Denying

Seventh year - continued from previous chapter

It seemed to James that Sirius could not wipe that ridiculous beam off his face. Remus and Peter, as usual, kept it to the minimum, but every comment that Sirius made had to involve Lily Evans and that stupid, stupid kiss.

"Shut up, Sirius," grumbled James for the thousandth time.

"But Prongs!" exclaimed Sirius. "You should be ecstatic."

"I mean, it was just the cheek, but I can't believe she didn't jinx you for that," gushed Sirius, his eyes gleaming. "Evans has been going soft on you recently; Merlin, I think she might even consider you a – a friend!"

"Oh, that's really helpful, Padfoot," said James.

"Are you blushing?" teased Sirius, relentless.

When Sirius next spoke, James could hear the smile in his voice.

"James old boy," he said. "You'd better get your head up out of your hands and sit up straight since someone just came into the Common Room."

James' head shot upwards and his spine snapped into place. Lily had just climbed inside with Alice Longbottom and Marlene McKinnon, evidently just having returned from Hogsmeade, and all three of them were staring straight back at him. Marlene's lip twitched, as Sirius's did, and Alice subtly nudged Lily forwards with her arm.

"Tell her that you love her," hissed Sirius quickly.

Peter nodded enthusiastically. "And that you – you respect her!"

James glanced helplessly over at Remus, who smiled.

"Just talk to her," he advised. "But don't go overboard or, Merlin forbid, cocky."

James nodded, trying to catch what Lily was saying in a hushed undertone to Marlene and Alice.

"But I can't just – come on, be realistic – It's James that we're dealing with – Merlin, it's just so –"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "We all know you've been warming up to him over the past few months, Lil. Do you fancy him?"

"Merlin, no!" exclaimed Lily, her cheeks reddening. "I mean it's – I just think – I've hated him for years and he's probably grown out of that ridiculous crush on me anyway. Come on, it was just a friendly kiss on the cheek, because the mistletoe was there."

"Just talk to him, Lily," said Alice.

There was a beat of silence, and then James saw Lily nod awkwardly and turn in his direction. Sirius stood up, shooting James a thumbs-up from behind his back, and sat down in another chair, leaving the space next to James open. Lily sat down moments later, forcing a smile.

"Hi," she said slowly.

"Do you want to… er… talk?" said James, embarrassed "In private?"

Lily hesitated, then nodded. James turned to Sirius, Peter and Remus.

"Would you be so kind as to clear off?" he said.

The three Marauders, each of whom were smiling, Remus knowledgeably, Peter eagerly and Sirius devilishly, headed away to talk to Marlene and Alice, no doubt about the two they had left behind sitting before the fireplace.

James cleared his throat. "So about yesterday morning…"

"It's forgotten," said Lily quickly. "Besides, it was just because that mistletoe was there, just a friendly kiss on the cheek, right?"

"Right," said James quickly. "Exactly, I'm sorry, I should have asked or said something."

"That's alright!" said Lily in too high a pitch. "I mean, I know you had that – that silly crush on me before, but that's gone now, hasn't it?"

James nodded vigorously. "Of course! Sorry about that… it was silly, wasn't it?"

Lily laughed once, although her expression remained awkward. "Very silly."

"Don't worry, I don't feel anything like that anymore," lied James. "I'm just glad we're finally getting on. And I'm sure you–"

"Oh!" exclaimed Lily, her cheeks darkening even further. "No, no, no! I don't feel anything either."

"Whew!" said James, although it seemed his heart had just fallen into his stomach, unable to beat anymore, with the heaviness of Lily's words. "That's a… a relief."

"I'm glad we… we both feel the same way," said Lily. "So it's forgotten?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," joked James, although there was nothing, nothing at all, that was funny about the situation. He swallowed. "I'll see you later then."

"Um, yes, of course," said Lily, standing up quickly and hurrying back to her friends, as if she couldn't bear to be around him anymore.

James' head fell into his hands once more. He felt empty. His friends didn't even laugh at him.

There was no use denying it anymore. The truth was that Lily would eventually marry a lovely wizard and have lovely children and live in a lovely house. She would never fall for him, which was painful, but her choice, and he would respect it. He was glad they were friends, but it was time he stopped yearning for anything more.

Lily ran upstairs to her dormitory, her throat dry and her mind in turmoil. Why was she feeling like this, as if her heart had swelled to ten times its size and was pressing so hard against her lungs she couldn't breathe? Why did she want to lace her fingers into his hair and kiss him now, do more than kiss him?

She knew. Of course she knew.

No, she thought fiercely. Never. It's just – it's just an attraction, nothing more.

But of course it wasn't. There was no use denying it anymore.

She had wanted him to kiss her, really kiss her, under the mistletoe. In the space of a little over four months, she had fallen in love with that idiot James Potter.