A/N: End can't be that far off now! One, two chapters? Let's find out.

The little discussion in the middle Rose and the Doctor have about memories is a reference to the previous in this series, Mind Games.

Chapter 35 - How to be a Parent

The scan had revealed that Martha was progressing through labour very fast. She was already contracting every five minutes and was at five centimetres dilation.

Brax was helping, and Mickey had been found. The Doctor had given him a nullifier to get rid of the effect of the alcohol and since he'd come out of his drunken stupor he'd sat by the bed holding his wife's hand, looking beyond horrified at his situation. Dad-shock, the Doctor recalled from his time with Donna. That pretty much summed it up. Mickey was just realising that soon he was going to have a baby to be completely responsible for.

Once he'd finished Martha's examination and given her something to allow her to drift for a while, he took a seat next to the wide-eyed man.

'How are you?' the Doctor tried. 'Looking forward to your little human?'

Mickey looked at him. 'God, this is really happenin', innit?'

'Yep,' the Doctor replied, popping the p.

Mickey looked back at Martha, and then at the Doctor. 'What was it like?'

'What?'

'When Leah was born?'

The Doctor shrugged a little. 'It was sort of like the first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan played with the Smurfs theme tune.'

Mickey stared at him.

'Then after a few hours it's done and you eventually realise that the little screaming purple fleshy thing covered in gooey stuff that just came out of that woman is actually your responsibility, and is completely helpless and reliant on you, and it's going to rule the rest of your life. I don't think me and Rose slept properly for four months. Leah just kept screaming, pooing and crying. I couldn't have a minute to myself, and that wasn't just the lack of sleep, it was because every minute of every day I was still thinking about her. Even when I was asleep I was dreaming about her. You'd think it was better when Leah was asleep, but nope, I was completely paranoid and had to constantly run in and out to check she was still breathing. I didn't have enough multitasking ability to pay any attention to Rose, I was just infatuated with this little screamy foot-long thing.'

Mickey stared at him some more.

'Then of course, after a while you think you're getting used to it, but then suddenly they're walking and talking and you find yourself on your hands and knees baby-proofing an alien time machine, wondering just how you got there. Then they get a bit taller and a bit more annoying when they won't stop talking, and they start forming opinions about everything. Then they get even taller and they realise that you're a complete idiot that has no idea what they're doing, and your darling child begins to use that to turn you into a shell of the person you once were by leeching off of your very soul.'

'Doctor …'

'I used to be able to walk into a room and sit down. Now, I walk into a room, check for hazards that could hurt Leah or Alex, calculate all risk factors and remove all variables that could cause an accident, and then sit down, even if I'm not with them. I know where every baby-changing facility is in Cardiff. I can skip Double Dutch and hula hoop. I know at least fifteen combination outfits for the baby Annabell toy and I know that my birthday Beanie Baby is a fish called Bubbles. I've been in Mothercare and had lengthy discussions with old ladies about how cute my children are, and my personal nappy changing record is 17.8 seconds. I spend most evenings putting Elsa and Anna back into the toy box after another hearty rendition of Let It Go in Gallifreyan, and the sonic now has a specific setting for mending interactive toys.'

'Doctor!'

The Doctor looked at him. 'What?'

'Tell me the good bit!'

'That was the good bit.'

'Then what's the bad bit?' Mickey almost squeaked.

'The bad bit is that I can't help but love every minute of it, despite knowing how bad it is for my health,' the Doctor finished.

Mickey looked nothing short of shell-shocked.

The Doctor squeezed his shoulder, standing up. 'Are you gonna be okay here?'

Mickey nodded, still holding Martha's hand.

'I'll back in ten minutes,'

'Where are you going?' he asked anxiously.

The Doctor gestured vaguely to the door. 'Rose.'

Rose was exactly where he'd left her, snoring and drooling onto the sheets. He immediately gave her a nullifier. It took some doing, but eventually he managed to get her more comfortable and wipe the drool off of her face.

He then sat by her, patiently waiting for her to wake up, at least until he heard the cry of the four-month-old Kiana from the adjoining nursery. He got up and hopped into the room.

