A Better Idea

Chapter 2

Jack stands beside his pickup feeling as if his world has ended. Ennis is driving away with Jack's world in his hands. But the two of them have just crushed it so badly that it is unlikely it can be repaired.

After 20 years, Jack has just ruined the relationship most important in his life. What has he done? What was he thinking, unloading on Ennis like that?

I wish I knew how to QUIT YOU? I wish I knew how to CUT OUT my own damn stupid tongue! Jack kept hearing his own harsh words over and over in his mind, and seeing Ennis' stricken face. Jack could not catch his breath.

To stem his rising panic, Jack took deep breaths, and tried to slow his pulse. It often helped him feel better when missing Ennis to go back to his favorite memory from their time up on Brokeback Mountain in the summer of 1963. Jack recalled that he had had the pleasure of Ennis' company in the tent all night, so they neither one had slept much. After breakfast, Jack was standing by the fire, warm and drowsy while Ennis prepared to leave camp. Ennis walked up behind him and with his strong arms, encircled him in a loving embrace and softly nuzzled Jack's neck below his left ear. "Look at you; you're sleeping on your feet like a horse." crooned Ennis.

Time stood still for them both as Ennis began to sway with Jack and hum a lullaby. Jack never knew how long they stood that way, but too soon Ennis gripped him tighter still and rubbed his thumb down Jack's jaw, saying "Gotta go". Walking to his horse, Ennis said, "See you in the mornin' ".

Jack remembered feeling that his heart would burst from more love than he could possibly hold as he watched Ennis mount up and ride away up the mountain to work.

Ennis had planned to stay out there with the sheep, save a trip and only come back to base camp in the morning. It was a ninety minute trek, each way since they had moved the sheep up to the higher grazing allotment in the past week or so, more if the weather was bad. Jack realized that he wasn't much of a one for following a plan, particularly one that kept him away from his Cowboy all day and all night.

So drowsy or not, Jack, snapped out of it. He chopped enough wood for a week and stacked it neatly at the edge of the clearing. He cleaned up the dishes and breakfast leavings, packed a cold supper for himself and secured all edibles high up by the hoist. Jack shook out and re-rolled his bedroll, then gathered a full bottle of whiskey and plenty of smokes. With everything assembled, Jack paused to think if he might be missing anything.

As a precaution, he doused what was left of their breakfast fire.

On a last minute decision, Jack quickly took as thorough a frigid bath as he could stand. Damn, that river was cold. Then for good measure he shaved and put on his clean clothes. Refreshed, dressed and packed, Jack mounted his horse and headed up the mountain to re-join his friend.

When Ennis saw Jack approaching he looked startled. "What's the matter, bud?" he called. Coming closer, Ennis heard Jack say "I missed you." Amazed at hearing this, Ennis laughed so hard, he almost frightened the sheep. He had tears running down his face and he was clutching his aching sides. Soon, Jack had dismounted and tied his horse, feeling perhaps a little embarrassed for needing to come up here with Ennis, but Need it was. Not laughing anymore, Ennis walked over to him and said "C'mere, Jack".

The two of them never again, while on Brokeback Mountain spent long hours apart. Whether up with the sheep, or hunting for meat, or fishing, or tending camp, they shared the work, keeping each other in sight, and growing in their dependence upon the other for companionship, love and the very breath of their young lives.

Calmer now, and breathing easier, Jack was once again back in the present. May 1983. He decided that he could think just as well on the road, sort out what had happened and why, and figure out what could be done about it, if anything. He dropped his cigarette, ground it out in the dirt with his boot, and then picked it up and deposited it in the butt can provided by the county and emblazoned with the slogan, "It's Your Wyoming, Prevent Forest Fires".

Guess I shoulda thought of that earlier, he mused.

He checked his coffee thermos and water bottles, and then remembered he had checked them this morning when he and Ennis had packed up. Reassured, he inserted the key in the ignition and pulled out onto Route 16, heading east towards I90 and the folks.

Jack found that he could not keep his mind from returning to the blow up of that morning. Completely out of the blue, like a forest fire, it had started with a tiny spark and suddenly was a flaming inferno with accusations and recriminations from both sides. Each of them, Jack knew, had been shocked by how quickly it had turned ugly and got out of control, and burned into dangerous territory. Looking back at it now, he was sorry for his part in escalating the disappointment over not seeing Ennis till November, into a Take No Prisoners all out battle royal. From this angle, my attitude looks like Pure-D selfishness. I guess that's hindsight for ya.

Visualizing now, how it had transpired between the two of them, some of Jack's sadness began to lift. In his mind's eye, he pictured Ennis shoving him angrily, saying something like, "I hear of you with another man, Jack Fuckin' Twist, it could get you killed!" That sounds like plain ol' jealousy to me, and that's a mighty good sign. Chuckling to himself, Jack thought, If Ennis Del Mar thinks he's gonna quit me, he's got another Fuckin' Think coming!

For the thousandth time, Jack wished that Ennis had phone service, so he could call him tonight from Lightning Flat and settle all this back into the comfort of where they had been with each other all this week.

Hell, the week we had up there this time was some Perfect. How could Ennis continue to refuse to live together after the week we just had?

