Writer's Note: Going back in time again! This one is set shortly after Changing of the Guard, so it does contain spoilers. Yeah, someday I'll put this series in order. For now, though, enjoy the random patterns of my wayward mind!

Warning: Occurs post-series and contains spoilers.

Toph had had no idea just how good Suki was at being Royal Guard until she had the misfortune of being caught by her.

Before Suki was hired by Zuko, Toph found sneaking into the Palace incredibly easy. If she was feeling particularly vicious, she would doll herself up and drop her name, effectively traumatising both Zuko and Mai in the process. Otherwise, she would sneak her way in via the underground passages and just pop up in the royal chambers until she was caught.

In the grand scheme of things, it was a great way to kill time.

Suki, however, made it clear that things weren't going to be that easy anymore.

Toph, at first, thought it would be even better now that Suki was in the Palace. After all, they were close, and she figured that, out of anyone, Suki would be the most likely to conspire with her to find various ways to scare Zuko.

She was, to put it mildly, wrong.

It was mid-afternoon, and the area where Toph stood was deserted, thanks to the horrible heat that the summer provided. On days like this, she thought, it's no small wonder that anyone from the Fire Nation was so bad-tempered. Even she was feeling irritated at how hot it was.

However, it was also the perfect time of day to sneak into the Palace undetected. Most of the guards would be in the shade until the sun sank a bit, and the place that she stood, right above the royal underground passages, was hardly one to guard on a regular basis. While times were shaky at best, the Fire Nation knew better than to suspect the Earth Kingdom of launching sneak attacks using bending.

But that never included Toph.

With a grin, she held up her hands and slammed a foot onto the ground. The earth yielded beneath her, and she jumped down and into the hole, throwing her hands above her head to close it. She sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment; it was a little cooler under ground, but not by much. She hoped that Zuko would be smart and keep the Palace shaded.

Slowly, she walked, keeping her bending on hair-trigger and her senses wide-open, feeling for any change and dip in the pathway before her. She knew better than anyone how treacherous the pathways could be, and since she was alone, she thought it prudent to be extra-alert, just in case.

It turned out that she wasn't vigilant enough.

The moment she reached the doorway that led into the Palace proper, the door opened to reveal Suki, dressed in her red-and-gold Warrior outfit. Toph, of course, didn't see her standing there dressed that way, but the moment the door opened, she knew who it was. She froze, her heart racing, before relaxing, placing a hand to her chest.

"Geez, Honey, you scared me," she admitted, cracking a smile. "Next time, at least warn me before opening the door, will you?"

"Toph," was Suki's reply, her voice hard. "You're trespassing."

The younger girl froze, unsure of what she just heard. "No, I'm not," she protested. "I'm just visiting."

"By using the canals?" Suki answered. She crossed her arms over her chest; Toph could hear the swish of fabric as she did so. "That's trespassing."

"Look, I don't get what the big deal is," Toph admitted. "I do this all the time, and both Fuss Lord and Queen Ice know this. Why are you making a big deal about it?"

Suki sighed. "Toph, you know you mean the world to me, right?"

Toph smiled. "Of course," she agreed, a touch shyly.

"And you know that nothing will ever change that?"

"I…guess."

"So you'll understand when I tell you that I have to arrest you."

Toph froze again. "You have to what?"

"Arrest you," Suki repeated calmly. "You're trespassing. I'm Royal Guard. My duty is to protect the Fire Lord and his home. Despite the fact that we have a past, and while I'm sure you mean no harm, we can't let this go without showing a penalty. It'll send the wrong message if it gets out."

Toph was stunned. "Message?" she repeated.

"Yes," Suki answered, still calm. "Zuko and Mai have been getting death threats. You also saw how they've had attempts on their lives. I can't be too careless. So either you come with me peacefully, or you'll see why I'm the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors."

Toph's eyes narrowed, and she set her jaw. "Honey, are you threatening me?"

Suki shrugged. "You have a choice. I'm merely giving it to you."

"Oh, you are not threatening me."

"Take it as you like."

This was insane. Suki, out of everyone Toph had known in her travels, was never this hard with her. She had always had a soft spot for Toph, and ever since their winter together with Sokka on Kyoshi Island, it was only made stronger. To hear these words from her, delivered so calmly and with no other choice, was, needless to say, pretty shocking for Toph.