Years of parenting assured the Time Lord that she needed changing, so he carefully picked her up and put her on the changing table. He paused for a moment, mentally starting his stopwatch before he launched into action. He pulled off the old nappy, wiped, lotioned and got on a new one before he stopped the timer in his head.

'17.6 seconds!' he congratulated himself, beaming. She didn't looked impressed. She was still crying.

He picked her up and held her, but she just seemed to cry even more.

'Um, food?' he wondered, and retrieved some milk from the dispenser Rose had made him rig up. She shied away from the top. 'Okay, not food … attention!' the Doctor said, and commenced pulling a myriad of stupid faces at her that had never failed to make Leah and Alex giggle. However, she just cried even harder.

'Doctor?' Rose moaned, and he moved back into their bedroom to see her sitting up, looking confused.

'Hey,' he said over the crying girl. 'Do you want a doner kebab?'

'Um, what?'

'Doner kebab? Is it appealing to you right now?'

'Ugh, no.'

'Then you're not drunk,' the Doctor concluded, grinning. 'Welcome back.'

'Thanks,' she supposed, looking at Kiana. 'What's wrong with her?'

He dropped to sit down beside Rose, and handed her Kiana. Almost immediately the crying stopped. Rose frowned, and handed her back. She began crying again as soon as she was in the Doctor's arms.

The Doctor returned her to Rose's arms before the screaming ended up bursting their eardrums. 'I really don't think she likes me,' he said.

'Got a bit of the Master in her,' Rose supposed, snuggling the four-month-old who was now making a stream of non-sensical noises.

'Hey, I never got the chance to thank you,' the Doctor said.

'For what?'

'You saved my life. The regeneration.'

Rose smiled. 'Yeah, I did, didn't I?' she said, laughing. 'How are you?'

'What?'

'Your memories,' Rose clarified. 'I really screwed around with them. How are they?'

He shrugged. 'I can remember you being there at a lot of crucial points in my life, but I know they're false memories. I can't remember what actually happened, just that you were there.' He paused, thinking about that. 'I shot you.'

Rose frowned, before she realised. 'Oh yeah. Forgot about that.'

'You forgot?'

'It's fine. It was the Time War.'

'But I still shot you at point-blank range,' the Doctor muttered.

'It's fine, nothin' happened. And I did practically make you do it.'

'No, I did it,' he insisted.

'You were strugglin' to come to terms with how Jelpax died, and then I irritated you. I was basically askin' for it. Don't worry about it. I told you, I forgive you.'

He gave a half-smile. He then moved in and held her carefully to avoid squashing Kiana. 'You're brilliant,' he said.

She giggled and kissed him.

'Oh, Martha's in labour,' he told her. 'About halfway.'

Rose sat up immediately. 'Oh my god, why didn't you say!? I'm s'posed to be her birth partner!'

She handed Kiana back, who began screaming again, and rushed out of the door. The Doctor sighed and took Kiana back to her crib. As soon as she was out of his arms she settled, drifted, and he watched her go to sleep.

He tried to dismiss all the thoughts about having another child, and went back to the infirmary.

Brax could do nothing than twiddle his thumbs as the labour progressed. His brother was in the infirmary with Rose, Mickey and Martha, and seemed to know absolutely everything about human childbirth, and was handling it with ease. Several times Brax had offered to help, but once again he found himself surplus to requirements and in the way. So he had resigned to join Jack in the corridor outside. Inside they could hear high-pitched screaming, some of it Mickey's, but most of it Martha's. Her cries were little more than disturbing to Brax.

'That sounds horrific,' the Time Lord said to the Immortal. 'What's actually happening in there?'

'Basically, inside Martha a little humanoid has grown, and now it's time to get them out. This means a lot of screaming and pushing through a shit-ton of pain.'

'Pushing the little human? From where? To where?'

Jack looked at him, smirking slightly.

'What?' Brax asked.

There was another scream from inside the infirmary. Brax tried to ignore it.

'Sorry, nothing,' Jack replied, and gestured down to indicate where the little humanoid came out.

