Dear God please save me.
It was a phrase that went through Sans's head almost constantly during the first month. He had never worked so hard in his life. Which... Wasn't saying much. But there's no way that nobody else would find this exhausting, right? Every day he woke up at 5 AM, walked all the way to the lab, crashed the elevator, hit his head in almost the exact same spot every time, sat down at his desk, and worked for hours. For hours he stared at paper, writing calculations and estimating probabilities. He was barely able to eat three meals a day. He would stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning, then head straight home and sleep until he had to get up again. It was a cycle that seemed to scratch away at the inside of his head slowly, indefinitely.
And while all of that was painful enough, here's the kicker. Almost every single day, he had to throw away everything he had worked on. Literal hours of extremely strenuous work was thrown down the drain almost constantly.
And to be blunt, it made it hard to give it his all.
Gaster seemed to not mind at all. In fact, he almost seemed to enjoy it, the nutjob. He thought he might have even seen him crack a smile once when he threw something away.
"It just means I've narrowed down the answer. Even if it was just a little bit, the truth is coming ever closer." He said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Sans couldn't give less of a crap. He just wanted to figure it out and have it be over with so that he could finally sleep again.
When he started working, he wouldn't see Papyrus for more than a couple of minutes at a time. And when he did, Papyrus seemed to express concern for him.
"BROTHER, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"
"Yeah bro, I'm fine. Why'da ask?" He mumbled, slurring his words so badly it ended up just being one word.
"YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ALMOST NON-STOP FOR TWO WEEKS NOW, AND IT SEEMS THAT YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH IS DRAINING RATHER QUICKLY." Papyrus proclaimed, his hands on his hips and squinting at Sans. "YOU'VE BEEN STARING AT YOUR BOWL OF CEREAL FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT EVEN BLINKING."
"I'm just… Waitin' for it to get soggy." Sans said, barely opening his mouth. Truth be told, it turned soggy two minutes ago. He was really just trying to gain the mental strength to go to the lab. It wasn't working.
Alphys had come in to help a couple of times, but she could never do much. She was still finishing up school, and physics wasn't exactly her strongsuit. At first, she came often. Feeling guilty for not contributing to anything.
"No, no, Alphys. We've got it under control." Gaster assured her. "You need to focus on school for now. However, We will need your help soon, and we will call you when that happens."
"A-are you sure?" She asked nervously, glancing behind Gaster to find Sans, sprawled out and face down on his desk. He slowly crumpled up a piece of paper in his shaking hand, and lifted his head up to look at Alphys. She jumped back at his expression. Which was basically a "dear God please help me please for the love of all that is holy put me out of my fucking misery I haven't slept for more than four hours at a time for over a month and every waking moment feels like nails on a chalkboard I beg of you to end my suffering" Look.
"Yes, I'm sure." Gaster confirmed. Sans slammed his head back on his desk, making a painful sounding thunk.
Alphys's eyes widened in fear as she gulped.
"O-Okay." She whispered. "I'll check up on you two l-later."
She came back five minutes later to slip Sans a carton of ice cream. He made a mental note to watch that Kissy show with her after this was all over.
It took almost two months in it of itself to even figure out how they should even build it. It didn't have to be fancy, it didn't have to be big, it just needed to work. So why was it so frikkin hard to figure out how to build a hunk of metal?
The day they finally figured it out had been a particularly bad day for Sans. He hadn't slept at all the night before, and he hadn't really eaten that morning. He could barely even answer what two plus two was that day, let alone do Astrophysics. He sat at his desk in the lab, trying to stop himself from nodding off. But it happened anyway. He was drooling on weeks worth of research within five minutes of sitting down. Gaster's voice was what woke him up.
"Sans."
"What?!" He shot up, a piece of paper sticking to his face with him. He quickly pulled it off and threw it on the desk, propping himself up with an elbow, placing his head in his hand and trying to act casual.
"Please call Alphys. I believe I've just found a way to build this."
"Woah, wait, seriously?!" Sans asked as he bolted up from his desk, running to Gaster's side. He nodded, handing Sans a few papers. Sans looked them over quickly before flopping over Gaster's desk in relief.
"Thank. God." he exasperated, letting himself fall to the floor.
"I think I'm gonna cry. Am I crying? I'm probably crying, aren't I?" Sans drabbled, rolling over on his side and curling up. "If I ever work another day in my life, please shoot me. Because that's not actually me. It's someone pretending to be me and putting my name to shame by charading me as some hard workin' freak. You know who that's not? Me. I don't work anymore. It's not me. Let me stress: I'm never working again."
Gaster smiled gently while Sans ranted, picking him up from off the floor when he was done and placing him on his feet.
"You can rest today, but you still need to participate in life!" He said, brushing off Sans's shirt as he kneeled next to him. "What would Papyrus do without you? He probably wouldn't be able to find his shoes without you!"
"Aw, c'mon, Papyrus can find his stuff just fine." Sans said, brushing Gaster's hands off of him. "You underestimate him, ya know."