And, well, a shocked Toph tended to make bad choices.

She scrunched up her face, crossed her arms over her chest, and sniffed. "Make me," she snarled.

"Okay."

Toph listened, and a split second later, the sound of two fans snapping open sliced through the air. Shocked, Toph reached out with her bending and threw her hands up, sending out sensory waves towards Suki in order to judge her moves. Time seemed to slow, and very clearly Toph could "see" the Kyoshi Warrior moving towards her with her fans raised.

Toph flicked out a hand and bent a pillar of rock at her, trying to trip her mid-step.

Suki, however, had seen it coming. She knew that Toph would try to disarm her first before actually attacking her, and as a result, Suki really only had one shot. She leapt over the raised chunk of earth quickly, just as it shot up, and with fluid moves, deftly tossed first one fan, then the other, at her beloved friend.

As a result, Toph was pinned harmlessly against the rockface behind her. Her sleeves, always wide, made perfect targets.

Toph snarled again and slammed a foot down, heel-first, as a reply, but Suki jumped up and reached out, wincing a little inwardly as she did so. She dug her fingers into Toph's hip, then crooked the first two and slammed them first down into her inner knee, then her ankle.

When Toph tried to bend again, nothing happened.

"You…you chi-blocked me!" Toph spluttered, outraged. She reached out to kick her with her other leg, but Suki pulled back out of range just in time. "You can't do that!"

Suki sighed. "Now will you come with me by choice?"

Toph swore at her. "I can't believe you did that! I'm your friend, more than your friend!"

"Yes, but you're also being a pest!" Suki snapped, finally losing her temper. "Do I have to drag you or what?"

Toph opened her mouth, ready to scream out her answer, then shut it. She sighed. Inwardly, she knew what Suki had done was her job, and she also knew that she couldn't afford to play favourites at the expense of Zuko's life, but still…still! This sucks, she thought bitterly.

"Fine," Toph muttered, "I'll come along. Can you please unpin me now?"

Suki was relieved. She had seriously thought that Toph would fight her more, and wasn't sure if she had the energy to drag her kicking and screaming into the Palace. Wordlessly, she pulled her fans out, replaced them, then reached down and unblocked her bending. Toph winced, muttering something incoherent but bitter.

"You should get it back in a few minutes," Suki replied. With a firm grip, she took hold of Toph's left arm. "Let's go."

Toph growled, but complied.

Zuko stared, his mouth open. Mai, beside him, was also staring, her face perfectly blank. Her lips, however, twitched a little.

They were seated on the dais of the main throneroom, summoned there by Suki, who had informed them that she had apprehended an intruder. She hadn't told them who, but they found out soon enough.

Toph, needless to say, was taking it badly. "Your Royal Guard is a bitch," she snapped, her face livid.

Mai lost it. She leaned over and started laughing, covering her mouth to stifle the sound, but failing to hide it completely.

Zuko blinked slowly. "You…caught Toph," he said, his voice bewildered.

Suki, inwardly, wondered if Zuko was going to blow it for her. It irritated her, to be honest. She was hired to do a job, and while, yes, it was Toph, she also had to prove that she wasn't going to let that blind her from doing her duty. If Zuko chastised her for intercepting Toph, then she knew he didn't take her seriously, and also knew that she wouldn't stay. But he didn't know that. Ultimately, her staying was up to him.

In a calm voice, she replied, "She was lurking in the underground bunker, in the canals. She admitted that she was sneaking in. She set off one of my silent triggers and I was able to grab her before she reached you."

Mai was still laughing, albeit quietly. Suki wanted to throw something at her. In the few weeks that she had been working in the Palace, she had become close with the older girl, but even then it wasn't enough to overlook being laughed at for this.

Zuko reached over and placed a hand on his wife's shoulder lightly. She looked up, wiping the tears from her eyes and sucking in a few breaths, cutting the laughter short. He didn't meet her gaze. He still looked blown away. Mai sat up straight, and calmed herself. The mask was back in place.

Suki added, "Your orders?"

Toph growled. "What orders? It's me! I'm just here to visit! Come on, Zuko, tell her she's nuts!"

