CHAPTER 8: CLASSES

Larry woke up again that same day, expecting that his day would be uneventful, peaceful and relaxing. However, this dream was instantly erased when Mrs. McDonalds entered the common room late in the morning and handed out pieces of paper to all the First Years. As Larry received his, he groaned for a whole minute. The sheet showed his class timetable for the day, and just by glancing at it, he could see that his day was going to be anything but calm. He had classes on the whole day, from Potions to Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration. Worse still, he was to attend History of Magic for the first period which he had learnt was the most boring subject. He moaned loudly, as did all the other first years who were now looking at their timetables, and changed into his robe and gathered his textbooks. History of Magic was due to start in ten minutes, and he had heard that the teacher was very strict. He didn't want to be late.

Once CD-Ron and Whiny were ready, they strode out of the common room down towards the History of Magic classroom. They passed by Amanda, who was listening to some crap music, shaking her head around wildly and shouting, "this sh*t is MAD!"

Larry pictured her as an egg being boiled and smiled absently to himself.

Note to Minors: Swearing is not cool.

They also went past a second year person on their way to their first class. His name was Bob. Bob's favourite colour was red and he liked to play board games and watch Youtube videos. His favourite movie was Ella Enchanted. He was very, very scared of chickens and ran away whenever he saw one. He was the best at chasey and loved beating everybody. He also loved to read books. Now that you know everything about Bob we can move on.

Larry, CD-Ron and Whiny arrived at the classroom one second late. Everybody else was already there and were seated in their chairs. Dracula looked around at the newcomers and sniggered evilly.

"You are late," said a big, thickset lady, staring icily at Larry and his friends. Dracula sniggered evilly. "Do you know what happens to people that are late? They go and sit at the back...AND FACE AWAY FROM THE CLASS!"

Everybody gasped loudly at this threat. Dracula sniggered evilly. Clara opened her mouth. Sammy's eyes widened. Jennifer gaped. Alex put his hands over his mouth. Josh started biting his nails. Lee put on a very scared face.

"Who are these people you are describing?" wondered Larry aloud.

Dracula sniggered evilly.

And because this scene is very boring I will skip it.

After the torturous events of the History of Magic class, Larry was relieved to find out that his next class was Potions. He was looking forward to making something. He had loved cooking for the Muesli's. Once he made honey joys, and he had them for tea with some Munchkins. He really was a complete loser.

This time, they arrived at the classroom a little bit early, and had time enough to get ready for the class. They went to the same table and pulled up a chair for themselves.

Standing at the back of the room, sorting through a large variety of potion bottles, was the Potions teacher, Professor Sniper. He had black, greasy hair that he soaked daily in a puddle of oil. He also had a large rifle strapped to a belt around his waist and had a hook nose. He sometimes used his nose to catch fish because of its hook like qualities.

Professor Sniper paid Larry, CD-Ron and Whiny no heed and continued his mindless sorting. It was only when all of the first years had seated themselves in the small classroom did he turn around and face them.

Some of the students cringed in fear as he studied them with his bottomless black eyes that seemed to pierce right through them. As his eyes came to rest over Dracula, he smiled.

"You in Smiths Thins?" asked Sniper.

Dracula nodded in a silent reply, smiling. Sniper returned a smile. Dracula laughed evilly for no apparent reason.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and precise art of potion making. I expect only the best from you. Some of you will never understand the absolutely pristine beauty of a softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate art of creating such a beautiful thing. Nevertheless, you will all have to follow my orders today, and if anybody speaks out of line, I will pers-

"What does out of line mean?" asked a pudgy boy named Shovel Shortbottom.

Sniper whipped out the rifle from its holster and pointed it at Shovel. He stared down the barrel.

Dracula sniggered evilly.

Suddenly, all of a sudden the door suddenly opened all of a sudden and suddenly revealed the shape of a girl who stepped into the room suddenly all of a sudden. OMG OMG OMG the door opened so suddenly! Everybody thought they were going to die of shock.

She was wearing a pink shirt and short, orange pants. On her back was slung a purple backpack with a map sticking out of it. She looked in shock at Sniper.

"Sniper no sniping! Sniper no sniping! Sniper noooo sniping" said the girl.

Sniper clicked his fingers. "OH MAN!"

He put the gun back in its holster and stared frigidly at the girl. Taking he hint, she skipped out of the room and continued her adventures.

"Now," said Sniper, "if any of you dunderheads do something silly again, I will be forced to take immediate...how should I say it...action."

Larry saw Whiny on the edge of her seat, wanting desperately to prove that she was the best and was certainly not a dunderhead.

"Ah, Potter, Sniper said suddenly, turning his gaze to Larry, "would you answer this question for me? What would you get if you added together," he paused for a moment, "a skunk and a pair of tennis racquets? Come on class, let's see what our little celebrity has to say, eh?"

Dracula sniggered evilly.

Whiny's hand shot up and she bounced up and down on her chair, signaling to the whole world that she knew the answer. But Sniper didn't seem to be interested in Whiny. He just looked at Larry coldly, awaiting a response. Larry had not the faintest idea of what you would get if you added a pair of tennis racquets and a skunk into a cauldron. He pretended to cough to waste some time and think through his options. Trouble was, he had no options, so scrap that last sentence. Eventually, he said, "I don't know, sir."

Dracula sniggered even more evilly than he normally sniggered! Oh, the drama!

Sniper laughed grimly, "Potter, this is the most simplest of questions." He continued to ignore Whiny's ecstatic bouncing. "the answer, quite simply, is a ping pong."