Brax caught on, and looked even more confused. 'How big is this little humanoid?' he asked.

Jack indicated a vague size with his hands.

Brax stared at him. 'But that's not even physically possible, surely?'

Jack smirked again. 'Oh, women can do anything, remember that one.'

'That's ridiculous,' Brax muttered, still trying to comprehend the sizes and failing miserably.

'That's childbirth,' Jack said.

'Rose and Thete did this?'

'Twice,' Jack replied.

'Good grief.'

Another scream. They both flinched.

'How come you don't know any of this?' Jack asked.

'I've never looked much into humanoid physiology, not at reproduction, anyway,' Brax confessed.

'The Doctor spent ages going through every humanoid physiology book in the library while Rose was pregnant. He didn't want Rose to find out that he was having to do so much research. He got me to keep quizzing him from his books, and made me sit with him through just about every sitcom focusing on family ever made, taking notes.'

'He didn't know about it?'

'No. He told me he'd never even seen a baby until he first came to Earth, and he thought it was some kinda sub-species,' Jack replied, laughing.

'But he seems so … in control,' Brax said, confused.

'That's what he wants you to think,' Jack replied. 'Didn't fool Rose though. She caught us in series two of Outnumbered.' He paused, looking at Brax. 'It doesn't matter that you don't know.'

'I think it does,' Brax murmured.

'You can learn.'

'Do you think Thete and Rose will do it again?'

Jack pulled a face. 'No. We found out when Leah arrived that the Doctor feels the contractions in labour, something to do with the bond, I think. He was in a lot of pain. When Alex was born, the Shadow Proclamation had affected the pregnancy somehow. He came prematurely, and she was in labour for ages. Alex nearly died, and the Doctor was in so much pain he told Jackie that he wasn't going to make it. He nearly went into shock because we didn't have any painkillers that wouldn't be guaranteed not to harm Alex through the bond. He felt all of the pain. He screamed all night.'

'The Shadow Proclamation did something?'

'Yeah.' Jack shrugged a little. 'We don't know what, but we know they wanted Alex so they sped up the pregnancy. She went from seven weeks to twenty-nine weeks in two months. Might've had something to do with why it hurt the Doctor so much, but he's not willing to risk another one to find out. They both swore they'd never have another child, incase it got even worse next time.'

'I see,' Brax murmured, stroking his chin. Then with that, he left without another word.

Another ten minutes passed, and Jack had started pacing before Ianto arrived.

'How is she?' the Welshman asked.

'She seems okay. The Doctor's in there with her,' Jack said, kissing him. 'How's everyone else?'

'They'd all passed out by about halfway through Bohemian Rhapsody,' Ianto told him.

'We're gonna have a lot of hangover cure to hand out in the morning,' Jack mused, before they sank into silence, slightly tense. Then, Jack realised, it really was complete silence. He stood to attention, taking Ianto's hand.

'Is it done?' Ianto asked.

'Dunno, I can't hear the ba–'

It was interrupted by a little cry from beyond the door – it was the baby. They only had to wait a few seconds for the door to open, and Rose poked her head out.

'It's a boy!' she announced.

Jack and Ianto both gave a whoop. 'Is Martha okay?' Jack asked quickly.

'Yeah, she's fine. Mickey fainted when he plopped out though. Back in a sec!'

She disappeared again, leaving Jack and Ianto to celebrate.

Ten minutes later, and Rose let Jack and Ianto into the infirmary to meet the sight of two parents doting over their newborn son, who was swaddled in cloth and against his mother's chest.

'Aww!' Jack enthused, moving forward. 'Can I hold him?'

'Yeah,' an exhausted Martha replied, and Jack took the boy out of his mother's arm carefully, holding him as the Doctor returned from checking Zak.

'What's his name?' Ianto asked.

'Andrew,' Martha replied.

Jack smiled, rocking the new baby. 'God, he's so cute. Hey, Doc, is he the first full human to be born on the Tardis?'

The Doctor smiled. 'Yep.'

'Birth certificate's gonna be interesting,' Jack joked as Rose moved to Andrew, running a finger down his face. 'Place of birth, time machine.'

