Prompt: #43 Inconceivable

Summary: Some things just can't be foreseen.

A/N: This takes place after the Eclipse Series and Praestolatio Prestolatio.

Perculsus is Latin for "a shock".

Perculsus

The gaping mouth was something new. Now he was waiting for that inevitable shriek or high pitched squeak that always accompanied things that surprised his friend. It's just that he had been expecting that and not the gaping fish expression currently on his friend's face which didn't look like it was going to be disappearing anytime soon.

"It's about time," growls Vires with an approving nod.

Which seems to get Des out of his stupor. It leaves him feeling stunned too. Though he doesn't think he has a gaping mouth at Vires' remark.

"What do you mean, 'It's about time'? demands Des with a shout that is more like the high pitched squeak that he'd been expecting since the beginning. It's just a little bit more higher pitched and for a second he thinks his glasses might have cracked. "You tellin' me that you knew and you didn't tell me?"

"I would like to know if you have known as long as I or if I was being obtuse too long," Noctis remarks with a smirk, as he sits back on the couch leisurely. Noct and Vires are not as unsettled as he and Des are right now.

Des jerks his head between Noctis and Vires while he merely waits to see what they say. It's something that he's wondered about himself.

"Mira was acting like a broken hearted china doll at dinner when she first arrived," explains Vires and then his scarred friend turns to look at him with a frown. "Just knew you were the cause, even though she denied it."

"I wish you'd have confronted me," he says with regret. "Then I could've cleared things up very quickly and spared Mira any heartache."

He meant that too. To think that her blessed little heart had thought that he would love another was just.. awful to think about. Not only because she thought he would prefer Procella over her but because she couldn't tell just how much he would always want to be with only her. Admittedly, he's never been very good at expressing his feelings. He was not a very emotional kinda guy. If he had to use one word to describe himself, he'd say he was bland. He was downright boring and he knew it and that had never bothered him until he realized she might not like that.

"Wait, what dinner was this?" asks Des before demanding. "Was I there?"

"You had a hot date," he answers, because that night was a night he wouldn't forget.

He'd replayed that night in his head countless times already. At the time, he hadn't been able to figure out why Mira had so flatly declined his offer to walk her back to her rooms the way she had. He'd been planning on asking her to go for a walk around the city but she'd never given him an opening. All she'd done was smile, a sad smile that didn't look right on her face and tell him that he should enjoy his night off. But, what would he do with himself for a night if she wouldn't spend it with him? He had ended up working instead, like he always did. The image of her walking away so happily with Vires and then hearing the echoing sound of her laughter when they'd gone out of sight had hurt him so much he had actually felt it. He had never even thought things like that were physically possible. His hand almost moves to scratch his chest now because he can always feel it again when he thinks about that night. So, he had ended up working because he couldn't stand sitting around with nothing else to do but feel that pain.

"Which hot date?" asks Des with a scratch of his head that tempts him to roll his eyes.

"Never mind," snorts Vires. Then he looks at Noct. "When did you figure it out?"

"I should have known when I caught him picking Glacialis statues with Lunae," replies Noctis and he looks a little disappointed in himself.

He smirks in reply to that. Noctis was usually very perceptive but he'd missed that. He could tell Noct had wanted to ask for details but he wouldn't have gotten an answer anyway. Especially after he asked if he was going to tell him the why and he'd told him flatly that he wouldn't. Unlike Des, he and Vires weren't nosy and all it usually took was a 'no' to get them off your back.

"You actually caught him doing something?" asks Vires in disbelief and raises an eyebrow at him.

"Sneaky as always," grumbles Des, who's crossed his arms now.

It hadn't been for Vires or Noctis' sake that he'd kept his feelings for Mira a secret. It'd been for Des' sake because as much as Des blabbered on senselessly most times, he had very deep feelings on certain things. Mira had always been Des' favorite and he'd held his own feelings back believing that they'd both figure out they loved each other. The fact that Des had yet to make his random outburst was proof of how deep his real feelings were. A quiet Des was never a good thing and it makes him feel apprehensive now. He thinks maybe he should have told his rifle slinging friend in private instead of as a group like this.

