Feeling the knife's weight in my pocket and looking into her dark eyes, I know—

If….

If I wanted….

I could do something drastic. I would.

I am capable.

It scares me. And yet, I love the freedom it grants me.

Erza Scarlet… you're mine in a way you can't even fathom.

Erza's heart throbbed against her ribs as she moved up the path. The wind kept catching her hair and twisting it around her neck like a noose. I should have done it up. I still can. She knew she wouldn't.

Because he likes it down.

She bit her tongue hard and reprimanded herself. Jellal liked her hair down. Siegrain… Gods, what am I doing here? Still, her feet moved, trekking over the slushy ground. The wind kicked up again and grabbed the hem of her skirt. Erza caught it and pulled it down, determined not to flash him her panties and make their meeting any more awkward. Her eyes fell to the rose clutched in his hand and her heart fluttered again. Really? You're getting excited over a damn rose? Idiot. Lamest move in the book. But it wasn't very often that she got called out to an indoor garden and had a rose cut fresh for her. Like… not ever. She ground her teeth together to keep at bay a rush of giddiness. You don't even know if it's for you.

Neither one of them spoke until they were only feet apart, and then it was Siegrain that broke the silence. "I suppose you skipped the package and got my note, because you're here and not off enjoying it." He smirked at some private joke.

His voice rolled over her skin like warm honey, deep and mostly familiar. "I told you not to send me anything."

"I couldn't help it."

"What was in it?"

His cheeks actually went red. "That… ah." He laughed.

"What?" Erza asked. What could be so bad to make him blush?

"I think if you're curious, you'll have to see for yourself." His smile was almost boyish, all teeth and sheepishness.

Erza's heart panged. Suddenly, she wished she'd opened the package, she was just dying to know what was in it.

No, no, no, she thought a moment later. "Siegrain…"

"Yes?" He held out the rose to her.

Erza was reaching for it before she really knew what she was doing. Stop. She didn't. The stem was thorny; it poked her so hard that a bead of red welled to the surface. It hurt enough that she hissed and pinched the area.

He flashed her his own torn palm. "They're sharp."

Erza expected 'be careful' to follow that, but it didn't. Siegrain just grabbed her hand and held it up high so he could look at her finger. There was a moment when Erza thought he was actually going to pop it into his mouth and suck away the blood, then he blinked and his expression eased from one of morbid curiosity to mild concern. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," she said after a second of silence. What would you have done? Tell him he was strange? Let him lick away the blood? She didn't know, though she knew what the answer should have been. Clearing her throat, she pulled her hand away from him and rubbed it on her coat. The wound was already congealing.

"Come inside." He nodded to the glass building bursting with life just over his shoulder.

Erza hesitated. "I shouldn't…"

He was already turning from her and opening the door. From inside, warm, flower-fragrant air rushed out. Against her better judgement, Erza entered after him. The mat on the ground was soaked with melted snow, but as far as she could tell, there were no other people inside the building. There wasn't even a concierge to take their payment.

"Shouldn't there be someone here?"

Siegrain closed the door firmly; Erza watched his hand hover over the lock as he said to the door, "It's just us."

"Just us?" she repeated. "But everyone loves the indoor gardens, it should be full—"

He turned back to her. "I rented the building."

That took a second to settle in, but when it did, Erza spat, "The whole thing?"

He gave her a smile that threw her back into the Tower of Heaven. For an instant, she wasn't looking at Siegrain (are you ever looking at him?). "But—" She trailed off.

Siegrain took advantage of her astonishment, stepping in close to her side and placing his hand on her lower back to guide her over the damp cement floor to a closet for their coats. "Jacket?"

"Um…" She looked up into his familiar face and considered telling him no. Running away was also a valid option in her mind. Stop it. You should talk to him and then… and then just tell him that you can't do this. She told herself that the reason why she hadn't already spat it out was because it would be incredibly rude, especially after he'd asked her there and given her a rose…

Right. That's why.

To avoid her scathing thoughts, she leaned away from him and started working on the buttons of her coat. Her fingers felt fat and clumsy, slow. Siegrain watched her almost greedily. Erza felt indecent rolling the garment off her shoulders and revealing the light blue sweater she'd agonized over. His fingers brushed hers as he took her jacket away and lingered.