"Still, I couldn't have gotten nearly this far without you, Sans." Gaster affirmed.
"Nah. I do next to nothin'." Sans shrugged, letting himself crack a small smile. "You're the real genius here."
"At least half of this work was yours, Sans. Be proud of yourself." Gaster said, taking him by the shoulders. "You deserve it."
That sentence hit Sans more than it should have. He… Deserved it? The thought never even crossed his mind.
"... Uh… Thanks, Gasty." Sans said quietly. "But uh… Geez I'm hungry. Can I go eat something now?"
"Of course. Just don't forget to contact Alphys. I need her to help with the final design and actually building it."
"Sure thing, hotshot." Sans said, saluting him with two fingers.
Alphys seemed glad to finally be able to help in some way. She loved to draw and design things, so this project seemed to excite her.
"Geez. You guys really did work hard on this." She commented, looking through the notebook they had put together of all their notes.
"So, can you do it?" Gaster asked politely.
"Oh, yeah. Definitely." She nodded. "Do we have all the materials we need?"
"Yeah. Fluffershnups said he'll provide everything he can." Sans yawned. "We can also probably find stuff in the dump if we need to." Alphys's eyes seemed to light up at the mention of the dump.
"Sans! Don't disrespect the King with such names!" Gaster sighed, putting a hand to his forehead.
"Why not?" Sans shrugged. "I called him that one time and he laughed so hard I think he pulled a muscle." Gaster sighed again and shook his head before turning back to Alphys.
"When can you start on the blueprints?" He asked her.
"Wha-? Oh, uh, r-right now! If you want." She mumbled nervously.
"If you're sure, then you're more than welcome to start." Gaster said, gesturing to their research space. She nodded quickly and scampered to quickly gather supplies.
"And Sans…" Gaster said as he turned to him. "You may rest from research until Alphys and I have finished the blueprints. But when we're done, I expect you to perform tests with me."
"So I get like… A break that's like a month long?! Holy shit. Aye aye, sir!" Sans said, almost halfway out the door.
"Don't forget, you still have sentry duties!" Gaster called after him, making Sans stop in his tracks and cringe. Oh yeah. That.
Well, it can't be any harder than this was, can it?
Turns out, the only thing he had to do was just sit at a sentry station. That's it. He just had to sit at a sentry station that was right outside of the Ruins, and wait to see if any humans came through. Which they never did. Because the door never fucking opened.
Well, damn, if he didn't hit the jackpot.
Papyrus, however, took his job very seriously. The King had instructed him to make puzzles. Apparently to trap any humans that passed by or whatever. And sure enough, pretty soon Pap wouldn't talk about anything except puzzles.
"BROTHER, HAVE YOU MADE ANY PUZZLES YET TODAY?" Papyrus asked him. Sans leaned back farther in his chair, balancing precariously with his feet resting on the sentry station.
"Nah." Sans said, picking his teeth with the tip of his finger.
"BUT WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE?!" Papyrus yelled, gesturing to the area around them. "THEY COULD EASILY WALK RIGHT PAST YOU IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION."
"Has a human ever actually passed through here?" Sans asked, stretching and putting his arms behind his head. Papyrus glared at him and gritted his teeth, struggling to find a response. Sans felt a smirk crawl across his face.
"I rest my case." Sans said, closing his eyes.
"BUT SANS, I MUST PROVE TO THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD THAT I AM INDEED, A HARDWORKING INDIVIDUAL! THAT I WILL OBEY THE GUARD'S COMMAND, AND THAT I WILL BE A TRULY VALIANT ADDITION TO THE ROYAL GUARD!"
"You know, you could just try to go talk to her." Sans suggested. "She lives in Waterfall."
Papyrus froze, his face blanking out as if he had an epiphany. He stared at Sans, his jaw gaping open, before suddenly jumping into action.
"OH MY GOD! SANS, FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU'RE RIGHT! AS SOON AS I'M DONE WITH THESE PUZZLES, I'LL GO ASK HER!" He said, running off.
"Dude, it's already pretty late. You'd just wake her up." Sans called after him. But Papyrus had already disappeared into the forest. Sans hummed, returning to his reclined position.
It had been a month since they had figured out how to build the machine. Sans was thoroughly enjoying his job of doing pretty much nothing all day. And while it was exactly what he wanted, he still didn't get to see Papyrus very often because he was so busy making puzzles all the time. So he was alone most of the day. Every once in a while, a monster might have walked past him and said hello. That was the most action he'd get all day. So he mostly just napped when he could.
But if he was being honest with himself, it was kinda boring.
So he decided to entertain himself by practicing some jokes. He had been thinking up some pretty great ones lately, and wanted to find the perfect way to execute them to Papyrus. Because if he got it just right, Papyrus would actually throw something.
He was actually about to start using a tree stump as a practice dummy, when he had the realization that he was literally sitting next to a giant door all day, so why not?
He shuffled up to the door, cracked his knuckles, and knocked.
