Prompt: #16 Improvise

Summary: A wedding from another perspective.

A/N: This take place in the Eclipse Series during Matrimonium.

Inconditus is Latin for "unplanned, confused, not arranged."

Inconditus

"I'm gonna leave the details up to you."

That had been the last thing his friend said before unhelpfully ditching him. No real instructions or directions. Just that. Nothing that could actually be helpful. He was tempted to find his "friend" right now, just to let him know just how bad an idea it was to put this on him. What was he thinking, putting him in charge of something like this anyway? Sapien really should have known better. Maybe Sap was losing it from the pressure from recent events. It wouldn't have surprised him since Noct always went to him Sapien. Noct was smart like that, because he's sure his advice would have been crap. Sapien was the genius and it took the pressure off of him. So, if anyone was in need of a serious lapse in mental reality, it was Sap. That still didn't make this right.

If he were a reasonable person, which he wasn't, he'd be more helpful and look at this positively. But he's not reasonable and he darn well wasn't going to let Sapien get away with throwing this at him. Okay, so he really did see the point of leaving his trusty rifle at home today, but he didn't have to be happy about it. In fact he refused to be and nobody was going to tell him otherwise. Even though he probably wouldn't care about being an even bigger jackass if he wasn't sure that either Noct or Stell wouldn't kick his grateful piece of good looking man flesh out of the festivities. That was the only thing preventing him from being a sourpuss right now.

This was supposed to be a fun day!

He had spent hours on which pick up lines would guarantee he would not be sleeping alone tonight. But,most of them directly involved is rifle! Gah! It hadn't even occurred to him that he wouldn't have it with him and damn that it was restricted. He had tried to make the excuse that he was standing on guard in case someone decided to crash the party, but Sap had raised his eyebrow in that annoyingly know it all way of his and he'd dropped the act. Not his finest excuse but it had been a good one! Sap may not say much but he had those eyes on him. Maybe the glasses were for added effect cause they never failed to make him nervous when he got like that. Then he goes and drops this bomb on him right at this last second about ten minutes ago. He was an attention hog, what of it? That didn't mean he wanted to do something like this! He had been all prepared to be make a spectacle about being one of the groom's men with his swanky suit and perfectly ruffled hair. Heck, he'd even practiced which kind of grin he was going to flash the ladies as he passed them on the way down the aisle. But this? This was just not what he was good at! What was he supposed to do? He was a genius, not an improv comedian... well, wait. That just brought a thought to his head.

"Hey Vi!" he shouts, jumping onto his feet and storming, without knowing, into his roommate's room.

"You still can't bring the rifle," growls Vires in response. He's frowning at the bowtie he has to tie and they already know he doesn't have a clue how to wear one.

"Not that!" he cries and his voice just went up an octave. "Sap just gave me the thing to do."

"Oh, that," snickers his scarred buddy in delight. He wouldn't think it was so funny if it were him!

"I need a wig."

"And what makes you think I wanna know that?"

"You need to help me find one!"

"How is it going to help you?"

"I've decided to go to the wedding in drag," he snarks.

Vires scoffs really loudly before frowning at the strip of silk that he's supposed to make look like a bowtie again. Where were clip ons when you needed one!

"It's for my gig," he explains.

"You need a wig to do your MC duties?" Vires asks skeptically, pausing just to give him a matching glare.

"Not just one...," he stops to think about it first. He taps his chin for emphasis and then counts with his fingers. "Maybe eight."

"Eight?" gaps Vires and he really needs to not look like that because he looks very dumb. "You're serious."

"Have I ever been serious?" he shoots back.

"Why are you asking me anyway?" asks Vires, looking offended. "I've never needed a wig."

"Yeah you have," he insists. "Remember that time we made that bet..."

"Don't remind me," interrupts Vires. "But that was a long time ago. I don't think that place is still open."

"Who do we know that would have a clue and not say anything?"

"Do you even have to think about it?"

"I'm doing enough thinking trying to come up with stuff at the last minute," he defends.

"Your favorite person, of course," Vires answers with a roll of his eyes.

"Me?"

"Second favorite then," corrects Vires with a very wide roll of his eyes, this time, that he very obviously ignores.

"Second favorite.. oh! Sunshine! He'd know," he realizes with a grin on his face. He snaps his fingers too. "He might even have some of his own."

"Wouldn't surprise me," agrees Vires. "And he definitely wouldn't be telling Noctis or Stella about it either."

"Very true. I like that," he says, getting very excited now that his plans are coming together and he even gets to taunt Sol at the same time. "Come on, we'll see him now."

"Who says I'm going with you?"

"Of course you're coming with me!"

"I need to get ready."

"All you have to do is put that monkey suit on." he whines. "Come on! You know I'd go for you!"

"No you wouldn't."

"Okay I wouldn't. But you gotta! Come on buddy! I don't want to be alone with Sunshine," he says, looking a little pensive.

"Why not?" Vires asks but it's clear he just wants him to say it.

"He was checking me out yesterday."

"No he wasn't," says Vires with yet another roll of his eyes.

"Yes he was!"

"I was there. He wasn't."

"Were you checking him out?"

"One of his eyes was swollen. Plus you tried to argue with him the entire time. Of course he was looking at you."

"He was checking me out!"

"You think everyone is checking you out."

"You say that like it's never true."

"Because it usually isn't."

"That hurts!"

"The truth usually does!"

"You could have said it a little nicer."

"Like you would?"

"..."

"See?"

"Okay fine! But can you please come with me?"

"You're going to owe me big time for this," Vires cringes.

"Put it on my tab," he says with a grin.

"The one where you already owe me a new truck?"

"I said I'd get it when we finally get paid!"

"We've already gotten paid. Three weeks ago."

"Well... my check hasn't cleared yet."

"You don't get checks."

"I'll do it!"

"You'd better," warns Vires and he has that look in his eye that can't be good. "Or you'll find a dent in your barrel."

"You wouldn't!" he cries.

"I so would!" vows Vires and he means it from that almost crazed look on that scarred face of his.

"Fine!" he whines really loudly. "To show you what a good sport I am, I'll even help you tie the bowtie right."

"Another thing."

"What now?" he asks and he's getting pretty annoyed. "You're asking for too much!"

"You owe me too much!"

"Fine!" he cries, but he's secretly pleased cause he really doesn't want to see Sunshine by himself. Wouldn't want any rumors to go around that he preferred the mens to the womens.

"Why do you need the wigs? A straight answer or I'm not going."

"I'm... I'm, er going to dress up as each Crystal Bearer."

Vires blinks at him and then bursts out in a roaring laugh.

"Okay, let's go," says Vires as he opens the door to go see Sol. "But I get to pick the outfit you gotta wear when you're being Procella."

"What?"