Erza Scarlet...
She was even more beautiful than I remembered. And wary. And volatile. And perfect. As soon as I saw her, I thought my tongue withered and died, a desiccated thing between my desert lips. But then I opened my mouth and spat out her name and it was like digging a blade into my skin. The pain was bittersweet. I still feel raw all over—the way her eyes tore me open... And her sword… I didn't expect that, but I'm glad there was some fight to her. I thought maybe she'd try to cut me open right there. Maybe she would have, if Ginny wasn't watching.
I want to see her again. The way she looked at me... She hates me. But she cares enough to hate. So maybe a part of her loves me too. I can't wait until it's an unbearable thing.
She wears earrings now—I think to offset her armour. Without them, I don't think she feels feminine or pretty. What a delicate center she has. Maybe I will tell her how beautiful she is and she'll believe me. Maybe I'll do it when I return what I stole—those earrings... they mean something to her—the metal is scratched and pitted, like she's worn them every day for the last ten years. Who gave them to her?
It doesn't matter, not really. The only thing I care about is the way she'll smile and thank me. The way she'll say my false name—maybe she'll stammer and blush. Maybe she'll wring her hands and catch her breath. I would hate this ruse if I didn't know she thought of the real me
Every. Single. Time.
she saw the man I pretend to be.
Erza Scarlet…
One day, you're going to kiss me and it's going to taste like poison. One day, you're going to kiss me and it's going to taste like sin. One day, you're going to kiss me and it's going to taste like everything we've ever wanted. It's going to hurt so much, we're both going to wish we could bleed instead. Maybe it'll hurt so much we both will wish we could die.
But even though it will hurt, it will also be the most amazing thing I do.
Or—
Almost.
You take second place only to true freedom.
Alone, Erza sat upon a bench seat in the back of Fairy Tail and ate a large slice of cake while she tried to outrun the ghosts of her past. It was a failed attempt. Every time she blinked, she saw Siegrain. Jellal. Both. And sleeping the night before had been impossible. She kept remembering the way he touched her hair, gently, reverently, as if they knew each other far better than they could.
Has anyone ever told you...
What she wanted to say was 'Yes. Your brother.' Jellal had said she had the most beautiful scarlet hair. She still recalled the way her heart expanded that day. The way her body flushed. The way she felt like she was glowing. Like she was untouchable and beautiful, and, even though she was nothing better than a slave, she felt like she mattered. Sometimes, when she remembered Jellal, she went back to that day. That was the day she fell in love with him.
Instead of telling Siegrain that story, she said nothing, and slunk away like a coward, even though she longed to go back to him and ask him as many questions as she could about Jellal. What was he like as a free, untainted child? Where was he now—still at the Tower of Heaven? When was the last time they'd seen each other?
Did he ever talk about her?
Is he in love with someone now? Someone that wasn't her?
She'd been too afraid. The only solace she had was that, if he was to be believed, Siegrain didn't have any answers for her.
To get away from her circular thoughts, Erza pushed her hair back from her face, then crammed an overstuffed forkful of cake into her mouth. That particular piece brimmed with blue icing that tried to creep out of her lips. She struggled to swallow it all down. Mira's cakes were too good to waste, especially when she was feeling down on herself.
A commotion over by the bar had her pausing mid-chew. At first she wanted to dismiss the rising voices, thinking maybe Natsu and Gray were getting into it again—but then she heard something that made her heart stall.
"M-master Siegrain." Master Makarov's voice was creaky and unsure. "What brings you to my humble guild?"
Nope, Erza thought. Nope, nope, nope.
He's not here. Not only can't he be, why would he be? A man of his status didn't have much to do with individual guilds.
You misheard.
Only…
Her eyes flicked over to the bar without her permission and she saw that she was wrong. Siegrain was in fact standing in the center of Fairy Tail, looking both regal and out of place. Seeing him stole her breath away. She could only think, Jellal. It was all she could do to smother the false sense of love-festered-hate and eagerness that bloomed in her heart. He's not his brother. And he's not here for you. No matter how much she hoped…
"I'm looking for a mage. Erza Scarlet." Siegrain's voice was like honey over coals, sweet, and hot, and achingly painful. Erza's skin felt like it was peeling back.
