A/N: So this story was meant to be light-hearted! Dayum. :P

Actual review reply, now that I actually have time in my life! :D Please, fire away with questions! I shall be sitting here eating chocolate while I wait :D In the meantime, big thank you to everyone who's taken time out of their life to review, it never ceases to amaze me how lovely you people are and how you actually read my stuff and choose to comment, so without you there'd be a gaping chasm of nothing on my profile.

Chapter 10 - U is for Universal Pest Control

Leah, somehow, had found herself standing on top of a rock in the centre of the village at 6am, telling people who were much older than her what to do. But none of them had protested. They'd all obediently listened to the warnings about not standing on the ground - not that there was much they could do about it. After her speech they'd found some stones and some blankets to lay over the mud and grass, but they weren't equipped to deal with this sort of thing. The spiders would not find it hard to take their next victim.

It was becoming increasingly clearer to Leah that there was only two ways this could go. Either they attempted to evacuate the entire planet, or they killed the entire nest either by themselves or through pest control.

She'd never even thought about killing anything before, so they'd have to try pest control first.

After the village had been told about the situation, she, Uncle Ianto and Auntie Gwen had retreated back to the TARDIS still parked a few miles away in the cave. The moment they entered they had inadvertently woken up everyone else and they'd all gathered in the console room. Her granny was all over her immediately, hugging her to death.

'Is that it? Is it over?' her granny asked anxiously. 'Are you all done, sweetheart? Look at you, you're covered in mud! Why are you limpin'? Where's Brax?'

Leah shook her head dismissively. 'We need to call pest control, Granny.'

'What?' her granny asked, confused. Leah just walked over to the the TARDIS phone, checking the number on the TARDIS monitor before dialling. Suddenly a hologram fizzled into existence to their right, making everyone but Leah and Alex jump in surprise. It was a female Pastenalean dressed smartly and perfectly coiffured.

'This is Universal Pest Control services,' the hologram said smoothly. 'Please state your name, problem and location.'

'Um, hi,' Leah began, feeling everyone staring at her. 'I'm Leah. There's a creipian spider infestation on Colossus Major.'

'Information confirmed. Putting you through to a supervisor.'

There was a brief pause, before a new hologram appeared, another Pastenalean dressed smartly. 'High greet, Leah. I am Keera. Could you describe the exact nature of the infestation?'

'There's hundreds, maybe thousands of them underground, they're taking people and eating them.'

'I see. We can send out an agent to your location within twenty-four universal hours.'

'What will you do?'

'The standard procedure is kraxlan gas; pumping it into their nest to kill them,' the Pastenalean told her.

'But there's people inside. Will that hurt them?'

'Kraxlan gas is effective against seventy-nine percent of known species of the universe. I'm afraid evacuation is not our area,' the Pastenalean replied. 'What is the likelihood the people inside are still alive?'

Leah blinked, surprised. 'Why does that matter? They might be, that's enough, isn't it?'

'I'm afraid not,' the Pastenalean replied. 'An infestation on that scale requires immediate termination. We would be risking our agents needlessly to save any people who might be alive, when it is likely they are not.'

'But that's not right.'

The Pastenalean didn't react to that. 'Would you still like us to send out our agent?'

Leah thought for a moment. Everyone was staring at her. '... No,' she eventually answered. 'No, don't send anyone.'

'Okay. Is there anything else I can help you with today?'

'No, thank you. Good bye.'

'Good bye.'

The hologram terminated and Leah looked up at everyone, who were all just staring back.

'We're gonna sort this out and get back Uncle Brax,' she announced, hoping she was appearing to be slightly more brave than she felt.

'These spider things have Brax?' Granny asked, freezing slightly.

'They're gonna eat him,' Leah said quietly. 'And anyone else they took.'

'What are you going to do?'

'I'm gonna… make something that'll kill the spiders but not hurt Uncle Brax or anyone else. I'll put the Tardis in the vortex then go make the gas,' Leah announced boldly to the group. 'Then hardly any time will pass so Uncle Brax will be okay.'

