Prompt: #10 Hell

Summary: The difference between slipping into the ground and slipping into your light is amazing, Love.

A/N: This is from the Adventum Aduro verse. The best line in this is from Keats.

Infernus is Latin for " being underneath" which is sometimes translated "hell".

Infernus

There is a silence that pervades this room. It is a different sort of silence than he is used to. So different, that it was almost foreign to one like him. There was no real silence in a city such as Nihilsomno. It being a busy metropolis whose citizens were afraid to sleep. At times, though, there was a quiet stillness during certain hours of the night. Yet, it was not quite the silence as he was feeling now. Before, when he needed a sort of quietness, he would escape to the temple of Etro. There, he would always find a sort of silence so that the only things he could hear were the silent hymns that whispered only within his ear. Quiet words spoken in a lyrical tone that told him stories to lull him towards dark, semi conscious dreams. It was there in the middle of wakefulness and sleep, that he would spend most of his nights. For he had never been able to truly sleep before. To sleep would have brought a peace that he had known he would never feel.

Before this all began, before the answers were found, before her, there had only been the hope that one day he would attain that blessed sleep and be buried within the ground. So that while he lie there, he could have been close to his parents again. Close to them within the peace only death could grant him. Close to them much longer then, than he had a chance to in life. It was with that secret wish that he had always gone to the goddess, Etro's temple so often. That was why he never felt ill at ease when within her walls. He avoided those halls that he remembers walking as a little boy, for those images would forever haunt him. So he had stayed within the chambers least disturbed to find his own sort of quiet.

Now, his desire has changed. No longer does he wish to be buried and asleep in that eternal peace. Now, he wanted to live. He wanted that living peace that he had not been granted before. What he had never thought to hope for before. They say to bury the past you much look forward to the future. He had lived so long with the darkness of his past that he never looked to the future for such brightness. His life had resembled that lone stretch of neglected highway in VallisAcerbis. The only glimmer of brightness in his dark world had been that day when he had resolved to save her. His resolve to do something good when all he had ever felt he had encompassed was evil. At first it had felt like he had been going against his very nature and then, then he realized that he would be the one to chose just what that nature was. He had seen someone more evil than himself and it had awakened him to the fact that the evilness he was sure he possessed was nothing to the evil that could be possible. It was that revelation that had him hoping for the first time. He had begun to hope in something more powerful than Fate, something more powerful than Irony and something more powerful than Fortune. He had left his mistress. He had left the lost. He had given up being the fool.

It seems impossible that he had changed his entire goal of life because of one person. That another living creature could change the course of his future. What power that was, to have such a magnitude on another living being's life. No matter that she had power that could only be compared to the sun that she represented. That was a power of a different sort. To him this power was more profound. Perhaps it was because this other power was over himself. To think that a figure so slight and a hand so soft, could bring him to his knees with a word or a smile. How hard was it to utter a word? How hard was it to fasten a smile? Both were effortless and easy. Yet, that was all it took. As powerful as he was, he was weak to those simple thing when they were supplied from her.

As a public and royal figure, he was often painted as the spoiled, self indulgent prince. Someone who never settled for second best. Well, he supposes in regards to her, he is just as they say. She was the one indulgence that he would not, he could not give up. In many other ways, he had not given much thought to such things. It could have been because he never cared to really consider them. With her, it had always been different. She had not only caught his eye, but she had caught his heart. She had filled his heart where he had been empty. There was a sort of peace in that. Only to realize that her heart was half given away in his absence. He only had a piece of hers when she had all of his. If he is honest, he will admit that even had he held her heart, he would not have been completely content. He wanted to possess her mind, as she was constantly within his. He wanted to possess all of her. He could not settle. He would have everything, because if not he would feel as if he had nothing at all. A glass half empty or half full was still only half. Half would never be whole. It was selfish and it was irrational, but he has always known that he was selfish. You did not tempt a desperate man. What he wanted with such desperation was something that almost made him wish he were under the ground. If he could but have it. If he could but have all of her as wholly as she had all of him. If he could not have her, he might as well have been in the ground. It would have been far better for him to have been buried along with his parents that day than to not have her now.

