Chapter Eight
Alright. So some of the ideas had originally involved handcuffs. He'd been able to improvise, though. He'd pushed her hard, testing the limits of her endurance until they were sweaty and spent, their bodies entwined under the sheets in complete contentment. Steph was a reluctant runner, and anything that involved sparing or self defense held almost no appeal despite her profession, but when it came to sex, Steph was an all or nothing kind of girl.
She was still sound asleep when he woke beside her the next morning. She wasn't lying on top of him like he would have expected. He rolled toward her and fit an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. She didn't respond right away. He kissed her neck, and then her shoulder, caressing her under the covers. She stirred just enough to pull her pillow over her face.
He laughed at her. Guess she wasn't ready to get up.
Ranger climbed out of the bed and dressed in sweats, deciding to head to the gym to burn off some of the extra energy. He thought for a brief second of inviting Steph to go with him, but dismissed it just as quickly. Steph only enjoyed one kind of exercise, and it didn't involve any clothes.
It was nearly eight by the time he got back, dripping with sweat from running so hard along the beach. It had been a good workout. Productive. And maybe after he'd had a shower and made some coffee, Steph would be ready for him to try waking her again.
He came in the French door off the lanai and walked through the bathroom into the bedroom. Steph was still snuggled into the bed, but her eyes were open. She couldn't have been awake long. Her cheeks still had a warm glow, her eyes soft. "Up already?" he asked. "I thought you might be down another hour after last night."
"I think you're overestimating your abilities."
He wasn't. They both knew it. She'd come so many times last night that he was a little surprised she wasn't hoarse. But he could understand her inclination to try and keep him humble. He fought a smile. "How about I take a quick shower and we find out?"
She bit her lip, her eyes moving down his body. He pulled his sweaty t-shirt off over his head and saw temptation fill her face. She pulled back, hoping to control herself. Knowing her, it would be a losing battle. "Where did you go this morning, anyway?"
"Ran a few miles. Then I went to the gym. I get a fair amount of cardio with you, but not a lot of strength training. I tried to wake you before I left. You weren't having it." He lost the sweatpants too and stood there totally naked. "Why don't you get some coffee brewing and join me?"
"I'll think about it."
He felt a smile. He didn't know what could have brought back her reluctance, but he figured it was only a matter of time before she gave in again. Things had been good between them. Nothing awkward or uncomfortable. In fact, given how incredible the sex was, he was starting to wish he'd asked if she was on the pill sooner.
He thought for sure that she would climb into the shower with him. She didn't. The scent of coffee had filled the cottage, filtering in through the bathroom door to mix with the scent of his shower gel. Maybe he really had worn her out. He toweled off and shaved before he went to find her in the kitchen. He hadn't bothered to put any clothes on. He figured she'd be in one of his t-shirts and nothing else. When he came up behind her, he found her dressed in a pink tank top and a pair of cut off shorts. Sexy. But it was also clearly not an invitation.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder. "Are we going somewhere today?"
"I was thinking we should try one of the places the Terron's had brochures for."
"You know it's a long shot they would be there."
"Yeah, I know. But I can't just sit around waiting to hear from Silvio. Besides. I should do this stuff while I can. What are the chances I'll get to come back to Hawaii?"
"Depends," he said, brushing his hands over her, her back pressed against his bare chest. "If every trip was this much fun, I might find an excuse to bring you back."
Her posture loosened and he took that for encouragement, moving a hand over her breast. She leaned into him and let her head roll back on his shoulder, leaving her open enough that he could kiss her neck. And then like a shutter dropping, she pulled away.
She took a deliberate step toward the coffee pot and poured out two cups. Handed one to him black before she turned her back on him to add cream to her own. He watched her. There was starch in her posture again. Her walls back up. He couldn't think of anything that would have put her on guard.
"Is something up?"
"Why would something be up?"
"You tell me."
She shifted on her feet without looking at him. Then she started adding sugar to her coffee. Fuck.
