A Better Idea
Chapter Sixteen
After a long, full week of preparing for this moment, Ennis was finally pulling into the Twists' gravel drive. He was exhausted, but so very glad to be here. He would get a second or third wind, as soon as he saw Jack, he was sure.
No sooner was that thought formed in his mind, than Jack came out the front door, and with long, purposeful strides approached Ennis' truck.
"Stop!" he said, putting up his hand, traffic cop style. Ennis stopped the truck, put it in neutral and pulled the hand brake hard.
"Get out here!" demanded Jack.
Ennis did as he was instructed to do. Jack took him in his arms and gave him a magnificent kiss, holding his head, rocking him and planting a couple of extra little kisses on his chin, nose and eyebrow.
"Okay then. Now, you can pull up there in the barn yard, and I'll help you unload Scarlet and Grey. How'd they take this long trip? Goddamn, you're a sight for sore eyes, or am I repeating myself?"
Claire came out the front door and walked over to where Ennis and Jack were backing the horses out of the trailer. She gave him a welcoming smile and a big hug. "Good to see you, my boy."
Ennis squeezed her hard, and said "I'm so happy to be here, ma'm." Ennis knew her well enough by now, that he knew she had stayed in the house long enough to let him and Jack say hello privately, before she came outside.
"Well, I'll leave you two boys to it, come inside when you're ready." with that said, Claire went on back to the house.
It was quite late; Ennis and Jack lay in bed holding each other and resting.
Before coming to bed, they had showered and shaved, wanting to be ready for whatever their man needed, or for whatever they had energy for. Here they were, back in the big guest room, which they had come to consider as "their" room; Jack had made up the bed with fresh sheets and pillow cases this morning in eager anticipation of seeing Ennis' once again in this bed.
They were talking about their week, some of the things they hadn't had time to say by telephone. Both had worked very hard to prepare for this weekend together, now they could heave a huge sigh of relief. Everything they had worked toward all week was accomplished. While they murmured drowsily, Ennis stroked Jack's face and kissed his shoulder. Jack rubbed his foot lazily against Ennis' calf, and ran his hand down his arm, linking fingers. It was not what they expected, but what they needed. They slept.
Around four a.m. Ennis turned over in bed and felt someone next to him. Immediately alert, he smiled, remembering where he was. This was his chance to admire Jack, asleep and peaceful. They were lying on their sides facing each other in the bed. Such soft, beautiful, kissable lips always ready for a smile or for my own mouth. Jack's nose, he thought. How much more perfect could a nose be? And look at that ear. Did ya ever see a better lookin' ear in your life? Ennis pulled the covers down to view Jack's shoulder and chest. Oh, now I know that there has never been a better lookin' man on the face of this earth, than my Jack. Pulling the blankets down even more, he sighted along Jack's torso, stomach, hip, the long bones to the knee, and then his calf, ankle and foot. Jack even has good lookin' feet.
Ennis asked himself the age old question; Do I love Jack because he is beautiful, or is Jack beautiful because I love him? Both? Neither?
Though Ennis had been careful not to disturb his lover, and Jack never gave any sign that he was awake, there was a certain indicator which pointed to the fact that he might be!
Ennis chuckled silently to himself, thinking "oh, something else wants to stand up and be admired." Sliding himself lower in the bed, Ennis leaned into the warmth of Jack's body and said, "C'mere." That was the last thought he had; his conscious mind shut down, and his bodily senses took over, Ennis wrapped his arms around Jack's thighs, firmly grasped his ass and pulled him in closer, closer.
Jack gasped, "Oh, Ennis, god . . " both his hands clutching at Ennis' hair.
As these were the first words Jack had uttered this morning, they broke through Ennis' lustful fog. He peered up to see Jack looking at him, and he said, "mornin' darlin', can't talk right now, I'm kinda busy here."
Ennis went back to pleasing his man; he wouldn't be satisfied until Jack was.
These two who had worked so hard to be able to spend this time together now gave equal energy to rewarding themselves for their efforts. The bed, for its part, miraculously held together under their assault.
When they had somewhat regained their ability to breathe, but chests still heaving mightily, Ennis leaned over the side of the bed, seeming to search the floor around and under the bed. "What're you looking for, Cowboy?"
asked Jack.
Ennis smirked, " I think you fucked my brains out. Just seeing if I can find'em."
"You deserved it for waking me up like that." said Jack, "ain't complainin' , you understand."
"Me neither." smiled Ennis.
Cuddling now, forehead to forehead, and with the covers pulled back up, they dozed and talked and reveled in at last having bodily contact with the exact person they wanted most in all the world.
