Like I never Existed
Chapter 12: Bitter Taste
Just let me say one thing
I've had enough
You're selfish and sorry
You'll never learn
How to love
As your world disassembles
Better keep your head up
Your name,
Your face is
All you have left now
Betrayed, disgraced
You've been erased
So long, so long
I have erased you
So long, so long
I've wanted to waste you
So long, so long
I have erased you
I have escaped
The bitter taste of you
Just let me clear my head
I think I've had too much
You're so disappointing
But you make good use of it
Bitter Taste – Three days Grace!
BPOV:
February 17th 2009/ Karaoke night at a bar in Port Angelus.
" We love our tragedies.
When we're broken in our own little ways
We're broken and we fit together just right
You know I saw the black inside your eyes
I saw they were eclipsed, and by mine, they look just right.
When our lights meet, will you know me then?
And will you want to know it
It feels like I've known you for so long.
When our lights meet, will you love me then?
and will you ever know it.
It seems like you've known me for so long.
I couldn't believe I was doing this. Sure I had sang in front of people before, but the the twins, my dad, mom, my family, that was different. I hardly thought this was a good idea. Four days since Embry was killed, three days since Jacob left me for some Blond tart. Sure I had come to terms with the fact I never really loved Jake, I even told Leah this when she offered or more like threatened to find him and castrate him. I now understood why Jake wasn't as torn about our baby as he should have been, but that was something I wasn't going to dwell on. Leah had dragged me here to release some steam. I had no idea this was the place she meant, but I was happy we had come. Though I could have done without the karaoke.
I love your melodies.
We're both crazy in our own little ways
We talk about the future and our past lives.
I know loved you then.
I know you love you now.
I know I'll love you then.
I know I love you now.
But you can't have everything you want when you want it.
I will be everything you want, when you want it.
Perfect song, it was a bit like both my relationships, and ironically enough they both failed. One, the one I really loved didn't even want me, just liked to toy with me. The second was a rebound to put it in laymen terms, we had good times, at one point I could call Jake my sun, my best friend. Now all I could say was he was not worth my tears. I knew Sam had done the same thing to Leah, but even he wasn't as cold hearted about it. From what Leah had told me he had broken it gently to her, cooked her a dinner and told her after, it was probably not a good Idea in the long run as Leah had thought he wanted to propose, but in the end it was a better way then leaving her at the alter, even when they knew almost three days before that it wouldn't work. Then he had the nerve, the balls to invite the tart to their wedding, it was like he wished to gloat the fact that he was leaving her for some Blonde who while pretty and sweat looking probably would turn on him down the road.
She snorted mentally, he had imprinted, they'd probably be together forever...did it make her a bad person to wish them the worst?
Wait for me. Just for me.
Fall for me. Even when you don't know you fell from me.
Will you fall for it? If this comes around again.
Don't wait for me. And don't trust in me. Don't fall me.
Even when you know you're falling for me.
When our hearts meet, will we make it right.
Will we even notice that they are eclipsed?
The club all clapped as my song ended, it was a great song, by Evans blue...who was fast becoming my favorite band. Eclipsed..exactly how I felt. My heart felt Eclipsed, like some dark shadow had covered its warm glow and only cracked when around the Twins. I was only so glade that the twins were to young to ever remember Jake, I had no Intention of ever seeing his face again. Leah had to see Sam's everyday but with my help over the last year and the fact she imprinted on Paul and he on her, she could now put that behind her. I didn't think I could ever forgive something like that...though I did forgive Billy, he had comforted me, begged for forgiveness for what Jacob had done. I had told him that there was no need for it, he had tried to warn me that this could happen but I Didn't listen, because I had wanted to be wanted.
Billy had the Twins with him. I had decided that I couldn't live here anymore. To many memories. So I decided to sell the cottage by the cliffs, as I felt that with Jake being gone he had forfeited clam to it, I wouldn't have him and his whore living in the home meant for us. I was also selling my truck and Charlie's motorbike...something from his youth he had stored in Billy's garage. I was giving my currant home to Leah and Paul who needed to have a bigger house for when they expanded their family.
Emily had found me a amulet that could help me stay hidden from Victoria. Even with my knowledge being a Hunter and all, I was still only human. The amulet made sure no powers worked on me, and my scent was covered. I moved swiftly to sit down beside Leah, very happy that my clumsy tendencies had almost completely left me. Then again I still had bouts of klutz attacks.
"That was great Bell, I never knew you could sing so well." She said and I smiled.
"Yeah...neither did I. I figure while I settle in I'll work at some club, its better then what some resort to." I shuddered and so did she after making a disgusted face, she knew I meant stripping. It had been something I had to think about. I could only afford so much and I needed collage, if I was going to be able to care for my twins. In the end I had decided on waitressing or something of the sort.