'Can you pilot the Tardis?' Martha asked.

'I dunno,' Leah confessed. 'I've watch Daddy and Uncle Brax. I'll work something out.'

Everyone just nodded. It was quite odd, Leah thought, how suddenly without Uncle Brax she seemed to be in charge.

In the five hours the Doctor had been subject to the therapy Rose had gone through almost the entire Harry Potter saga, dutifully avoiding any mentions of escaping. But because she hadn't included the parts about escaping, the Doctor had thought about them. So consequently the bonds had tightened even more. After the bond around his ribs was at the most as it was going to get without breaking any bones, the tightening had then started on his wrists and his ankles. By the time it was over, the Doctor had been surviving on his respiratory bypass system with the bonds cutting into his flesh.

'Prisoner, you will now be released from aversion therapy.'

The bonds holding him slackened to such a degree he almost fell off of the chair. He gasped in air gratefully, just letting himself inflate and deflate his lungs for a moment despite how much pain was shooting through where the bonds had held him. His wrists were cut slightly and he could only just about see his ankles, which were throbbing so badly he had little faith in being able to walk on them.

It's okay, it's over…

He just nodded, still breathing.

Get up. Get up and walk around.

He didn't particularly want to, but he knew it was probably the best course of action to get his circulation going. The bonds were still holding him around his wrist and ankles, but the chains now had enough give for him to stand up and walk a few paces. So he did.

The second he placed pressure on his ankles they shrieked with pain and he collapsed forward to the floor, crying out. Almost immediately the bonds reeled themselves in slightly, dragging him back across the floor to the chair.

'Rose,' he moaned. His use of his respiratory bypass system had considerably weakened him. He was in an energy deficit. He needed food, water and sleep in that order, and without them he couldn't think clearly. Whoever had built that chair had known that would happen.

It's okay, I know you're disorientated. You just went too far and it pulled you back. Just don't pull on them, yeah? Try and get up.

He trusted her. He got up. His ankles surged with pain again and once more he found himself dragged back to the chair.

'I can't…' he moaned.

Okay, just listen to me. You're okay. You're just disorientated from using your respiratory bypass. You can get up.

He tried again. This time he managed to stay on his feet, despite the pain. He kept breathing deeply, and paced a while.

Okay good.

'I need food… water…' the Doctor moaned.

You just need circulation. Keep pacin'.

The more he walked, the less his ankles seemed to hurt - or was he just getting used to the pain? It was a good few minutes of pacing before Rose spoke again:

How's that? Better?

'I need food and water,' the Doctor said with a lot more clarity.

I know, but you might not get 'em. Just keep pacin'.

He did for a good five minutes until his head was a lot clearer. He finally dropped back down into the chair, resisting the urge to fall asleep. 'Thank you,' he told Rose.

It's okay.

'How did you know I needed circulation?'

Umm…

'What?'

Y'know after you got diagnosed you kept havin' to go into the infirmary for blood washes? When Brax put you under I went into the library to read up about Gallifreyan biology. He told me where to find them.

'But… they're written in Gallifreyan.'

The Tardis must've translated them for me, cos they were in English.

'Ah,' he responded, slipping down in the chair slightly. There was nothing but silence. He found himself drifting off, his head lolling…

No!

He jerked awake again. 'What!?'

Don't go to sleep. It'll make your deficit worse if you sleep now.

'Sorry,' he muttered, straightening up. 'I need food and water.'

Don't count on any gettin' to you.

'I know,' he murmured.

You can pull through if you just stay awake...

'Doctor,' it was Koboho again, her voice emanating out of the walls. 'Tell me your plan, and who Jack Harkness is to you.'

'You do talk about him a lot, don't you? Don't fancy him, do you?' the Doctor muttered. Rose laughed in his head.

There was a brief pause. 'You should be disorientated,' she said, as if not quite understanding his clarity of thought.

'Sorry,' the Doctor responded to the ceiling, shrugging.

'What have you done, Time Lord?'

