Like I never existed

by Lily Desdemona Potter

After Edward left Bella never had much luck with life: her mother gets pregnant and dies in childbirth and her step father doesn't want anything to do with them. Charlie dies from a car crash in Seattle and Jacob imprinted and left her at the alter...

11. Chapter 11

Like I never Existed.

Chapter 11: Leave

It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Matchbox twenty – Leave.

BPOV:

February 11th 2009

"Come on Mary, you can do it." I cooed as I held my hands out for Mary who was holding on to the couch side. Christmas had past quickly, me and Jacob had also went about making a burial plot for our lost baby, we had both decided it was a boy though we had named it Blaise, a unisex name we had both liked. The Casket was just filled with small baby toys and a letter from both Jake and me. The pain was there, but having my babies here was healing me so much faster. Blaise was buried in between my parents, well Charlie and Sue that is. Most the town showed up, even Jess and Mike, Jess had her baby in the beginning of February, a baby boy who was named Mitchel, he was very cute. Angela had promised to come back for my wedding which was coming faster then I wanted. I loved Jacob, I really did, but I wasn't sure if he was the one. I didn't mean that I thought Edward was going to come back, because I knew I had to move on and that was what I was doing, but I wasn't sure Jake was the one I wanted to move on with. He was just so young, sure he was now 17 but, I was going to be 20 before long, It just seemed to soon.

Not to mention with what happened on Halloween, it was like a sign, don't proceed, disastrous actions lay ahead. I was shocked out of my thought by a hand on my cheek and I gasped, it was my blue eyed Mary Alice, on their first birthday I had noticed that while Mary's eyes remained blue, a baby blue, Sarah's eyes were now a chocolate brown just like mine. They looked so much like me as a babe it was amazing. I no longer corrected people when they thought they were biologically mine, they were the babies of my heart, they were mine.

"You did, Yay, Mary Alice, you did it." I said as I stood up with her in my arms. She giggled and smiled wide, showing small dimples, I wasn't aware of where she got them from, but for all I knew I had them as a baby too. I looked over to where Sarah was, she was clapping and her brown eyes were staring at me with baby happiness. Sitting on the ground I put Mary on the floor in front of me and beckoned Sarah to me, she stood shakily and then tottered over before falling into my lap. I laughed and hugged both girls to me, without them I wasn't sure where I would be. Fingering my pentagram necklace I smiled, I had one tattooed on my hip as well, so demons or spirits couldn't get inside my body, I had been surprised to learn they could and had been quick to set precautions. I even had little pentagram bracelets made for the twins, it got some odd looks from people but I didn't care what they thought.

"Knock, knock...is Mommy home?" I heard Emily say and I looked up to see not only her but Leah as well. They both had Isa and Harry with them. I smiled and got up, looking at the twins with a pointed look and said, "Stay here you two." then I walked around the couch and greeted them, with a kiss on the cheek and small hug. I also took Harry and Isa from their mothers and cradled them in one arm. I had experience holding babies like this from holding both the twins at once. It was easy after getting the hang of it, though both Leah and Emily almost had spasms when I did it. Being about three months old now the two babies still had blue eyes, though Isabella's looked darker each day. I figured Harry's would stay the same, just like Sues and Leah's.

"Hey Harry, Isabella, how are my two favorite niece and nephew?" I asked kissing each on the forehead. Emily laughed and Leah smiled amusement in her blue eyes. She and Paul where thinking of getting a Segregate mother, and though I was their first choice they knew after Blaise I was not ready for a pregnancy, I didn't know when I'd be able to handle that kind of news again, I did know I would always fear loosing it. As such they had found a lovely girl in Seattle, Megan who was even offering to do it again in the future if they ever wanted another child. I was happy for Leah and Paul, everyone was. They of course were going to wait until Harry's first birthday before doing anything, but they were in the process of becoming good friends with Megan.

"They are the only ones Bella." Emily said and I laughed and handed Harry back to Leah who gladly took him into her arms. I smiled as Harry reached up to play with his mother's hair and I ran a hand through Isa's growing black hair and then reached her back to Emily who was taring at something behind me. I turned and gasped, my eyes widening.

"Ooh...No, Mary!" I said and started for her, she was somehow standing on the ledge that was about three inches wide on the open widow, the problem was we were on the second floor, I had decided to come to a hotel until the wedding, the whole not seeing the bride until the wedding thing taken to the extreme. I figured I needed all the luck I could get.

"Mama...Birdy." Mary said pointing out the window and leaning forward, I felt my breath catch and I lept and caught her before she could fall any further, I clutched her to my chest and backed away from the window. Leah was instantly by my side and Emily who had sat Isa down beside Sarah who was staring with tear filled eyes, was shutting and locking the window.

"Don't...Ever...Do...That...Again!" I said kissing her head in between every word, clutching her to my chest and tears were falling from my eyes though I hardly noticed, they were silent.

