A Better Idea
Chapter Thirty-Three
August 5 – August 11, 1983
Ennis and Jack were finally settled into the old Bell place, and couldn't have been happier about it. They'd been sleeping over here for the better part of two weeks, but they now had dishes, sheets, towels and a welcome mat.
Thanks to Claire, they even had curtains hung at the windows and a newly crocheted rag rug at each side of their bed to step out onto of a cool Wyoming morning. Gran had taught Jenny how to make the rugs and left her to it. After a few halting stops and starts, she got the hang of it, pulled out all of the uneven and too loopy rows, and then began afresh. Ennis was so proud of her accomplishment, he pulled their visitors back to the bedroom first to show-off Jenny's gift to him and Jack. Only after that would he show them his and Jack's handiwork in bringing the house and grounds back up to living standards.
Waking before dawn in this, their very first, own home together, they could love without worrying about their sounds carrying. They could argue too, without being overheard, but rarely did. They respected each other's opinions, and were glad of having this companion at last, when it had not ever truly been expected. They could get up and make coffee in the altogether, and hop back in bed to cuddle and stroke till the brew was ready. Once in a while, the coffee boiled over, forgotten. They drank it anyway, without complaint.
Each morning their habit was to relish waking side by side, snuggle a bit, make love at least once, have coffee and then take on the regular morning chores that kept the Twist place running. After a couple of hours they would follow their noses, or was it their stomach's, to Claire's table for breakfast with the family. This was their time to connect with Mom, JC, Jenny and Bobby. They would head on out for the heavy work after that with a full stomach, and a feeling of having been embraced by the family.
Jack never took it for granted that he could sit down for a meal at the opposite end of the table from his dad, without that old knot in the pit of his stomach, He was still wary, but that wasn't the same thing. It was a relief he thought he'd never have. Seeing Ennis, mama and Bobby sharing his table was something Jack would never tire of, never take for granted in his life. He sure was gonna miss that Jenny. Havin' Ennis' daughters accept him, and love him was, how could he explain it? It was more than he'd ever expected, and made him feel that his life was complete. Had everybody that he needed right now. Didn't never need nothin' else.
Early on, Ennis had built a lean-to at the back of their cabin for Scarlet and Grey. They were snug and warm there. Ennis loved having his animals near, and with the horses to ride, they could leave Jack's truck out front of the folks' place as usual. It seemed a perfectly sweet life; couldn't ask for more.
All things seemed to have fallen into place for Ennis and Jack. But this young couple, approaching the mid-point of their time on this earth has waited so long for that sweet life. They are ever watchful for trouble to walk in their door, and hopefully will be ready when it comes.
This was Ennis and Jack's last week with both the kids together. Summer was quickly coming to an end. Jenny needed to get back to Riverton to start her first semester of college and Bobby was visiting his mother in Denver before beginning his senior year at Crook County Consolidated High School.
Their dads were looking forward to traveling with them. It would be a fine way to wrap up the summer together, before everything changed forever.
Jenny and Bobby were each preoccupied with their immediate futures. They understood that nothing lasts forever. They were eagerly looking ahead to new schools, but couldn't help but be sad about this time coming to an end. They'd never be as young and free of responsibility as they had been this summer.
Jenny talked to Bob about this the night they borrowed Jack's truck and went over to the drive-in at Broadus across the Montana line. When Bob lay his arm across the back of the seat, fondled her hair while gathering his courage to actually put his arm around her, Jenny knew she had to be the one to say something. She leaned back into Bobby's arm, and pulled his hand around to her shoulder. He couldn't believe she was touching his hand, and holding it there on her arm. With new hope in his heart, he brought his left hand up to cup her chin, and turn her face to him. They hadn't even hooked the speaker box onto the driver's side window yet. They weren't concerned about the movie, no matter what it was.
But then, Jenny looked into his face, and spoke from her heart and mind. She brought up the fact that his senior year was ahead of him. The new school, the studies, the dances, the football games, the new friends, and yes, the new girls he would meet. "Don't close yourself off Bobby from alla these new experiences. It wouldn't be fair to you, or to me."