When Steph got stressed she went to the bakery. It wasn't a healthy habit, but it was predictable. Doughnuts, tasty cakes, chocolate bars. She used them to hide from her feelings. If she had feelings she wanted to hide from, this wasn't going to go well for him. He waited for a long time, watched her avoid his eye. Eventually, the pressure was too much for her. "If you had to do it all over again, would you have still married Rachel?"
He didn't say anything for a full minute. Not the answer he'd been expecting. "Why?"
"It was just something I was thinking about. I know your life was different then. But it's hard not to wonder. If you would have still married her today just because she got pregnant. If there was ever any chance you would have stayed married if things had been different. If you'd been living a different life. That kind of thing."
"Doesn't seem like a productive line of thought."
She finally turned to look at him. "You telling me you never think about it?"
"Rachel and I never had that kind of relationship."
"You never loved her?"
"No."
"But if you had loved her—"
"Babe. Don't dwell on it. It won't lead anywhere you want to go."
"Why?"
"It just won't. I know you. If you go down that rabbit hole you won't like what you find."
"What will I find?"
He didn't say anything. Just stood there watching her.
Nothing good would come from answering. He'd weighted that option enough times. It wasn't that he didn't think he could trust her. He'd trusted her before and she'd never let him down. But this. This would change things he didn't want changed. If he told her about his past, she'd never look at him the same way again.
She shifted on her feet. Nervous. "You've said before that you love me."
"Because I do love you."
"You just never want to marry me."
"Babe." Want had nothing to do with it. Want had never had anything to do with it.
But there was a big difference between want and right.
"What if I got pregnant?" she said without thinking. He could see the shock on her face when she heard it for herself. Like she'd have given anything to take the words back.
He wasn't sure why she'd said it. He'd looked at the package of pills himself that morning. She was current. But that didn't always mean anything. He leveled a careful eye at her. "Is that a possibility?"
"It's always a possibility. No matter how many methods I use. If it happened…would you do the same thing you did with Rachel?"
"No."
He didn't know exactly what he'd do, but he knew it wasn't that. His marriage to Rachel had been a piece of paper to keep the child they'd made from being born out of wedlock. To save Rachel from the stigma of having a baby without a husband. Nothing more. He'd never worn a ring. Never lived with her. He was deployed for most of their marriage. Little more than a name on some papers and financial support.
Nothing with Stephanie could ever be that detached. He'd passed that possibility a long time ago.
He studied her for a minute before he set his coffee on the kitchen counter. He took her untouched cup from her hands and set it beside his. "Babe, I can smell your thoughts burning. That's not a good sign. I don't suppose there's any chance we can go back to the way things were last night?"
"I don't know."
He pulled her closer. "We could find something else to talk about. Live life one day at a time."
"Is that what you do?"
"It's what I have to do."
"Why?"
Ranger was starting to regret getting up this morning. "You're not going to drop this, are you?"
She was chewing on her bottom lip, staring at his chin.
He drew in a deep breath and let it out in a silent sigh. "This is why I can't do relationships."
"Because women ask too many questions?"
"Yes. And because the price of emotional intimacy is too high. Steph, there are parts of my life I'm not proud of. Things I've done that have seriously damaged my karma. It's hard to have a relationship with something like that hanging between you."
"It wouldn't have to. Maybe it would be healthy to talk about it."
"Healthy or no. Just because I have to live with it doesn't mean you have to."
"So your plan is to go through life never letting anybody in? That sounds kind of lonely."
"It's all I'm capable of right now."
She thought about that while she stared down at his chest. "What about later."
"There might not be a later."
"That's depressing."
A smile tried to surface, but it was thin. Sad. "It's the way it is."
When she didn't respond he lifted her chin until he could see her clear, vibrant eyes. He leaned toward her an inch to give her a chance to pull back. The kiss he gave her was gentle and soft.
"So what did you have in mind today?"
"I don't know. They might be planning to go snorkeling. Or hike Diamondhead."