"I told you to stay in the floor Ali, please don't scare mommy like that again." I said looking into her blue eyes. She looked sad and had tears in her eyes as well. She patted my cheek and kissed my cheek.

"I sowwy mommy." Mary Alice said and I laughed, chocking on my tears. I nodded and looked to Leah and Emily who were smiling sadly. Sarah crawled over to me and lifted her arms up.

"Up!" Was all she said and I bent down and lifted her up with strength that had come from months of training. I hugged them both and smiled at Leah and Emily. As long as I had my baby girls, I would survive.

-Time Skip: One hour latter.

A hour latter we all sat in my small kitchen, if it could be called a kitchen with a cup of coffee. I had spent 30 minutes consoling my daughters and then Emily had suggested a nap. I had made small cot's for Isabella and Harrison and we put them all to sleep for a little while. Almost like clock work Emily and Leah led my shaking body to the kitchen and Leah started making us coffee. I just sat starring at my small round table. How could I have been so stupid, I shouldn't have turned my back on them. They were only a year old, and Mary Alice was a very curious baby.

"Its ok Bell, it was a common mistake." Emily said as she rubbed small circles into the small of my back. I chuckled bitterly, common mistake, really?

"Common Mistake, Emily how many people leave a window open, and then turn their backs on a small child? I could have...oh god my baby could have been killed!" I said in hysterics. Leah came over and put a cup of black coffee in front of me and I looked up at her, and nodded, I couldn't speak, I felt like someone was shoving their fist down my throat.

"You'd be surprised, Bells, when I was little my aunt Sue, she left me on top the car, in my carrier, I was a year old. It was almost a hour latter when she realized she hadn't gotten me off, she thought she had killed me as I was in the hot sun, we were in California for vacation. I was fine though, sleeping away." Emily said and I looked at her with a small smile, but shook my head.

"That different Em, you were not on the edge of a two story drop. If she had fallen, I don't know what I would have done." I said and put my shaking hands around the coffee cup.

"It didn't though, you have a angel looking out for you, for them, I think we all do." Leah said and I smiled, I knew she was talking about our parents, and even Blaise. Leah wasn't a very religious person but she did believe in god and heaven, even hell and the devil. She once said only stupid people believe in God and don't believe in the devil as well. I agreed, you can't have good without Evil, they were one in the same in some cases.

Emily nodded, taking a drink of her own coffee and I sighed, trying to calm myself down. As I took a drink of mine Leah patted my back and said in a calm voice.

"Though if you want I can call Jake." She said and I hummed in the back of my throat as I swallowed in a hurry and shook my head. No, I didn't even want him to find out about this.

"No, definitely not. Besides I need all the luck I can get, and that means I can't see Jake until the wedding." I said and they laughed and nodded. I looked over at the clock and ran a hand through my long wavy locks of brown hair, which I had recently highlighted with caramel colored highlights, they seemed to blend in with the natural auburn red and lighter brown easily so they were hardly noticeable unless in the sun.

"Well, I guess we should get to that Dress magazine." I said almost shuddering. Emily and Leah clapped their hands and shared identical evil grins. They knew I detested shopping, even in a magazine.

-SCENE CHANGE: Seattle club, Ice Angel.

JPOV (JACOB: I am not great with him, cause I hate him, sigh.)

Hey, I'm feeling tired
My time, is gone today
You flirt with suicide
Sometimes, that's ok
Hear what others say
I'm here, standing hollow
Falling away from me
Falling away from me

Day, is here fading
That's when, I would say
I flirt with suicide
Sometimes kill the pain
I can always say
'It's gonna be better tomorrow'
Falling away from me
Falling away from me...

I never thought I would be more thankful for Paul's ability to get fake ID's, it wasn't like I looked 17, so when my ID said I was 23 they believed it. Moving my drink around I smiled, not at the song playing in the background because truthfully I liked music a little calmer then this, I wasn't even sure who this was but because a flash of wavy brown hair came into his view. At first I thought it was my beautiful Fiance, but then I frowned, no it wasn't her. Bella was adamant that it would be bad luck if I saw her before the wedding, I knew the saying but I was under the impression it didn't take affect until the day of the wedding.

"Hey man! This is great you should come dance." Embry said. I looked to my right and shook my head. Embry was wasted, my fault really, I should have been watching the guy, but it wasn't like it could kill him.

Beating me down
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground
Screaming some sound
Beating me, beating me
Down, down
Into the ground...

"Dude, get with it, buy a drink, have fun." He said slapping me on the back and I rolled my eyes. Yeah right, have fun, I was missing Bella already. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought we'd be like this, almost married, the beginning of the rest of our life. I cold hardly wait, not to mention it came with bragging rights, how many people could say they married a older women at 17. I smirked, yep that was a bonus.

