Chapter 2: Mom at 18 Part 1

Bella's Pov:

October

November

December

January

I didn't remember much of life after he left...it hurt to much to think about him and even his name hurt unbearably. My life had become meaningless after he left but I had too move from my catatonic state; I hadn't been able to control myself that night; I had run after him but i was only human. I remember falling the night in the woods, but after falling down and not getting up I had spent the rest of September in a coma with pneumonia and the flu; the doctor said I was lucky to be alive and that was the possible reason for my coma. Charlie had hardly left my side while I was there or so the doctors had said, and my mom visited once, but couldn't afford to come and stay the whole time. Like I said before, the doctor's had been unsure why I was in a coma in the first place, but I knew.

If it hadn't been for Charlie I'd have stayed in bed all day and continue to try and keep myself from falling apart. As it was I had stopped all emotional thought or process. I couldn't even feel pain unless I wanted too. I had cut my finger making dinner and not realized until my hand became wet and sticky with my own blood. I had just stared at it transfixed and hadn't done anything but stare until Charlie had come in and snapped me out of my thoughts. Needless to say he hadn't let me back into the kitchen.

It was breakfast now around the middle of January, I had grudgingly gotten out of bed, taken a quick shower, brushed my hair and threw on a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt I wasn't even sure the color of. I had no wish to find out, cloths meant little to me, even before this. I slowly stirred my cheerios in the bowl in front of me, just looking, and taking some in my spoon and then draining it back into the bowl, like it was the best thing since the slinky.

I was shocked out of this by Charlie, who slammed his fist on the table.

"I've had enough Bella! Ever since you woke up in October and came home you haven't spoken a word, you just moved around like a ghost. I wont..no, can't live like this. You need to pull yourself together!" He almost yelled, I hadn't heard him raise his voice before so it was shocking. I just looked at him wide eyed.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "I think you should go live with Renee in Jacksonville." He spoke almost to low. I looked at him shocked, was he kicking me out?

"Don't get me wrong Bella, I love you but I can't watch as you destroy yourself little by little." I gulped and shook my head.

"No..I want to stay here." I croaked out. My voice was low and cracked with unuse. I couldn't remember the last time I had spoken to him To anyone. I watched as his eyes widened and he smiled just a small smile.

"You need to get out of this town Bella. I understand...probably more then most what your going through but he isn't worth it." He said and I thanked him silently for not saying his name. He was wrong though, Ed..He was worth everything. He was my light, my world...my heart.

"I'm calling your mother today..." I didn't let him finish I stood up and with a dark look in my eyes I screamed, "Please, no, I'll do anything. I'll go out, with Jessica. Please...Daddy." I said a few tears running my cheeks as I lowered my head, my dark brown hair falling into my face. I always marveled how my hair was always darker when I was saddened or angry, the same with my usually light chocolate colored eyes.

"Be..This isn't up for discussion. I'm calling, and if you can show me you can be more then a ghost then I'll consider it." He said and stood up walking outside to his cruiser. I blinked and sat down, was I that unbearable to live with? I lifted the spoon filled my cereal and sneared at it. I guess I better start 'showing' Charlie I can function to his liking. I instantly felt the urge to spit it out before realizing the salty taste was from putting the salt instead of sugar in my cereal. I shook my head and swallowed, stood up, and dumped it in the sink before grabing my bag, coat, and left the house for school.

The drive was uneventful. I passed...well was passed by other cars, my truck couldn't go over 50 and I wasn't known for taking it over 30, or 35. I pulled in happily, and chuckled to myself bitterly, happy wasn't the word I'd describe myself as. Getting out of the car with no expression on my face I instantly took notice of my surroundings for once in three months.

Nothing had changed, but one thing had, the shiny silver volvo, green jeep or the red BMW were no where in site. They had really left..I guess that was apparent from the three or four months I hadn't reacted to anything, always looking at their empty table. I missed them, Jasper with his emotions, always making me worry less. Emmett and his humor and teddy bear exterior. Alice...I chocked back a sob, I missed Alice the most next to..Him. Hell, I missed Rosalie and she had hated me.