"Blue looks lovely on you."

"Thank you," Erza replied.

"But black looks better."

She smoothed the black folds of her skirt and wished that she could adjust her wardrobe and not look like a fool. She hated herself for that whole damn thought.

Siegrain put his hand into his jacket and transferred a knife into his pants pocket. "In case we want to cut more flowers," he said in response to her curious look.

Erza felt her cheeks heat for some stupid reason. "Alright." She watched Siegrain remove his own jacket. Beneath, he wore a high collared long-sleeved T-shirt that was both somehow plain and elegant.

"You're bleeding again." Siegrain turned back around and took Erza's hands in his. From there, he forced her to loosen her hold on the rose.

"I keep forgetting about the thorns." She wouldn't tomorrow-her fingers were going to ache. His resounding smile was roguish. Erza tried to steer the conversation into a safe place. "Your note said that you had something for me," As she spoke, she tried to meet his eyes squarely in an effort to not be shy. It was a little easier because he wore Jellal's face. Or maybe that made it harder-the eyes that were the exact same, the tattoo, the mouth that was so damn familiar, curling in the wickedest way in that very moment. Erza knew that she'd been caught studying him. She almost didn't care. She kept looking and Siegrain closed the closet and leaned against the door.

"We'll get to that. Let me show you the gardens."

Erza fingered the rose's sharp thorn and felt it dig in again. This time, she didn't hiss and she was slower to pull away; the pain helped keep her head clear when it wanted to swim with ridiculous thoughts. Her mouth wasn't as smart. "Alright." Alright, really?

He stood straight and held out his arm for her to take. Erza allowed herself that torture. His skin was warm through his shirt. She stepped into his side and felt the blood roar in her ears. It felt good to be near him. It felt awful. She tried to ignore both sensations and let him lead her out of the entryway and into the actual gardens.

The room opened wide, revealing floor to ceiling plants. Some were green, most were topped with vibrant flower heads, but all of them were lively. Below was a path of intricate stonework, granite and marble and glass-covered magnetite all mixed together to create something unique. Above was the clear glass ceiling that caught the sunlight and encouraged it to trickle down on the faces of many different flowers. To Erza's left and to her right were immense gardens overflowing with a myriad of species, all of which were bright and cheerful. Bees and the occasional butterfly lifted from pistils and took to the air, buzzing around them as they walked. It was a totally different world in here, sheltered from the winter cold.

It's nice to be warm again, Erza thought. And it was nice being amongst all the life. For a breath, she let herself imagine she could be happy. That this could be her life.

As she walked and fantasized, she waited for Siegrain to fill the silence. He seemed satisfied to watch her from the corner of his eye. She felt his gaze drift over her form and she knew where he was looking. She wasn't even mad.

The pathway bent around a mountain of purple peonies and revealed an ocean of red. The roses smelled pungently sweet. Erza breathed in deeply and out again and again and allowed herself to be brought to a wrought iron bench in front of the rose garden. Only then did Siegrain release her.

"Sit."

It was a command she couldn't disobey. Her legs felt like jelly on the way down, like she was weak and exhausted, like she'd walked miles and miles, not less than half of the indoor gardens.

Siegrain sat next to her, one leg tucked beneath him, his body turned so he was facing her. "You know," he said, "There isn't a flower in here more beautiful than you. But… the roses come close."

Erza flushed, unsure of how to accept the compliment.

Siegrain's smile had lost its cutting edge and now it was shy. "Thank you for coming."

Erza wrung her hands together as if she were a nervous child, not an adult with a half-decent brain in her head, not an S-class mage and one of the strongest wizards in Fairy Tail. This should stop now, before it can't.