Turning in the truck seat to face him, Jenny told Bobby all the things she was interested in studying, including Drama, Voice and Theater History. Then she shared some of her more distant hopes and dreams. Feeling he was in a safe place, where he wouldn't be laughed at, Bobby opened up about a dream of his own, one he'd never shared before this. "You want to become a veterinarian, Bobby? That's great, I know you can do it. You'll be a perfect vet! You have such a gentle way about you, animals instinctively trust you."
"Well, I'll have to make top notch grades, stay outa trouble, AND find the money somewhere. Other than that, it'll be a snap!" he said, laughing out loud and sparkling with optimism just like his daddy at that moment. Seeing him like that warmed Jenny's heart and they were back on a good footing.
"That doesn't mean I won't miss you somethin' awful, Jen. Cause you know, I will. It already hurts so much, knowing you're going away and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I even talked to Gran about it."
"You talked to Gran . . . about me, Bob?"
"Well, I was moping around the house a week or so ago when you were over at Laura's sewing a new skirt or something, and she asked me what was wrong. Didn't want to avoid the question; I wanted to talk about you. I always do, Jenny. I told her that thinking about you going away makes me have this awful ache in my stomach, like my guts are clenching up."
"What did Gran say? Anything we can do about it?"
"No, she said not. Jes' get through it, is all you can do."
"That's not real encouraging, Bobby, how was that helpful?"
"Cause a what she said. Said your "First Love" hurts like the devil."
"That's what she called this, our first love?"
"Are you saying that I'm your first love too, Jenny? Cause you're mine, for sure."
"Yeah, guess I'm finally admitting it to myself, Bobby."
"I do love you, Jenny Del Mar. So, so much."
"I love you too, Bobby. I really do." It was then that each of them got and gave their first meaningful kiss, and they held on to each other for a long time, knowing there was nothing they could do but get through this, like Gran said.
"It seems so hopeless though. So many obstacles, can't imagine ever feelin' any better."
"That's what Gran said too. But she told me something that did make me feel better, Jen."
"What was it?"
"Said just look at the family history. Said Johnny that's Poppa was her first love, and he waited for her for three years till she was out of high school. I can't picture them young and in love, can you?"
"Not young, no. But I think they might still be in love. Have you seen how they look at each other? Like this morning at breakfast?"
"No way! I can't make my mind go there. But she did tell me somethin' else.
'Bout dad and Ennis."
"What about'em?"
"She said Ennis was Dad's First Love, when they was both 19 and that it was awful hard, awful hard for him in the beginning when they first parted, and then all those years they was living apart. But look how they are now! That's what she meant by family history."
"Well, obviously, I grew up with those sad, apart times just like you did, Bob. And the happiness when they were going to have one of their fishing trips.
I'm sure glad that's over, and that they have each other every single day of their lives now. You can just see them glow, almost."
"Yeah, I sure did grow up with that too, and the horrible times with dad drinking like he didn't want to live anymore, almost. Glad that's over, for both a their sakes. BUT I will say this, I'd glow too if I knew I could have you every day of the year, Jenny!"
"Oh, you hush now. You know they paid an awful price; twenty lonely years and still they have an uphill battle. Don't wish that on anyone, Bob. Least of all, us. You know the odds are against us ending up together, family history or not. And I seriously do not want you counting on it, and missing out on everything at school, and in your life. Do not put yourself on hold for me, Bobby. Y'hear?"
"You saying that cause you got someone you're going back to? You have a boyfriend back in Riverton, Jen? I guess I never asked you that before."
"I did have someone I liked a little, but he never knew it. It was nothing like I feel for you Bobby, but I wouldn't even have told YOU, if this hadn't come up tonight. I have too many things I want to do before I consider settling down with any one person. You understand, don't you, Bobby? I want more in my life than my mama has, and I want to see more, go more places, learn more. I wanta experience everything there is!"
Bobby didn't know whether they were ever to become more than they were tonight, and it hurt him in a way, but he knew she was right to want all she could have, all she could be. He wanted it for her too. He was so proud of her. He put his arms around her, and kissed her one last time before driving back home.
