Birthday
Fifth year
James was already awake when Sirius hurled his pillow at him. He sat bolt upright.
"Oi, Sirius!" he exclaimed.
Sirius laughed, as did Remus, who was also awake. Peter was still snoring lightly, curled up on his bed, the edge of his covers tucked under his armpit.
"Guess what day it is today?" said Sirius. "It's the thirtieth of January… She's, what, sixteen today?"
James nodded.
"And she still doesn't want to go out with you," chuckled Remus. "After five years."
"Shut up," moaned James, falling back down onto his bed and closing his eyes firmly.
"Well, it's not like you haven't tried," said Sirius, unhelpfully. "I mean, you've asked her out loads before. So we're going to have to come to the conclusion that she just doesn't like you."
"Hates you," corrected Remus.
"Despiiiiiises you," teased Sirius, drawing out the word.
He felt his bed give as someone sat on the end of it. Sirius, probably.
"So are you going to wish her happy birthday today?" asked Remus.
"Yeah, I think so," mumbled James.
"Are you going to be cocky and act like a complete pig?" asked Sirius.
"Never," said James, turning to bury his face into his pillow.
"Always," laughed Remus.
It was true. Whenever he was talking to – or around – Lily Evans, he always acted a complete pig. What was he even showing off? His ability to hoist Sniv- Severus into the air? His ability to make up mean, though sometimes funny, remarks? He felt awful afterwards, she and Severus felt awful afterwards. People and Peter still laughed, but Sirius and Remus stopped laughing long ago. He'd toned it down, but he was still always, without fail, a pig around her. Why?
He asked himself this at the very moment Remus did.
"I don't know," he said. "It just… comes on, you know. The act. It's automatic. I can't stop it."
"She hates it when you're mean to Severus," said Remus.
"I know," moaned James. "What is wrong with me?"
"Just stop being a pig," said Sirius.
"You don't have to make jokes about Severus to be funny," said Remus. "You're funny anyway, just make fun of Padfoot if you've got to let it out sometime."
"Cheers," grinned Sirius. "That is better than my advice."
"And don't be nice to Severus just for Lily," continued Remus. "We know you, you're honest and brave and loyal and funny, and you're kind, too, but with Severus, you're none of those things."
"Not to his face," said Sirius.
"Not helpful," said Remus. "James, my point is, we all have parts of ourselves we should work on. You're a good guy, but you can also be awful, and you can continue to be both or just be better, and why not be better."
"C'mon, Prongs," said Sirus, pulling his arm. "You're pathetic. Let's go and get some breakfast, and you can go and make Lily's day by wishing her a happy birthday."
"You could sing her a song," joked Remus. "Or you could write her one."
Sirius grabbed his pillow from James's bed and threw it at Peter, who spluttered and whose eyes blinked slowly open.
"Wha'?" he mumbled.
"Wormtail, wake up!" called Sirius. "We're getting changed and going down to breakfast, with or without you."
Peter jumped out of bed in such a hurry that he stumbled, and the three other boys burst out laughing. Once changed, they trooped downstairs, James's heart pounding ever faster.
"Oh Lily, I love you," sang Sirius jokingly.
"And now you're sixteen," continued Remus.
"We can go and get married," sang Sirius.
"Because you're my queen," finished Remus.
They cracked up, and James elbowed Sirius, annoyed.
"It's no laughing matter," he said.
This only made them laugh even more. Peter joined in awkwardly a few moments later.
"Awful song," said James. "Really terrible."
"It wasn't too bad," chuckled Remus.
"We can make up another one," offered Sirius.
"Sweet Merlin, no," said James.
Sirius paused in thought. "What rhymes with Lily?"
"Silly," suggested Remus.
"Chilly," piped up Peter.
"No," said Sirius. "Lily Evans is neither silly nor chilly, and – hey, James! Where're you going?"
He was striding up to Lily, and suddenly that god-awful swagger was back again. He tried to shake it off, shifting into some strange, over-controlled march. Lily, halfway through a card from her parents, looked up as the girls on either side of her hissed or swooned in equal measure: "Here comes James Potter."
"Hey Evans," grinned James. "Just wanted to say happy birthday."
"Oh, um, thanks," said Lily awkwardly.
There. That was it. Now he had to leave. Leave!
But of course, the façade that unfailingly sprung up when he was around her, kicked in.
"So," he continued, "what has Sev- Snivelly given you? A lock of his greasy black hair so that he'll always be with you?"
Lily's expression hardened and James felt like cursing himself.
"I should've known," she snarled. "You're just the same, Potter. Now, will you leave me alone and go and impose your huge ego on someone else?"
"But I got you a present," said James.
"Is it your huge ego?" said Marlene, beaming beside Lily.
"I don't want anything from you," said Lily curtly.
"But I baked you a cake," he lied.
"Well, do me a favour and throw it away," suggested Lily. "I'm sure it tastes just as sweet as your charm."
"So surely you want to try it?" asked James.
"Seeing as your charm is about as sweet as the backside of a fully grown troll, no thank you," she said.
At this point, nothing he said would remedy this conversation.
"Well, it's your loss," he laughed, although there was nothing funny about the situation. "See you around, Evans. Give all my love to Snivellus!"
As he walked – no, strutted – away, he heard the other three Marauders wishing Lily a happy birthday, and she laughing and thanking them, wishing them all the best themselves.
James' heart seized in his chest. She had hated Sirius, too, in the beginning. But now, after nearly five years, it was just him she hated.