"First Noct and now you," muses Vires as he looks between him and Noctis. "I wouldn't have thought."

"I kinda thought you were more into tech stuff than girls," grumbles Des and it's strange that he's glad to hear the snide tone in his friend's voice. He had been prepared for anger, not silence.

"I was surprised," Noctis admits. "But I think you two belong together."

His eyes move to look at Des and finds his friend looking at everything else but him. He doesn't even make a comment either and it wasn't like Des to miss an opening like this.

"You're the better of us," says Vires with another approving nod and cuffs him on the shoulder in congratulations. It makes him feel good and he manages a rare smile.

"Mr. Dependable," adds Des seriously and it's not mocking either.

He won't wince at that because that's the truth. He was dependable. He was reliable. He was the boring one. So why someone as vibrant and energetic as Mira would want him was beyond him. As happy as he was that she did return his feelings, he couldn't help but wonder why she had chosen him. She makes it sound like it should be obvious but he doesn't see it that way. He wasn't much to look at. His personality could do with some more spunk and he wasn't very fun to be around. Sometimes he was envious of the carefree way that Des loved life. Des had no reservations and he was definitely more fun. There was always a steady confidence in Des that he had always lacked. Not that he was incredibly self conscious because he wasn't. He just knew his limitations and knew what he wasn't. What he wasn't, was anything like what Mira had shown that she'd wanted. He didn't deserve someone like her but he was not going to let anyone else take her away from him now that she'd told him that she loved him too. She'd said that she'd always loved him and not Des. What kind of an idiot would he be to let her go?

It was underhanded, how he had gone about doing things too. He'd admit that and if Des wanted to slug him for it, he'd take his glasses off and let him. During that time just before Lunae had been born there was something that just… he knew he had to try. He'd felt like a dirty old letch for watching her so much already. Maybe he wasn't old enough to be her father but he acted like he was. He felt old enough to be. It hadn't been his intention to go behind Des' back and try to win her heart. Not originally anyway. At first he'd excused his unreasonable amount of staring by saying that he was just checking to see if she was healthy. That would've been his excuse had anyone asked which wasn't entirely unreasonable. She'd given them a huge scare when she had contracted that rare illness a couple years before. He'd worked tirelessly for hours trying to find out what they had needed to do to cure her. By the time he had found the way, he'd been so exhausted, he just about collapsed once they'd administered the antidote and she had begun to recover.

That same night, he'd still only managed to sleep a couple hours before he was wide awake again and feeling the need to check on her. It'd been late but he kept all kinds of hours and it was probably better to check on her then than waiting until the morning. From first hand experience, he would say that the worst things always happened at night. So, he'd gone to her rooms as quietly as he could only to realize that he didn't need to creep. She had already been up. Not only had she been up, she was standing in her small balcony, breathing in the night air. It wasn't until she had turned to look at him and smiled that he realized that his heart was no longer his own. All those times he watched how Noctis had stared at Stella, like Stella were some being from a higher plain, there weren't any words to describe it. He felt what that look on Noctis' face always conveyed. He doesn't think he'd ever seen anything as entrancing as Mira had looked at that moment. Her purple hair had been swaying and the skirts of her plain dress made her look as elegant as fancy gown could.

All the years that he had known her, he had always known that she would eventually grow up to be a beautiful woman. That cute little petite figure that smiled easily and always had such a trusting look of naivety on her face, would grow up to one day break his heart. He hadn't thought of that heart break in the way he did now though. That kind of heart break that something precious had matured and that innocent look had vanished. After growing up in a world where innocence was something nonexistent, to see it in someone so young had been a gem for someone who was always watching. For someone who treasured it. People were jaded. People in Nihilsomno more than others. But to meet someone like Mira and know that one day, her own innocence would be just as jaded, had always made him sad when he thought about it. He would have mourned it's loss when it had faded from her eyes.