When they got out of the truck, Jenny pulled him close and put both her arms up around his neck, pulling his face down to hers. She just wanted to kiss him good night, show him how much he meant to her; she didn't realize how it would feel to him, to have the promise of her young body leaning into him all down his length. That was a memory Bobby Twist would hold on to for a long, long time.
"Good Night, Bobby."
"G'night, darlin' Jen."
Ennis had been wonderin' and worryin' about when the kids'd be getting back home. He was not used to his girls going out on dates, and not used to being the parent waiting to see them drive safely back home. He saw the headlights approach, and saw the kiss in front of the house before turning back to the table.
He had been nursing his cup of coffee and picking at his apple pie for an hour or more, and periodically pacing over to the window. So when they came in, he was greatly relieved. Everyone was greeting everyone else, and Ennis saw his opportunity to leave. "Well, I guess I'll be headin' back home, Jack'll be worried. He'll think I came upon a bear, er sumthin."
Walking over to Claire, Ennis cupped her head and pulled her in to a big hug, and kissed her cheek. "G'night now, Mom. Thanks for the pie 'n coffee."
"Yer welcome, m' boy, any time. Glad to have the comp'ny."
Jenny said "I'll walk you out, daddy." She looped her arm around his waist and squeezed.
Outside, standing by Scarlet, Ennis dipped his head to his daughter who was being quiet. "Y'alright?" he asked.
"Yes, daddy."
"Are you sure?"
"Well, daddy, I was just thinkin'. . .'bout leavin' an all, it's kinda hard. Y'know?"
"Oh, yeah, little girl. I know it's gonna be hard to leave . . . yer daddy, and yer Gran."
She looked up under his hat brim to check his face, and sure enough, there was that little twinkle in his eye, and the corners of his mouth were trying not to quirk up in that sweet way he had. "Oh daddy!" she said, and whacked him on the arm.
"Well, I made ya smile, didn't I?" he swung gracefully up onto Scarlet's back and tipped his hat to her. "We'll talk in the mornin' f'you have a mind to. G'night l'il darlin'." As Ennis rode through the dark pasture toward his home with Jack, he thought "Guess I can be fun anyways, sometimes, can't I?."
When Ennis rode up to the house, Jack was sitting out on the front porch, the red glow of his cigarette giving him away. He flicked it to the earth, and ground it out with the toe of his boot. He walked around to the make-shift stable to greet his man. Ennis was taking the bridle off of Scarlet, and Jack took it and hung it up, the saddle and blanket were already thrown over the saw horses where they were kept.
Ennis got the brushes down and began to give his filly a good brushin'. Jack got another brush and started on her other side. "What're ya doin', Jack?"
"Try'na hurry you up, git done with this horse quicker."
"Why? Where's the fire?"
"Ennis, you git done with Scarlet, and I'm a show you where that fire is."
Ennis just ducked his head and smiled, loving how eager his man was.
"Missed ya tonight, Cowboy. Why was ya gone s' long?"
"Well, had to wait for Our Daughter to get home from her date with Our Son! That's where I was, f' you must know. 'Sides Mom had some apple pie she didn't know what ta do with. Played a game a checkers with the old man while I was waitin' too."
"What'd the kids see at the movies?"
"Hell if I know, don't 'magine they know, neither."
"Why, Ennis? What the hell happened?"
"Oh, Jack, I don't think anything bad happened, it's jes' like . . . 'member how we used to meet and go up in the mountains. . .?"
"'Course!"
"Well, ya know how gut wrenchin' it got on those last couple days, knowing we had ta pack up and leave each other and go back t' that other world where we wouldn't be together?"
"Oh, hell yeah. Don't think I'll ever forgit those last days we suffered through ever' fuckin' time we had to drive off from one another!"
"Well, that's a bit of what Jenny and Bobby are goin' through now. They know it's right to get back to school and their real lives, but in a way, it's killin' em and ya can see it in their faces."
"Shit. That's hard. They're just kids."
"They're almost as old as we was in '63."
Jack licked his lower lip, looked down thoughtfully, and said "yeah."