'Yeah, there's a point, what's his birthday?' Rose wondered, looking at her husband.

'Call it … 20th of August,' the Doctor answered after a moment's thought.

'Thank you,' Martha suddenly said, looking at the Doctor.

The Doctor gave a mock salute. 'You're welcome.'

Rose sighed loudly, still staring at the infant.

'What?' the Doctor asked.

'I want another one,' Rose confessed, and immediately stiffened, hand over her mouth as she realised what she'd said. After a few, silent moments, she dared to look at the Doctor, who was staring at her in horror.

'Rose …' he began nervously, looking like a wounded puppy.

'I want one too,' Jack suddenly said, clearly attempting to stop the conversation he could see heading their way, still holding the infant. 'He's so cute!'

Ianto frowned a little, checking himself and gesturing at Zak. 'How?'

The Doctor ignored them, still staring at Rose as her already pink cheeks quickly burned a deep, ferocious red. 'You want another baby,' he muttered weakly.

Rose took one glance at the staring crowd, took his hand and pulled him out of the infirmary. By now, she'd learnt how to deal with the Doctor in shock. She took him straight to the kitchen, sat him down, made him some tea and gave him some biscuits. He was still staring at her.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' she said, taking his hand.

'You want another baby,' he said again, not even registering the tea.

'No, I don't,' she said quickly.

'But you said it.'

'I know, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.'

'But you want another baby.'

'I'm sorry, it just came out, okay?'

'Rose,' he said again firmly.

'No, you know I didn't mean it. He's just so cute, I just said it, I'm sorry.'

'I can't do that again, I just can't,' he muttered.

'I know, and I'm not askin' you to. Hey, we're one unit. If we don't agree it doesn't happen, yeah?'

He sighed, head in his hands. He didn't answer that.

Rose stared at him. 'Oh my god,' she realised. 'You want another baby!'

'Oh, please don't say it out loud,' he moaned.

'I don't believe this,' Rose muttered.

'Don't think I'm enjoying it either,' the Doctor responded.

'What the hell do we do?'

He paused, staring at her. 'I have no idea.'

Brax has spent a while in the library, checking books on humanoids. Once he was done he headed to the gallifreyan section, and there, to his surprise, he found Tony sitting in a dark corner hunched over a particularly large and old-looking book, a datapad to his right. Brax approached the boy, calling out to him.

Tony panicked, slamming the book shut and looking up at Brax, guilty.

'What are you doing?' Brax wondered. 'Shouldn't you be asleep?'

'Nothing, I'm going,' Tony muttered, scooping up his datapad and pocketing it. 'S-sorry,' the ten-year-old said quickly, and ran out of the door faster than lightning.

Brax stared after him for a moment, before stooping to pick up the book. It was in gallifreyan.

Ce'Timeia-ia'Raika: Ce'negai'onia piha oela-gea-ia

The Time Lord Body: A brief guide for learners.

Frowning, Brax put the book back on the shelf. Why would Tony, a human boy without any understanding of gallifreyan, be looking at it?

Brax's curiosity was piqued, so he checked the database to see how many times the book had been taken out. Almost every night for the past month.

He had to talk to Tony about this.

He went straight to the boy's room. The door was open, and he caught the sound of the boy's voice, apparently talking to someone.

'I'm so sorry! Braxiatel saw me! What do we do? D'you think he'll tell the Doctor?'

'Oh, I have no doubt,' another voice said, and to his complete horror, Brax knew that voice. He remembered it from a month or so ago. That was the voice of Toby, the man who had abducted Jack and Alex, and tortured the Doctor.

What the hell was he doing in the TARDIS?

He had to lock down the room and tell Thete. He made to turn, when suddenly he heard Toby's voice again, cold and commanding.

'Stop right there, Braxiatel.'

Brax froze, momentarily stunned before Toby stepped out of the door, raised a fist, and without any hesitation punched Brax in the shoulder, straight into the vulnerable nerve cluster.

The last thing Brax saw was Toby's sick smile as he collapsed to the floor and blacked out.