Within that moment, watching her newly cured from his own efforts and out in the refreshing night air, the smile on her face and the subtle natural scent of her being made his heart ache in a different way. Everything shifted after that. It was within that moment that he realized that she would always have that innocence to her. She would always have it and by no means did it make her weak. If anything, it proved just how strong she was. That she refused to be jaded like everyone else. Ever since she had been little, she had such keen foresight that even he was taken aback when she'd say the most logical things. Even with that gift and being able to read the inner person, she always kept her naïve and most cherished purity. She was all too aware of the ugliness of the world but she never changed. That inner person would never change and that was what he cherished. That was what he loved. He didn't have a chance after that night. She'd taken his heart and his devotion and when he'd realized this, he'd also known that she'd break his heart in the other way too. She doesn't know what would have been worse. Watching in silence as she slowly lost that endearing quality of positivity in her or knowing that he could never have her himself. In either situation, he always saw himself on the sidelines. That was where he always would be and he would always be there to watch over her for anything she needed. He'd do anything for her, but always at a distance.

It was very unlike him to try and change that. When he felt himself getting emotional, he always fell back on his work to distract him. He'd always picked being productive than moping around and thinking about things that he shouldn't be thinking. What he shouldn't have been thinking about was her. Des talked about Mira constantly, even though Des hardly spoke to or saw her when she wasn't around or they weren't attending some event. There had always been a spark of some deeper emotion in Des' eyes whenever anyone mentioned Mira. So, for two years after he realized his own feelings for her, he had declined any events that he knew she would be at and had arranged to have Des attend instead. The thought that she'd missed him during that time had never even crossed his mind. Anyone missing him just because they liked to be around him wasn't something he thought possible. People only missed him when they needed something done. He was reliable. There weren't many people who liked to just have him around for no other reason than to have his presence. Noctis and his other brothers aside, Stella was the only one who seemed to enjoy his company. It had been enough and he had refused to believe otherwise.

Despite his noble intentions to stay away and wait for that inevitable day that Des would announce that he and Mira would get married, when she came to stay with Stella during her first pregnancy, something changed. It wasn't because when he'd seen her standing in front of Des, he realized that she had grown up. He had always known she would and he always knew that she would be stunning. Though stunning wasn't good enough of a word for just how beautiful she had grown up to be. What had made him snap was that fact that the idiot hadn't even realized he had been hitting on Mira in the first place. At first he hadn't even noticed that Des had been that clueless until Mira had looked at him as if she'd been mortified, he'd been more than a little peeved at his friend afterwards. How the dolt could have mistaken her for anyone else was not only idiotic, it was completely unacceptable.

Mira deserved to be with someone who saw her no matter what she looked like. He would never be unable to recognize her, no matter how much she had outwardly changed. That spark. That freshness. There was no way to miss it or mistake it. She was the only one he saw it in. He didn't deserve her either but he had to make sure she knew she deserved the devotion of a goddess.

It had taken him longer than his usual time to get enough inner calm to go about the rest of the itinerary for the day when he realized that there was something that he needed to ask Noctis. Some of the building materials they'd ordered had come in but somehow they hadn't sent enough. It would set back, yet another, project that he was putting together and he had to tell Noct. He'd just been writing back to the carriers when he'd bumped into Mira and dropped his handheld. Looking at her flushed and eager face had wiped his memory for a moment. How could he have passed the opportunity to spend some time with her alone? It only started getting worse after that.

As punishment, he'd made Des go with him on a trip he had been requested for just so that he'd keep an eye on him instead of leaving him to embarrass Mira again. Thoughtless Des hitting on innocent Mira like that was not to be tolerated. Not that he'd mentioned it to Des on their trip though. He'd been afraid that Des would have been able to tell that his irritation was more than just the usual eye roll for everything else.