"Agreed, did Billy mind how late we'd be out?" She asked. She herself had left Harry with Emily who was not up for going out. She had apologized but we understood and didn't hold it against her. I shook my head, poor Billy, he all but kicked Jake out and Sam and the Pack were not listening to him. Billy pretty much disowning him made him unable to take the Alpha spot from Sam, a relief for us all. Billy loved the twins like his own grandchildren, and as such loved spending time with them. It was one reason I didn't wish to leave, taking the Twins with me would leave Billy alone, but then again Rachel was supposed to be coming home soon again, she had been imprinted on by Jared over New Years.
"He was fine, I feel bad for leaving Forks though, he wont be able to see Sarah or Mary, he loves those girls." I said sipping my drink, a beer which Leah had bought for me. I was only 19 almost 20 but she was 21.
"He'll be fine, Rachel being back will cheer him up a lot." Leah said and I nodded before standing up.
"Lets go dance, to being single again." I said and she nodded at me chuckling.
"To you being single." She said and we moved onto the dance floor. We danced together, sometimes I'd feel some guy dance against me and the away. We danced until midnight before leaving for home.
Time Skip:::
February 21st 2009: Forks/LA Push boarder – Swan house
"We are gonna miss you Bella. Take care of yourself and the Twins." Emily said as she held Isa in her arms, I smiled and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. Sarah and Mary Alice were already in the car seats of my new car, a black BMW convertible, at the moment the hood was up.
"I will, take care of yourself as well, and I'll expect pictures of Isabella regularly, she'll be just as beautiful as her mommy I am sure." I said and she laughed and kissed my cheek before moving back so Leah could move in. She hugged me, almost squishing Harry against me. I smiled at my Brother turned nephew and kissed Leah's cheek.
"I'm going to miss you Lee." I said and she smiled.
"I'm going to miss you as well, When I see Jake again I'll be sure to kick him in the nuts for you." She said and I laughed while the Pack all smirked, Sam and Seth looked like they were imagining doing something to Jake, the last time they had that look on there face Jake ended up with pink hair.
"Here Here." Emily said from her spot beside Sam and everyone turned to look at the scarred beauty. She wasn't once for violence, but I guess this called for her more...violent streak which we all knew Emily Rose Uley was capable of.
"Do you have to go Bells?" Seth asked as she stalked forward his short shaggy back hair looking almost blue when the light hit it wright. I felt even worse as his eyes strayed to Sarah in the car window. He had imprinted on her some time ago, I had completely forgotten, as at this point what she needed was a friend, so that was what Seth was to her.
"I have too, I promise though. You are welcome to come visit any time you feel like it. I'll even come back to meet all of you, in Seattle that is, I don't think I'll be able to return to La Push or Forks for a while, to soon." I said and he grinned before hugging me.
"I'll expect you to write every week Bella, you where always like a daughter to me, remember that." Billy said and I smiled and leaned down to hug the old man. Getting into my car I pulled out, waving out the window as I drove off, out of Washington.
-Time Skip
3 days latter: Cambridge Massachusetts
It took a while to arrive here, but I was happy to be here. I chose Harvard because it was where my dad's father went to collage before becoming a Collage Professor, yep that was write not all Swan men where police officers, actually besides Charlie's brother who died on duty and his Uncle he was the only other law enforcer in the family. The rest were professors or doctors sometimes dentist, actually my great grandmother Francesca was a Archeologist. I was going to study Education, having nothing else to do besides care for the twins and pay for bills and daycare I was going to be a over achiever. In the end I'd be able to teach any grade I wished and Freshmen English and History.
The money I had to pay to go to Harvard though, 25.65 billion was a hell of a lot of money, thanks to my father and grandmother though I had over half of this payed, I had paid 13 billion already so I needed to make 12.62 billion. It wouldn't be easy but in the end it would be worth it. I liked Cambridge though, it was not to sunny but not to rainy, no threat of running into a Cullen or other Vampire.
"What do you think girls?" I asked even though they couldn't give me a very big answer. Being only a year old. Sarah looked at it with wide eyes and Mary Alice looked at me and giggled, clapping her hands. The house wasn't big, it was a white, had two stories, and three bedrooms and a medium sized kitchen and two bathrooms along with a rather moderate sized living room. The yard made up for the small size though.
It was only a hour drive from the collage which suited my purposes perfect, I was also going to start working at a club soon, bartender and on some nights I'd preform with a local band. Most of the songs would be covers but I would get a extra hundred if they were originally songs. So all in all I'd get two hundred for preforming, tips from the customers, and a salary of 15 dollars per hour on the bar. I felt it was a good deal, I I agreed to it. The other band members would get a hundred fifty a piece, I almost felt bad but I had children and Collage I needed the money more.
"I'm glade you like it, now lets go settle in." I said and I carried them inside were the play pen was already in the living room. Slowly I carried every box into its rightful room and then came the furniture..with the last of my money I had bought all new pieces, a black leather living room set, and a new TV. The rest was being moved in the moving truck brought by the Pack, they should be here within the next day.
After getting the girls' cloths unpacked I made dinner, and fed the twins some applesauce and mashed potato's, before giving them a bath and setting them down in my bed, which wasn't a bed but a big pile of comforters and sheets. I couldn't wait until the furniture arrived was the last thought before we all fell into sleep.