He's looking for you. Say something. But she was scared, her tongue thick and unresponsive. If I say nothing at all, I won't have to see him anymore. I won't have to look into his face every time…
And then she would never see him again.
That made her lungs contract.
He's not Jellal.
She bit her cheek hard.
"Erza? What has she done now?" Makarov asked warily.
Siegrain didn't reply, because he saw her at that moment. Without further explanation, he left her guild mates behind and crossed the room. Only when he was directly in front of her did he stop. "Miss Scarlet. May I sit?"
Erza looked up at him through thick lashes and, instead of freezing and staring, she tried to think of a polite way to say no. There was none. With some effort, she swallowed her cake and waved him down in front of her.
"What can I do for you, Master—"
"Just Siegrain." He gave her a smile that was just for her. Jellal's smile. Fucking pretender, she thought bitterly, but couldn't make the accusation stick. The man before her seemed as genuine as any. "I found something outside of the magic council office that I think belongs to you," Siegrain explained when she just looked at him. "I recognized it from our meeting and thought perhaps I should return it."
From his pocket he produced a square of tissue paper. When he opened it, her earring presented itself, metal twisted and broken. Reaching out cautiously, Erza took it from his hand. Grampa Rob had given it to her so long ago and now… it was ruined. Unconsciously, she touched the earring still in her earlobe. Sadness washed over her. It was different when she just thought it was lost—lost things could be found, but this...
Gently, Siegrain said, "I see it was important to you. I know an excellent jeweler in town. They're busy, but I'm sure if I ask I can get it repaired, and at a discount price."
Erza blinked unwelcomed tears from her eyes and cleared her throat. "It's fine—"
"It's not," he countered. "Please, Erza. Let me do this."
"That—that would be kind of you," Erza said finally.
"Not at all." Siegrain smiled at her, a gentle thing that tugged at all of the right strings in her heart. He said, "That isn't the only reason I came this afternoon. I was wondering, would you accompany me to the Master's Ball in two days' time."
"A—a ball?" Erza asked numbly.
"It's a pompous and formal occasion, and normally I wouldn't even bother going myself, but I would like to showcase your easy success at returning my pin to the other council members," he said quickly. Awkwardly. Endearingly.
Erza's palms turned sweaty. Go with Jellal—
Siegrain, she corrected, to a ball. She lifted her eyes and studied his familiar face. It broke her heart and stitched it back together. Turned her inside out. Yanked at old scabs, made her gasp for breath, made her want to lean in and—
I don't think I can, she thought. I can't look at him without seeing Jellal.
But...
She wanted to.
It's just for your job, she thought. It's okay. Except it wasn't, and she knew that. Every time she looked at him, she saw Jellal. This is poison. Don't do this to yourself.
"It would mean a great deal to me if you came," Siegrain said. "The other council members gave me a lot of flak for allowing my pin to be stolen. I told them I'd hire the best mage in Fiore and have it back within the week, and yet you had it back to me the next day. Exceptional." His beaming praise went straight to her heart. "Please, help me brag and save face."
Erza felt her mouth trying to pull into a smile. She quashed it like an annoying bug and loathed herself. He's not the same. He's not the same—
"And," Siegrain continued when he saw her hesitance, "It will be good publicity for Fairy Tail as well."
From the bar, Master Makarov made a strangled peep. Erza didn't need to look over to see that he listened eagerly. She felt her cheeks burn and hated him in that moment. Just to end the conversation, she said, "Very well. To promote the guild." Liar. You want to stare at him some more and pretend. But he didn't know that.
The smile he gave her was beatific, if not tempered. "Excellent. I'll send a carriage around six in two days' time. To Fairy Hills?"
"Yes," Erza said. "Thank you."
