Prompt: #17 Weakness

A/N: This is based in the Adventum Aduro verse. Stella's POV

Summary: If you look deep enough, we all have cracks in our armor.

Fragilitas is Latin for "weakness or fragile".

Fragilitas

Frailty had always been something she had been ashamed of within herself. There was the frailty of simply being a woman. Even a woman with considerable means and power had a weakness. Maybe it was because she had so much to lose, she was more at risk of weakness than someone else. Her biggest weakness by far had not been her fear of losing material possessions. Neither has it been her fear of losing her kingdom. Such things that she had thought would be most important to her. Yet, in the end, the thing that made her the most fragile was the thought of losing Noctis. Noctis, of everything else, was something that she found she just could not lose.

From the moment she had turned to him that fateful night, she had known, deep down that he would be her weakness. There was a dark aura around him that touched her. It was a darkness that called forth the deep nurturing side of her personality. That natural aspect of her femininity. The same aspect of herself that caused her to always help the less fortunate. Nobody deserved to be that dark. Nobody should have to suffer the loss that he had when he had been just a child. He obviously had not remembered her to be that little girl at the funeral of the late King and Queen of Nihilsomno, but she had never forgotten the look of total defeat that had been on his face as he stood alone in the rain that day. The loneliness that she had dreaded for the poor prince. That lone figure of black that seemed to be shunned by everyone else around him. She had seen the sea of unsympathetic faces and knew that he had felt the pain acutely and he had not deserved the solitude that he had been given. So she had done the only thing that had been possible at the time, she had given him the two white lilies that she had been given to lay upon the coffins of the dead monarchs before them.

Her young heart had been broken by the dark boy she had seen ignored. She had wanted so much to say something, anything, that may have brought him some measure of comfort. Yet, as soon as she had stepped just before him and seen the death in his eyes, she could do no more than place the flowers in his empty, trembling hands. All too quickly, she had been briskly swept away by her father before she could manage a word, but she had shed her tears for his sake when she had been pushed into the car a moment later. After that, she had made sure to covertly keep tabs on Prince Noctis as she grew up. Information was very hard to come by considering Nihilsomno's pension for keeping everything top secret, but she did manage to find out bits and pieces here and there. It was usually when the peace conferences were in session, that she would be able to hear actual news. She had attended one or two and had always left with the disappointment that he had not attended as well. When the invitation went out stating that the thirteenth peace conference would be held within Nihilsomno's wall, she had been ecstatic. Which had turned out to not be a good thing because as soon as her father had noticed her excitement, he had forbade her to go. Through a wonderful twist of fate, she had been able to afterall and then had been gifted with the sight of the man that the boy had become.

The man that she saw looked very different to the boy that she remembered. He took her breathe away. He was a force that she seemed irresistibly drawn to. He exuded a presence that she was unable to resist. With just his presence, he invaded her mind until there was nothing else but those eyes that had pierced her with their despair when she had been a little girl. The years had not diminished the power that those eyes could wield. He had immediately broken her heart, even as he had stolen it from her chest. All from simply gazing at the way he had watched her that first night that they had spoken.

Everything between then had been so completely irrational and out of character for her. The events that took place during that tumultuous time of their acquaintance confused her greatly. She had known that there had been a great many things that she had not been privy to, but the extent to which she was ignorant, still has her all the more angry. What Noctis must have thought of her. What Noctis must have wanted to do to her. What Noctis would do later. It was when she asked those questions in her mind that she realized, that there was no life for her if she did not have him in it. It was obvious if she should ask those questions. Knowing this and living this was entirely different when he disappeared for five years without a word. Especially after remembering the last exchange they had, had together before he left her behind.

The betrayal that had been so blatantly evident in Noctis' eyes when he had been hovering above her, would have broken her heart all over again if she had not been so angry at him in return. It always seemed so easy for her to forget her own feelings and let his rule her, but in that moment, she had planted her foot and met him head on. Thinking about it later, she should have been more patient, more understanding, more… something. He had accused her of stealing the Crystal and he had accused her of so much more with that look in his eyes. The very same eyes that were usually such a vibrant blue but within that moment, had been blood red instead. Yet, instead of giving in to her need to appease him, she had spat out her own accusations right back into his face. Her anger had been fueled from her inner resentment of his overwhelming influence on her psyche. An influence that overruled her common sense and her sensibilities. This man, this relative stranger, moved her to such a degree that no one had ever been able to before. She had resented the weakness that he brought out of her and she had been losing her mind over the loss of her own will.

