A Better Idea
Chapter Eighteen
Ennis still stood with his arms around Jack, humming and swaying just a bit, when he said quietly, "Jack Twist, I have a surprise for you."
"Is it something good?"
"Yes, it's something very good. Well, I think it is, anyway."
"Is it bigger than a bread box?" asked Jack.
"Uh, yeah, it's bigger than a bread box. What's a bread box, Jack Fuckin' Twist?"
Jack laughed, "It's a box you keep bread in, dummy!"
"I keep my bread in the refrigerator. What day is this, Jack?"
"Saturday, May 28, 1983. Why?"
"And when do I have to go home, Jack Twist?"
"Tomorrow, as usual, right? Not Today, Ennis, that's not a good surprise!"
Ennis was smiling, and shaking his head, "No, not tomorrow."
"I get the Holiday off, I can stay till Monday. I can sleep here with you two more nights and wake up with you three more mornings! Is that good news, Jack? "
Jack could no longer stand still, he whirled around and threw his arms around Ennis. "No, that's not good news, Ennis; that's Great News! How long have you been holding out on me? When did you know you had the extra day off?" Jack demanded.
"Couple a days." replied Ennis. "I thought it'd be a nice surprise, me not having to leave so soon, on Sunday."
"Ah, Ennis, that's the worst feelin' ain't it? The countdown, when we know we gotta leave each other. I hate that fuckin' feeling' worse than anything. Whooeee! We have a whole extra day!"
Laughing and happy, they mounted up Scarlet and Grey and headed west along the creek and up through the rocky places that were not good for the cattle to graze. It was a desolate but beautiful part of the ranch. Without thinking what he was doing, Ennis thought I might rather have this view when I wake up every morning next to Jack. He asked Jack what he thought of this part of the ranch. "It's my favorite spot on the place; see right over there where the creek falls between those boulders?" They rode in that direction, and Ennis had to agree. Dreams for another but not too distant day, he thought. Not nearly as distant as I once had thought.
Ennis did not want to do this, but he couldn't help it. His mind was racing ahead to Jenny's 18th birthday on September 30th. He would have to keep his paying job until he completed the child support requirements. Not that Alma and Monroe needed the money; but because he would proudly meet his responsibilities to support his little girls; he would never let anyone else do that. It's what he wanted to do. And, hell, he's waited twenty years, what's another four months?
Riding on, they went to look over the stock. Seemed they were more scattered than usual, searching for good plentiful grass. We need rain up here, bad. The grass was not what it should be, and they made a note to get some extra hay out here tomorrow, and some extra salt blocks, too.
While heading back to the house. they talked about whether or not they wanted to go to the Crook County Cattlemen's Picnic on Sunday; that was tomorrow. Time flew so swiftly by, that they jealously guarded any time they had together. The rest of the world could go hang, for all they cared, but still . . . if they were interested in making a life for themselves up here, maybe they should consider what Walter had said.
"Well, as long as I have you, Jack, I don't give a fuck what else we have, you know that."
"Me neither." laughed Jack.
"That settles it, then. Whatever your mother says, it will be. She says go, we go. She says no, we don't go. Good. End of discussion."
They arrived back at the house, settled the horses in their stalls and by a unanimous but unspoken vote, they climbed straight up to their spot in the hay mow. It was mid-day; they were expecting Jack's mom and Uncle Walter back home at any time so they definitely kept all their clothes on.
Mostly, they did. Well, the shirts had to come off, that was the only thing, had to have skin on skin. And then their pants just got in the way, so good god, before they knew it they were stark naked again and making soft sweet love on their blanket that Jack kept up there now, just for their own use.
At least they had remembered to hang up their clothes,
It was interesting, no, amazing to Ennis that he never knew ahead of time whether they would go after each other like starved animals, or whether they would be tender and loving, like the sweethearts that they are. Either way, he was in it for the long haul. He enjoyed Jack's body, and knew that it was mutual. They each gave, and they each took what they needed.
Like this morning, he thought, that was hot, rough fucking. It's what we both needed after missing each other all week. This is slow and sweet now, and satisfies in such a different way. And each time, hot sex or making tender love, I always think, "This is the best time yet!" Ennis did not realize that he was going to speak out loud, but he did.
"You think so, Cowboy? S'Funny, ya know, I think that every time."
"You do, too? That's just what I was thinking, Jack. Every time we're together is the best. I just need to be in you, have you be in me. I need to hold you, have my hands and my eyes on you. I need my mouth on you, Jack, all over you. If I could, I'd eat you up and swallow you so you'd always be inside of me. Guess that's weird and pathetic, huh? But it's the way I feel."
Jack said, "Not pathetic to me. I used to wonder how we could manage to melt into each other so we'd never have to be apart. I still do want that."
Ennis breathed in Jack's scent, and spoke into his ear, "Oh little darlin' you are never going to get rid of me. I'll be right there, every morning and every night, running my hands and my tongue all over you,"
Jack laughed, "Oh yeah, that'll be a hardship. You'll have to cut that out. . say in about two or three hundred years!"
"You know, Ennis, when we were on Brokeback that summer, I thought we'd never be able to talk like this. I could hardly get a word out of you, and I didn't know the words to describe what we were doing, or what we were building together. I sure didn't know it would turn into a lifetime of loving one man. F' I had, I'd a never married Lureen, had Bobby. Can't say I regret having Bobby. We were so painfully young back then, Ennis. Remember?"
"Yeh, I sure do. And it didn't get lots better real fast either. Took me years to realize that the only time I was alive was when we was together. And the rest of the time, what was s'posed to be my real life, I was just coastin' waitin' to get back to you, Jack. Talk about your goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation."
Continuing, Ennis said, "Jack it was that showdown a couple a weeks back that made me realize what I was doin'. How I was losin' you by holdin' out on you, holdin' off your dreams of a life together. Jack, one a the things I love best about you is that you do have dreams and you ain't 'fraid to go after them. I've never allowed myself to dream a'tall. Did you know that, Jack? S'funny though, today I been dreamin' about a lot of things. I've learned that we could have us some "Possibilities" Jack."
Reluctantly, Jack suggested, "Ennis, you wanna get up and get dressed now? I feel we shouldn't push our luck any farther, what d'ya say? I'd just as soon my mama didn't walk in on us naked, nor Uncle Walter neither!"
"Speakin' a that, Jack. Walter said it's real obvious how we feel about each other. What d'ya think we should do when other folks is around? Maybe I could close my eyes and not look at you, Jack. 'Cause when I look at you I can't help but get all warm and juicey inside."
Jack laughed so hard about Ennis saying "juicey", that he had to run outside to piss, or risk wetting his pants.
They had no sooner finished dressing and finger combing each other's hair, than they heard Walter's car coming up the gravel road. "Quick, check me out; Is my hair stickin' up all over? Do I have straw on my back? Let me look at you, turn around. You're okay!" They walked out of the barn to face the world. Even though they were most comfortable alone, just like they started out so long ago, it was a good thing once in awhile to be with each other with family near. It was a new and welcome experience, especially for Ennis.
Ennis was kind of curious how Walter would act when he faced them again, after the events of the morning. He couldn't believe he had kissed Jack right in front of Walter. Well, Jack needed comforting, and so did his mama, it was an unusual situation. Under normal circumstances, Ennis was a very reserved fellow, and would never do that. But. . .oh Hell! He had been in shock.
After greeting each other at the front door, Walter asked if they could all come in and sit down at the dining table. He had some important things to say to them all, and they would not keep till another day.
End of Chapter 18