Thinking back to when Bella that miscarriage he frowned a little. At the time he was very upset, though mostly because Bella hadn't told him sooner. Truthfully he wasn't sure what he would have done with the news. He wasn't ready for children, the twins were one thing but they were not his children, they were his fiance's kids. He would never tell Bella, but part of him felt relieved that she had lost the baby, though he did not want to think of what he would have done if she hadn't, knowing his word vomit he would have asked her to get a abortion.

I snorted, Bella would never do that. The bottom line was though, he had no intention of getting her pregnant for a long time, though that didn't mean anything about the sex, the sex was great, it was probably the second best thing of being with Bella.

(A/N: Yes I am destroying him, what a jackass teenager huh? I was hard for me to right though, especially the word..Abortion, it makes me shudder every time. On with the story. ^ ^)

(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round
(Falling away from me)
It's lost and can't be found
(Falling away from me)
It's spinning round and round
(Falling away from me)
So down...

"Dance, right man, I'll do that." I said and Embry nodded and went back to dancing. I took a long drink of my bear and smirked, my father would have a aneurysm if he knew where I was. Shaking my head I only half noticed the chair moving and then a girl sitting down. I didn't look at her, I was soon to be married, I would do that after, look but don't touch they say.

"You come here often?" I heard a very sweet voice come from my right. I kept looking into my drink and nodded.

"You don't talk much do ya, hey I'm Selena." I heard as a slightly tan hand came into few, though she was darker then Bella from what I could see she was still pale. I took it and looked up and to the side of me. The moment I did, everything changed. I was never more Happy then now that Embry was drunk or he would have felt it being so close to me.

Selena was young, no older the 22, maybe even younger. She had long wavy blonde hair and dark Ivory skin, but still pale and her eyes were wide almond shaped blue. She was all I could see and she was the most beautiful person, outshining Bella by a thousand stars. Looking at her I wondered what I was thinking, marrying Bella?

"You ok?" Selena asked, concern clearing on her face. I nodded and smiled, the biggest smile I could muster, which was pretty damn big considering I was all depressed before.

"Yeah, Sorry, I'm Jacob." I said and she smiled back. I didn't know it then but this was the turning point which would ether kill me or make me the happiest in life. One thing I did know was I had imprinted and either way, I was screwed.

-Scene Change: Two Day's latter.

BPOV:

February 13th 2008

The next two days after the incident with the window, I never let the twins out of my sight. I took them everywhere, even to my dress fitting. The dress I chose was beautiful, a mix of old fashion and modern. It was strapless, and unlike most dresses wasn't puffy or wide with multiple layers of skirts, it was silk and sheer, from the waist line down it was like a waterfall and it was thin and if you looked closely you could almost see threw it, almost. The skirt had a design of flowers, and on the back was a bigger version of the flowers, like a bow. My jewelry was all Blue topaz and diamonds, and my shoes were strapy crystal white pump sandals. I also had a diamond tiara headband and my make up would be simple a gold that blended with my eyes. Over all I was very happy with my dress.

The Bridesmaid dresses were also modern, knee length bubble dresses with no straps and was a topaz blue color, like ice and very bright. It was the closest to matching the Blue topazes in my jewelry. They also looked lovely on Emily and Leah and I also knew it would look great on Angela. Though Leah had decided to stay with me for the two days since the incident, along with Harry, Isa and Emily had gone back to Sam at their own Hotel room. I was ready to put that behind me now, me and Leah and passed my nerves by telling stories of what our parents did to us as children.

Turned out Leah's father had mistaken her for another baby at the park once, they didn't even have the same hair color, but since she was only a few months old it was hard to tell. It was almost three hours before Harry figured it out and this was only because Sue came home and instantly knew the baby wasn't Leah. In return I told her about the time Renee left me in front of my school for over two hours, forgetting that I was even there. Or the time Charlie had hook my arm with the hook of his fishing poll when trying to show me how it was done.

I was also worried about Jacob. The Pack had heard from him, but he was late to his fitting, and then when he did turn up he looked like he hadn't slept much. He also hadn't called me, he knew that I wasn't allowing us to see each other until our wedding but he usually called each day to check up. I hadn't heard from him since the morning before Mary Alice decided she wished to catch the bird. Shuddering I finished putting the lasagna together and then put it into the oven. As I put the pot holders back on the counter of the small hotel room kitchen I jumped as I heard glass shatter. I ran over to the desk and pulled out a small hand gun, which had bullets dipped in rock salt and dead mans blood.

"MOMMY!" I heard one of the Twins yell, and I gasped, the glass had come from their rooms. I took off like a bullet and as I busted into the room I held the gun level. The chance that it was Victoria was very high.

