She looks at 'Siegrain' and sees the man she wishes I were. She looks at Siegrain and sees what she wants to see. I look at Erza and be the man she wants me to be.

No.

No, that's not true.

I…

I don't know what I do. I get lost.

I want to tell her. I want her to know that the man she kisses is the one she's been dreaming of. I want to see her pretty mouth open in shock, her beautiful eyes shine with fresh tears. I want her to hurt because I hope it'll make it better. I want to hurt her because it feels like that's the only way I'll ever be free.

And when it comes time, I'll be sure to tell her that I didn't bring her to ruination because I had to—surely there were easier ways to bring Zeref back—but because I wanted to. I wonder if by then she'll love me too much to hate me. I wonder if she already does.

Outside of the council building, the sun was dropping low on the horizon, setting alight a thin layer of clouds, painting the world in pink and gold and the brightest red. The wind, which had been blowing snow about for the majority of the day, died back, so it only made Erza's cheeks cold, not chapped. Regardless of how the weather treated her skin, her body burned, all too aware of the man at her side. The feeling only intensified when he reached out and held her hand like it was something normal for them to do. She expected his palms to be soft, given the nature of his work, but they were nearly as callused as hers. Feeling that, a little sprig of tension withered. Maybe they were more alike than she knew.

"Where did you get the daggers from?" Those were the first words she'd spoken since he'd dragged her into his office and kissed her abruptly, and her voice cracked.

Siegrain peered at her through dark lashes. "Did you like them?"

Erza looked at their clasped hands, thinking it would be a safer bet than his face. It wasn't really, it just made her head cottony with want, her stomach flutter with an emotion she didn't really have a name for. "I asked you not to buy me anything."

"I know. Did you like them?" he asked again.

"They were nice but too expensive," Erza replied. Good steel like that would cost a fortune.

"Does that mean that you'll be returning them?" She stammered; he laughed. "Keep them, Erza. Enjoy them. Every time you use them, think of me."

"Thank you. They're nice."

"The finest steel," he agreed.

"And the cake?" She smiled. "From the finest baker?"

He laughed sheepishly. It was a sound Erza knew and loved, and yet… it wasn't. Her heart hurt. "I made that in my own kitchen."

"How did you know?"

"That it was your favorite? I saw you eating it when I came to Fairy Tail that day, remember? And I made a lucky guess. Was it good at least?"

Erza shrugged and grinned. "I imagine you're better at magic than baking."

That jarred another laugh from him, carefree and light. It dried up quickly. "Magic didn't ever come naturally to me."

That surprised Erza. "No?"

"No." He got silent and Erza wondered if she'd crossed a line. Then he elaborated. "Once, I was weak and helpless. I watched people I cared for get hurt. After that, I worked hard to make myself strong."

It was a familiar tale. Erza hedged, "…You mean when… when the Tower of Heaven was being built, and Jellal got taken away?"

Siegrain's face pinched. "I—yes."

Erza looked up at the sky again, remembering the boy Jellal was. "Before, you asked me what he was to me."

Siegrain stopped and faced her, the look in his eye intense. "Jellal?"

"Yes. Jellal… he was my best friend in the Tower of Heaven. He… he protected me. He saved me. And yet… he also almost tore me apart." She couldn't meet Siegrain's eyes.

Siegrain's voice dropped to a whisper. "He hurt you."

"He changed."

"Maybe he had to."

Erza met his eyes. "Maybe. The Tower changed all of us. Believe me, when I say, I didn't want to leave him, Siegrain."

"And yet you did." Was that anger in his voice? A small thread of it he couldn't keep hidden from her. Erza's shame resurfaced.

"I was weak. We were children and I was scared. If it happened now… I can't say for certain, but I hope I would do things differently."

"You loved him." The anger fled with his words.

It was strange talking to Siegrain about his brother like this. "We were kids."

"Is love an emotion only adults can feel?"

"No," she whispered. "Of course not."

He touched her cheek with fingers that shook. "Good."

Erza touched his hand and kept it against her cheek. His skin was warm despite the cold bite in the air. She wanted to feel more of it, of him. She wanted this and felt horrible for wanting it. "Being with you, it's like I'm looking at him every time… I don't know why I do this to myself."

"Nor more than I know why I can't stop thinking about you. But it's right." He kissed her then, in the center of the quiet sidewalk, slow and soft, with the winter breeze keeping them cold. Erza poured herself into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in close and he responded in kind; she thought she could do this forever.

A sharp giggle startled them apart. Erza found the source: a young urchin boy dressed in ratty clothes.

Siegrain said, "Get out of here."

"Spare some change?" he asked with a wide, gap-toothed grin. "Or I can take a picture, might fetch a nice coin, Master Siegrain of the Magic Council and..." He squinted. "Titania Erza. Think of the gossip."

Siegrain sighed and dug through his pocket. He tossed a copper coin at the boy. "Now get out of here." The boy caught it expertly and ran away without another word.

Erza smoothed her hands over her coat. "Do you think he'll sell gossip to the tabloids?"

"Maybe. There are a lot of tabloids that would pay for something like that," he told her.

