1962

KE met Barbie that autumn. She worked the fuel desk at the TSA truck stop near Shoshoni where highways 20 and 26 joined up and headed southeast toward Casper. He liked to gas up the truck and have a hot meal there. The serving sizes were plentiful and tasted better than average diner fare. They had showers available there, as well as anything a man needed to get by for a few days away from home. Fella played his cards right, he wouldn't have to get a room right away, could save his cash for gas and food. The money from the Worland job wouldn't last long, and the brothers needed to find something steady soon.

The DOT requires drivers to accurately record in a Driver's Daily Log each of the 24 hours of each day, whether Driving, On Duty but not driving, Off Duty, or Sleeping. Business owners, knowing that time is money, are always pushing the over-the-road drivers to drive more and sleep less, even if they have to pop some bennies to stay awake those extra hours. Drivers can get real creative with their DDL's, but eventually even they have to sleep.

By schmoozing with Barbie, KE learned who had the authority to hire them. Often, KE and Ennis would be hired to wash some a the big rigs that were parked there in the back lot, rumbling and snorting like a herd a water buffalo. They never seemed to turn those beasts off, whether to keep the cab cool while the drivers slept, or to keep the payload cool, Ennis was never sure which.. He couldn't even tell if they were loaded with cargo, or dead-heading, But the job paid daily, and they needed that money.

Ennis hated the huge expanse of concrete parking lot, the fumes, the noise, and the body odor of many of the drivers. The coffee was black, strong and affordable, but to have a moment to himself to enjoy drinking it, was nigh on to impossible. Seems those drivers got lonely, would store up all the words they couldn't say, alone on the road, driving through the night. Then when they hit the lunch counter, they tried to unload them into the first ears they encountered. Ennis felt trapped by too many people, and he knew one thing for sure. He didn't like people who talked all the time, sometimes bitching about every little thing. He had no patience for that crap.

The truth was, not a dozen words passed between Ennis and KE on a normal day. It was limited to, "ready ta go eat?" or "think it'll rain?" the normal commerce of life, and it

suited them both. Their mama had talked a bit, sung to them as babies, and read to them each Sunday afternoon. Other than that, days passed with not much said about anything.

By Christmas KE and Barbie were talking about getting married, and he was staying at her place more than half the time, which left Ennis on his own. Didn't want to pay the price of a room for just one person, so Ennis took to sleeping, rolled up in an old blanket in KE's truck cab, while it was parked in front of Barbie's house. He'd shower when they got back to the truck stop.

KE was in love and therefore totally unaware of how much Ennis had come to hate their day to day existence in this strange world that never slept, all lit up 24/ 7. This younger brother missed horses, cows, trees, the wide vista of the night sky, even the biting flies that seemed to be a constant pest at every ranch job he'd ever had. Ennis was trying to plan their next move, to a job far more suited to his temperament and his skills, when KE dropped the bomb.

"Barbie says my truck smells like dirty feet, Ennis! You can't sleep there no more. It ain't fittin. And anyway, winter is here, don't want you freezing to death in that truck.. Should get a place of your own, boy. Need to get your own life now. Um, well, Barbie says it's time we got married, 'n I guess she's probly right."

Ennis had never thought that anyone would come between them. Ever since Maggie had gone to work for that widower fella in Casper and then married him, they had been the only family each other had. They'd lived and worked together, ate together, slept together in the same room or barn. Their parents were dead, their sister gone, and Ennis had not thought past the two of them always being there for each other. It rocked the only world he'd ever known when KE cut him loose, just like that.

While a part of Ennis del Mar was mourning the loss of his brother's company and guidance, another part of him saw his future through eyes that now saw some hope for doing things his own way. He'd make his own plans from here on out. While sipping his coffee that morning, Ennis pulled a map out of the rack and tried to think of the best place for him to go, to look for a new job and a new life.

"You gonna pay for that, or just mangle it up then put it back in the rack?" asked the assistant manager with a curl to his lip. He had no use for the hangers on. His focus was to stock items and sell to truckers at a large mark-up. This other segment of the population that he had inherited when he came here, were beneath his notice. They were drifters, bums, prostitutes, runaways, and who knew what else, perhaps even fugitives. This was the demographic that did not spend money in his general store, and did not tip very well at the lunch counter either. Once they bought their cigarettes, they were through spending.