"I look forward to it." He pushed himself up from the bench but didn't leave. He leaned in. Erza froze, wondering what came next. His thumb brushed over her lip. When he pulled away, his skin was stained with blue. "You just had some icing."
Erza felt her face get hot, hot, hot.
Siegrain smiled. "Good bye, Miss Scarlet." And then he was leaving, expensive shoes snapping over the guild's scuffed and beer-soaked floorboards. The door opened and the outside took him away. Even after she'd lost sight of him, Erza stared. Her heart beat too hard. So hard that it hurt. So hard—
A lithe figure filled her line of sight. "Who was that, Erza?" Mirajane's voice was full of curiosity.
Erza had a hard time organizing her thoughts.
"Master Siegrain, of the ten wizard saints." Makarov padded over. "I don't think I have to tell you how important a function like this could be, Erza. I expect you to be your finest self. Make my guild look good." He beamed. Then got serious. "And don't wreck anything."
Just thinking about accompanying Siegrain made her want to shrink back and revoke her earlier agreement. You can't go with Jellal's twin brother. You can't.
Why not?
It's just... Just bragging, really, it doesn't mean anything. It's fine. Siegrain isn't Jellal.
She wanted to believe it so badly that she did. Erza made herself breathe deeply. "Yes, Master."
He puffed out his cheeks, mustache bristling, and gave her a severe look. "Can you do that?"
His disbelief in her abilities would have rattled her on a different day, but Erza just said, "It's Natsu that wrecks everything."
No one dared to correct her.
Erza's skin was softer than Jellal remembered, her lip like silk. When he'd touched her, he wanted to linger, maybe kiss her, maybe pinch her jaw until she sobbed in pain. Both. He wanted to pull her hair and crush his mouth to hers. He wanted to tear off her armour and get to the soft skin inside. He wanted to bully her against the wall and show her that he could make her absolutely defenseless.
Not yet.
She hasn't hurt nearly enough yet. They were just getting started.
He wanted to keep touching her, but he had realized that not only did he linger, raising her suspicion, but people were staring. He held in his mind the way she shook. For me. Erza… You're going to be easy to break apart. That made him sorry—he would have taken pleasure in a greater challenge.
It was hard to turn away from her after that, but he somehow managed.
Soon I won't turn away. Soon she'd ask him to stay.
Jellal popped his thumb into his mouth and licked away the icing. It tasted sweet, and just a little like Erza's mouth. He savored every last moment of it and looked forward to the time when he'd taste her lips on his tongue.
Soon.
In the meantime, he held himself over by recounting the pained look on her face when he presented her with the earring he'd stolen and then broken in a fit of rage. The way he felt about her obvious suffering was unexpectedly complicated. While he'd snapped the metal in half, he thought that Erza deserved it for running away and living her life. She deserved it for leaving him behind in the Tower of Heaven. But when he was sitting across from her and saw the blatant hurt he'd caused… there was a seed of guilt that tried to get some sunlight to grow. He did what he could to keep it in the shade, remembering instead how her voice shook around his false name.
One day, she'd be screaming it.
The whole next day, Erza waffled back and forth. Three times she'd picked up her communication lacrima, intent upon calling Siegrain and canceling. Three times she'd put it down again. She couldn't stop thinking about it. About him. About Jellal.
This isn't healthy. Just cancel.
That way she wouldn't have to see his brother when she looked at him. That way she could just move on.
Don't fight. You know you're going to go. Because she couldn't help it. Looking at Siegrain was painful, like looking into her past and tearing up every single wound she had—even ones she'd forgotten about—but she couldn't seem to stay away.
Later that day, a package came to her room at Fairy Hills. It was in a neat black box, tied with a prim, perfect bow of the deepest crimson.
A note was attached to the top.
–Wear this,
Siegrain.
Erza tugged with clumsy fingers, dreading the moment she revealed what was inside. The bow came loose, falling to the wayside. Gingerly, she lifted the box lid. A bright, scarlet coloured piece of fabric waited inside. Resting on top was a teardrop shaped earring and necklace set made of the darkest onyx she'd ever seen.