Like I Never Existed Book II
Chapter 2: Missing
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Missing by Evanescence
1 ½ years latter
APOV:
March 20th 2011,
It had been nearly four full years since we made the worst mistake in our immortal lives. We had abandoned the girl who snuck her way into our cold dead hearts and molded herself into our everyday lives, every one missed her. It was apparent in our mannerisms, even Rosalie was effected no matter how much she tried to deny it. Rosalie had the most human memories out of all of us, she knew almost everything about her life from the ages of 17 to 18, and her parents names and the fact she had two dotting brothers, but Rosalie had always wanted a sister to bond with. She had seen the chance with Bella, but Rosalie was stubborn, just like Bella, she'd rather die before admit the doe eyed human got to her.
I didn't think anyone realized this until after we had left Forks. Edward had wallowed in some attic in South America or something for six months, possibly longer before we could get him home but even after he returned nothing went back to normal. My visions were out of sink but it didn't matter because Edward had forbid me from looking into Bella's future. This didn't mean I did not get snippets every now and then, as blurry as they were, but they had all but stopped a year and half ago. I hadn't seen anything since 2009, well actual it would have been Halloween of 2008? Don't ever say a vampire can not forget, because even we do not have perfect memories.
I couldn't help but wounder if Bella was ok? If maybe Edward had been right, I didn't have memories of my human life or know if I missed anything from then. I had woken as a vampire and that moment was like the first breath of a newborn baby for me. I couldn't tell you if I liked chocolate, or vanilla, or if I liked my hair long or short. If I preferred to be called Mary or Alice, or the simple fact of if I wanted children and a family one day. I could assume I did, but knowing myself, I didn't think I would have. I had been in that Asylum for years, with no hope of being released from what we found so why would my human self think of such things as marriage and babies. I did know that if I was given the chance to have one with Jasper...then I would happily take it, but I find no use putting myself through suffering for something I can't have, unlike Rose who seems to like the reminder that she is unable to bare children.
I had decided to keep silent about the fact I hadn't been getting visions of Bella, it wasn't like I was allowed to look anyway. I would rather avoid a fight with Edward. I had been silent for most fights that broke out. Rosalie and Edward being the ones to cause the most fights, then Emmett would come to Rose's rescue causing a bigger fight.
"What are you thinking so hard about darlin'?" A honey voice whispered into my ear. I smiled as I felt Jasper's strong scarred arms wound around my small waist. I continued to look out my large window leaning my head back against his chest, or close enough to his chest, it was actually closer to his abdomen then his chest because of my small height.
"It's nothing." I said.
"Don't give me that bull, you never go this far into thought unless its something serious." Jasper replied. I sighed, I had forgotten how observant my husband was. Closing my golden eyes I sighed, breathing in unneeded breath and turned in his arms so I was facing him, but like always I had to look up to stare into his matching eyes. I wondered briefly what his eyes would have looked like as a human?
"I was wondering if things would have been different if we had never left Forks, or Bella." I said. I made sure to keep my voice low, I had become very good at keeping Edward out of my thoughts so I now had to make sure he wouldn't hear me.
Jasper's face became pained and he stroked my face before kissing me softly.
"It would have been, it would have been what should have been, but we can not change the past. We also can't force Edward to do what he doesn't want, we are a family, and we can't leave him because we have to keep him from doing something stupid. Bella has her parents, and friends, maybe someday soon Edward will pull his head out of his ass and we will find her and be a real family. If she takes him back is another thing all together, personally I wouldn't." Jasper answered. I smiled and chuckled.
"I don't blame you, I'd rather tare him apart and hide some of the pieces." Jasper chuckled and smiled before hugging me. We fit together like broken pieces, our love and hearts being our glue which held us together.
"I love you, Ali." Jasper whispered.
"I love you too, Jazzy." I answered back.