"I tell ya, Jack. Was bad enough, going through it our ownselves, but watching our kids go through the pains of growing up, hurts like a sonuvabitch."
Jack just nodded his head, "Guess it could get worse before it gets better too, Cowboy."
Ennis took the brush out of Jack's hands and put them both away. He came back and grabbed Jack in the crook of his elbow, kissing his hair, he asked "Ya think yer 'bout ready to take care a yer man, Twist?"
Jack suddenly turned around and grabbed Ennis, pulling their faces close and bringing their foreheads together. "Yep, only question is, will we make it into the house first?" He pushed him down onto a pile of hay, and they lay there one on top of the other, just kissing everything they could reach, sucking and licking sweet and salty skin. Their jeans were getting real tight, though.
Ennis pulled away from Jack's mouth, and looked him in the eye.
Jack asked "What?"
"We got a house a our own, and a bed a our own. Let's go enjoy 'em. What'dya say?"
"Say You Bet! That's what I say, Cowboy."
"Hmm. Sounds familiar, don't it?"
Ennis was very glad to be seeing his last week of captivity in the arm cast and the wires in his mouth. Couldn't wait to get to Riverton for those long awaited appointments. He felt strong; better than he ever had actually thanks to Mom's cooking, and the loving care of Jack and Jenny. He knew he had healed fine and there was no reason for these implements any longer.
Two weeks ago, Jack caught Ennis with a hack saw contemplating taking off his own cast. He talked some sense into him about being sure the bone had healed well and straight, and why fuck it up now? Remembering the lightning incident, and the telephone, Jack had not yelled at Ennis about cutting his damn fool arm off, like he wanted to.
The drought had broken; July was record-breaking rainy. Their cistern out at the Bell place was brim full, and the old hand pump when cleaned and oiled worked like a charm. The much needed rain was timely where the hay crop was concerned too. They'd be back from their trip just in time for haying. The grass had perked up right fine, and those black baldies were enjoying fresh grass once again.
The second planting of the vegetable garden was doing well, if somewhat leggy. The rain was appreciated most by the melons and corn. This was not field corn; this was beautiful sweet corn which would be ready for harvesting when they returned from their trip. Couldn't wait for those succulent roastin' ears!
Jack knew that mama would be planting cauliflower and broccoli after all the warm weather vegetables were taken in. 'Wonder if she knows how much easier her life would be, if she had a freezer?' thought Jack. Me and Ennis will have to do some figurin' on that.
Everyone knows that with rain comes mud. Mud clings to your boots, gets carried into the barn, into the house. Mud can mess up your nice newly painted floor. Rummaging around in the barn one day, Ennis found an old saw blade about 24 inches long and attached it (teeth downward) to their little front porch. It made the perfect boot scraper, and when Mom saw it, she told Ennis she wanted one at the side of their porch too. It gave that man a button poppin' feelin' to be able to do something for his Mom. Anything he could do to make her life easier was just what he was all about. He felt she deserved far more than he could ever do for her. Would gladly give her the Moon if she asked for it.
Flashback:
Ennis remembered overhearing Maggie tell K.E. right after the folks was gone and the bank took their ranch, that she feared the worst about the youngest of them. "You 'n me, K.E., we can take care a ourselves, pert near; but that li'l dogie needs more'n I got to give'im."
"You callin' Ennis a motherless calf, Mags?"
"Yeah, that's 'xackly what I'm callin' im, K.E. Think about it."
"Well, even if that's so, he'll toughen up, he's a Del Mar."
"Reckon yer right." said his sister, but not convincingly.
End of flashback.
Living this life, having his Jack and his daughters, not to mention Mom and Bobby, even the old man, made Ennis think maybe he'd died and gone to heaven, and they'd just forgot to tell him. In all his life, he never knew this kind of existence was possible; not for himself, not for anyone. Each day that dawned added a new slice of goodness inside that empty hole that Ennis Del Mar had grown up with in his gut.