Ennis' eyes flew open, and he jumped out of bed, grabbing his pants and shirt. "Oh, sorry, be right back! I promise. I'll be right back, Jack!"
Barely dressed, Ennis crept quietly down the stairs, not wanting to wake Jack's Mom. He stepped out into the cool gray of the pre-dawn, and dashed barefooted to his truck. Digging into the glove box, he palmed the small package and tucked it in his shirt pocket.
Returning to the room, Ennis stepped out of his jeans and took off the shirt before getting back into bed and spooning up along Jack's backside. "Didja miss me, Twist?" he asked, while running his hand down Jack's shoulder, then arm, hip, and as far as he could reach without actually moving.
"Miss ya? Why? Didja go somewhere, Del Mar?" Jack said in his most annoying, aloof voice. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he grinned, but kept his back to Ennis so he wouldn't see.
"Jack, I hafta tell ya somethin', would you turn around here, please?"
So, Jack, acting like he didn't really want to, looked back over his shoulder at Ennis, and said "What?" and he kept a straight face doing it.
"Jack, I done somethin' I've never done before. Somethin' you're not gonna believe."
Jack had several teasing retorts in mind, but he became concerned that he was pushing it too far. Perhaps there really was something Ennis needed to tell him. "What is it, Ennis? You know you can tell me anything, Cowboy."
By this time, Jack had fully turned around to face Ennis, with concern in his expression.
"Well, what I done is . . ." Ennis reached over to his shirt lying on the chair and pulled out the package. "This. This is what I done. It's for you, Jack."
Stunned would be an understatement; Jack was bowled over. "You bought me a present?"
Ennis was blushing, "It's nothing; a tiny little thing, Jack. Open it, for godsake! Open it." Having waited the week, he was now anxious to show it.
So Jack, trembling all over, pulled off the blue ribbon, then the glitter paper and revealed the red heart. Not getting it at all, he then turned the object over and saw "Jack" written across it, and saw that it was a key chain.
"Oh, Ennis, you shouldn't have!" Again, Jack was going to tease Ennis about this but he saw that Ennis was in earnest about giving him a gift, he had done it out of love. "I really like this, Cowboy, where'd you get it?"
"I was in Higgin's Gift Shop in Riverton ordering a post card of Brokeback Mountain. Guess I'm getting sentimental in my old age, huh? Then I noticed the rack of key chains, and when I saw that one, I knew I wanted you to always carry something with you that I'd given you. And this is it. D'ya really like it?"
"I do, Ennis. I really do. Can't remember a gift I've liked this much." And at that, he kissed Ennis Del Mar with a seriousness required by the situation. Jack reached over to the chair where his pants were hanging and pulled the keys from his pocket. Releasing the keys from his old key chain, he dropped them onto the bed covers. Ennis placed his hand over the keys to stop Jack's action.
"Wait Jack. You know as well as I do, that when you use this bright little thing, someone is gonna ask you about it, about where you got it from. I won't blame you if you just carry it in your pocket, but keep using your old one."
"No, Ennis, we're beyond that now. When someone asks me where I got this, I'm gonna tell'em."
'What, Jack? What are you gonna tell'em? How do we put into words what we have together? I'm sorry for starting this trouble, I shouldn't a bought this for you. It's too much, it's too soon."
"Ennis, listen to yourself. Didn't you tell Junior and Jenny that you were coming up here with me, and didn't you give them the phone number?"
"Yes, Jack, but I just said it like we was friends, and I wanted to help you out. I didn't say "Jack is my man, my lover and I'm going to shack up with him", you know? Kids don't need all that explanantion."
"Right, Ennis, and neither does anyone else. When folks ask me about this key chain, I'll say "My friend Ennis Del Mar gave me this, ain't it a beaut?"
"Really, Jack? That's what you'll say?" Ennis smiled like a young boy.
"Told you twenty years ago, Ennis; It's nobody's business but ours."
"Right, Jack. Nobody's." said Ennis. "But just between you and me, I bought it because I want you to know every time you look at it, that wherever you go, you carry my heart with you. And my heart is stamped with J A C K right across it. It has never, and will never belong to anybody but you."
"Whew, you're killing me here, Cowboy." So, leaving the keys strewn across the bed, and the key chain lying unnoticed, Jack got up off the bed and came around to Ennis' side and pulled him to a standing position. He wrapped both arms around him and held him so tight, neither one could hardly breathe.
