Hey! Thanks for being so great and allowing me to update so sporadically! It's so wonderful!

Sunday was a day full of reflections. Alexia, Austyn, and I camped out in the corner of the common room and dissected last night. We were beside one of the windows below the Black Lake and a flash of brightly colored gills passed by every ten or so minutes. The merfolk must've been feeling playful today or something.

"Okay, bear with me, but it kind of sounds like he's a nervous virgin or something. Maybe you blew things out of proportion or something…? Please don't shout at me, it's just a suggestion," Alexia said timidly.

The thought had crept into my mind a few times, but I refused to believe it. If it was true, I was a mega-bitch to the poor kid and he didn't deserve it. He told me he had a crush on me and then I went crazy. Merlin's beard, I was a total bitch.

"You're right, I'm a bitch. I have to go apologize to him and make this right," I sighed, standing up and slipping my shoes on. "I'll be back later, I have to go make amends."

Sev Potter was nothing if not a creature of habit. I found him easily in his corner of the library with Scorpius and Rose sitting with him. They were talking in hushed whispers until Rose saw me and immediately fell silent. Oh, they were very obviously talking about me. That's good, that's great.

I cleared my throat and the other two turned around to look at me. Sev's face was a carefully constructed mask of disinterest and it made my insides twist painfully. I totally deserved it, but that didn't mean I had to like it.

"We're going to go…somewhere that isn't here," Rose announced, grabbing Scorpius' wrist and yanking him away from the table.

The two of them were probably waiting somewhere else in the library for me to leave so they could pounce on Sev. That's what Alexia and Austyn would've done if the roles were reversed. I just assumed his best friends were the same as mine.

"Hi," I said lamely. "Can I sit?"

He gestured to the seat Rose just abandoned. I sat down and tapped my fingers awkwardly on the table-top. This was almost painful, it was my fault and I didn't know how to fix things.

"So, it's a possibility that I blew things out of proportion last night…" I finally spoke, avoiding his eyes. "I'm really trying, I just don't know what to do. I'm not good with people or romance or relationships or romantic relationships with people."

"You should've stayed and let me explain myself instead of running away like that. It wasn't very nice," he told me, studying the wood of the desk under his hands. "I made myself really vulnerable and regret it."

Ouch, that was painful.

"I'm so sorry, I understand if you don't ever want to talk to me again. I just didn't want you to think I was still angry or hated you or whatever," I sighed, bridging my fingers and staring at the chipping burgundy nail polish on them.

"You have a gift, you know? You're so good at making people fall at your feet," he told me, suddenly angry. "You're manipulating me right now and you're not even aware of it."

"I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just don't want you to be angry with me anymore," I replied, pushing down the immediate pulse of anger that his words caused. "I came here to make my piece and I tried my best. I can't do anything else so I'm just going to go. You can do whatever you want, the ball's in your court."

I pushed up from the table and smiled tightly at him before turning on my heel. I left the library in a huff, my arms crossed over my chest. I was almost to the Slytherin common room when I heard rapid footsteps approaching me from behind.

"Can we just forget that this ever happened? I really like you and want to be around you, I'm sorry last night spiraled so out of control and I made you upset just now," Sev told me in a rush, his hand clutching mine.

I took his face in my hands and stood on my tiptoes to look him straight in the eyes. "You're such a dork!"

Before he could argue with me like I knew he would, I pressed our mouths together for the first time. My eyes were closed, but I knew his were wide open in shock. Slowly, he held my waist in his hands and clumsily kissed me back. Finally, after more than a couple failed trials, our mouths moved together in sync.

When we pulled away, both of us were breathless with our eyelids fluttering open simultaneously. His pupils were dilated when he reached up to rub his thumb over my cheekbone. He seemed at a loss for words as he just gazed at me in adoration.

"Wow."

I laughed and laid my head against his shoulder, biting my bottom lip. His hands were still resting on my waist and making my heat beat like crazy. Sev Potter being undone was one of my favorite things, I'm sure I've already said that before, but it was worth repeating.

