I listened to a lot of angsty spoken word poetry while writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

Also, there's a reference to a previous story I've written. It's the prequel of sorts to James and Alice's relationship, just throwing that out there for those of you that have no idea what that is.

Alexia and Austyn helped me dig through my closet for the perfect outfit for dinner at the Potters' place tonight. I couldn't wear anything that exposed too much skin or was too grungy looking, I needed to look perfect. I didn't want to give her any more reason to hate me than she already did… fingers crossed she never found out about me and James shagging.

We settled on a red skater dress with thick black tights. I paired it with a pair of black, wedge booties and hid my septum inside my nose. Austyn did my hair while taking sips of champagne because I forbid her to do my makeup tipsy. Lex winked my eyeliner out just the right amount for it to be appropriate for dinner.

"You look gorgeous!" mum announced, taking the champagne bottle from Austyn and drinking some before handing it back to her. "Also, you're sharing this with me while we all watch Christmas movies and wait for El to tell us about her date with Satan."

I told my mom all about what Ginny said to me and everyone knew a mother never let things like that go. I even told her about having sex with James because I wanted her advice on what to do. At first she congratulated me because he was 'super gorgeous for a kid' and then told me I did the right thing with Sev. She also agreed that he reacted weird to the entire situation and that I should be on the lookout for anything else weird. By this point, I knew the cycle of abuse and what to look for –the last thing either of us wanted was for me to end up in a relationship like she was in for so long.

"We'll be here, don't make me a gramma," she told me, twirling a curl around her finger and watching Alexia spell it into place. "That magic thing is better than any hairspray I've ever used!"

I laughed before stepping into the Floo and going straight to hell. Sev was standing in front of the fireplace, anxiously fidgeting with the sleeve of his button down underneath his sweater. Without thinking about what I was doing, I stepped forward and straightened out the creases. He smiled at me thankfully and kissed my forehead, making warmth spread through my body.

"You look gorgeous, Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed, looking me up and down. "God, so gorgeous."

"Lookin' good, Morgana!" James exclaimed, shooting finger-guns at me before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, Alice and James are also having dinner with us tonight," Sev explained, sliding his fingers between mine and leading me over to sit with him on the couch. "Taking us by surprise, by the way."

"I didn't know they were back together," I remarked, playing with his fingers instead of looking at him. "Is this weird because I feel like it's weird? This is going to be so weird!"

He held the side of my face in his hand and rubbed his thumb over my cheekbone. "It's only weird if you make it weird, sweets."

"Gross, we haven't even eaten yet!" James remarked, coming into the living room with Alice close behind him. "Tonight's dinner is beef stew and it smells awesome."

"Don't you have your own place? Why are you eating with your mummy and daddy?" I asked, waggling my eyebrows at James teasingly. "It's nice to see you again Alice."

She looked at me icily and nodded, barely even acknowledging me. Oh my god, James told her about us shagging and she wasn't taking it as well as Sev did. Great, tonight was going to be bloody awful and there was nothing I could do about it.

Dinner happened about ten or so minutes later and we all gathered in the kitchen. I'd eaten more than a couple meals at this table, but none of them ever felt like this. Sev promised me Ginny wanted to apologize, but that wasn't the vibe I was getting from her. Every move of her hands with the utensils clutched in them was jerky and her expression stayed in a frown.

"El, where's your septum?" James asked during an awkward interlude of spoons scrapping the sides of soup bowls.

"Maybe she finally took the ridiculous thing out," Ginny suggested, her first smile of the night making appearance at my behalf.

I winced and pushed a carrot floating on top of my soup to the bottom of the bowl a couple times. "It's still there, I just hid it for dinner. I know it makes some people uncomfortable and I wanted to be respectful."

"You look lovely with or without it, Ella," Harry complimented, the tension making his voice tenser than I'd ever heard it. "I was sorry to hear you left so abruptly last week."

The dreaded argument had reared its ugly head. I either had to explain why I left or make up a better reason. At least I thought I did until Sev cleared his throat and everyone at the table looked at him with various expressions that all read one thing: surprise. Sev wasn't the center of attention ever, this must be something important.

"It was my fault she left, dad," he explained, his neck turning a tinge pink but otherwise behaving. "I didn't stand up for her like I should've and she reacted accordingly."

"There was hardly anything that required you to stand up for her," Ginny remarked, wiping the sides of her mouth with her napkin before continuing. "She just overreacted, it happens to all of us."

I'd love to find someone who would've acted differently than me when they were called a "pierced slut" or accused of sleeping with everyone at Hogwarts. Granted, I did sleep with both her sons –that didn't give her permission to ridicule me.

"Ella's not one to overreact, mum," James replied with a mouth full of soup. "She's possible the chilliest person I know, just being Stef."

"Because he's on that muggle weed or whatever it's called," she remarked flippantly.