Releasing his grip on Ennis, Jack took his hands and put them on either side of Ennis' face. He kissed him deeply, soulfully, once and looking into those dark brown eyes he said, "All these years, baby, all these years, I've waited for you to want me, to love me back or to admit it, cause I always knew you did. And now you're making me the happiest man on this green earth. I want you to know that, Ennis. You mean everything to me. You've been my whole world for twenty years, and that's never going to change."
In honor of this momentous occasion, they looked at each other as if to lock in this memory for all time. "This is my Man, and he belongs to me." they seemed to say.
Jack looked sad for a moment thinking, 'when most people get this carried away with each other, this much in love, their next step is to get married.'
Turning to Ennis, he said. "Would you marry me, Ennis?"
Any other time, Ennis would have shot back a joke about tossing the bridal bouquet, or who carries who over the threshold, but he could tell Jack was in earnest with his question, and that it was causing him a measure of pain.
He looked Jack in the eye and responded solemnly, "I would, Jack. Yes."
They nodded, and filed that under the "No fuckin' way, that's ever gonna happen" Category. It had to be enough that they felt committed to each other, because there'd never be a time when one man could marry another.
They began to thread Jack's keys onto the new key chain, and when it was complete, Jack swung it around with a flourish for Ennis to see how proud he was of it. A memory flashed in front of Ennis' eyes. Something about the way Jack was showing off the key ring, reminded him of how Jack had flicked his bull ridin' prize belt buckle, to show it off to Ennis, sitting by the campfire. That was a lifetime ago, when they were just becoming friends. That was the time Ennis had said, "Don't rodeo much myself." He talked to Jack that day and told him about his life, his sister and brother, the $24 in the coffee can, having to quit high school. Told him all of it. And when he was through, he told him that was more words than he'd said in a year.
Ennis always considered it a good memory, one for the scrapbook, since Jack had jumped up, over Ennis' saying that his dad said all rodeo cowboys was fuck-ups, and jumped around, showing off till he fell over in a heap, and they laughed and laughed. Everything was fun with Jack, more fun than Ennis had ever had before or ever would have with anyone else.
The sad thing today, twenty years later, was why didn't he hear himself that day when he told Jack "Hell, that's more words than I spoke in a year." Why didn't it make him stop and ask himself about what that said about his year of getting to know Alma and getting engaged to her. Didn't he wonder why he had not poured out all his life's words to her? Why was he not more questioning about what he expected from life? Why had he settled?
Oh well, it got him his two girls, and he wouldn't take a million dollars for them, so he gave up looking back. Gotta take the bad with the good, and go forward. That's the only place to go, forward.
Speaking of Forward, I smell coffee, he thought. "Hey, sweetheart, let's go get some breakfast, what d'ya say?"
Jack looked up, surprised at what Ennis had just called him, and nodded. "Soon's we get this bed made, and ourselves presentable, I think that's the next thing on our list!"
Claire had heard them stirring around upstairs for a long time this morning,
Sometimes she thought she'd like to be a fly on the wall to hear what they talked about. For two men who "didn't talk" she couldn't get over how they never seemed to run out of things to tell each other, or ask each other.
She called upstairs, "You ready for me to put breakfast on the table? Five Minutes!" Just then they came to the top of the stairs and headed down.
"Perfect timing!" she said, as she hugged them both good morning.
When they had eaten and were enjoying a second cup of coffee, Jack pulled the new key chain out of his pocket, and laid it on the table in front of Claire. He gave her a minute to realize what she was looking at. "See what Ennis brought me?" he crowed.
"My, oh my." She said, beaming at each of them in turn. They sure do seem to be proud of themselves this morning, she thought. "What a nice gift."
"I thought we'd go to the hospital bright and early this morning, son. That way you can be back here by noon to help Ennis with the chores. Will that be all right with you?"
Just as Claire had finished speaking, there was one knock on the door, and it was pushed open. Walter barely hesitated, as he walked in greeting everyone and reached for the coffeepot. Clearly, he was a regular and welcome visitor in his sister's home. "I knew I could bum a good cup of coffee off a you before I head on up to the hospital to see John; got any milk for this? Oh shoot, Iris sent you a coffee cake, and here I am so forgetful, I left it in the truck." He looked around helplessly, hoping to get one of the younger men to offer to go get it.
Jack bit. "I'll go get it Uncle Walter, you just sit and enjoy your coffee."
"Thank you, my boy. I sure do appreciate that. These old bones don't like to jump up after just getting set down."
Claire was saying, "If you're going to the hospital Walter, might I get a ride with you, and relieve Jack today?"
"Sure can, that's one of the reasons I stopped in. The other was to talk to Del Mar, here. Sis, have you told him about the Cattlemen's Association Picnic, yet?"
