Like I never Existed

Chapter 9: Drive

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found

…

Forks, Hospital:

I was falling, It was dark all around and the silence was almost unbearable. I tried to open my eyes, but it was like I was blind, I was sure they were open but then my mind told me, no dear, there still closed.

"Bells...please wake up." A voice, so familiar, so very familiar. I moaned, I was trying, so hard. Why couldn't I wake up? Was I ok, were my babies ok, was my baby..was I still pregnant? I remembered going up the stairs on Halloween night, Jake had went to answer the phone and then pain...I think I tripped or...god I couldn't remember. I wanted to cry though, I felt like something was missing.

"Mama...." I heard a voice speak. This one was different, it was younger. So sweat...child like.

"Please Bell I can't do this on my own...Sarah and Mary needs you, Harrison needs you." Leah's voice this time, who was Harrison though? Sarah, my little Rose. Mary Alice my little Lamb. I clenched my fist, or tried too and then screamed as I tried to open my eyes. Slowly but surely a light started forming, I Almost thought I was dying again, what was the saying, don't go into the light? As the light brightened I saw and heard people around me. I saw Jacob looking like he had not slept in days, Sarah and Mary Alice were in his arms, smiling at me as I moved my head to look around. I was in a hospital this I could tell, I spent half my life in one after all.

Leah had tears in her eyes and a baby, with a darker skin tone and blue eyes, his hair was curly brown, just like mine.

"BELLA!" Jacob yelled as he rushed over to my side, giving he twins to Seth.

"wa.." I tried to speak but a breathing mask was covering my mouth, Jake smiled and looked to Leah,

"Can you get a doctor Lee?"Jacob asked using the nickname I had come up for the dark skinned girl. She nodded and turned the baby still in her arms. I smiled softly she looked so motherly with him, but who was he? He couldn't be mine, I was only three months at most four. I noticed that the baby was very very small, the smallest I had ever seen. Even Sarah and Mary were bigger and they were premature.

A nurse with black hair was who came in to remove the breathing mask and tube. She also gave me a glass of water. I smiled softly at her and looked at my family, I wondered absent mindlessly where dad and Sue where?

"What happened Jake?" I asked, my voice was raspy and I was shocked to say the least.

"You fell down the stairs, I couldn't get to you in time and you hit you head hard." Jake began and then looked down, his eyes tearing up. Leah looked just as sad only she was crying. I closed my eyes and put my hands over my stomach. I prayed, but I knew the answer to my unspoken or thought question.

"I lost him didn't I?" I asked my voice cracking with emotions.

Jake looked up at me and nodded. I chocked and nodded before bursting into tears. They were running down my face at a alarming rate, almost like I had not cried in months.

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry." Leah spoke as she situated the baby in her arms into another position. I calmed my sobbing and whipped my eyes, I had lost my baby, but I still had two very important babies that needed me.

"Where is Dad and Sue? How long have I been here?"I asked and Leah looked at Jake sadly and Jacob sighed. I grimaced, more bad news.

"You've been here for two months, its December 24th."Jake said and my eyes widened, Christmas. I been in a coma that long? I knew I had been in one for some time when he left me, but two months?

"Charlie?" I asked and I just knew this was not going to be happy.

"Charlie and mom where coming home from dinner in Seattle when a drunk driver ran into them. Charlie died instantly, shielding mom and the baby. The doctors were able to keep mom and the baby alive but she was basically brain dead. She was in a coma until it was safe enough to birth the baby, this is Harrison Swan he is five weeks old."Leah said and I let tears roll down my cheeks. So dad and Sue were both dead? I was really alone now.

I looked over at Jake and my daughters and smiled, no I wasn't alone. I held my arms out and Leah looked from me to Harrison and then hesitantly put him in my arms. I cooed, he was he cutest baby. His eyes were blue for the moment and his hair was curly and brown just like mine and dad's. I could see Sue in him though, it was in his skin, his smile, his eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a shape-shifter.

"Hello Harry, I am your aunt Bella."I said. Though he was my half brother I felt it more appropriate to have him call me Aunt Bella instead. Leah looked shocked and I giggled, she thought I'd want to raise him myself.

"I think Lee, that you'd be a better mother to him. besides I know you want a baby, both you and Paul."I said and she let a few tears roll down her dark skinned cheeks. Not many knew it but Leah was not able to have children, a accident as a child made the doctors have to remove her womb.

"You'll never know how...much I Appreciate this little sister."Leah said, as she tried to control her tears. I chuckled and shook my head.

"No I probably wont, not in the same way. But I think I get it." I spoke and I kissed Harry's forehead.