"You look good in red," he continued and skimmed his finger over the petals of Erza's rose. Erza's heart beat so fast she thought it'd crawl right out of her chest. Siegrain pulled away from her so he could go rooting through his pockets. He came out a second later with a small box in hand. "This is partially why I wanted to see you." Opening the box revealed her earring. It had been repaired, then cleaned and polished, so it looked so much brighter than the other one. Without waiting for permission, he leaned in and brushed her hair back from her shoulder. Erza told herself to push him off and put it in herself, but she felt sewn in place. Carefully, he slipped the earring through the hole, pushing it until it dangled out of her earlobe once more. His fingers lingered, trailing down her neck and giving her goose bumps.

Erza shivered and was ashamed when she couldn't hide it. You have to stop this now. "Siegrain…" She forced his name out. "I only came to tell you that—" Saying what came next kind of felt like tearing her insides apart, but… "I can't see you anymore."

He looked startled, then his face smoothed into casualness. "No?"

"No," Erza said as firmly as she could.

Siegrain took his hand away from her throat and put it in his pocket. "How long did you practice that speech?"

Erza flushed and said honestly, "All the way over here. No… since you asked me to that ball."

"You've been thinking of a way to turn me down for days?" He didn't say it like he was heartbroken or devastated. He said it like a man not believing a single word she said. Erza hated him and herself for her lacking conviction.

"I can't—"

"You're a liar, Erza Scarlet."

"What?"

"If you didn't want to see me, you would have told me no when I asked you out—"

"Master wanted me to—"

He spoke over her. "You are a strong and capable woman. You do what you want, what you feel is right. Or are you going to tell me differently?"

"Master Siegrain—" Erza's voice warbled and Siegrain's eyes got sharp.

"Are you?"

When she faltered, she scowled; it felt like the only defense she had left.

"I didn't think so. My question to you, Erza, is why can't you just accept that you're curious about me?"

He was too close. Erza didn't even remember him leaning into her. She couldn't lean away, though, paralyzed when he went back to touching her hair. It was knotted by the outside wind, but he didn't seem to care, his fingers worked through it steadily. "You're so beautiful, Erza."

No one had ever looked at her like that before, hungry and desperate. Erza's lungs felt tiny. "Siegrain…"

"I said I wouldn't kiss you." His voice dropped so it was just barely a rough whisper. "But I want to. Do you think it makes me a bad man to do it anyway?"

He was close enough that his breath broke across her lips, warm and rich with coffee. Erza's eyes dropped to his mouth; dark stubble was just starting on his cheeks. He'd shaved the day before, but not that morning. Will it be rough?Her heart fluttered, her stomach tumbled, her hands shook and her breath seized and the rational Erza rioted. She took a backseat while this new Erza leaned in and met his mouth.

At first, Siegrain didn't kiss her back. Erza almost pulled away, ashamed, and then last moment, he moved his mouth against hers, to kiss her achingly slow and gruelingly soft.

Erza didn't know if she would have kept going. She was torn, half wanting to cry, half wanting to use Siegrain as a means to pour out her frustration. That's not fair. She wasn't much interested in fairness.

Hands found her wrists and squeezed them tight. it was then Erza realized that she'd grabbed his jacket and used it to pull him in close. Embarrassment cut through her irrationality, bringing her crashing back to herself. She pulled away slowly; her mouth was throbbing.

"I'm—sorry, Master—" She cleared her throat. "I mean, Siegrain. I don't—"

Siegrain kept his eyes closed for a breath and when he opened them again, it was to say, "I told you that you would be the one to kiss me."

Erza startled. "I didn't mean—"

He cut her off. "Come out with me tomorrow night."

She caught her breath. "What?"

"Please."

"I—I can't, Siegrain." Erza wanted to thrust her hands through her hair and pull it, but she still hadn't let go of his jacket.

"Yes, you can. I work, but come by the council building at five. Please."

Erza licked her lips, tasting him there.Gods. I'm really going to… "O—okay."

Siegrain ran his fingers through her hair and didn't slow when he pulled on the knots. Erza didn't even flinch; she was too busy staring at him wondering, what the hell have I done?

Exactly what she wanted to do.

"I only rented the building for an hour." Siegrain glanced at the clock on the wall. "We should get going, but…"

"But?"

Siegrain leaned in again and caught her mouth and kissed her until his lips felt bruised and their hour was up and they absolutely had to leave.

Erza thought he was a breath of life. And he was a knife.