What was this softness in the air now? This tranquility that he does not remember ever experiencing before. This silent peace taking over his turbulent thoughts. Gone are the haunting lullabies of the times within Etro's hall. As he realizes this, he feels those chaotic thoughts subside. The desperation seems eased. The air, the feeling, the mood within the room did not allow his dark foreboding thoughts to interfere. Not when there was such a sight to be seen and a peace that permeated instead of fled from his grasp. It washes over him and he feels his mind easing. How could this comfort be achieved for one like him? His was not a mind to rest, but right now, it feels as if it is.

You jumped. Why do you insist on going back?

She was right. He had jumped and he had made it. Not only had he made it, she had chosen him over the other. She had chosen him even when it had been smarter and safer to choose the other. Sometimes he thinks his overwhelming need for her overshadows her own desires. He feels he wants her so desperately that she mistakes his longing for her own. That perhaps, he was controlling her in some way. It does not seem possible that she could crave him as much as he craves her. He did not consider himself very lovable. Despite the wish for it, it is hard to imagine. What a jumble of contradictions he was. Yet, within this still peace, there is no room for his usual guilt either. This blissful silence that he is enjoying could only be attributed to the sweet, fascinating creature that had been comfortable enough to sleep within his arms earlier. He looks over to her form in wonderment that she can sleep so pleasantly under his not so light gaze.

The day had been more than pleasant. So much so that he could see himself being content to fill his life with days like this. They did everything and nothing, but it did not really matter. What did matter was that he had spent it with her and he was the cause of the smile that graces her lips as she slumbers now. It had not really mattered to him what they had done. She had been restless, so he had opened up his schedule for the entire day to take her out. He does not even really remember what they had done specifically. Only the feelings he had during everything. It had been a simple outing with someone he so greatly cherished. The resulting effect it had on the both of them was far from simple. They had walked through the streets of his city aimlessly. He had enjoyed watching the excitement that had shone in her bright eyes through her dark sunglasses. More than once he had been tempted to touch her. His hands had actually begun to twitch from his want and had forced him to keep his hands inside his pockets instead.

The time had passed quickly and soon it had grown dark. She still had no desire to return and he had no desire to be away from her. So they had settled for more walking until they come across the building where they had met. She had entreated him to visit the observation deck. It looked to be a fine night, she had said. She had wanted to sit there and watch the stars and the Light with him. It would give him more chances to stare at her, so he had obliged. An impromptu picnic was soon set up for the both of them as they sat on the carpeted floor of the deck. He was relieved when he could finally see her hair again, once she had divested herself from the scarf she had cleverly wrapped around her head. Her ponytail was let down, freeing her hair for him to admire. He had missed the sight of them all throughout the day. She had looked a mixture of awe and amused when he had taken off his hat to reveal his ridiculously spiky hair. Some parts were flattened from the hat but it still stuck out. There had been temptation in her eyes to reach out and touch them. A temptation that looked to be as equal as his own was to run his fingers through hers. They spoke but their silences were comfortable as well. Then, she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder.

He could feel her warm breath beneath his shirt and it took a strength greater than his own to resist the urge to touch her face. After that night, when she had chosen him, he had tried to keep his touches to a minimum. He felt addicted to them and he knew that she would not appreciate just how much he liked to touch her. Nor just how much he wanted to always touch her. At first, he had waited until she would wake on her own, but after some time it was obvious that she was in a deep, sweet sleep. He had not the heart to wake her and he felt devious enough to take advantage of her unconsciousness. So he had opted to carry her gently within his arms and teleport them back to the castle. Once within her rooms, he had gently taken off her shoes and covered her carefully with the blankets. He had not been devious enough to take any liberties and had been very mindful of where his hands were placed.

Which brought him to the now. To someone who could not sleep, it was always fascinating to watch someone who could. He does not know how long he has been sitting in this chair and staring at her, but it must have been longer than he realized. The sun was soon to arise, though it was still dark outside. Creatures of the darkness always knew when the light was coming and so he knew too. He could not stay within this bubble of peace much longer but he had not the heart to leave just yet either. She would never know that he had spent the entire night watching her in silent yearning. The thought that he was a masochist went through his mind again as he fought the need. This was a torment, but he could not tear himself away from it. He went to it so willingly and left it so regretfully.

Watching her as he was, he felt she was more than a woman. She was something utterly divine. There was no other word for it. There was a holiness to the heart's affections and his heart was so full for her. That must make her holy too. That must make her divine. That did make her the reason he was so glad, despite this agony of self denial, that he was not infernus.