This is it, folks, the last chapter. Thanks to everyone who supported and reviewed and favorited and followed this story! I am so happy you loved it as much as I did.
"I think I want to talk to dad."
Stef and I were out shopping for final Christmas presents and currently eating lunch together. I wanted to tell break the news to him in person so he wouldn't make too big of a scene. The two of us hadn't seen our father in years and, for all I knew, Stef never wanted to see him again.
"You what?" he asked after he'd mopped up the Butterbeer off the table he'd spat out.
"I want to confront dad and maybe get some sort of closure," I explained, sipping my own water. "I don't want to walk around with this huge chip on my shoulder anymore."
"He's not a good guy, El. I don't want you to go and meet him just to get your hopes up," he said, raking a hand through his hair nervously. "It's not going to be what you're expecting."
"I don't have any hopes and I'm not expecting anything other than a disaster, but I'm still meeting him. I'm eighteen years old, I can make this decision for myself," I told him, effectively ending the discussion.
We ate the rest of our lunch in silence and cut the shopping trip short. I must've really upset him, but this was something I had to do. This man couldn't keep ruining all my relationships, it wasn't fair. I pretty much knew I'd never get another chance with Sev, but I couldn't keep mucking up my relationships because of the damage dear ol' dad left me with.
I smoothed down my hair more than a couple times as I sat in the booth waiting for him. We were in public yet again because I wasn't sure what he'd do. He'd always had a temper and I really didn't fancy getting a black eye right before we took all our holiday pictures. I also didn't fancy getting an 'I told you so' from Stef.
"Hello, Ella."
I expected him to look like he did when he left, but I was wrong. He was dressed in a sharp suit with his hair cut and his face cleanly shaven. This man didn't look like he even knew what alcohol was, much less used to be an alcoholic.
"Do you mind if I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the empty seat across from me. When I nodded, he sat and said, "You used to love this place when we were little. You turned seven in that both over there."
"I didn't come here to reminisce," I told him, harsher than necessary but whatever. "I want to know why you did the things you did."
He sighed and it seemed to come deep from within him. "I wasn't cut out to be a father, but Stef and you needed one. I drank and was mean, I had to leave before I did something terrible –more terrible than hitting my own kid or breaking your wrist."
"So, you left because you were afraid you'd mess us up after you already messed us up?" I asked, trying to clarify things. "You're the reason I can't let anyone get close to me, the reason I can't let the best man I've ever met get close to me. I cheated on him and broke up with him because I was afraid he'd leave and break my heart. Do you hear how fucked up that is? I'm like this because you made me this way."
Keeping my voice steady and quiet was a struggle, but I did it. The last thing I needed was a bunch of muggles looking at us. Being in an all muggle diner all these years later was odd. I never went to places like this anymore, they just reminded me of my father and that was the last thing I ever wanted.
"I get that and I'm sorry. I can't change what I did even if I really wish I could," he told me, glancing at his watch like this was wasting his time.
"I tell you that you fucked me up beyond repair and all you can say is sorry? You made your son and wife punching bags and you're sorry? You made me afraid of screaming and anyone ever touching me when they're angry and you're sorry?" I told him, still trying my best to keep my voice down.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and I noticed for the first time the silver band on his ring finger. "You're remarried?"
"Yes, and I have three kids," he told me.
My heart was ripped out of my chest right then and stomped on. "You couldn't be a father to me and Stef or a husband to mum, but you can to this new family? You can get sober for them? You can remember to come home for them?"
"I admit I was a shit father to you and husband to your mother, but I'm not like that anymore. I wasn't ready to be a father then and I am now," he tried to explain to me, but my fuse had already been lit and I was about to detonate.
I shoved up from the table and stormed out of the diner, trying to get as far away from the situation as possible. As pathetic as it sounds, I expected him to follow me or something, but that didn't happen. I was standing alone out on the snow covered streets with pathetic, frustrated tears brimming in my eyes.
I pulled my wand out of my waistband and Apparated to Stef's flat. I just wanted my brother to hold me and tell me everything was okay. I should've listened to him, he always knew what was right and wrong. That was a gene I'd never inherited.
"Ana? What's wrong?"
Shit, of course Sev would be here. It was purely karma's doing, I was basically at my lowest and he had to see me. Maybe he would see it as a bullet he'd dodged, but deep down I knew he was too good of a person for that.