'This morning? Ate breakfast, got assaulted, got put in solitary confinement and undergone aversion therapy completely illegally.'

Koboho harrumphed, and the comm turned off.

I thought this was all an automated system? She's not allowed to do this to you, is she?

'Nope,' the Doctor replied tiredly. 'She's just trying to save her job. Better for me to admit to a plan so she can put me in solitary confinement for the rest of my sentence and there'll be no more bad press about the prison warden who couldn't protect a Time Lord from other inmates in New Shada. Her story to the officials is this is for my own protection; officially this is just temporary. But she wants a reason to make it permanent. She thinks she can break me. Old Shada was designed for Time Lord interrogation, and New Shada has copied all of its functions, I'll bet.'

What do you mean?

'I had to use my respiratory bypass system. Using it makes Time Lords a little light-headed, me even more so. I'm more likely to give up my secrets if I'm not focused. And I can't use my shields. This room,' he pointedly looked around, 'is designed specifically to make me talk.'

Well it ain't happenin'.

'Isn't it?' he wondered idly.

I won't let it.

'Rose…' his voice lowered, aware of microphones. 'If you weren't here just now there's no telling what I would have said to her.'

But you didn't say anythin' did you, cos I got you out of it.

'This is for five days, Rose.'

So?

'At the end of five days I'm going to be a mess,' he muttered. 'I'm going to get worse, especially if they don't feed me.'

I'll look after you.

He smiled briefly at that. 'I know you will.'

Jack had been on the grapevine all day, trying to find out what had happened to the Doctor. He'd figured the Doctor would be taken straight to the medbay, so he'd got himself admitted to try and find him. He hadn't been there, and there had been something on the grapevine about someone being taken to solitary confinement.

If that was the Doctor, Jack needed to get Spleen on his side, and quickly. He wasn't going to let history repeat itself, not for the Doctor.

When he got back to his cell in the evening he found Spleen and Todran already inside, standing in the middle of the room having an argument.

'Jack,' Spleen greeted, his sharp teeth gritted. 'Tell this kreshka to get out of my space.'

'I wasn't in his fulakin' space!' Todran yelled, clearly very agitated. 'I was just…'

'This is my side, that's your side!' Spleen yelled, pointing at each side of the room in turn. 'You stepped over the fulakin' line!'

'Shut the hell up,' Jack swore, stepping between them to pull them apart. He shoved Todran back against his bed. 'Stay on your fucking side, Silurian,' he ordered, pointing.

Todran looked shocked. 'But…'

'I swear if you come this side again they won't find the body,' Jack grated, gazing at him for a moment before leaping up onto his bunk, losing interest in him.

For a moment Todran just stared, wide-eyed, before turning on his heel and leaving out of the door.

Spleen turned back to Jack, grinning. ''Bout time someone told that kreshka how this all works.'

'This place isn't for people like him,' Jack responded smoothly. He did feel a little bad of how he'd spoken to Todran, but it couldn't be helped. He needed Spleen on his side. 'Doesn't matter,' he continued, 'won't have to stay here much longer.'

Spleen's eyes widened. 'Why not?'

'Escaping,' Jack responded. 'Gonna get out.'

Spleen continued to stare at him. 'You serious?'

'Yeah. I got business back on Sirrus I need to take care of.'

Spleen nodded. 'Me too.'

Jack looked at him, as if just considering him seriously for the first time. 'You want in?'

Spleen nodded. 'Yes. How are you getting out?'

Jack smiled slightly. 'You know that Time Lord everyone keeps talking about?'

'The Doctor? Half the people in here want him dead.'

'Yeah. He's got a plan.'

'The Doctor does what he wants. Why would he let you in on it?'

'Because I own him.'

Spleen's eyes, impossibly, seemed to get even wider. 'He's your slave?'

Jack beamed. 'In so many ways,' he mused.

'But how?' Spleen asked seriously. 'How can a human own a Time Lord? Especially the Doctor?'

Jack turned to him, gazing at him seriously. 'A while ago, he was taken by the Proclamation.'