That hole was so full of "missing my mama", "don't belong to nobody", "no son a mine cries" and "you're just different". It was made even worse by all the hours, days and years of isolated and lonely living out on the range. Even his and Jack's times together on the mountain couldn't never fill Ennis up entirely. And the times in between when he could do nothin' but think on his Jack down there in Texas with his happy little family, well it just made it all that much emptier, that much lonelier. Ennis had learned early that everyone he'd ever loved had been taken away from him; he had to be careful not to love too much, nor count on too much coming to him.
Ennis Del Mar hadn't never believed Jack when he said they could have that sweet life. Didn't know anybody who had it; thought Jack was makin' up fairy tales like the ones he use'ta read to his daughters. But lately Ennis was so unexpectedly happy that he went around doing his day to day chores humming a tune. He'd have denied it if you told him that he smiled 'most every day now. Only when he was in deep concentration over a difficult problem, or an ornery bit of fence wire, did his old accustomed frown come back. Yes sir, it was mighty fine, having this sweet life that Jack had given him.
Jack knew that it was Ennis who gave that sweet life to him; not the other way around. They were both content and sure that it was the other man who carried the magic in his heart, and brought all this about. They had a very good start. Each a them knew it would take work to keep it, and each was determined to do that work, and make this life together a permanent thing.
Herman still called at least once a week, and was very much looking forward to seeing Ennis' progress. He insisted that he take him to his doctor appointments when he got his cast and wires removed and his final check ups.
Part of the reason, Ennis knew, was because Mr. Stodemeir wanted to pay for everything, was still trying to make up in any way he could for the accident. But Ennis knew it was just an accident, and he couldn't never hold a grudge about that. Coulda happened to anybody.
Truth be told, Ennis had never been looked after so good, nor by so many people; he was becoming very fond of Mr. Stodemeir . . .er Herman as he'd
insisted Ennis call him. When Herman called every Wednesday night, he always had a story to tell, something that happened at the ranch, something Bruce or Charlie said, or was up to. He made Ennis laugh.
He kept Ennis up to date on Aunt Greta, who was the life of the party at the home she lived in. She still hadn't thanked Ennis for finding that metal box of old family heirlooms, and Herman reported that she anxiously wanted to see Ennis when he came back to Riverton. And, oh by the way, Virginia Fowler sent her regards too. Herman hired a young fella, Nolan Lankford, to cover for Ennis but Herman said he wasn't worth spit. Maybe with time he'd improve, but Herman wasn't holding his breath. So it goes on the ranch.
One topic Herman never let up on, was that he was going to replace Ennis' truck that had been totaled that day. Ennis kept saying no, that he had insurance, and when he was ready to drive somewhere on his own, he'd file his insurance and get another used old truck like the one he had before. They had never settled this, never convinced each other, and so it remained a sore spot, and one they ended their conversation with each week.
Finally, in a fit of temper, Herman spat into the phone, "Vell Innis! You von't say Yes, and tell me vhat you like so I'm yust gonna order you the biggest purplest truck dey make! See how you like dat!"
Ennis gasped and began laughing at the image in his mind, of a big, fully loaded, Purple monstrosity. Would Herman really do that? Ennis couldn't be sure not, so he spoke into the phone, so quietly that Herman wasn't sure he heard it. "Okay. Navy blue. No bells, no whistles. You got that, Herman?"
Stubborn Ennis Del Mar had met his match in Herman Stodemeir, and he had caved.
Truth was, Ennis knew they didn't make truck paint the color a Jack's eyes, so settling for navy blue was the next best thing. Ennis was pleased with this result; in his heart, he was hoping the arguing was over. He hated arguing above all else; would rather agree, or just walk away. But not with Herman; there was no walking away in him, apparently!
Herman Augustus Stodemeir well knew the dates when Ennis would be back for his appointments, so he knew exactly how long he had to get a top of the line navy blue truck ordered and into Riverton with "a few" bells and whistles on it. He sat down to call the Chevy, Ford and GMC dealerships to see who could handle a rush order. Herman whistled while he dragged his finger down the yellow pages, happy that he could finally take some action.