A part of him was glad that Des and Mira had made up because it had made her so happy. He knew how important Des was to her. It didn't stop that gnawing pain his chest whenever she laughed so freely with his friend. When Des had mentioned he was changing her nickname from 'Cutie Pie' to 'Heartbreaker' he couldn't have agreed more. She broke his every time he looked at her knowing that he wouldn't ever have her. He'd been a glutton for punishment for following her into the gardens that day. When he'd made her laugh, he'd gotten that sappy, smug feeling in his chest that chick flicks always gushed about. Her laugh with him had been different to the one he had just heard with Des. There had been a truly feminine and enticing tremor in her voice. He liked to think that it was a laugh just for him because he'd never heard her laugh like that before. He could use that to get him through. He used that to content himself.

It really had been more of a reaction than anything else, when he'd automatically started helping her gather those flowers. He hadn't been trying to be romantic at all. He'd just been doing what he always did. He was being helpful. The hesitant look on her face would have bothered him if he hadn't already known she thought of him as someone who always assisted. It did surprise him when she wanted to know where he found the flowers and had watched her carefully, noting the pleased and happy look on her face as she put them all together. When she'd gathered enough, they had both sat there in the gardens. He watched her as she watched the lavender and that wondering, naïve, exuberant look on her face made him vow that he was going to make sure she always had lavender to watch. He made plans the very next hour, after he had taken her to see Stella, to have an exact replica of Stella's lavender garden be planted in Mira's own home. It was presumptuous and he hoped that she didn't mine the liberty he was taking by doing it but he wanted her to have it. She shouldn't have been without something she loved.

Getting that garden set up and demanding constant updates on its progress was more than a little difficult. Not only did he have to keep it all from getting to the wrong ears, he had to make sure it looked just right. Lavender, though easy enough to grow, was not so easily grown in the soil that surrounded Mira's home. So he had, had to replace that too and make sure the landscapers knew this and planted accordingly. Then there was the note that he had to write. He'd sat at his desk, within his rooms that night thinking about what words to write. There was no way he could sign it so the sentiments had to be just right. His rooms didn't have the best views of the garden but he had a clear enough mental image to replay it in his mind. He knew that whenever he looked at anything purple, he'd think of her, let alone Lavender itself. His hope was that when she saw the garden, she'd think about him too. So that's what he'd written and before he could change his mind, he'd sealed the envelope and written her name on it.

He'd just wrapped up the envelope when Noct had burst into his room and his handheld buzzed with a message from Vires had come at the same time. He could tell from the panicked look on Noctis' face that Stella had finally gone into labor. He'd written back to Vires and he'd managed to keep Noct calm enough as they both walked back to Stella. None of them had been eager to walk in as Stella was going through the labor. They were guys afterall and things like that were just not things that they needed to see unless they were the father. Maybe not even then from the hysterical look on Noct's face whenever he needed to take a breather. He couldn't even imagine how he would feel if it had been Mira. So he'd tried to be helpful. Noct had refused to leave Stella after that, but he could tell that Stella needed a feminine presence besides the business like midwives that were hovering around her. Stella's relieved face when he suggested bringing in Mira had been enough indication for him and he was knocking on Mira's door five minutes later.

He really hadn't been aiming to see so much of her skin when he had knocked at her door in the middle of the night. As distraught and unhinged as he had felt at that moment, nothing brought more focus to a guy's mind than the woman you covet wearing little to cover herself. He's just thankful Mira hadn't caught him staring at her so desperately. For a moment he'd forgotten all about Stella and the baby when she'd left her door open to get her dressing robe. He wasn't sure whether to be glad or disappointed when she closed it tightly around her so he wouldn't see anything else. Probably a good thing because the next thought in his head was anger that Des would get to see her like that too if she didn't.

Why was it that he could only gain the courage to be truthful with her was when she was half asleep? She'd been whining with the most adorable frown on her face while he carried her to her rooms once everything was settled again. Her complaints about everyone still looking at her like she was a child. Comments that Des should have heard because he didn't need to hear that. He was already all too aware of just how much she had grown in the two years since that fateful night on the balcony. When she'd complained about her new nickname and asked why she deserved it, her eyes had been drooped and he'd taken a chance that she wouldn't remember what he said in response.

