The first rejection

I can do this. I can do this. I try not to hyperventilate as I walk up to Lily. No I can't. I turn around again. I've been trying to ask her out for the past month and have never had the guts to actually follow through. Sirius finds me as I make my way back to the gryffindor common room.

"So did you do it?" he asks as I plop down next to him in the common room. My friends find it extremely funny that a girl makes me this nervous. Unfortunately, they figured out that I was trying- and failing- to ask her out. Arseholes.

"No. She was busy."

"Right. busy. You know, for a girl that has like four friends, this Lily chick sure is busy often. You do know hogsmeade is this weekend, right?"

"Yes, Padfoot, I am aware. Thanks for the reminder. I just don't know how to talk to her okay? I barely know her so I don't understand what my bloody problem is." I sigh, and pull at my hair in frustration.

"Ooh, I know what will cheer you up." he grins mischievously. "We need to plan a prank." He's awfully smug, as if this is the smartest thing he's ever come up with, even though pranking is his solution to everything.

"No. I don't want to. I've got a find a way to ask out Lily without puking on her." Maybe I could write her a note? That way I didn't have to actually talk to her. Or maybe I could get Remus to ask her for me. I sigh yet again. I can't do that, she'll think I'm so stupid.

"Prongs. Listen mate, you have to get over her already. I mean she's just one bird, no need to stress this much about it."

"Just never mind Sirius, you wouldn't understand."

"Excuse me. I know plenty James Potter. If you haven't noticed, I have asked out many women in my day so you should take my advice." He grins boyishly at me.

"But have you ever cared about any of them? Have you ever been so caught up on a girl that you want to know everything about her? Like her family and her shampoo and the way she writes her 'G's'. I really think that if I ask her out and she says no, I'll get sick or even cry. So no, Sirius, you don't understand." I huff. Gosh. I am being so annoying. I know this already so I'm not affronted when Sirius points it out. I'm fourteen and lovesick. Give me a break.

Sirius has his thinking face on before he abruptly stands and pulls me up with him. "Fine then. Let's go. Right now." He says, dragging me out of the common room.

"What? No- I can't- you -Sirius!" He doesn't listen to my protests and continues to drag me along the corridor and down the stairs. We find Lily with her friend Marlene on the second floor. My heart is pounding, palms sweating. Butterflies are exploding in my stomach, I swear I hate and love Sirius at the same time. By the time we make it to them, I'm a bright red stuttering mess.

"Well hello Miss Marlene." Sirius says suavely to Lily's friend, she doesn't seem to take the bait. "Would you mind coming over here with me, I need to ask you something." He smiles charmingly and offers her his arm. With an unsure glance at Lily, she accepts his arm. Lily shrugs in response. When they step a few yards away, I realize I'm left alone with Lily. I try to say something but the words are stuck in my throat. Lily seems to notice me then.

"Uh, Hi." She says somewhat unsurely. We've never actually had a conversation before. Sure, we live in the same house and go to the same classes but I doubt she knows my name.

I try to say Hi back. But my throat is insanely dry. I just smile at her. Gosh I look so creepy right now.

"You're James, right?" I smile widely and nod. She knows my name! "I'm Lily. It's nice to meet you." she smiles kindly. I love her smile.

"Prongs!" Sirius hisses at me. I spin to face him, trying to block Lily's view. He simply makes a stern face at me and points to Lily. He mouths 'ask her!' before turning his attention back to Marlene.

"What was that about?" Lily asks. My face flames into a color similar to her hair.

"Ah" I have to cough to try to talk normal. "Nothing." I say quickly.

"Okay." She says this as kind of a question but I don't elaborate.

C'mon James! Where is that Gryffindor bravery?Nows your chance, she's right here!"So, um, this weekend?" I rush out quickly. Merlin I don't even make sense.

She quirks up an eyebrow in response. "What about this weekend?"

"Oh, right, um well, if you would like to, you don't have to of course, I would never make you, but um, yeah, would you want to? Go, I mean, like with me maybe?" I refuse to look at her face. I hate myself. I really truly hate myself.

Lily's brow is furrowed, she's trying to decipher my question. Understand lights up her face before her brow furrows again. "Are you asking me to go to Hogsmeade with you?" she asks uncertainly. I nod.

"Oh."

I look at her and I wish I didn't. she's looking at me like she's about to say…

"I would love to…but I already have plans with someone." I can tell she feels badly about this but it doesn't change the fact that she said no. My stomach drops to the floor and I feel my eyes slightly moisten. I try to muster up my shattered pride.

"Right. Of course you already have plans, it's only three days away. I should've asked you earlier but I just, ah, it's okay Lily, really." I try to smile but I know it's more like a grimace.

She smiles sympathetically, "I'm sorry… maybe next time?" it's a pity offer.

"Right, next time.I'll see you around Lily." I make my exit before I embarrass myself even more.

I almost make it back to the common room uninterrupted. Almost.

"Hey, James!" I look over to find Remus and Peter talking in the hall. They signal me over to them and I think about just ignoring him but I sigh and make my over there anyway. "Why so glum?" remus asks, I just shrug.

Oh no. "Hey! I turned around and you were gone! What'd she say?" Sirius asks me excitedly as he joins the group.

"What'd who say?" Peter asks.

"Lily! he finally asked her out… wait you did ask her out right?" I nod.

"Wow! James that's so great, I'm so happy for you!" Remus adds.

"What time are you picking her up? I'm meeting Marlene at ten forty five." Sirius happily smiles at me.

I look at all my smiling friends and really just want to curl up in my bed. "She said no." I say unemotionally before turning and making my way to my bed, leaving my dumbstruck friends behind.