Disclaimer: I don't own Sisters Grimm or Wicked.
Popularity…Overrated!
I rushed to the beds and sat down. Fern was looking at me and I could feel her gaze through the dark.
"He loves you…too, too much. And I can't do a damn thing about it. But I still have until curtain call. I know what he's going to do and I can't let it happen" she whispered. I was shocked and suddenly the lights came on and I couldn't say anything back.
FERN:
(Spoken) Your very first party ever!
SABRINA:
(Spoken) Well…do funerals count?
FERN:
(Spoken) I know.
Let's tell each other something nobody else knows! (She was in hysterics…hysterically happy. But I wasn't worried about her. What was happening at curtain call that she knew about?)
Fiyero and I are going to get married! (Over my dead body. She squealed loudly)
SABRINA:
(Spoken) What? He's asked you already?
FERN:
(Spoken) He doesn't know yet
Now…you tell me a secret!
SABRINA:
(Spoken) Like what?
FERN:
(Spoken) Like why you sleep with this
Funny little green bottle under your pillow (None of your business!)
SABRINA:
(Spoken) Give that back!
It was my mother's! (I shouted this loudly because this bottle actually was my mother's. She never drank anything from it but it was the only thing she had left of Oz and she had wanted it after founding out that he was a bastard who put her in a coma for two years and helped steal her baby. She forgave Red easily though…maybe because she was crazy before)
That's all!
FERN:
(Spoken) It's not fair…
I told you a really good one
SABRINA:
(Spoken) My father hates me…(Fern gasped and I waved my hand)
What? That…that's not the secret.
The secret is…he has a good reason
It's my fault…
FERN:
(Spoken) What…what is? (It's my fault that I let Daphne go on that hobgoblin chase and the fact that she felt into the river with me. It's my fault that she turned into a witch. It's my fault that it's almost impossible for her to have a life with a mortal husband. It's my fault that she was deprived of a childhood because of my idiotic mistakes!)
SABRINA:
(Spoken) My sister is…the way she is… (I looked at Fern and she seemed to understand that I wasn't necessarily talking about the play at this point in time)
You see…when our mother was carrying Nessa
My father began to worry that they new baby
Might come out…
BOTH:
(Spoken) Green (This part is the probably the only thing that probably didn't pertain to my life)
SABRINA:
(Spoken) And he was so worried that
He made our mother chew milk flowers, day and night
Only it made Nessa come too soon, her little legs all tangled
And our mother…never woke up (My mother did wake up but after she gave birth. I wonder if you feel pain while you're in an enchanted sleep while in labor…I might ask her after the show)
None of this would have ever had happened…
If not for me…
FERN:
(Spoken) But…that was the milk flowers fault, not yours
That may be your secret Elphaba but it doesn't make it true
Oh, look it's tomorrow! (How is that possible? Isn't that a paradox? I think I'm thinking too much…maybe I should just focus on my lines. Anyway she was sitting on my bed now)
And Elphie…is it alright if I call you Elphie?
SABRINA:
(Spoken) Well…it's a little perky (A little? I wonder how the real Elphaba could stand being called that. I do enjoy being called Fae however)
FERN:
(Spoken) And you can call me…Galinda… (Oh God…she is so ridiculous sometimes. Sometimes I feel as if she really is Galinda and I really am Elphaba and Puck really is Fiyero. He certainly acts like it…)
You see Elphie, now that we're friends I've
Decided to make you my new project
SABRINA:
(spoken) Oh you really don't have to do that…
FERN:
(Spoken) I know…(She began this sweetly but I knew what was coming next)
That what makes me so nice…
(sung) Whenever I see someone
Less fortunate than I
(And let's face it - who isn't
Less fortunate than I?) (Fern looked at me and then nodded to the audience. People were laughing. Okay it wasn't that funny. People at the school showing laughed as well. I guess it was kind of funny because well…everyone is less fortunate than Galinda at this point. She has the boy, the money, the popularity. Until I come and get that bad kind of popularity. At least I still get the boy!)
