When one could call himself the most powerful man in the galaxy, certain benefits abounded, chief among them the delightful ability to have an entire level of Coruscant's Coco Town cleared of its citizens.
When he was a young Sith Lord, drunk on the raw power of the Dark Side, the underworlds and denizens of the galaxy intrigued him. Now they were just a rabble of irritation to him.
The small diner did not lie far from the Senate District, and the flight over consisted of Luke and Leia recounting almost every hideous detail of Dex's menu. Palpatine considered it a bad sign that they had it memorized.
When the Chancellor's private shuttle touched down on the tarmac, necks stretched and eyestalks extended as the distant crowds tried to catch a glimpse of the famous trio. Standard security cleared an area of roughly two hundred meters in all directions, so Palpatine and his charges enjoyed a hassle-free entry to the small diner.
Palpatine had been here once before in his life as a young, unknown senator exploring Coruscant with Sate Pestage and Kinman Doriana. It looked the same as ever, dingy and loud and so very… pedestrian. His Senate guards positioned themselves silently around the perimeter. The kitchen had already been thoroughly combed over and inspected by security.
"Chancellor! It's an honor, sir, to have ya here!" Dex, four arms raised and hideous mouth cracked in a wide smile, stepped out from behind the counter. "We're grateful fer yer patronage."
Palpatine turned on his most public smile, the one that plastered itself across hundreds of news channels every week. "I apologize for any inconvenience we may be causing you, Master Dex, but you have very loyal customers," he waved down at the twins.
"Luke! Leia! How're my favorite little humans?" Dex rolled a belly laugh, and the children launched forward into his multiple arms with squeals of delight.
"Palpy's the best!" Leia told him, matter of fact. "Gonna eat here."
"Well now," Dex feigned surprise. "I have loyal customers, Chancellor, but you have loyal constituents. Training 'em up right for the future, eh?"
Palpatine kept his gaze politely formal. Just because he was babysitting Anakin's children did not give this monstrosity the right to speak so freely. "It would seem we are in dire need of Shurra-Creams, Master Dex. Might you indulge us?"
"An' Crunchy Crooks," Luke grinned.
What? "I don't think-"
"An' fried Gran Bites!" Leia chimed in.
"It's all the best in Coco Town!" Dex chuckled, and shrugged innocently when Palpatine turned a sharp eye on him. "I'll be in the kitchen, while you decide," the alien hedged and disappeared into the hazy depths of his diner. Coward, or a wise man. Maybe both. The droid waited behind, its faintly feminine hands perched on its hips.
"I don't think you need a full meal here, Leia," Palpatine said. "A Shurra-Cream should be quite large enough."
"Da lets us," Leia insisted. "He says we'll grow big an' strong!"
Your father is mistaken… about a great many things. Big like a Hutt perhaps, on this swill. He took in a long breath and released it in a sigh. "My dear girl, we came for a Shurra-Cream, and that is simply what we shall have… Leia?"
She abandoned him for the shelf of small toys on display next to the counter, plastering her hands on the greasy surface and peering in with a wide grin. "I wan' one of these!" she jabbed her finger at a small bright purple podracer.
"Really, that's just a blatant attempt to get you spending more credits. It will be in a thousand pieces by the time we get back…" Palpatine trailed off as Luke now joined Leia at the display. Their excitement and… and… greed…radiated off their tiny bodies. He straightened, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.
Well, it's never too early, I suppose. "But then again, it would be remiss of me to not support our local businesses," he muttered, and turned faintly glowing eyes on the droid. It's photo-receptors whirred as it registered his attention. "Two of those…those..?"
"Joy Dinners?" the droid volunteered.
"Yes. Those." What a ridiculous name, and he was not going to be caught dead or alive speaking such inanities.
"What'll ya have to drink, honey?" the droid chirped as it placed the order.
Let's start with a nice spicy cocktail of complete and utter destruction, shall we? Starting with your smug face. "Shaak-milk for the children please, and nothing for me."
"Have a seat then, we'll be right out!" The droid rolled away with a cheerful wave, and he turned from the counter with a very low growl. Luke and Leia glanced up, and he produced an instant smile. "Charming staff. Where would we like to sit?"
"Booth!" Luke shouted.
