation he had with Aisha once before, when she told him where she goes whenever she feels sad. It's a long shot, but it is worth a try.

Five minutes later he jumped out of the cab in front of the building of Artiste. The guard at the gate nodded at him.

"Good evening, Master Hua Ze Lei," he said, silently wondering what the President is doing back here at this hour when the offices are now cleared of the employees. Things are really getting strange around here.

"Is she in the building?"

Suddenly it became clear to the guard why the President is here. He smiled, nodding.

"She arrived a few minutes ago, sir. She said she needed to get something from her dressing room."

Hua Ze Lei was already walking inside.

His heart was beating fast when he approached the door to the Studio 7. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door, releasing it in a loud whoosh when he saw her silhouette by the window. She did not even bother turning the lights on.

She did not move an inch when he walked in, as though she was expecting him to come here.

Hua Ze Lei stood there for a long moment, wanting to let her be the first to speak. When she did, it was in a low voice, almost a whisper, but he heard it all the same.

"How do you do it, Hua Ze Lei?"

"Do what?" he asked.

"You said when you feel like crying, you make them go back. You make them stop. How?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I want to know... because I would like you to teach me how to do it."

He paused before answering. "I'm sorry. I can't. I realized only too late that it does not work." He moved forward. "We've been looking all over for you. We were really worried."

"I'm sorry," came her soft reply.

"Where have you been?" he asked gently. "Were you safe?"

She nodded in the dark. "Yes. Yes, I was."

"Don't do that again." His voice broke. "When things get rough, don't run away. Don't hide. Just... just do what you have to do, but don't you ever run."

"I had to."

He swallowed. "If I ever made you feel like you had to, then I apologize."

She was shaking her head. "No, no, it was not you. Don't you see? None of this is your fault. It's all on me."

"Why did you run?" he asked, wanting to know the answer to that question. "Was I causing you too much trouble? Tell me, Aisha."

She did not say anything and he felt the urge to turn on the lights just so he could see her face, but he knew she kept the lights off for a reason.

He sighed. "Fine. If that's how you want it to be. I am sorry if I have been causing too much trouble, but I just wanted to find you, to make sure you were alright, you were safe. Now that you're back, then I guess there is nothing left to say." He swallowed again. "I was too foolish to think things would change if I followed you here in Tokyo after you broke things off with me in Taipei. I get it now, Aisha. So now, I am leaving. I will not bother you anymore. After all, that is what you want, right?"

She still did not say anything. Hua Ze Lei sighed softly. "Goodbye, Aisha," he said and turned to walk to the door.

He was already on the doorway when she finally spoke in between sobs.

"No, that's not what I want."

When he turned around he was surprised when she threw herself in his arms, crying.

"That's not what I want," she said, burying her face on his chest.

Surging with happiness, Hua Ze Lei's arms crept around her and he held her close to him. He closed his eyes, afraid that the strong wave of emotion would drown him and he might forget he was here, holding her.

Just... holding her.