CHAPTER 4: TRAIN TROUBLES

"Mmmmm," said CD-Ron, relishing the taste of the Milky Way that he was now chewing on, "these are good! Thanks, random girl!"

"Actually, my name is Whiny Danger, thank you very much!" replied Whiny.

"Oh, anyway, thanks Whiny!"

"Oh, that's alright. You'll have to pay me back some time, though."

"But I'm poor!"

"You'll still have to pay me back!"

"But, as I said before, I'm poor! And I'm so sincere!"

"Sincerely lame, maybe," replied Whiny, brushing a lock of hair off her face.

Suddenly, a shape of a young boy appeared behind her.

"Hey, Whiny!" Said the boy, the words issuing out of his mouth in a southern drawl, "Can we start dating?"

Whiny frowned. "Um, no, that's alright. Go away now!"

The boy's expression remained unchanged from the wide grin that he wore, and he said, "Sure, whatever you say, Whiny!"

Then he bounced off, reciting a Lord of the Rings poem.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed CD-Ron, "Now I will surely die of sheer boredom!" CD-Ron promptly pulled out a pair of toothpicks and lodged them in his ears, then curled himself into a tight ball.

Once the boy's voice subsided, CD-Ron sat up again and promptly began eating his a Milky Way again (by the way, it was his fifth).

"Uh, what was that about?" asked Larry, not understanding why the boy had acted so strangely.

"Oh, he's just part of the Whiny fan club-I think he loves me."

"Are you serious? The Whiny fan club!"

"Yes, the Whiny Fan Club. I know I'm going to be famous by the end of the last book, so I may as well build my fan base now."

Larry shook his head and frowned, and glanced at CD-Ron munching happily on a Milky Way (it was his eighth). Larry grabbed a bar from the table and ripped off the packaging, when to his surprise, a rectangular, resplendent piece of cardboard emerged from a small slit cut into the interior of the Milky Way, which floated gracefully down onto the ground. Larry extended his hand downwards towards the piece of cardboard, and his fingers curled around the edge of it. He brought his hand up and studied the card with intrigue.

It was like no card he had ever seen before; a holographic image of a wizened old man. He was wearing a pointed hat on his head, and a scraggly beard jutted out from his chin and ended near his feet. Below the picture of the man was the words 'Bus DumbleDude' in flowing, golden, calligraphic writing.

CD-Ron peeked over at the card as he finished his (tenth) Milky Way, and said through a mouthful of food, " 'e is 'e head 'aster 'f Face 'ong.

"Oh, really, "said Larry. Not understanding a word he had said.

Larry flipped the card over and read the brief description of the man depicted on the other side.

Bus Dumbledude, as of the present moment headmaster of FaceLong.

Considered by many the awesomest wizard of modern times, Dumbledude is particularly well-known for his defeat of the evil wizard Saruman in 1495, for his discovery of the one use of dragon's blood and his work on alchemy with is partner, Michael Scott, author of the New York Times best-selling book series, 'The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel'. Dumbledude enjoys spending time with hot babes and his awesome Ferrari, and he would one day like to become an actor in the hit TV series, 'Teletubbies'.

"He's a very inspirational man, you know. I did some extensive research on him," remarked Whiny in a know-it-all-I-am-the-best-tone.

Larry flicked the card over again, but to his astonishment, found that Dumbledude's portrait was gone.

CD-Ron continued to eat his Milky Ways ( he was now on his fifteenth), and after explaining that Dumbledude's absence was most likely due to his untimely habit of going to Kingpin Bowling Lounge, proceeded to say that he was going to now state the obvious all the time to make the story funnier.

"Hey!" said Whiny, "aren't we supposed to be amazed at how you survived being in the presence of He-Who-Is-A-Clichéd-Villain?"

"Oh yes, now I remember, we have to be amazed at how Larry survived being in the presence He-Who-Is-A-Clichéd-Villain." Said CD-Ron

After much amazement and exchangement of amazing words, Whiny pulled out a book from her Nike sports bag. On the front cover was a picture of a robed figure seated on a throne. A mask was plastered to his face, and its expression was an ugly plastic angel smile. Printed above this picture were the words 'The Red King, by Victor Kelleher'.

Whiny settled herself down onto a chair, opened up the book and transported herself into another world, a world of terrible Australian writing and predictable plotlines.

Whiny was interrupted abruptly as the compartment door slid open and three boys stepped into the room.

All three of them were pale as ghosts. They arranged themselves in a line and they all crossed their arms in unison.

One of the boys, the tallest of the three, took a step forward.

"So it's true, is it? The Potter boy is really here, eh."

"Yes," replied Larry as he studied the other boys. Both had thickset features and were standing on either side of the boy who had just spoken like bodyguards.

The tall boy noticed Larry looking at his companions.

"These two are Crab and Oil. And I'm Dracula, Dracula Malfoy, known to some as Edward Cullen."

A high pitched voice rang out through the interior of the train. "Edward, my love, where are you? Come and sparkle for me in this patch of sunlight!"

Larry smirked.

"Think it's funny, eh? I already know all about you. You little laborer. Potter, you'll soon understand that some families are much, how should I put it, awesomer than others."

Larry, sensing the finality in Dracula's voice, decided not to take his argument any further, and he watched them icily as they exited the room.

The train jolted suddenly and came to an abrupt standstill.

"You have now arrived at FaceLong" said the train driver over the speakers.

"I think this chapter should end now," said CD-Ron.