"Table!" Leia shouted louder.
"Booth," Luke shouted back.
Leia's eyes narrowed. The Force trembled. "Table."
Luke's eyes glazed over. "Table?"
Palpatine found it hard to breathe for the laughter that was bubbling up in his throat, but he suspected a maniacal cackle might be hard to explain to the press. He seized on the chance, striding powerfully toward the booth and chiding Leia as he took her hand. "Now, now, you should know better than to do that to your brother."
She glared up at him, and Palpatine carefully kept his expression scrubbed of any tacit approval. He could feel her resentment in the Force. "…," she muttered. "Sorry, Luke."
Luke was already happy again, clambering up onto the seat. "S'okay, Leia. I forgive you!"
Sickeningly sweet. The boy either had the gentle patience of a grand master, or he was slow on the uptake. Palpatine worried about that one's future sometimes.
The three of them sat in relative peace while the food was prepared. Palpatine watched the two children quietly bat a packet of briddling sauce back and forth across the smooth surface. It was in moments like these that he almost missed Maul.
Of course, Maul's upbringing had been nothing like this. He wondered if Maul would have even glanced at the toys in the display. Definitely not. Anakin and Padme were raising their children entirely too softly, but that made it easy for corruption to set in, he supposed. Soon enough they would graduate to wanting video games, then speeders, then who knew what else.
The droid rolled out of the back room with several trays. "Here ya go, honey!" it sang to him and squeezed his shoulder in a matronly way as it departed. He nearly reduced it to slag for the presumption, but resisted.
Luke and Leia tucked into their meals with wild abandon. He marveled that more food – if it could be called that – could end up on the table and floor than in their mouths. Suddenly, Leia stopped and held up a long, greasy stick of… he peered closely. Some sort of starch, it seemed.
"Have one!" Leia grinned. "Crunchy Crook!"
"Oh no, no, my dear, you enjoy it for the both of us," his large nose twitched at the revolting smell. She moved it closer. He pinched it tentatively between his thumb and forefinger before she could shove it down his throat. "Thank you."
Of course, she was not content to go back to eating until he did what she wanted. Maybe he could pretend to eat it? No, he could feel her watching in the Force too. What a precocious youngling… He took a deep breath. I hope you're happy, Anakin, wherever you've fled. No, actually, I hope you are experiencing acute agony.
The first bite was slimy and cold, what should have been hot, and he nearly hissed with his displeasure. But Leia smiled at him, and he smiled back.
"Exquisite," he lied through his teeth.
"Nooo!" The cry pulled his attention to the other twin. Luke waved one hand in the air in clear distress. "I dropped it," he whimpered.
"You've got a dozen more on your plate," Palpatine tried to encourage him, but Luke would not be consoled. He twisted and turned on the booth, peering down into the blackness underneath. Palpatine could feel Dex's eyes peeking curiously around the corner of the kitchen. What a tale he would have for his friends.
As Luke draped himself over his seat, trying to find his missing food, Palpatine looked away for a moment when Leia pawed at his sleeve with a greasy hand. When he glanced back, his mouth fell open. Luke had tilted his little head and spotted his target. With no fanfare he reached down and scooped the slippery morsel into his hungry maw.
"Do you have any idea what has oozed itself across that floor in the last twenty-four hours?" Palpatine demanded, fighting back the undignified gag flex in his throat.
Luke giggled and opened his mouth. Palpatine tugged ruthlessly at the strings of his self-control and focused his power, closing his eyes. Three levels below, a hapless Rodian choked on his eel-tail soup and collapsed.
"That's really… not very polite," he told the boy, marginally holding on now that his anger had found a release. "Chew with your mouth closed, Luke."
"Look!" Leia pulled at his sleeve. "I made a neck'lace." She had squished the ends of her Crunchy Crooks together to form a loose ring around her plate and was now attempting to pick it up and place it around her neck. A portion, no longer crunchy, dropped into her lap.
Palpatine sighed. What had he done to deserve this?
Three year olds are truly unique, blessed with the Force or not. And when given food, may the galaxies beware! What other trouble will our intrepid trio get into this fateful evening? Do I sense a trip to Pets 'n Pieces?
Review, and let me know what you think of this madness.