Instead of saying that, I pushed my fingers into his hair. As soon as I touched it, whatever spell was holding it in place vanished and it flared into place. The curls were wild like at breakfast yesterday and it made me smile.

"I love your hair, it's so crazy," I told him quietly. "It's the only thing about you that isn't perfect all the time."

I pulled back to look at his face and saw his cheeks dusting pink along with the tips of his ears. "I'm not perfect, Ana."

"Why do you call me that?" I asked, still messing with his hair.

"Morgana Eleanor, everyone calls you Ella, but I wanted a nickname of my own," he told me, his cheeks turning even redder. "Can we just forget I'm a total stalker and made up your own nickname in my head just in case we actually became friends?"

This time I laughed out loud, holding his face in my hands. "You're literally the cutest boy in the entire world."

"You kissed him? Multiple times? In the hallway?" Austyn shrieked after I came back to the dorm.

"Yes, yes, and yes," I answered, ticking off the questions on my fingers as I went.

"Merlin's beard, Ella! How was it? Is he a good kisser?" Alexia asked, rushing over to my bed and grasping my hands in hers.

"It was so sweet and awkward, then it was really, really good!" I told them, fiddling with my septum ring as I talked. "I think I really like him, it's kind of scary and exhilarating at the same time."

"Is this the first guy you've ever had serious feelings for?" Austyn asked, twisting my hair around her finger.

"Is it bad if I say yes even though I had sex with Brynn?" I asked nervously, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Now that you're with Sev, do you regret giving your virginity to B?" Alexia asked delicately.

"Not at all, I'm just afraid it's going to be a problem with Sev when he finds out what actually happened. I think he knows I'm not a virgin, but it's going to be bad when I tell him it was with one of my best friends with no strings attached only for him to get attached and develop feelings for me," I sighed, flopping backward onto my bed dramatically.

"I honestly don't think he's going to care as long as you explain everything to him. You don't think virginity is a legitimate thing and you just wanted to do it with someone you cared about to get it over with," Alexia soothed. "Don't make it all up in your head, you have a tendency to do that sometimes –like last night."

She was right, I had a tendency to make things worse than they were out of fear. "Yeah, I know you're right. Speaking of that, I need to go find Brynn and make things right between us. He is one of my best friends and I don't want this to ruin us."

"You know he's out on the Pitch, it's where he goes to work off stress," Austyn told us. "He was pretty torn up yesterday when you shot him down."

"I didn't shoot him down! I just told him I didn't feel for him what he felt for me," I argued. "I thought he always knew there weren't any feelings between us."

I put on my jacket and headed out to the Pitch. Just like Austyn said, I could just make out Brynn flying up in the clouds on his broom. He wasn't playing as much as he was just flying quickly and tossing Quaffles at the hoops. By the sixth hit, I was on the grass waiting for him to notice me and come down where I was.

"Hi, stranger," I said timidly, waving at him dorkily.

"What's up?" he asked, pushing his hair back and holding it there with his goggles.

There was an awkward tinge around us as we stood in silence. "I hate this! We had sex, but that doesn't mean it has to change us. I love you, but I'm not in love with you and I'm sorry if I made you think I was."

"No, you never did. I just kind of hoped you'd fall in love with me if we spent enough time together," he explained to me. "You're just so cool and gorgeous and laidback, it's impossible to not be in love with you."

He was the second person to tell me that, but I still didn't see it. I was just a kid with more daddy, trust, and commitment issues than anyone ever needed. I was no prize, I still didn't understand why I was so sought after honestly.

"I understand that you need space from me to figure out what our relationship is," I told him, beating around the bush not really an option now. "I just wanted to see if you were okay and things were okay between us, but I guess that was stupid and naïve of me."

"We're okay, El. Don't worry about anything, I'm happy you're happy with Sev," he told me, no menace in his voice at all. "I just want you to be happy."

Damnit, he actually was in love with me. If he wanted my happiness over everything, that was the biggest hint to it. I sighed and hugged him, feeling him tense under me before patting my back awkwardly.

"Too soon?" I asked, against his shoulder.

He laughed jerkily and replied, "Maybe just a little."

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