"I'm a piece of shit because I came from a piece of shit," I told him, going over to the fridge and grabbing the bottle of vodka from the freezer.
"You're not a piece of shit," he said, keeping his distance.
I tossed my jacket onto the table along with my scarf before hopping onto the counter and drinking from the frosty bottle. "Everyone else who's ever met me would agree. I have no idea why you don't."
"Because I know you only do the things you do because you're scared. You're scared someone's going to get close and walk away, but we're all here to stay," he replied, walking over to me slowly like I was a scared animal or something.
A sick sense of déjà vu enveloped me and made me empty the contents of my stomach in the sink beside my hips. Sev was coming up to me like my mom did when my dad was in one of his alcohol induced rages. I was holding a bottle of vodka like it was a life line and treating the people I loved like shit because I thought they were better than what I deserved. I was actually my father, my biggest fear in the world realized.
"He has a new family and he doesn't drink and he has a good job," I told Sev miserably. "He's the perfect father to the perfect family. We were the reason he drank and was angry and hated everything."
That made Sev come over to me faster and stand a couple inches away. "You're not the reason your father drank or was a horrible person. You're not a bad luck charm. You're so beautiful and amazing, if you'd just let yourself be happy and loved."
He crossed the rest of the way to me and wrapped his arms around my body. I didn't realize I was shaking and crying until I heard him shushing me. He told me he loved me a million different times and he kissed my hair. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held his as tight to me as I could get, contemplating never letting him go again.
Maybe he was right, maybe this wasn't my fault. I was a kid when my dad started drinking and so was Stef. What could we have possibly done to cause or to stop him? I may not have had a father who stayed, but I had a kickass mother and a wonderful brother who stood by me through everything along with three best friends who would fight with me in any battle. And a beautiful boy who loved me even when I was pushing him away with both hands. My life couldn't possibly be any better.
"Sev, do you want to go back to your room?" I asked, twisting my fingers in his curls. "I want to make love to you and not in this flat."
"Are you sure? I don't want to do this and you run away again, I don't think I could handle that," he told me honestly, his cheeks and neck turning red. "I love you, but that's a huge step for me."
"I want to be your first, but only if you want me," I told him, running my nails along the back of his neck as I spoke. "I'm not running anymore, you're too stubborn to let go of me and I want to stay."
He nodded and stepped back so I could stand up. I wrapped my arms back around his waist and felt him Apparate us back to his room. I placed a silencing charm around the room and charmed the door locked, the last thing I needed was to deal with his mum right now.
I tossed off my hat and toed off my booties, watching Sev shrug off his cardigan and kick off his Converse. Then he looked at me expectantly, obviously waiting for me to give him some kind of direction. I walked over to him and waited for his eyes to meet mine before speaking.
"This is about you, too. I want you to do whatever feels right to you and I'll do the same," I told him brushing my fingers over his lips. "I love you."
He nodded and placed his hands on my hips, leaning in too fast and slamming our foreheads together. I giggled and held his face this time, angling it so our lips lined up perfectly.
"Relax," I murmured against them, still grinning.
He nodded and pulled me close, placing small little kisses all over my lips. I huffed in frustration before starting to unbutton his shirt, trailing my fingers along the skin of his belly and watching him shiver.
Oh, tonight was going to be very fun.
I underestimated the libido of a boy who just lost his virginity. He and I ended up having sex four times that night before we finally cuddled up together. His fingers were drumming rhythmically against my hip and my head was resting on his chest with my own hand rubbing along his happy trail.
"There's not a chance of your family walking in on us, right?" I asked, looking up at him contentedly. "I really don't want to deal with your mum right now, no offense."
"They're all at the Burrow," he hummed. "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, we all spend that night and Christmas night there. I'm heading over tomorrow, I want you to come with me for a while. If you want, of course."
"Do you think that's a good idea? The last time I was here, I basically screamed at your mother and swore I'd never be back," I replied, twisting my body around and crossing my arms on his chest to rest my chin on. "I don't think I could ever look your mother in the face again."
"That doesn't matter, none of that matters," he swore to me. "I want to be with you for the rest of my life, my mum just has to deal with that. I'm okay with what you and James did, it sucks but it happened. I know you'll never do it again and I dealt with it, they have to as well."
I kissed his chin and tucked my head into his neck. "I love you so much."
"I love you."
It was a fun ride! Thanks for going on it with me.