Seeing her blank look, he said, "I'll take that as a No." He turned to Ennis,
"Mr. Del Mar, I'd . . "
"Ennis. Please call me Ennis."
"Okay, Ennis, be glad to, if you'll call me Walter. So, Ennis I came by to tell you that we are having a Cattlemen's Association Picnic on Memorial Day, well Sunday, really. And I'd love for you and Jack to come, and meet some of the other men. There'll be a parade in town, for what that's worth, and then we all congregate over at the fairgrounds for a lunch of barbeque, beans, potato salad and roastin' ears, maybe blackberry cobbler, and then fireworks as soon as it gets dark."
Jack had re-joined them, set the coffee cake on the table, and had heard all the pertinent details. "What's so important about this picnic, that it would bring you over here to invite us, Walter? asked Jack.
Walter addressed his answer to the newcomer. "Well, it was obvious to me the first time we talked, Ennis, that you have a lot to offer our group, and I was hoping we could charm you into joining us, and dragging Jack here, along. You are a man with ranching experience and you have a good head on your shoulders; we're a mite short on that in some cases. Jack has all this knowledge of what, if any, farm machinery will help us improve our yields, and our processes. Our young Jack also knows how to structure a deal if we need to co-op a piece of machinery to be able to afford it." added Walter.
"I see the two of you as a source of new blood for our organization, if you'd join us. If you won't, maybe you would consent to come and speak to the group a couple of times. Both of you, on different subjects, of course."
Ennis was beginning to wonder if Walter ever breathed. Or if he just talked non-stop and never needed to take a breath. It is nice to be regarded as a potential asset, though. It sure is a welcome change.
Jack already knew that Walter could talk the bark off a tree, so he wasn't too surprised at that. It was what he was saying that was so surprising.
Ennis took a stab at stemming the tide of Walter's words. "Well, it'd be up to Mrs. Twist, here, if we decided to go to the parade and picnic, but you realize that neither Jack nor I actually live here, don't you? I mean, I'm in Riverton, and Jack, well, you know where Jack lives, down in Childress."
Walter ducked his head a bit, and said, "Well, yes sir, I know you don't live here now, but Claire told me how it is with you two, and I was hoping you'd become a permanent fixture up here." As he said this, Walter's eyes fell on the red heart with J A C K across it, and he picked it up.
Jack stared thunderstruck at his mother, Ennis gaped open-mouthed at Walter, Claire turned sheepish eyes on all three of them. And no one said a word for one heartbeat, two heartbeats, three.
It was Walter, of course, who eventually broke the silence, "What? Have I spoken out of turn? This was 20 years ago. She said how devastated Jack was, how worried she was about him. I'm sure the name was Ennis Del Mar, that she said at the time. And well, to tell you the truth, I have eyes. I've seen how Jack perked up as soon as you came up here, Ennis. I see how you two look at each other. I'm sorry if I've upset anybody."
Ennis thought, "My god, is there no way to shut this man up?" but something bubbled out of the depths of his gut, something long repressed, and it sounded suspiciously like a laugh! Ennis doubled over laughing, and gasping for breath, tears were running down his face.
Jack was laughing now too, how could he help it with Ennis demonstrating an actual belly laugh? Didn't know he was capable of laughing like that, thought Jack. Maybe he's in shock.
Claire merely dropped her face into her hands, covering it in her shame for what she had done all those long years ago; letting this information slip out because she was so concerned, and because she had no one else in whom she could confide. A brother could be trusted to keep your confidence, couldn't he? But for how long? Was there a statute of limitations on this kind of information?
Okay, okay, gotta catch my breath, thought Ennis, wiping away tears. Whew!
"Mama," asked Jack, "how many other people have you told this to?"
"No one. Jack, I swear. No one else." promised Claire.
"Mama, I don't want to scare you, but this could get us killed, this gets out to the wrong type people. Do you realize that?"
At this, Walter spoke up, "Jack, don't go on like that to your mother. She hasn't told anyone but me, and I have not mentioned it to anyone else. No one else. Although, I think you'd be surprised at how many friends you'd have up here who would not care, wouldn't figure it's any of their business. You know?"
Jack was beside himself; he walked over and took Ennis in his arms, "You alright, darlin'?" The thought of anything happening to his man because of a slip of the tongue was very sobering to him. Gone was any bluster about going public, or getting married.
Ennis kissed Jack on the mouth, cupped his face and put his forehead against Jack's. He smiled at him to reassure him, and said, "I'm okay, Jack, don't worry."