You've broken mine.

After he had placed the blankets securely around her, he'd stepped back to stare at her sleeping face. He didn't touch her again for risk of startling her back awake but the urge to had been incredible. Things got considerably busy for him after that and he hadn't had any time to actually spend it with her. It hadn't been something that made him happy but he didn't have a choice. Things always needed to be done. His opportunity finally came when he found out only he had the time to escort her to her airship back home when her itinerary was suddenly changed. The things she'd said on the way over had surprised him in so many ways. They'd had many conversations before, but that one was the most honest. He couldn't have been anymore vague in his statements but they had been the closest he had come to telling her how he felt. So when she said similar statements, he'd irrationally gotten hopeful that she'd like his attention.

He wishes he had been there when she'd first seen the garden. The workers had cut it close by packing up just before she got there. He had threatened and cajoled them into finishing on time and they had. He'd been sent pictures of the finished product and he'd been satisfied. The only thing he regretted was not being there when she saw it. But that was okay with him because he could imagine it. Then, as if dominos were falling, he'd thought of one thing after another that he knew she would like or appreciate. He'd be walking and would randomly come across something that reminded him of her and he'd send it in a package. That had never been a set plan until after the second package. He can admit that he hadn't thought the whole thing through but he's glad that he had kept it up. There were never responses and he hadn't expected any since he never left a name on the packages. He only hoped that maybe she knew it was him and maybe, miracles could happen and she might feel something deeper towards him.

When it was time to see her again, what he absolutely had not expected was her sadness. He'd concluded that he'd been wrong about her reaction to his gifts. She was never unkind but there was a guardedness in her eyes whenever she looked at him that he knew something was wrong. What else would it be other than the fact that she didn't return his feelings and he was the big idiot that kept pushing her? Even realizing that, it didn't stop him from being a literal stalker. He doesn't think any man out there has watched a woman as much as he watched Mira after that. Most of the time, it hurt to watch her because he knew she was avoiding him. She was never mean. It wasn't in her to be mean to anyone, even if she didn't like them. But she rejected him at every turn. She made up excuses to get away from him. She jumped at chances to avoid being around him. She even stopped going to the lavender garden. It couldn't have been more obvious that she was silently telling him to piss off.

It wasn't that he'd never been rejected before. He didn't exactly go out and hit on random women that often like Des, but he knew rejection in a lot of things. Being rejected by a woman he didn't know at a bar was nothing. Mira wasn't a random woman that caught his eye in a drunken environment. She was everything his world was lacking. All the things he wished he could have were inside her. The aura that always surrounded her always had him staring at her so intently that it was bordering on idolatry. Mira's rejection did more than hurt him. He'd reacted like he always did when he didn't want to get emotional, he buried himself in his work. There was never a short list of things that he needed to handle and he'd jumped into it with single minded idiocy. He'd ended up overdoing it and one day he'd just collapsed. He doesn't even remember getting to his rooms. His last thought was looking into the toilet and picturing himself throwing his handheld inside and flushing it down the drain. Exhausting himself with work hadn't made him forget how much Mira's rejection had hurt at all. It'd only made him realize how pathetic he was and he wanted to stab himself in his chest to try and make the pain stop. He was half out of his mind from exhaustion and heartache.

When he'd opened his eyes and seen the mirage in the form of his torment, he'd thought he'd finally lost his mind. He called her name but she didn't answer. Of course not, when mirages couldn't talk to begin with. It didn't really matter in his drowsy, half blind state anyway and he'd been too frustrated to be quiet either. There had been too much anger and resentment for him to be quiet with a misleading hallucination. He'd never been as jealous as he was of Des in that very moment. To have such a gorgeous copy of his Mira in front of him, he couldn't help himself when he tried to get closer. Close like he couldn't get close to her and that had gotten him angrier. He had almost grabbed her if only to make this mirage see if he couldn't get the real her to see. Until he realized how stupid that was because he would only end up grabbing at air. You couldn't touch a mirage. So he'd asked her why she was even there in the first place. He was not expecting an answer so when he heard Mira's unsteady and trembling reply, his brain had been too shocked to form an answer. Before he could even recover to say anything else she'd run off. The hurt that he had thought was bad before was nothing compared to how he had felt as he watched her flee from him.