"Here Harry, go to mommy."I cooed and Seth laughed and Jacob smiled, but I could tell it was fake. I could see the resentment in his eyes, I had to remember that not only had I Lost my baby but he had as well. Leah came over almost skipping and took Harry from me.

"How did you know I called him Harry?"Leah asked and I laughed, tears were skill making there way down my face, but few and far between.

"I know you Lee, Harrison is a long form of Harry, and Harry was your father's name. I think it suits him." I said and she smiled, one of the widest and most beautiful smiles I had ever seen on my step sisters face.

I talked to my family, he only one's I had left for he next 20 minutes and reunited myself with the twins. I cried into their hairs, kissing them promising that I would always be there for them. The Doctor also came in, he told me that I had miscarried because of stress and something in my food, a chemical, possibly from the Halloween candy. I had been so shocked and hurt, but he also told me I wasn't the only victim, but it was impossible to find out who's house the candy came from.

The doctor couldn't be sure what the baby would have been, as it was only three months along so I decided to talk to Jake latter about getting him - as I had decided was the gender- a burial plot. After the talk and a talk of anti depressants the doctor left and I was left with my family. I smiled at Leah and Seth, and looking at Jacob I decided it was time to talk.

"Leah, Seth can you two take Sarah and Mary to lunch or the park. I need to talk to Jake."I asked and they nodded. Seth took Sarah and Mary Alice from my arms and left. I didn't know if Leah could take Harry home at this point, being as he was so premature.

"Why didn't you tell me about the baby, Bella?" Jake asked and I sighed. I looked at the white sheets and gripped them in my fist.

"I was a coward. I was so scared, we hadn't married yet and I was afraid you'd change your mind. I was also not made aware until a little over a month into my pregnancy. I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how." I was crying by the end as the full extent of wha my life was becoming hit me.

"Oh Bella. I'm so sorry, I don't blame you. Shit happens." Jacob said and held his fiance in his arms. He was sad that his child would never get to live, that he'd never get to hold him or her. He was angry that the baby was taken from them by some stranger who felt it funny to lace the Halloween candy with something that could harm a pregnant women. He was just so thankful Emily didn't eat candy, unless it was a store bought.

"Jacob?"I began as I calmed down, wiping my eyes with my hand. He looked at me with his brown eyes and I smiled softly.

"No more sex until the honeymoon. I just can't, take any chances. We were so careful before, condoms, birth control. I just can't handle that at the moment." I said and he smiled.

"Anything for you Bell."

….......................................Time Skip:

New Years eve:

"Bella can you change Isabella while I make her a bottle?" Emily asked as we bustled around her and Sam's kitchen. Emily had given birth to her baby, a girl, on December 19th, and had named her in honor of me. She had said she was so scared that I wouldn't make it and she and Sam had decided to name their daughter after me even if I did wake up. I smiled and nodded, taking Isa from her mother. The baby was gorgeous, dark skin, and black hair, her blue eyes were sure to turn brown or possibly hazel.

"Come on little Isa, lets go change that dirty dipper." I said, almost like I was talking to a toddler instead of a baby less then three weeks old.

"I think Mama has lost her mind Princess, Aly cat." Jake said as he held Mary Alice and Sarah on his lap. I turned to him and glared half heartily before proceeding to change Isabella's diaper.

I smiled while doing this, Jacob had his own little nicknames for my daughters, Princess was Sarah, and Aly Cat was Mary Alice. I found them almost too cute.

"There, all done. Lets go to mommy." I said and walked back into the kitchen to give Isa to Emily. The pack was in the kitchen, Leah and Sam were helping with the food preparations and Paul held Harry in his arms a huge grin on his face. Looking back into the living room I smiled it was time.

"Everyone, me and Jake have a announcement to make." I said and looked back to see Jake and the girls in his arms coming into the kitchen. Everyone stopped and looked at us confusing and curiosity shadowing their faces. I smiled and took Mary Alice from him and he wrapped a arm around my waist.

"We've decided to..move up the wedding date." Jake said and Emily smiled, the guys stood up and clapped Jake on the back and then I finished for him.

"We've decided to get married in February, Valentines day." I said and I was hugged by the girls, I made sure Mary Alice was ok, I didn't want her getting squished.

"That's great you too, now everyone get a seat, the food ready!" Emily said. Isa was in Sam s arms now and he excused himself to put her to bed. We all sat and started talking, as we ate I was only thinking of how everything would be ok after all.

A/N: Well that chapter 9. The next chapter wont be as long, it will most likly be from Edward's point of veiw. I'm sure you'd all like to see what the brooding Emo Vampire is doing?