I found myself in English when I came out of my thoughts. I should have known this would never get better, but I didnt want to go to Florida. It was sunny, too sunny. I'd have to admit to myself that I'd really never see the Cullen's again. They couldnt go into the sun...I made myself a promise then; If they couldn't go into the sun, nether would I.

I trudged through the day until finally I sat in Spanish. It was the only class I had sitting beside Jessica and if I was going to go through with my promise to Charlie I might as well get a head start. Twisting around In my seat I opened my mouth to speak. "Jess..." I said trying to get her attention. The moment the first syllable exited my mouth she turned to me in shock. Her brown eyes wide and her long curly brown hair had hit me in the face from her fast movement.

I began to wonder as I looked at her goldfish expression if she had gotten whiplash.

"Ye..yes Bella?" She asked and I just blinked before asking in a monotonous voice.

"Will you go to the movies with me tonight..I mean I promised my dad I'd get out and I really don't want to go alone." Her eyes brightened and she smiled, it was almost, almost contagious. The bell rang just after that and I walked solemnly lunch half listening to Jessica plan our movie tonight.

"So do you want to carpool, right after school or latter tonight." I sighed and pushed my fork through the green string cheese..at least that was what I think it was.

"I thought we'd just go straight to Port Angelus...of course we can stop at your house to tell your parents." I spoke and at this the people at our table stopped and turned towards us. I didn't know some of them, only Angela, Ben, Tyler, Mike and Eric.

"So...your talking now." Mike said, almost with hidden resentment in his words. I just nodded and Angela sent me a kind and understanding smile. I smiled back, but it wasn't a real one, I didn't know if I'd ever let a real one leak through again.

Lunch was regular after this, everyone pretty much ignored me ad I just stared at me food and snuck glances at the empty Cullen table. How dare they have such a hold on me. As I made my way to my truck I put my books inside and looked around for Jessica.

I found her almost too easily. The whole way to Port Angelus I just sat and listened to her stories, she seemed to be happy that I listened and put my two cents in every now and then. The movie was bland and not scary at all, though Jessica did seem to be effected. She kept muttering about how her dad was right and it was uber scary. I did smirk at the blood and guts, there was a magor gore factor and if it had been five or six months before it would have made me cringe and look away.

As I sat watching it though I saw the zombies, moving fast, but not too fast, and how they looked. Eyes void of emotion and face set in a scowl. As the female zombie;who oddly enough had long brown hair and void brown eyes and ivory skin, bent down to eat the man I blinked and felt my stomach jolt.

'Its like living with a ghost,' The words came flooding back as I watched and I stood straight up.

"Bella?" Jess asked me from my side. I looked at her and said in a quiet but strong voice.

"I gotta go to the bathroom." She looked at me then laughed and nodded. I didn't get the joke but just slid out of the ile and almost ran the whole way to the bathroom. I didn't really need to use the bathroom, but I did feel like my heart was tearing apart, my insides were fighting to be thrown up, and I was almost ready to pull my hair out. I put my hands at the sides of a sink and gripped them tight as I slowly heightened my head to look at myself in the mirror. The first time in months, I finally saw what I looked like.

"No, Charlie, its like living with a zombie." I whispered as I took in my almost dead looking dark chestnut colored hair, and my chocolate brown eyes that were no longer happy, but void of emotion and almost seemed muddy and black in contrast to what they used to be.

"Are you alright?" I heard a voice say from behind me. I looked at them from the mirror only to see a small girl with a pixie cut and dark blue eyes. She could pass for Al..for her if only she was a bit shorter and had black hair instead of blond. I smiled trying to make it real, and to my shock it came out semi true, my eyes even gained some emotion.

"I'm fine now." I said and she nodded and headed to a stall. I just took one last look at myself and glared. "No more. I'm not going to hurt Charlie or my friends anymore. Its over." I then walked out and though I felt better, it was only pride, I still felt empty.