"Babies?" I asked and I saw them in the floor cuddled together. I turned in a full circle and gasped at what was hanging from the window. A wolf, but not any wolf, it was Embry. The thing was he was bleeding from the neck, a piece of paper hung from his neck and he had not phased back to human form which could only mean he was killed in wolf form. Lowering the gun I put my hand over my mouth and walked forward. I slowly reached out to get the paper.

Bella,

Take this as a warning, I'll be there to kill you, run as far as you can, it will never be far enough.

Sincerely hoping to kill you,

Victoria.

I dropped the note and back up, grabbing The twins up and exited the room with the twins. I just wondered how I was going to explain this to the Hotel.

-Time Change:

BPOV:

February 14th 2009

I almost didn't go through with the wedding. With Embry being killed, it being my fault, I just did not feel in the mood to celebrate something like this. I steel had not heard from Jake, but Sam assured me he was fine. Staring at my reflection I tried to be happy but I just couldn't muster up the excitement I had two days ago, or two months ago in fact. Victoria was back and she had not only targeted me, but she had killed a good friend, because of her a mother and father would never be able to bury a proper body. The Pack had been forced to cremate him, as once you died in wolf form, you stayed in wolf form. The Hotel had been told that I was having problems with a ex-boyfriend and that he had broken in and done it while she was out at the store. That I had found it when putting the twins to bed, it was sort of true.

"You ok Bell?" Leah asked as she put the finishing touches on her hair, it was half curled and in a up do, small curls falling into her face and her eyes were indeed more green then brown but they were also clouded in sadness. Was I, ok?

"Am I doing the wright thing? Embry just died, and here I am in white, getting married." I asked a tear threatening to fall. Emily sighed from her seat and Leah looked down, I saw a tear escape her blue eyes and she shook her head.

"I don't know Bella. I think Embry would want you to be happy though. So wipe those tears and lets go. It almost time for you to take that walk." Leah said and I nodded, smiling. It wasn't a true smile, one that reached my eyes but it was a smile none the less. My eyes also brightened but remained mostly green. As we went to the door, Emily smiled at me and they formed a line, holding a bonquit of Red and white roses, while they held blue roses and babies breath. The music started and my two best girlfriends walked down the isle ahead of me. As soon as they were done and little Claire was finished throwing the blue rose petals I began my walk, Billy was by my side, him being in a wheel chair was difficult but we pulled it off.

I smiled upon seeing Jake but for some reason he didn't look happy. He kept glancing at the guest. I noticed one girl, she was someone I had never seen before. She sat in the middle roll, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She seemed tall, and her skin looked flawless, was pale but not near as pale as mine, I'd call it a dark ivory. Her hair was in a ponytail and curly, a beautiful blond and her eyes were a bright baby blue. She was probably the most odd looking out of the guest, they all seemed exited while she looked like she was forcing herself not to jump up and shout. I looked back as I heard the priest ask who gave me to this man, and Billy spoke up and I was passed to Jake. His touch didn't console me any, it was cold, even though he was hot, temperature wise that is.

I zoned out during the priests speak and only heard him ask me if I took this man to be husband. I gulped, could I do it. I looked into Jake's eyes and closed mine, I needed to move on, even if a year down the road I ended up leaving Jake, I was not going to disappoint my friends, Billy who was so happy that I was going to be brought into the family. He had been heart broken about Blaise, more so then Jake had been. I think that was when my doubts began even if I was trying to deny them.

"I...I..." I never finished as Jake suddenly dropped my hands and back away.

"Don't Bella, don't finish that. I can't marry you." He said his eyes like solid onyx. It reminded me vaguely of when Edward left me. I flinched a sharp pain, was I being left again? Looking into his onyx eyes, I knew the answer. Yes, I was being left.

I vaguely heard the guest gasp and I saw the blond stand at rapt attention.

"I'm sorry Bella, but I don't love you. I thought I did, but then I met Lena. I imprinted." He said the last part low but I knew the shape-shifters in the church had heard him as I heard Leah growl. This was probably to much for her, her first love, Sam had imprinted on her cousin Emily, who until I came she couldn't be in the same room with let alone speak to with a civil tongue. I stared shocked, it hurt, oh hell it hurt, but not as much as I thought. I just stared blankly, finally he moved away and towards the blonde from earlier. He wrapped her in his arms and kissed her softly, and I felt tears leak from my eyes. I didn't understand why I was crying, betray maybe, or possibly the shock of being left...again. I collapsed onto the ground, my legs tucked under me as the chapel doors closed and Jake left me, just like him.

I only heard faint sounds around me, and saw blurs rushing towards me before I passed out completely.

A/N: Well here it is. I had a request that Bella be strong when this happened and I think I made her as strong as possible under the circumstances. I mean if all this happened before your wedding and then the guy you were going to marry left you for another girl at the alter you'd probably act similar...I didn't want her to see Jake leave her and be like, "So he left me, oh well hey Leah were are the twins I want to take them home." It just doesn't seem realistic.