I think it was our best time ever, since we left Brokeback that first year. Now that took the dumb-ass prize of all time, ever leaving each other in the first place. Life would have been so much simpler, some sweet life. Instead we have wives and children and a life of complications which really hogties my Ennis.

But the man loves me; he brought me posies, didn't he? O 'course, Ennis being Ennis, he could not spit out those exact words. So I did it for him. He liked it too, I could tell he did. He got all flustered and happy when I said it.

Jack was an expert driver, he could literally do two things at once and do them well. He kept fiddling with the radio dial until he found one a his favorite tunes, then sang along with John Conlee, to Rose Colored Glasses.

At the same time, he was trying to think of a plan that would bring Ennis out of his fears of tire irons and downright hatred. But as usual, Jack was unable to come up with anything solid. Every scheme had a hole in it the size of the '82 Buick Electra Park Avenue that Lureen currently drove, or he had tried it before to no avail.

Preoccupied as he was, Jack nevertheless noticed a female mule deer with her two fawns, munching leaves from a shrub off to the left side of the highway. Though it's not quite dusk, he was wary of any sudden movement by the little family. He and his vehicle could pay a high price if he didn't keep alert. Damn, my eyes are getting tired, he thought. Just as he had the thought, the mother deer decided on a reason to cross the road and darted right out in front of Jack's vehicle. His reactions honed on the rodeo circuit, Jack braked hard, just in time to avoid a collision, but his left rear tire blew out.

"Shit!" exploded Jack, wrestling the truck to a safe stop on the side of the narrow, old road. He thought, just what I need after the day I've had!

"Jus' fuckin' great!" spewed Jack out loud, "you dumb-ass deer!". As an exhausted Jack was pulling the spare tire from under the truck bed, in total darkness now, a car carrying three men slowed and stopped. As they pulled up, Jack thought, What the hell do they want?. Are they here to prove Ennis was right all these years? The driver angled his Ford station wagon so the headlights shone on Jack's flat tire, and he left it idling, while the other two men climbed out.

"Need some help there, fella?" called the taller man. Jack could not quite make them out, and he was a bit nervous wondering at their intentions. As Jack turned fully to meet their advance, he was illuminated by the Ford's lights, and the younger, shorter of the three said "Is that you, Jack?". "Well, I'll be damned" cried Uncle Walter, his mother's brother, "don't you know no better than to play in the road in the dark, boy?". "Guess not, now's you mention it" admitted Jack, and his uncle and two cousins pitched in and helped him get the tire set to rights, lickety split.

While he stowed the damaged tire, he asked how they came to be so far out of their way, on this dark road tonight. "It's sure lucky for me that you happened along when you did, I thank you Kenneth, and you Roger and you too Uncle Walter."

"Guess you still haven't heard then, eh Jack? Your daddy's in a bad way. Had a stroke last Monday morning, and your mama called down to Texas, but just missed you, your wife said you'd already left for your fishing trip."

Uncle Walter continued, "My sis grew up driving, for sure, but Claire cain't drive that big ol' monster truck your daddy bought last Fall, so she had to call us. Lucky we live nearby. Roger was able to get them to the hospital." Jack clapped a grateful hand on Roger's shoulder for taking care a things, like he shoulda done hisself, but hadn't. Huge guilt clouds floated toward Jack; he didn't question them, just settled'em on his broad shoulders.

"Holy god," yelled Jack, "where is mama now? How is she? How's she holdin' up?". Uncle Walter said "Home. Okay. Good as you can expect under the circumstances.".

"We was just headin' up there to bring her a supper that your Aunt Iris fixed, Claire, she's tough, but she's spent the whole week, mostly at that hospital. Good thing they built that new one, Mt. Carmel, closer to Lightning Flat or she'd a been in a right fix." Apparently, Uncle Walter wasn't one to stint on words. When one would do, six would do better. After spending time with Ennis for the past week, Jack felt that his uncle's talkativeness was a bit over the top. But nice, all the same.

They managed to get Jack some calmer, and Kenneth rode the rest of the way home with him. Uncle Walter and Roger followed in the Ford. "I wish I'd a been there for mama, what's the matter with me livin' all the way down there in Texas, what was I thinkin'? Apparently, I wasn't thinkin'. Are you sure she's all right?" Kenneth eyed Jack, understanding what he wasn't saying and said, "You'll work all that out in due time, Jack. But Yes, your daddy is some better, and will appreciate your concern – such as it is."

"Oh god, I never thought about daddy, he's always been so strong and hardy, you're sure he is gonna make it?" Kenneth did not know many of the details, but he repeated what he'd heard that the doctor had said. "with the right therapy and TLC his dad might be restored to 85 - 90 percent of his former functionality. Anything beyond that, would be a bonus." More like a miracle, thought Jack.

The two vehicles were pulling into the gravel road that lead up to the senior Twist's house, Jack was driving overly fast. He got almost all the way into his usual parking place and jumped out of the truck before it could roll to a complete stop.

"Now Jack, your mother is going to need you to be calm for her, and not fall apart." his Uncle Walter reminded him as they strode through the weedy front yard and up to the door.

Opening the door, which was never locked, Jack called out "Mama, it's me!"

End of Chapter Two