Whatever handle I'd had on my anger was gone the second she brought Stef into the conversation when he didn't belong there. "Excuse me? If you don't even know what it is, why do you know Stef is on it? That's kind of a false accusation, something you're apparently very good at making, Mrs. Weasley-Potter."

Anger flashed behind her eyes as she unleashed herself. "That's very funny of you to bring up, Morgana. Apparently, we're both very good at being false."

I forgot how to breathe properly for a full ten seconds before my lungs sucked in air again. There was no way in hell she knew about me and James. He wouldn't have told her, Sev wouldn't have told her, and I sure as hell would never have opened my mouth. There was only one last option and the sly smirk on Alice's face told me all I needed to know.

"I was never false with you," I replied, trying to regain my bearings and solidify my insides.

She barked out a cruel laugh at that and, if I hadn't already made my insides steel, I would've flinched. "You're going to sit there and say you haven't slept with both my sons? That you're not just trying to get fame from shagging both the Potter boys?"

That made whatever witty barb I had ready to throw at her dissolve on my tongue. She thought I was trying to get fame from being friends with James and dating Sev, or shagging both of them as she thought? That thought had never, ever crossed my mind in the seven years I'd known both the Potter boys.

"Mum, that was out of line," Sev scolded hollowly. "She and James were friends long before we got together, I don't think she was looking for fame when she befriended him or dated me."

Ginny just shrugged before going back to her verbal assault on my character. "The truth, however you want to hash it out, is that you're dating Sev and slept with James. That's the only way to word it, or am I wrong?"

There was no argument against the truth and she knew that. I couldn't rebut that and keep my dignity, there was no way I could ignore it and keep my dignity either. This was just a bad situation all around.

"She's not wrong, you know?" Alice spoke for the first time.

Without thinking, I let my anger do my talking. "Are you really one to reprimand me for cheating, Alice? Or do you not remember Carver?"

She winced and I did a small victory dance in my head. She started a feud with the wrong girl, I was too good at making people hate me. I'd been doing it most of my life, just ask my father.

"El, that was a little too far," James told me.

And that was all I could take. "Thank you for dinner, it was lovely. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure this is the last time I'll ever visit the Potter house."

I sat my napkin on my seat and walked out of the room. Instead of Apparating while angry, a hazard I learned when we first started getting our lessons on the subject, I stalked out of the house and walked for a while. I'd intended to cool off, figuratively instead of literally, but I couldn't feel my kneecaps after about five minutes.

"Morgana Eleanor! Will you stop walking and let me give you this jacket?" Sev shouted, making me huff and dig my heels into the snow covered sidewalk. "Thank you! Merlin, you're fast for someone with such short legs."

"Bugger off, would you?" I snapped, refusing to take the jacket he held out to me. "When someone storms off like that, it usually implies that want to be alone. I figured a genius like you would know that."

As much as I didn't want to, I fell into my default mode. I was lashing out at Sev to make him distance himself from me. Letting people in and letting them get close only made things worse, I knew that yet still foolishly fell in love with Sev.

"Don't do that, don't treat me like I'm just another face," he argued, holding his ground stubbornly.

"I'm not treating you like another face, this was just stupid. I'm not the girl you need and you're not the guy I need," I replied, ice-queen engaged. "You said it yourself, I'm a wildfire and you're a candle flame. We don't work and we were stupid to think we ever would."

"We do work, no one else's opinion matters!" he replied quickly, making moves to take my hands, but I crossed them over my chest before he could. "Please don't do this, El."

"I'm not this girl! I don't wear pretty, modest length dresses with tights and my hair tamed. I don't tuck away my septum because it isn't respectable. I don't give a damn what people think," I cried, the icy wind prickling at my bare arms but not making me stutter. "And your mother's opinion matters a lot to you. I know it, you know it, everyone in the country of England knows it. I'm never going to be the girl your mum wants you with, she's said it time and time again."

"Yes, her opinion is important to me, but keeping you in my life is also important." He was still holding his ground even when I tried to cause tremors underneath it. "I love you, Ella."

"See, that's where you're wrong. No one can love me, I'm a hurricane that ruins everything," I told him. "There's a calm before I erupt when you think everything's going to be fine, and then the waves come crashing in and I leave to survivors. No one can ever survive loving me, Sev. That's why people leave me, I can't be loved. I know that and I'm trying my best to teach you that, too."

"No, I'm not letting you self-destruct and walk away from this again. I'm not losing you again because I didn't fight hard enough," he shouted, making me flinch and tighten my body. The he practically begged, "I will fight anyone and everything to keep loving you, even if I'm fighting you."

I had no words to say so I just pulled my wand out of my bag and apparated away. Instead of being the one who got left, I finally got to be the one who did the leaving.

I know it's rough and she's kind of redundant, but it's called a cycle for a reason.