'I remember that,' Spleen recalled. 'They imprisoned him, didn't they? Because of Echo.'

Jack nodded. 'He was put in solitary confinement for twelve years. He didn't see anyone or speak to anyone. They periodically starved him. He went mad cos of it. I was just serving time in Volag-noc, went for a wander and found him. I was the first person he'd seen for twelve years. I broke him out and we went on the run. He's lost his personality, everything he was before is gone. He's basically subservient to me, he's just a slave in a Time Lord body.'

Okay, so he'd added a few whirly bits and such, but he'd basically stuck to the story the Doctor had told him to say. Either way, Spleen seemed quite convinced.

'Fulak,' he swore. 'That's amazing. A human owning a Time Lord.'

'Occasionally he gets a bit of his autonomy back but I can slap it out of him pretty quick,' Jack added.

'I'll bet,' Spleen said muttered. 'Well count me in. I'm done with this place too.'

Jack nodded. 'I want money.'

'I'll give you what you want,' Spleen told him. 'When we get to Sirrus. On my family's honour.'

He extended his arm. Jack took hold of his forearm, giving the handshake of honour.

'Then we're on,' Jack said.

'When do we leave?'

'I'll let you know.'

Spleen nodded, turned, and dropped to sit on his bed. Jack allowed himself a small smile. Now he just needed to find the Doctor.

Leah was staring at the TARDIS controls, her eyes scanning every lever, dial and button. She had watched her father so many times; taking notes as to what he did and when. She was still learning Gallifreyan, but she had been through enough of the somewhat neglected TARDIS manual to be able to name all of the buttons and know what they did. But actually using the TARDIS was a different matter.

Everyone was watching her, anticipating. She wanted to tell them to go away and stop staring at her, but that would be rude. So instead she stepped forward to the monitor, and began to program for the vortex.

It was a slow process. She was moving around the console, occasionally on her tip-toes, tentatively pulling levers and turning dials to very specific positions. The TARDIS made a menageries of noises, as if she was trying her hardest to do what Leah was telling her, but couldn't quite manage it.

Leah finally stepped back, and looked up at the time rotor. 'Naqu,' Leah muttered to the time machine in Gallifreyan. 'Wi-naqu. Eon'wi-ha'lei qe-n.'

The TARDIS groaned loudly. Then, slowly, the time rotor began to pump.

'Wi-kinok! Wi-kinok! Wi-kinok!' Leah repeated over and over, thanking the time machine with a broad smile plastered on her face. The TARDIS screeched a little more than usual, but she was definitely moving, until they landed with a thunk! that almost made everyone fall over.

She was too short to adjust the monitor frequency to check if they were in the vortex, so she asked Uncle Mickey to do it. He did, and she saw to her utter relief, gratitude and astonishment that yes, they were in the vortex.

'Did it!' Leah cried, grinning. Everyone immediately burst into smiles, releasing an unspoken tension as they delivered their congratulations.

Leah almost instinctively looked around for her Daddy's beaming smile and warm hug, before abruptly realising he wasn't there. Neither was her Mummy.

She sighed, and looked to Alex. 'Kai'gahi'xokla cero'choirr-n.'

'Jhu?' the little boy asked in a quiet voice barely heard before.

'Bionala y kai'lei-o-n, Weepo-Brax'irak-n, tera pohh'afa'wi-aloxer-n.'

'Shikla,' Alex replied, nodding.

'What are you doing?' Granny asked.

'We're gonna make some gas to kill the spiders but not hurt anyone,' Leah told her, leaving the adults in stunned silence before she headed off to the library, holding her little brother's hand.

A/N: Translation

Naqu - Please

Wi-naqu. Eon'wi-ha'lei qe-n - Please. You have to do this.

Wi-kinok! - Thank you!

Kai'gahi'xokla cero'choirr-n - We need to make some gas

Jhu? - Why?

Bionala y kai'lei-o-n, Weepo-Brax'irak-n, tera pohh'afa'wi-aloxer-n - Because if we don't, Uncle Brax will die, and daddy will be really sad

Shikla - OK.