BPOV
March 27th 2011,
It had been about a week since I met Dean on campus. He had shown up at the club almost every day since our heart to heart. He was a very considerate man, handsome and he made me laugh. The Twins also seemed to like the older man, Sarah had even begun playing with his beautiful blond hair as he read them a book on the living room floor. I had never seen my girls take to someone so quickly and since the day he had met the twins they had been hooked on the man's attention. I couldn't deny that I myself liked the blonds attention. His southern accent was all it took for my heart to melt and I found myself blushing for the first time in almost three years. Not even Jacob had been able to get these reactions out of me.
I had seen Dr. Yule again after he had shown up at Dean's apartment on the 25th. It had been the first time I had seen Dean's place of residence and I was not surprised to find it organized and tidy. Dean was very disciplined and responsible but this could be from a strong household or his time in the military. Dr. Yule had been shocked to see me again, but also very happy. We had all sat down and talked for hours before I had to leave and pick up the twins from Marissa's - the teenaged babysitter who lived three doors down.
"Mommy, is Mr. Whitlock coming back?"Sarah asked. I smiled, and nodded my head as I washed the last of the dishes, drawn out of my thoughts. Mary Alice looked up from coloring upon hearing the man's name.
"Really! When Mama?" She asked. I sighed, I had to get ready soon if I was going to make it to the coffee date with Dean. It wasn't a official date but I had seen all the signals, I was hoping he had read mine.
"Today dear, but not until latter. Now you've both got to come with me so we can get you to Stacy's house. You like her, the black haired girl who watched you last night." I said as I dried the last dish. I turned and walked to the table, helping Mary Alice clean the crayons up. She handed me the last crayon, a golden colored one which I tried not to pay much attention to before hopping down and putting her coloring book into a small purple backpack for toddlers. I smiled and put her crayons in as well before zipping it up for her. Sarah had one on a well, a pink one but hers was already ready to go and zipped.
"You two ready?"I asked.
"Sir, yes, Sir!" I laughed and guided them out the front door. Held there small hands as we walked a few blocks down the road to a brick house, only six houses down from our own. I rang the door bell and as I waited I looked at the twins with a stern face.
"You two behave for Stacy, if I hear you were terrorizing the babysitter again I'll take bubble privileges away for a week."They both gasped. Bubbles were very important to them when it was bath time. I had learned a good punishment or threat was to say I'd take away bubbles from their bath water and they usually, usually, did as told. They had recently gotten off punishment the other day so they were fast to nod. As they did, their little pigtails flying up and down the door opened and Stacy looked at me smiling. Her hair was pitch black and eyes were almost as dark, darker brown then mine had ever been, but still very beautiful.
"Hi Ms. Swan! Sarah, Alice!" She greeted. I almost winced as she said Mary's name, the girl could not stand anyone but me calling her Mary or Mary Alice, to anyone else she was simply Alice. She lived up to that name as well, god forbid you take her to a shopping mall, much less utter the word 'shopping' in her presence.
"Thank you for doing this Stacy. I know you have other things you'd rather do."I said. The twins took this as a single to run into the house and onto the couch.
"No worries, I hadn't planed anything today anyways. Have fun on your date Ms. Swan." I smiled, and nodded.
"Thank you, have fun girls! Godspeed."I muttered to her, she chuckled. It was a little joke between friends, all the babysitters knew it. I had several quit because of what 'hellions' Sarah and Mary were. Stacy never complained unlike others. Getting back to the house I quickly showered and dressed in a attractive little black puff hem dress with spaghetti straps. It hugged my curves just right. A pair of black leather/lace pumps – the heels were a good five inches if not more but I had confidence I wouldn't trip after two years of practice - and I applied a light covering of make-up. Soft brown/gold eyeshadow brought out the brown in my brown/green eyes and a bit of lip gloss. My shoulder length hair was parted at the side, and slightly wavy. To finish my look I put in my white topaz medieval cross earrings and slipped on a blue topaz ring matching a necklace which lay against my chest. Looking in the mirror I knew Alice would approve if she was here, I also realized that three years ago I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit, it was amazing what so little time could do to a person. Walking down the stairs I grabbed my black coach clutch purse in black and a long tan/brown womens trench coat before exiting the house. I got into my car and drove to the cafe in town where I would await Dean.