That didn't ease Erza's speeding heart. "People will talk—"

"And what will they say?" he asked. "That I kissed Fairy Tail's strongest female warrior in Magnolia's streets? So what?"

Erza clutched her elbows. So what? Her heart beat fast. "You don't care?"

"Why should I care? I gave the boy money to eat, not because I was ashamed. Now, shall we?" He motioned down the street with a huge sweep of his hand.

"Where are we going?" Erza asked.

"The observatory," he returned. "The stars are supposed to be nice tonight."

The observatory was a large, dome-like structure situated on the tallest hill just outside of Magnolia's town limits. Erza walked all the way there with her hand tucked into Jellal's. There wasn't a moment of silence on the way there, but Jellal couldn't have told anyone exactly what they talked about. Nothing, everything, and all the things between. For dinner, they stopped by a cart and ordered battered shrimp; Erza insisted upon paying after all of the gifts he'd given to her. He let her.

By the time they mounted the observatory steps, the moon was high in the sky. "Have you ever been here?" Jellal asked.

"No. I've wanted to but it's usually booked up."

"It is tonight, too," he admitted.

Erza paused, foot on the final step. "Then they won't let us in."

"I'm friends with the owner… sort of."

"Sort of?"

"It belongs to Yuri of the Magic Council. He has a love of the stars," Jellal explained. "There's a room in the highest part of the dome reserved for his guests."

"Oh." She smoothed her hands over her simplistic dress and her thoughts were clear enough.

"You look beautiful. Too beautiful for a dome."

"But I'm not dressed very nicely," she rebuked.

"You could be dressed in a paper bag and you'd still be the best looking woman in the room." How disappointingly true was that? Erza smiled at his cheap compliment and suddenly, it meant so much more. Gods. How was she such a temptress? How did she take everything he did and make it genuine? How did she make him better?

Jellal grabbed the glass door and pulled it open and ushered Erza inside, hoping that movement would allow him to erect some barriers between them again. Her lust prevented that. She looked at everything with cheerful wonder, taking in the building's large, cavernous innards, its pale marble floors, the bright white walls. Above, the ceiling was folded back and opened to the night sky; there was a large gathering of people laying out their blankets with the ones they cared about, looking up into the unknown.

"This way." Jellal tugged her toward the metal stairwell on the opposite side of the room. It led up to a squat metal door that opened with the help of an iron key. Inside, the room was small and barren, capped with a miniature retracting roof like the one downstairs.

Finally, releasing Erza, Jellal closed and locked the door behind them, all too aware when the metal deadbolt slid into place. Just you and her.

"It's small," Erza observed.

He made for a cupboard inset into the wall and removed his jacket. When it was hung, he took out a woolen blanket from the top shelf. "I prefer the word private." He turned back around and Erza was there at his elbow with a look in her eye he had yet to see in this kind of atmosphere. Brazenness.

"That's a nice word." Her voice was husky. It gave him chills. She started on the buttons of her coat. Jellal watched her. She'd tucked her apprehension away somewhere. This Erza was the same Erza that posed for Sorcerer Weekly, this Erza was the Erza that sliced through her enemies without care. This Erza was the Erza that could tear him apart without any effort at all.

He loved this Erza.

Vicious. Debilitating love.

When the coat was undone, she leaned back against the wall and her invitation was clear. Jellal took the coat from her shoulders, wishing that his hands were steadier. He let the material fall to the floor. The dress she wore beneath was simplistic, black cotton, with a high neckline and cap sleeves. Its skirt sat high on her legs, exposing all that pale skin. He wanted to touch her, and so he did, dropping his hand to her knee and skimming unashamedly up her leg until he got to the dress's pleated material. Her skin was soft. By the time he was through, Erza was panting; his breaths matched hers.

"Put down the blanket."

Jellal was helpless to disobey her, though it was painful to step away to complete the task. As soon as it was laid out, Erza discarded her tall boots and knelt on the soft material.

"You, too."

Jellal took off his boots and then sat, legs out before him, and Erza came to rest in his lap and pushed him down on his back. Her hair still smelled like winter and her skin was still cool. She kissed him and his mind emptied. This was what he needed. She breathed life into him with every brush of her tongue, every bow of her body, every pull of her fingers in his hair. She moaned lowly when he arched his hips into her. There was too much material between them, her underwear, his pants. Jellal navigated her thigh to the spot where her legs met and massaged her through her underwear. She was wet, she squirmed, she held his forearm and didn't let him take his hand away. Jellal filled the other with her breast and pinched the hardened nub at its tip. She sobbed quietly and all of the blood rushed from Jellal's head.

It was a beautiful sound. A girl coming undone. Erza Scarlet. Unravelled.

Jellal put his mouth against her neck and sucked, purposefully leaving behind a mark. He thought she'd be mad but it seemed that's what she needed. Her orgasm made her muscles tighten. Jellal held her tightly to his chest and committed her shudders to memory. She stopped but he didn't, longing to bring her back to that place again. This time, he went beneath her panties. She was over-sensitive at first. It passed. She sat up straight and spread her legs and let him worship her.

It was heaven.

It was hell.

He wanted to fuck her.

Not yet. Not yet.

Hearing her laboured whimper was worth the punishment.