My tender heart
Tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case (She took off my glasses and folded them up. I took them from her and I sighed)
Tho' it's the toughest case I've yet to face (That's a big insult. Though, Elphaba is the toughest case. I mean, really! I'm freaking green! How can you make that hot? I mean sexy is achievable because green skin is exotic. But hot is a totally different story)
Don't worry - I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be:
Popular!
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair (She took out my braid and had it flowing over my shoulders)
Everything that really counts
To be popular
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports (Ah hell no! I bet the only sport Sugar Plum Fairy over there knows is ballet. And hell if that's a sport! It's dancing. It makes you graceful…NOT athletic!)
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis (That's insulting. She was sitting behind me now and leaned up, tilting her head)
Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a
Sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to popular -
I know about popular (She made this extremely weird sound as she said popular as if she were dragging out the word)
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary who-you-were: well are:
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-
Ler: lar: (She started flouncing around like a crazy ballerina on crack. I knew someone had spiked her sugar plums!)
Oh forget it (speaking)
La la la la (She looked completely crazy and I was starting to shake with suppressed gasps of laughter. She looked ridiculous and just too funny to hate. I didn't know that could ever happen!)
We're gonna make
You popular
When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf (She started putting lip gloss on me. I was getting disturbed now. She was Glinda…it was creepy. Someone wasn't exactly controlling her since she liked to do things like that. How do you think Belinda became popular?)
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge? (Okay now I fell terrified.
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular! Please -
It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!
SABRINA
(speaking)This is never going to work
FERN
(speaking)Ooh, oh, oh, oh.
You whole life is going to change and all because of me.
Okay let me show you how to toss your hair.
(Then she did that stupid hair flipping thing again! She started to toss her hair but she looked like she was having an attack! The tiniest giggle escaped from my lips that I hope no one noticed.)
FERN(spoken)
You just flip
You just flip (She flicked her head to the side and her blonde hair flipped to the side)
Or you can use your hand
Flick it with your hand (She did just that and didn't look that bad…I think. I wanted to throw up though. In the next scene I'd have to make a fool of myself in front of Puck. I looked out and in the front row saw the representatives. I focused back on my lines.)
Or…well…use your whole body if you want (She started swinging herself down and swinging her head)
Whoa! (She flipped over and I had to catch her and drag her back onto the edge of the bed. I feared that her head would pop off)
Don't do that one!
I will now transform your simple frock to a beautiful ball gown (She picked up this wand and did a ludicrous swishing thing)
Ball gown.
Ball gown. (Nothing happened…this is depressing. An Everafter and she couldn't focus her magic. But there was actually a source of magic in her that I had never noticed. It was similar to my magic but it wasn't as large of a supply. It was the exact amount of…Glinda's.)
Is this thing on? (She hit it against the bed. Ah…she's too funny!)
Mine's broken great.
SABRINA (spoken)
Do you want me to try?
FERN (spoken)
I got it, I got it (She threw the wand and people started to laugh again. God shut up…I want to laugh myself!)
Just wear the frock it's pretty
Now for the finishing touch (She pinned a pink flower from her hair into mine. It looked good the perfect green shade of skin)
Yup…pink goes good with green
Why Miss Elphaba look at you
You're beautiful. (She handed me the mirror and I looked. I looked pretty decent and then I laughed…slightly nasally. I could never imagine myself as beautiful.)
SABRINA
(spoken) I - I have to go: (I ran off the side of the stage and looked on)
FERN
(spoken) You're welcome!
(sung) And though you protest
Your disinterest (She knew that I as Elphaba I appreciated it)
I know clandestinely
You're gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
La la la la
You'll be popular -
Just not as quite as popular
As me! (This made me want to hit her but it was hilarious. It was self-centered yet in some way…good)
And then…the transition music that sounded strangely like Popular came on.