-TIME SKIP
Twenty minutes latter -
I didn't have to wait for long after arriving. He sat down across from me as I decided to take off my trench coat. I was very amused and happy to see his eyes roam over my body as I did so.
"How are you, sorry if I'm late." Dean said as he looked over the menu. I had already looked over mine and decided on the bake-zitti and iced tea.
"I'm fine, and you aren't late. I've only been here five minutes at the most." I said as we ordered and handed the menus in. Dean smiled, it was a smile I was growing to really like when directed at me.
"How are Sarah and Alice?"Dean asked. I smiled, Mary Alice was getting everyone used to calling her Alice, a start for when they started school I figured. I was just glad Mary Alice didn't look anything like..Alice Cullen, otherwise I'd be hard pressed to call her anything but Mary.
"They are fine, growing like weeds. You? I heard Dr. Yule left back to Phoenix yesterday." I thanked the waiter as they sat our food in front of us, it was always fast serves here and it was very much appreciated. Dean laughed as he picked up his fork, he had ordered the shrimp pasta. We sat and ate, making small talk as we did. We discussed school and what we planed to do after, I was unsure, but I did plan to stay in Cambridge for some years to come. Eventually I'd make a living as a teacher, something I'd enjoy doing. It would not pay the greatest salary but I didn't want my girls spoiled either, we'd make do just fine.
After we ate we simply sat and talked, he told me of his home life, something we had briefly touch on before hand. He had five sisters - though he had only one living sister, the others had died at birth from birth complications and one uncle. Dr. Yule was his Mother, Kathrine's, brother. His father, Jasper - ironic as that was - had been a only child.
Smiling I laughed, I hadn't been this happy since...well since I had begun dating Jacob but even then I was never this happy. My happiness with Jacob had bee forced and faked, something I had only realized after our relationship was over.
"I can't believe that, you really lost to your sister?" I asked. Dean nodded, a small blush making its way up his cheeks, though he'd deny it if asked.
"In front of every kid on the block we lived. I probably should have known better, Crystal was always a bit of a tomboy." Dean laughed. I smiled, and took a sip of my coffee – having already ate the small slice of chocolate cake. I had been weary about agreeing to this, it was not exactly classified as a date but even a idiot could tell that was what he meant and even if part of me was screaming to agree to the date aspect of it, the other part was screaming at me to run before I got hurt.
"Sounds nice, if I don't count Sarah and Mary then I've never really had a sibling. My half brother, Harry, lives with my step-sister as her son. She isn't able to carry her own children, but they do have a set of twins thanks to a nice surrogate mother. I would have volunteered but I had just lost my own child and had the twins to care for, I wasn't ready to be pregnant again even if it wasn't my baby." I said, my eyes locked firmly on the dark liquid in the cup.
"It sounds like you've had a rough time. I'm sorry you've had to go through so much, but from what I've seen your a great mother." Dean replied smiling and I looked up at him, my green eyes locking with his ice blue. I felt warm inside, almost like I was glowing.
"Thank you, it means a lot. Does Crystal still live in Houston?" I asked after a moment. He laughed and shook his head.
"No, Crystal hated the sun in Texas, Phoenix was worse for her so once she was 18 she high tailed it to Alaska. She loves it there, she lives in Anchorage with her husband, Teddy. They had three children – James, Anne, and Katherine." He finished. I smiled, she sounded like a nice girl, the opposite of me concerning the sun and all. Looking at the watch on my wrist, its diamond encrusted face, a gift from Leah and Emily on my last birthday.
"That's lovely, do you want to go to my house? Its just it's getting late and I need to get Sarah and Mary from Stacy's house." I said after looking up. Dean nodded and pulled out two tens and few ones before throwing them down on the table. He was a gentlemen, and had always insisted he pay for the meals we ate together, even if I was stubborn the first time or two and left a five on the table as well. It was simply seen a tip by the waitress or waiter. Getting up we pushed our chairs in and left. I got into my Black BMW, the same one I had when I left Forks almost two years ago. He got into a Black Mercedes and followed me home. It would have been humorous thinking of it, because of the saying, dogs will follow you home or something similar.