Claire marveled at that black instrument in her house, that had never seen so much use in it's life. Herman wasn't the only person checking in every week. Alma and Junior call each Friday to talk to Jenny and to check on Ennis. Lureen calls to talk to Bobby each Sunday night. She waits till her mother is there so both can talk to him, and chat with Jack as well. It is not unusual for Mauro to call Ennis. Kenneth and any number of relatives frequently call Jack. Patsy calls Ennis every couple of days, leaning on him a bit has helped her open up and talk about her brother Charles more than Roger ever thought she'd do. Claire's family checks in daily or just when coordinating their get togethers. It became obvious that this family needed another phone. Jack called about having their own line installed back at the old Bell place; needed quickly, now they aren't living up at the main house.
'We leave in the morning', thought Jenny. She was finished packing. She hadn't brought a lot with her to come and help her daddy after his accident. Seemed like she was taking more back than she brought. Seeing those locked suitcases sitting there made her sad, but also let her know that the next chapter of her life wasn't that far off.
'We have ta leave tamorra' thought Bobby. He had a packed duffel bag and shaving kit waiting by his bedroom door to take to his mama's for the two weeks of his visit. He didn't need much he said. If he knew his mama, she'd have him out shopping for a bunch a new school clothes before anything else happened. She was always one for new clothes.
Checking his A. J. Gaitten Funeral Home calendar, Ennis confirms that everything is on schedule. 'Tomorrow is the 12th, and time to leave for Riverton and then Denver.' thought Ennis. 'I remember that snowstorm we had on Brokeback on August 13th that started old Aguirre saying "bring'em down." That old bastard, that wadn't right!'
Ennis has never forgiven Aguirre for stealing his and Jack's last four weeks together up on Brokeback in 1963. He doesn't actually know things would have been different in the end, but always suspected that they might have found a way to talk about what they wanted, what they expected, what they hoped for, rather than just get rushed off down the mountain into a world of uncertainty and loss. Oh well, let be, let be.
"What're you grumbling about there, Cowboy?" asked Jack, coming into their bedroom.
"Aguirre telling us to bring'em down."
"Fuck Aguirre, Ennis! Ain't you never gonna get over that, darlin' ? What brought that up now anyway?"
"Lookin' at my calendar, Sunday is August 13th."
"Oh yeah, the snowstorm that barely stuck an hour."
Jack put his arms around Ennis, hugging him solidly. They were standing together near their bedroom window. Jack leaned his forehead into Ennis' and looked up through those devastating eyelashes, He started chuckling.
"What's so funny, huh?"
"Guess we did Fuck Aguirre after all, Cowboy!"
"How ya figger that?"
"Well, lookit. We're standin' here together, it's twenty years later. We're in our own home, lookin' out our own bedroom window . . . with our arms wrapped around the only one we ever wanted . . . now who do you think came out on top in the end?"
"Yeah, since you say it that way, Jack, it certainly wasn't old "You Ranch Stiffs Ain't Never No Good" Aguirre!"
Ennis' frown was replaced with a smile and he got to work on pulling his clothes out of drawers and closets.
Jack got busy packing for tomorrow's departure. Ennis couldn't believe the trouble Jack went to, packing his clothes for their trip. He'd always just stuffed his cleanest shirts in a bag, along with some underwear and socks, helter skelter. Jack was appalled. He took all of Ennis' clothes out of the suitcase, folded them and replaced them neatly in the appropriate sections. When Ennis saw what Jack had done, he didn't know whether to laugh or to get pissed off. 'Was Jack sayin' he didn't know how to pack?'
Jack saw Ennis looking at the changes he'd made in the suitcase. He grabbed Ennis by the shoulders, and pulled him down on top of him on their bed. He kissed his ear, and then quiet as a mouse, he said, "Ya got someone lookin' after ya now, Cowboy. I like doin' those little things for ya."
Jack got a real kiss for his efforts, then Ennis said "Never had no one take such good care a me, as you do, bud." Things began to get even more interesting. He nibbled on that sweet spot low down on his neck, making his man squirm just so. Heat was rising everywhere. Need to just unbutton this one button, or three. . . .
Just then someone commenced pounding on their front door. "Dad, dad! Gran's bad sick. Come quick, daddy!"
tbc