"Knock knock." He rapped.
"... Who's there?" Came a soft voice from behind the door.
Sans froze, caught completely off guard. Did… Did someone just… Talk?
"Uhh… Dishes…?" He said, hoping he had just imagined it or something.
"Dishes who?" She asked.
Whelp. There's someone behind there alright. Unless of course he was hallucinating. Which was a real possibility. He still hadn't fully recovered from the neverending nightmare that was that stupid machine. Might as well play along with it and enjoy himself.
"Dishes a very bad joke." He said, waiting to see how he was going to hallucinate her groan of annoyance.
He was surprised when he heard laughter. Like, choking on your own spit laughter. Okay, there's no way that this was a hallucination. He wouldn't have even begin to think that it was going to make her laugh. She actually thought he was funny?
Who the hell was this lady? How did she get into the Ruins? How long has she been there?
And, most puzzling of all, how was she laughing at his joke?
Sans grinned, suddenly finding himself excited to try more jokes.
"Knock knock." He tapped.
"W-who's there?" She choked out through her laughter.
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting cow-"
"MOO."
She burst into fits of hysterical laughter, making a thunk that sounded like falling back against the door.
"Yo, you okay?" He asked, putting his ear to the door to listen.
"Ye-yes. I'm fine, thank you." She said, sighing.
"Good, cus I got plenty more where that came from." He bragged.
He continued to knock out jokes to her, and each time she laughed just as hard as the last. No matter how stupid he made them, she absolutely loved it. One time he even tried to make it so that it was impossible to laugh at, but she laughed anyway.
He had to admit, he could get used to this.
He brought his hand to the door to knock once more, but suddenly there came a knock from the other side of the door.
"Knock knock." She said quietly.
He brought his hand down. No way. Was she…?
"... Who's there?" He asked cautiously.
"Old lady." She said, already half-laughing.
"Old lady who?"
"Oh! I did not know you could Yodel!" She said, immediately bursting into giggles. He couldn't stop himself from laughing. Did he seriously just find someone this awesome? She rivaled Papyrus for how cool she was. She laughed at his bad jokes, and she made bad jokes.
"SANS!" He heard Papyrus call from the forest.
"Hold up, I'll be right back." Sans said, recovering from his own laughter. He walked to where he heard Papyrus coming from and found him running from the direction of Snowden.
"SANS! THERE YOU ARE!" He said, slowing down when he spotted Sans. "GASTER TOLD ME TO COME AND GET YOU."
"Huh? Why?" Sans asked, his laughter leaving him.
"HE JUST SAID THAT HE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU IN THE LAB." Papyrus proclaimed, trying to hide the fact that he was out of breath from running so far.
"Uh, okay. Be right there. Just gimme a sec." He said, running back to the door.
He made his way back, wondering what Gaster could possibly want with him in the lab. Did they do something wrong? They couldn't have possibly finished making it already… Right?
"Uh… Listen… I gotta go." Sans said as he approached the door.
"Oh… Of course." She said, disappointment tinging her voice. "I should be going to."
He heard shuffling behind the door, presumably her standing up.
"Uh, wait!" He called, reaching for the door.
"Yes?" The voice asked politely. He cringed. What was he doing?
"Uh… Did you… Uh… Can we do this again?" Sans asked, rubbing the back of his head. Do what again?! Tell lame jokes through a door without even seeing each other? What was coming over him?
"Yes! Of course! I enjoyed myself." She said, excited. "Did you want to meet here same time tomorrow?"
"Uh… Yeah. Sure." He said, surprised at her reply. Did she have as good a time as he had? Huh. Maybe he wasn't going insane after all.
"SANS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE?!" Papyrus called out to him. "GASTER SAID TO HURRY AND THAT IT WAS URGENT."
"Comin' bro!" He called back before turning back to the door. "Uh… See you later, I guess."
"Yes! I look forward to it!" She proclaimed, footsteps following suit.
Why was he so excited to tell dumb jokes to a lady who's name he didn't even know? All he knew was that there was this stupid grin on his face that he couldn't wipe off, and that he didn't really want to wipe off.
"SANS, HURRY UP!" Papyrus bellowed as he took his time coming back.
"Sorry, I'm comin." He mumbled. Papyrus probably couldn't even hear him.
"I BELIEVE HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT A MACHINE OF SOME KIND?" Pap said as Sans approached him. The smile was finally smacked off of his face.
"Woah, wait, hang on, what? What happened? What'd he say?" Sans said as he quickly ran up to him.
"NOTHING BUT 'PLEASE TELL SANS THAT I NEED HIM TO LOOK AT THE MACHINE WITH ME.' DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING SPECIAL?" Papyrus squinted at him. "WHAT'S WRONG, SANS?"
"Nothin'… I-I gotta go. Sorry, bro." Sans said, already headed to Hotland.
"SANS, PLEASE BE CAREFUL." Papyrus called out to him.
"Got it!" He called back, hoping to God that they didn't fuck it up.