His legs wouldn't budge to run after her so all that was left was the package she had brought. The one that was really for her. He almost threw it away. Had been about to throw it out the window so it'd smash inside the box. Then he remembered how he had wanted it to look. He'd been very specific with every detail. It was supposed to immortalize the moment he had fallen in love with her. Though nothing could really compare to the image in his head, the statue had been a good comparison. It was enough to the real thing and it was all he had left besides the daisies that he'd tried to dry the way he had read. It had to be enough. Because it had been clear to him that he could only have an imitation of what he wanted. He'd made himself be happy with that. It had to be enough.

Of course she had refused to come to dinner that night. He didn't blame her at all. He almost missed it too but that was cowardly and he wasn't going to hide. If she wanted to hit and yell at him for his inexcusable behavior, he wasn't going to deny her the chance. He had made himself sit there all evening. Later, when Stella had scared them all out of their minds when she went into a painful labor with Lumina, he was too frazzled to get Mira. Besides, he knew that his presence would only make her more uncomfortable. So he'd sent Des instead and she had been a total pro. As soon as she had entered the room, she had known what to do. He had wanted and loved her more in those moments than he had ever wanted and loved anything. So of course she rejected him again to bring him back to the reality that she wasn't his to want in the first place.

Watching as she spoke so easily with everyone else while he only got a polite smile and avoidance, he'd almost gone mad again. True, he hadn't had a lot of time either because there were things that needed to get done regardless of how awful he felt. But it wasn't until she passed him with only a weak smile while chatting so cheerfully with Sol, that he had snapped. He'd gone mad and he'd been possessed. So like any other hopeless stalker, he had followed them. He wasn't even sure of what he was doing until Sol had seen him standing there. Before he knew it, he had been alone with her and the words just flew out of his mouth. Only to make her look horrified and he had run.

He had been ready to bash his head in the mirror of his bathroom when he had heard her voice call his name. His heart had stopped. She had followed him. Then the resignation had kicked in. He had over done it and she was ready to finally tell him to stop being a lecherous fiend. He had to stop this madness. He had to stop torturing himself and making her feel so awkward. When he caught sight of her staring at the statue he knew explanations were in order, but the bitterness disappeared when he saw her standing in the light of his window. The loveliness of her entire form left no room for him to be bitter. He had not expected her to start crying when the words flew out of his mouth again. There was no depth lower that he could sink into when he saw he had made her cry too.

To find out that she had been avoiding him and staying away from him all this time because she thought he had a thing with Procella was so off the wall that he'd blanched. The idea had been so ludicrous and wrong that he had almost felt sick. When she told him she had always loved him, it was a different kind of snap when he had finally given in and grabbed her. He would never shake his head at Noctis and Stella again.

"This is… this is just inconceivable!"

"Woah! Big words isn't a good sign," mocks Vires.

"You and Mira!" shouts Des.

The shock had worn off and the outburst had finally come.

"Yes," he says simply. Because that's all that needed to be said. No excuses to follow either because he had none and he had no regrets either. He was going to marry Mira and he was going to do everything he could to make her happy. So if Des wanted to hit him, he could go ahead. But it wouldn't change anything because Mira had accepted him. Mira loved him and not Des and that made all the difference.

Des gives him an assessing look and he wonders if his friend will pull his rifle on him. He only hopes that he doesn't shoot him anywhere that could kill him. It's not like he'd never been shot before anyway.

"Not only does that make me old. That makes me want to get married too!"

Instead of a sigh of relief, he doesn't hide the rolling of his eyes in response.