There was no way to describe the depth of her despair when she had woken up in her rooms two days after her disastrous confrontation with Noctis on the airship from Glacies. The last thing she remembered was him slamming the door behind him and the wave of agony that swept over her at his departure. That feeling of guilt that she had wounded him had almost choked her in her moment of grief. Then to awaken in her rooms again, with nothing to show for her journey but a bump on her head and a small crystal in her hand. The bump that nobody had an explanation for, even after she attacked Cal with a verbal onslaught of questions. Cal mentioned that the crystal was to be with her at all times. It did not make much sense to her but as she had stared down at the little thing, it seemed to have spoken to her. Somehow she had known that Noctis had left this for her, though Cal had fervently denied it. He had not know what had happened to her either. All he had told her was that Noctis had left a message for her.

This is not good bye.

They had been the very same words that she had spoken to him when she had initially left Nihilsomno. The statement was so loaded and so vague. She had not known what to make of them and somehow, instead of alleviating her fears, they only made her that much more anxious about what he intended to do. That first year of silence had been spent with her in an almost constant state of nervousness. The second year had felt an ease in her tension, but not by much. Then the years kept coming and by the end of five, she had found another distraction.

It makes her cringe to think of Divum as a distraction. He has been more than that but that does not take away the fact that he had been a distraction. Though, he had not always been such to her. Divum's appeal had been that he had not reminded her at all of Noctis. Blond, bulky, handsome in a way that was not Noctis. His gaze was not caught in that ever present intensity that always had her holding her breath. No, Divum's gaze had always been adoring and warm. Noctis' gaze was always all consuming and fiery. Fiery, like the color of his eyes when he sensed danger.

With the progression of the those years, something else had been happening to her. It had been the reason that Divum had become so important to her. At first, it had seemed to her, that the symptoms were simply those of a broken heart. She had a loss of appetite. Her strength seemed to slip away, depending on how she was exerting her energies. Sometimes she would simply be walking the halls and find herself on the floor with no strength in her legs nor any in her arms. Then it had become too strenuous, at times, to even breathe. It quickly became obvious that something was terribly wrong with her. Yet, no doctor could find a viable solution to why it was happening. All she knew was that whenever she clutched the Crystal tightly, she felt better. So, she had taken to wearing it around her neck.

After five years of neglect, she had steeled herself to be nothing but cordial when she saw him again. From what she had heard, he had been very productive in the dealings of his kingdom. He was a just ruler where his Concilium had not been. She had been proud of him. To see the boy grow to become the King that Nihilsomno needed was truly wondrous. Seeing him again, after so long however, had all her memories of them together flashing through her mind. There was something different about him this time. Something in his presence and his aura that was less dangerous and more, settled. There was a tension in his shoulders, but it would have bothered her if it had been missing. Then she had looked into his eyes. Those eyes that had so much influence on her. Their power was as potent as it had ever been.

The rush of breath to her lungs and the push of strength that shot through her as a result of her close proximity to Noctis had almost her staggering backwards. It was all she could do just to clutch her chest as she gasped. At first it had frightened her. Instinct had told her that it had come directly from Noctis, but she had refused to believe that. She could not. Not when he had abandoned her for five years. Not when there was still so much resentment under the joy of being near him again. Yet, the power left her feeling as if she had finally become whole once again. It was the first time in so long that she had felt complete. She had felt like herself and not the shell that she had slowly felt herself becoming. It had awed her, as it had that night in Nihilsomno when she had turned and smiled when she had realized he was there. She had been thankful for Divum pulling her back to herself. She would surely have moved closer to Noctis to see whether the feeling would intensify. She had not been ready for that. Not when she could not understand why Noctis had left her. If being with him felt so right, why had he stayed away from her so pointedly?

So when Divum had offered to take her home early, she had not refused. The idle, tension laced conversation she had been holding with Noctis would not have given her any answers anyway and she had needed to step away from him to sort her own racing emotions. She had noticed the stiffness in Noctis' shoulders when she had introduced him to Divum. It had shamed, even as it had pleased her, that he had been jealous of the presence of another man in her life. There was a certain sense of satisfaction in showing him that she was not going to just wait around for him to come for her. Not after the hateful words that had been exchanged the last time they had been together.

Later that same night, she had just been about to turn off her lamp when she had heard Noctis' voice in her head. She felt, more than heard, the longing that had been in his voice. There had been no exact words, but the onslaught of despair that had washed through her had caused an intense ache in her chest. Without knowing why, she was rushing out of her rooms and to the street below. To find, that her weakness for him was just as staggering as his weakness was for her. She had seen the hint of resentment and acceptance that had been in his face when she caught him standing there and she had known, without any doubt, of one fact. That somehow, their shared weakness would now change to become their shared strength.

End Note: I know that the ending seems rushed, but I plan on keeping the Adventum verse on going within this series. I could not explain everything right away. :)