At this, Dracula and his two friends, Crab and Oil, fell to the ground in hysterics. They laughed so hard that they LOLed out loud. Dracula was even able to snigger evilly while he was laughing. Sniper joined in the laughing, but his laugh was empty and without emotion. Larry wished he could fly away on a bird made of spaghetti. Wished that it would take him to a secluded mountain far, far away. Larry thought up some very strange things.

When the laughing eventually stopped, Professor Sniper put all the students into pairs. He made a point of pairing Larry with Dracula, and Larry glimpsed Sniper, in his long black robe, whispering something in Dracula's ear. Larry guessed it was probably something like 'give Potter a hard time'. Whiny was put with Shovel and CD-Ron was placed with a boy named Jonathan. They were set the task of creating a simple curing potion called A Simple Curing Potion, but just at one glance at the recipe Sniper had provided for each of them, it looked anything but simple. The paper was crammed with side notes and important things to remember when boiling slug juice and performing other actions of the same nature.

Larry and Dracula set to work on creating their potion. Dracula forced Larry to do the majority of the work, but Sniper didn't seem to mind. Sniper seemed to really like Dracula, but he wasn't sure why. In Larry's opinion, Dracula was a rude, egoistic, precocious brat.

Note to Minors: Never be mean about your peers.

Larry was intently chopping up some fish eyes while Dracula was stirring a disgusting brew of bat blood and simmered chicken feet, when Sniper approached them.

He bent over Dracula's mix and smiled in approval. Then he turned to Larry and poked his tongue out at him.

Larry decided he couldn't take Sniper's nastiness anymore. With a heave, he lifted up Dracula's bowl and threw it directly at Sniper's face.

Oil is any substance that is a liquid at ambient temperatures and is hydrophobic but soluble in organic solvents. Because of the dizzying array of chemical compounds found in oil, it is highly flammable. Uh-oh. Bad news for Sniper.

The mix of bat blood and simmered chicken feet splashed all over Snipers face. Incase you did not know, oil does not mix with such a concoction, and with a huge crackling noise, Sniper's oil soaked hair burst into a giant tongue of flame.

"Oh no!" screamed Sniper, "I think my head is on fire! Somebody HELP!"

He started running around hysterically through the classroom, the flames dancing around on his head and burning his hair. "My hair! My beautiful hair! Oh, what will I do?"

Suddenly, Sportacus from Lazy Town flew through the window, causing shards of glass to cascade all over the room.

"Help is here!" He said as he did a random back flip for no reason.

"Put out this fire!" shouted Sniper, "PUT IT OUT!"

"Never fear, Sportacus is here!" And with that, he did a flip onto Sniper's desk and did a back flip off it. He had retrieved from the desk a water bottle, and he ran up to Sniper, did a flip, and while he was spinning around, squirted a gigantic geyser of water out of the bottle which went shooting into Snape's hair, instantly putting out the flames. Then he cart wheeled out of the window.

'Ooookay," said CD-Ron.

Sniper walked up to Larry purposefully, a thick cloud of smoke billowing out of his scalp. "For that, I will take of 1 point from Griffin Snore!"

All the Griffin Snores sighed. All the Huff and Puffs smiled. All the Smiths Thins cackled. All the RavenPaws put their thumbs up. Dracula sniggered evilly.

The Potions Class ended ten minutes later, Sniper finishing the class early so he could fix his hair for the next period. Larry was glad of this. He had hated the Potions class, and when he caught up with Whiny and CD-Ron again, they had agreed. However, they did seem a bit surprised about Larry's violent actions.

The next class was Transfiguration with Mrs. McDonalds. Larry and CD-Ron were not looking forward t this class, even though they enjoyed the prospect of transforming things from their original state. The truth was, they were scared out of their wits of Mrs. McDonalds. Her strict demeanor made them shiver. But Whiny, of course, didn't seem to mind, because she was the best at everything.

However, it didn't turn out so bad; While Mrs. McDonalds maintained her stern character throughout the class, she would often offer a rare smile for those who did well or improved over their last try. Larry and CD-Ron actually grew to mildly respect her.

But the class everyone was lookng forward to was Defense Against the Dark Arts. However, Professor Mouldywart turned out to be a very boring teacher and they were forced to stare at textbooks for the whole period. On top of this, Professor Mouldywart kept on making strange comments, even going as far as to say that he was going to kill them all. But he denied he said this after Mrs. McDonalds approached him after the lesson after she was informed of Professor Mouldywart's actions by Shovel Shortbottom.

The last class of the day was a breeze for Whiny and Larry. In Charms, they were taught how to raise objects into the air using their carrots and muttering the words upo airo. In no time at all, most of the class had grasped the concept except for CD-Ron, who kept on raising his feather only a couple of inches off the ground. Professor CandleWick, the midget teacher who was smaller than a porcupine, waddled around commending all the students on their efforts. Nobody could see him, anyway, so it didn't really matter what he did.

When Larry finally got back to Griffin Snore common room, he was exhausted. But his day was far from over. Because at that moment, a flying pie flew through the window clutching a scroll in one of its feet. It dropped the note on Larry's head, and then flew off. Larry bent down and picked up the paper. It read;

Dear Dearest Larry,

I do hate you, but I thought I would you invite you for tea so we could advance this story in a practical manner. I just want to show you something. Come over here at six, will you? You have to actually. Come on. I live in the little cottage near the French Fry Forest.

From Fatty

P.S. I hate you

P.S.S. Bring Whiny and CD-Ron or whatever your friends are called

Larry sighed deeply and set off to Fatty's house.