"I'll run and get the girls, its the red brick house wright?"Dean asked as we both pulled into my drive way. I nodded and locked the car door smiling as I watched him jog over to Stacy's house for the girls. I quickly went into the house, leaving the door open, yet the screen door closed. I hung my purse up beside the coat stand and laughed as two little balls of hyperactive energy collided with my knees, almost knocking me off my feet.
"Mommy! Mommy! Stacy got us birthday presents."They both cried in unison. They let go after a moment, their little blond heads looking up at me. I raised a eyebrow, their birthdays had been in January, but then again we had only known Stacy for a week or two.
"Your birthdays were last most though." They both smiled and held up dolls. Sarah held a beautiful Victorian doll, with brown curls, and dark eyes. She was of course dressed in the Victorian style and looked to be about 18 inches tall. I could tell it had to cost a pretty penny. Mary's was almost the same as her sisters, though instead 18 inches it seemed to be a bit taller, 22 inches, and its dress was a little less puffier, possible set a few years ahead of Sarah's doll, and her hair was golden blond. They were both gorgeous dolls and seemed to cost a lot. I smiled, I knew Stacy would be able to handle the twins, unlike others who had quit after the first week or day as some had. She knew her girls had tempers and stubborn streaks but she didn't think they were that bad.
"She said they were late birthday gifts, because she missed ours."Sarah answered.
"Well, that was nice of her. Why don't you to go play with them in your rooms." I suggested and they nodded and ran off. Dean smiled after watching the girls run up the stairs.
"I was wright, you are a great mother. Do they know they are adopted?" He asked. I sighed and motioned for him to follow me into the living room. We both took a seat beside each other on the couch and I folded my hands into my lap.
"No, I don't want to tell them until they start school. So around six or five. I want them to know I still love them, and I don't think they'd understand at them moment." I replied.
"Sounds reasonable. I think you'll know when the time is wright."I smiled at him, he really was a lot like Jasper, at least from what I could recall. Out of all the Cullens, Jasper was the one I knew the lest about, but I was almost positive Dean and Jasper had to be related somehow.
"Thank you."I said, reaching out to take one of his larger hands into mine. I blushed at the contact, and looked up into his eyes, which were closer then I expected. He was inches away from my face and as we breathed in a out, I could smell his breath, it was sweet, cold, and like mint, I just hoped mine didn't smell horrible. We inched closer and finally I felt his lips on mine. It was like fireworks, the best kiss I had had in year, in that moment I lost what self restraint I had and lurched forward, throwing my arms around his neck and deepening the kiss. Dean wasn't resisting, but helping me along by kissing me deeper, and pulling me into his lap.
"We..have to...stop," I had to force out between kissing. "No, seriously the girls could come down any moment." I said as I pulled back and caught my breath. Dean nodded, ran a hand through his hair and smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, I don't know what came over me." He said.
"It's ok, I liked it." Dean smiled back at me and kissed me softly before taking my hand.
"I know this may be too soon, but, will you be my girlfriend Isabella?" He asked. I chuckled, and smiled, nodding. At that moment the Cullens were the furthest thing from my mind as I pulled him into another kiss.
-April 5th 2011:
"Happy 27th birthday Dean!"We all called as he blew out the candles the twins insisted he have on his cake. He was smiling as he did just that, I couldn't help but wonder what his wish was. We had decided on a small party, Stacy was here, along with the twins and his sister Crystal and her husband and kids. They were each adorable. Crystal looked exactly as I imagined her to being Dean's sister, yet something else about her appearance made me think of Alice – Cullen. She was petite, only 5'1 and her hair was dark brown, not blond like Deans or Black like their mothers - or so Dean had said. It was long and curly and her eyes were the same blue as Dean's yet she reminded me so much of my once best friend. I shook it off though, it could simply be a coincidence.