Mai cleared her throat. She met Suki's gaze and raised an eyebrow, but Suki didn't acknowledge it. She was watching Zuko closely.

His eyes finally met hers. He took in a breath, exhaled it, and finally spoke. "Sorry," he said softly. "But I was surprised. No one, and I mean no one, within the Palace has ever been able to catch Toph before, no matter how hard they try."

Toph, despite the situation, grinned, looking smug.

Zuko smiled. "I should promote you."

Toph lost it again. "What?! Zuko, have you lost your damned mind?!"

Zuko frowned. "Toph, I've told you a hundred times, the bunker canals are not for your personal use. You should enter from the front door like a normal person!"

"That's boring!" she answered. "And besides, I've been doing this for years! Stop being such a wuss!"

Suki stayed quiet, but inwardly, she was satisfied. Zuko had acknowledged that she had done the right thing and knew she was serious about her job. It was what she wanted, and even though Toph was pissed off, she wasn't sorry.

"I have to say," Mai spoke up, one eyebrow hidden by her bangs, "that I'm really impressed by your skill, Suki. I would have never thought that you could catch her. I'm glad to see that we're in good hands."

Zuko smirked a little. "If you can catch Toph, you can catch anyone."

Suki shrugged. "I would divulge my secrets, but they're best kept to myself. Just know that I know what I'm doing."

"Excuse me!" Toph broke in, her voice shrill. "I'd hate to interrupt this lovely display, but there is the slight issue at hand at how I'm still in custody!"

Suki nodded to Zuko. "My job is to apprehend intruders and keep you safe. Once delivered to you, their fate is in your hands."

Zuko raised his eyebrow, clearly hearing the true meaning of her words: I did my job; now you have to clean up the mess.

"Are you absolutely shitting me?!" Toph exploded, stomping on the ground with one foot, then the other. The ground beneath them shoot, but no one in the room reacted. "I come by for a visit and I'm arrested?!"

"Do you even get why you were arrested, Toph?" Zuko snapped back, finally losing his temper. As much as he adored Toph, and found her a wonderful friend and ally, her outbursts were the last straw. When she opened her mouth to reply, he broke in, "Because I honestly don't think you do. Do you not understand what has been going on for the past couple of months? Do you not understand what's at stake, here?"

Toph closed her mouth, her eyes narrowing.

Mai reached over and touched Zuko's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. He shut his eyes, clenched his teeth, then sighed.

And then Toph's eyes flew open and widened, her scowl disappearing into a look of bewilderment. "Oh. Oh. OH. Oh oh oh, OH!" She threw out one hand and pointed at Mai. "Oh no you didn't!"

Suki fought he urge to slap her hand to her forehead. But only just.

For a few moments, Toph dissolved into what was so obviously hysterical laughter, clutching her stomach and hunching over. But then, like someone blowing out a candle, she stopped. Her eyes widened again and she blushed, deeply, standing up to her full height.

"Oh shit, you guys," she murmured, any trace of mirth instantly wiped from her face. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Suki crossed her arms over her chest, trying to ignore Mai and Zuko's identical looks of confusion. "Gee, Toph, did you happen to finally hear a third heartbeat over there?"

Mai was the one who slapped her forehead, and Zuko groaned, rubbing his face with his hands. "Damn."

"I told you that it couldn't stay a secret forever," Suki added coolly, looking up at them. "Especially after Toph sets foot here."

Toph tugged at her bangs, still looking slightly panicked. "Please don't ban me," she pleaded seriously. "Please? I'm so so sorry, if I had known I would have dolled up and everything, come on, please believe me…"

"Toph," Zuko cut in, his face still hidden. "It's okay. Really. You got the message. Far better than I had anticipated."

Mai rubbed her forehead, her other hand on her stomach. Her face was pink, and she looked away, embarrassed.

There was a moment of awkward silence. Then, Toph said, in a way-too-cheerful voice that reeked of mischief, "So, like, want me to see if I can tell if it's a boy or a girl?" She clapped her hands together, her eyes dancing. "Oh, can I name it? Please? Something ironic, like 'Whiny Blah,' or perhaps 'Pointy Bender!'"

Suki's hand finally met her forehead. At least she got the point…