Ennis went over to Claire, drew her up to stand in front of him, and held her. "Shh, You didn't know. Don't cry. It's alright. It was a long time ago. Shh."
Claire wrapped her arms around Ennis and sobbed, she clung to him for a full two minutes, during which time, Jack came over and enfolded both of them in his long arms and just held them. Claire started quieting down, and wiping her eyes, then she started hiccupping, which made her laugh. Jack stepped back, his eyes were wet, Ennis' eyes were wet, and Claire was a mess.
Walter was dry eyed, but awestruck at the display of love he witnessed in this room. If asked, Walter would have denied he was jealous, but there is something very powerful happening here, something rare, he knew that much.
"What's the chance of a fella getting' a fresh cup of coffee around here?" he asked.
Jack and his mother, both relieved to have something to distract them, turned toward the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee, but Ennis took Jack's arm, and shaking his head, said "uh, let's not push our luck. Let your mama make the coffee, okay? You can cut this coffee cake, though."
Ennis looked at the clock and saw that it was only 8:15 a,m, I don't believe I will be able to survive up here if every Saturday morning is going to be as emotionally draining as these last two have been.
While Walter continued to make his pitch regarding the Cattlemen's Association needing new blood, Ennis went over to Claire and began to knead her shoulders. "Relax," he said. "Let it go." When she had slumped and was completely loose, Ennis stopped. He told her "That's better. Just keep taking deep breaths."
Claire went to wash the dishes, and Ennis said "No, you don't. You go on and I'll take care of those later, or I'll make Jack do them."
She thanked him and went in to the bathroom to get freshened up for her trip into town to see her husband at the hospital.
Walter stood up, shook hands with Jack and Ennis both, saying, "I hope there's no hard feelings. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut."
"Yes, you do." said Jack. "I wasn't kidding about that information could get us killed. Ennis saw a man who was murdered for nothing more than ranching with another man. He was only 9 years old. He still hasn't gotten over it."
"Well, I am truly sorry that happened to you, young Ennis. You can count on me to keep my private thoughts private after this." claimed Walter.
Ennis turned Walter towards the door and walked outside with him. "I'll talk to Mrs. Twist later today, and see if she wants to go to your picnic. I'll let you know, I really do appreciate your invitation and all the nice things you said." He hesitated a second, and then resumed, "It's all that obvious how we feel about each other, is it?"
"Yeah, Ennis, it is."
"Well, that's good, and not good. Jack and I will talk about that. But I'll tell you something, Walter. I came this close, Ennis put his thumb and forefinger half an inch apart, this close, to losing that man forever, because I was always holding back on loving him or living with him. I'm not about to return to those days, I'm really enjoying letting him know about my feelings for him, letting them show. I've never been one to do that, never been one to talk about what he means to me. Now I can, and I'm so happy over it, I can't stop smiling. Jack, he likes it too."
"I know, Ennis, I can tell he does! He's real proud of you." agreed Walter.
Claire and Jack came outside, he had his arm around her shoulder. Jack kissed his mama goodbye as he opened Walter's passenger door for her.
Once again, Walter shook hands with Jack and Ennis, and said "I'll take good care of her."
"I know you will," said Jack. "You always have, when I didn't even live up here."
Ennis clapped Walter on the shoulder, and said, "You go now, it'll be alright."
As Walter and Claire drove away, Ennis said, "My god, Jack, is it always like this up here? How do you survive it? I'm completely wrung out!"
Jack started giggling remembering the whole fiasco, at the breakfast table, "No! I prominse you, it's never been like this. It's you. You've changed everybody, Ennis Del Mar. I know one thing for sure, you've changed me, Cowboy."
"Okay", said Ennis. "It's me. That's enough, now. Let's get to work. What's first? Dig the footer for the porch, go take care of Scarlet and Grey, or join the Cattlemen's and run for County Commissioner?"
"I think let's clean up the breakfast table, and kitchen, then get the horses and ride out to check on the herd. Sound good?" suggested Jack.
"Perfect answer again, my man, let's get after it!"
Decision made, Ennis and Jack went inside and began to clean up the kitchen, and start their weekend chores. Jack looked over at Ennis and wondered what he was thinking, what was he smilin' to himself about?
Ennis thought, I have another gift for Jack and myself. He still doesn't know that I have an extra day to stay up here, and that I don't need to leave till Monday. Long weekend, short week. Sounds good to me, he smiled.
In a very short time, they were riding the horses across the barn yard out toward the Back 40. They were looking for problems needing to be solved, or to just have another good day out under the Wyoming sky, sharing the day in the open on horseback. They were back in their element, together.
End of Chapter Sixteen