Crystal's husband, Teddy was a tall man, built like a swimmer. He had a head full of curly black hair and startling hazel eyes. He also had adorable dimples, and a goofy grin, a reminder of Emmett, yet he looked the complete opposite. Crystal was two years older then Dean and Teddy was her age. Their kids, James, Anne, and Katherine were all adorable. James was the oldest at seven. He looked like his father, with ink black curly hair yet his eyes were the striking blue of his mother. He seemed very protective of his younger sisters and in return my girls who had befriended his sisters.
Anne was the middle child at five. She had long ringlets of golden blond curls that fell to her shoulders and her fathers hazel eyes. While she did take after her mother, it was in her facial shape and mouth, the rest was simply her father down to the dimples. Katherine was the youngest at Three, though unlike my girls she was turning four in May. Kat as she preferred was a sweet girl, with long wavy/curly black hair and her mothers blue eyes. If it was not for the fact each child looked like his or her mother and father you'd never guess they were related to Anne who had her uncles blond curls. While the men all wore simple things, such as jeans and a t-shirt, or dress shirt as was James' case, us females had all dressed to impress in a way.
Crystal was dressed in a simple white peasant summer dress that fell a few inches above her knees. White basic ballet pumps covered her feet and the only jewelry she wore was her wedding rings and a heart shaped locket. Anne and Katherine both had on white tank dresses, Anne's dress was embroidered with red flowers and Kat's had a embroidered flower and butterfly on its right side. They looked very cute in their dresses and slip on shoes in red and silver. Sarah and Mary Alice also wore coordinating outfits, only in different colors. Sarah had on a animal print purple tank top and a lighter purple knit tulle skirt and little purple jelly sandals. Mary Alice had on the exact same thing except in pink.
I was dressed in a tiny bow front dress that fell to just above my knees, a pair a sling back green pumps and a emerald crescent moon pendent and emerald green claddagh ring which Dean had gotten me after dating for two weeks.
"Thanks guys." Dean laughed. We all smiled and me and Crystal set about getting pieces of cake for the girls and James. As they all went to the sit in the floor and eat their cake, Crystal and Teddy took a seat and I followed their example.
"So, Bella Dean tells us so much about you! I'm sorry we didn't get to properly meet each other before but with the kids, I'm sure you understand." Crystal began, handing Teddy a piece of cake. I smiled, I had been waiting to get to know her as well.
"Its fine, Dean tells me you beat him up when you where kids, in front of the whole block. I congratulate you." I said laughing. Crystal nodded, breaking into laughter. Dean rolled his eyes and took a bite of cake while Teddy tried to keep from laughing his cheeks full of cake.
"Yes, he never lived that down. What about you? He never really told us much about your childhood?"Crystal asked.
"Not much to tell. My mother and I lived in Phoenix since I was eight. I was a only child until...well my mother died giving birth to the twins,"I began lowering my voice so the twins would not hear.
"I adopted them myself, as her new husband didn't want anything to do with them. My dad remarried not long after and I gained a step-sister and step-brother. My step-mother got pregnant and died with my father in a car crash, though they were able to save my brother. Harrison was named by my step-sister and her husband. I was recovering from a miscarriage at the time, Leah my sister, couldn't have her own children so I let her keep him like she wanted. It was for the best." I finished, a tear leaking down my face as I did.
Crystals eyes were wide and her hand was over mouth. After a moment she leaped forward and hugged me.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." She mutters.
"It's ok, you'd have known sooner or latter." She smiled and then leaned back and put a piece of cake on the plate and handed it to me.
"Chocolate is the cure of many things; broken hearts, tears, sadness, cramps..the list is never ending. The only thing it can't cure is weight gain." Crystal laughed and I joined her as I accepted the cake.
A/N: Well here it is, i would like to point out that i had to go back and edit some of the chapters, starting at eight because of the fucked up dates. I messed up, it is really 2011, and it has been almost four years since Edward left. I hope you all enjoyed this trip down Dean's character and his family.