His eyebrow raised a fraction. "You really want to hike Diamondhead?"
"No."
The smile wasn't thin this time. "Snorkeling it is."
He kissed her once more, with a little more passion this time, and went to get dressed. He closed the door when he walked into the bedroom to give her space. The pressure had gotten to her again, seemingly from nowhere. Only one thing had changed. It seemed making love without protection had been enough to put worries in her head. Enough to remind her that their relationship wasn't normal.
Going without had been her idea. He'd jumped on board with both feet, but it had started out in her court. Maybe if they went back to using raincoats she'd calm down.
He reached into his suitcase and the dark band on his left hand caught his eye. The wedding ring. He was still wearing it. Usually he took it off the second they got back. Set it on the bedside table next to his gun. But last night he'd forgotten. Hadn't even felt it. Not while they were stalking fugitives together. Not while they were making love with all the intimacy and tenderness of a real relationship. At some point last night, he'd forgotten that Steph wasn't his to keep.
No wonder she'd freaked out.
o o o
They picked up a quick breakfast on the way out of the resort. A few words to the concierge and the valet pulled the Cayman up to the sliding glass doors. The young man hopped out of the sports car and hurried around to open Steph's door for her, his eyes staying on her just a little longer than they probably should have. Steph was looking pretty hot in her tank top and shorts, the bright red outline of her bikini showing through her pink shirt.
He tried not to focus too hard on the uncomfortable feelings that stoked in his body. He didn't have any right to be jealous or possessive. She was only his until they went back to Trenton. Then she'd belong to Morelli again. Something he needed to remember.
He slid into the car next to her and put it in gear. The second they were away from the hotel he pulled the black wedding ring off and dropped it into his pocket. With any luck, his bare finger would remind both of them that things weren't meant to be so serious between them.
"Silvio's report was in my inbox this morning," he said to break the silence. "Seems the couple calling themselves Terron are scheduled to stay another five days. The identities are thin. Probably manufactured. I'm thinking we've found our man."
"You knew all that first thing this morning? Why didn't you say anything?"
"It wasn't time sensitive, and I was planning to get you in bed again before you had a chance to get distracted," he said, his eyes still on the road. Hadn't exactly worked out the way he'd hoped. Maybe if he'd told her earlier, things wouldn't have strayed so far off stable ground.
Steph was unusually quiet on the drive to Hanauma Bay. Must have been lost in her own thoughts. She brightened, though, when they caught their first glimpse of the horseshoe shaped bay. The water was glistening in the morning sun. The beach already populated. Ranger pulled into a parking spot overlooking the beach and angled out of the car.
He opened the trunk and retrieved the black bag Noah had tucked into the corner of the trunk. He wasn't sure how Noah had been able to get into the parking structure at the hotel in the time it had taken him and Stephanie to get breakfast. Noah always was resourceful.
He opened Steph's door and offered her a hand to help her out.
Steph tried to take a detour on the way down the long paved road to the beach. He caught her around the waist. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To rent a snorkel."
"Already taken care of."
She shot him a doubting look. "Are you saying you thought far enough ahead to have it on the list? Or is Noah actually magic?"
A half smile lifted his mouth. "One of the rare mysteries of life."
He led her to the southern end of the beach. There were few people there. Most of them wanted to be close to the road. He figured the fewer people around them, the easier it would be to control the environment.
He gave Steph one of the black beach towels and they spread them out. He gave the rest of the bag to her. She looked surprised when she pulled out the blue mask. It had a bright, neon yellow snorkel, just like he'd asked for. It was so glaringly bright that he would have been able to pick it out of the water from several hundred feet away.
Steph raised an eyebrow and cut her eyes to him. Probably thought it was going to be black. "Let me guess. So it's easier to keep track of me in the waves?"
He almost smiled. She caught on pretty quick.
"Where's yours?"
"I've seen fish before."
"Now who's the smartass?"
That brought out a full on smile.