Ennis felt the sting of the man's disapproval, but he was used to that. He was used to being invisible, or being watched as a common thief when he went through a store.

Ennis just said "mmmn" and refolded the map and put it in it's proper slot. He'd barely had time to study his options, but realized the closest place he could hitchhike to was a town called Riverton. He'd start there. See if there were any jobs.

Ennis finished up the week, washing semi-tractor trailers with KE, and then he shook his hand, wished him well and pocketed his last pay for who knew how long? KE told him to write him at Barbie's address, when he knew where he was staying. Wanted to invite him to the wedding when they got it set up. He had written to Maggie to tell her of the upcoming nuptials also.

There was a PPG truck rolling out of the lot about the time Ennis was ready to hit the road. The fellow was one he'd talked to (really just listened to) at the lunch counter a time or two, so he picked him up and took him all the way into Riverton.

His first stop was at the hardware and feed store on 789, at the outskirts a town. He asked if they knew of anyone hiring for ranch hands, or if there was a board where he could check for postings of jobs of any kind. He found no positive news there, and walked on into Riverton proper hoping for the best. KE had given him a carton of smokes as a good-bye present, and he had money for meals for a few days, but he really needed to hook up with some steady work, and he needed a place to stay, as well.

His paper sack held a change of underwear and one more shirt. His levi's and boots would have to last him. Other than that, all he owned was the tan Carhartt coat, and his tan hat. The little squiggle of fear that had played around his gut since his parents died, was beginning to take hold of him in spite of his steely resolve that he could take care of himself just fine.

His first good news; he hadn't been in town two hours, when he got hired on at Smith's Grocery on Main Street, unloading trucks on their dock, and night stocking the shelves. And any dented cans or bruised produce, he could have for himself. Trouble was, there were only two trucks per week, so he needed to find another job as well. He was thirsty and hungry so he headed on over to the Dairy Queen to have a look around.

"Help you?" said a tiny little voice behind the counter.

"Just lookin at yer menu, ma'm, what's cheap and good?" asked Ennis.

The clerk recognized hunger when she saw it, and suggested that the Country Fried Steak with all the trimmings was very filling, and quite a reasonable price. He opted for that. She filled a plate to overflowing and added a slice of apple pie with it. She brought the plate to the table he'd selected, and reminded him that the iced tea had unlimited free refills.

"Will there be anything else for you today?" she asked.

"No. . ."Less you know of anybody hirin around here. I sure could use a job, Ma'm."

'My name's not ma'm, I ain't no older'n you, y'know."

Remembering his manners, Ennis stood up and said, "Oh sorry, I was jus' bein polite.

My name's Ennis. Ennis del Mar." and he pulled off his hat in a hurry, and did his best to smile at this tiny blond girl.

She flushed to the roots of her natural blond hair, and said "Pleased to meet you Ennis del Mar. My name's Alma. Alma Beers."

When she regained herself, she said "Now you set to eatin, I'll be back there if you need anything. Refills or anything. Just holler."

And he did. As he ate, he was calculating how much he could make per week at the grocery store, and wondering how much more he could find to do in or near this town. Most everyone he'd talked to hadn't known of any ranching jobs. He sensed someone at his elbow, and there she was with the tea pitcher. "More ice?" and he shook his head "no."

"You say you are lookin for work?" and he nodded again.

"Well, my daddy Thomas Beers, is the postmaster over at the post office on Main Street.

They sometimes have jobs posted over there. Good luck findin what ya need." And at that she gathered up his empty plates, and asked if there'd be anything else. She rang his purchases, gave him his change and watched him walk out to the street. She realized then that he didn't have a clue where the post office was, so she ran out and pointed him in the right direction.

"Daddy?"

"What's wrong darlin'? Why you calling me in the middle of the day at work?"

"Daddy, there's a young man headed your way. I got a feelin' about him. He's lookin for work. Would you see what you can do for him? OH, and I doubt he has anywhere to stay, you might . . . "

"He just walked in the door now. Gotta go daughter. Bye, little one,"

"busy body" Thomas Beers muttered fondly under his breath.

Ennis was reading all manner of notices on this board. Someone selling a gelding, someone offering rabbits for the table, another person offered childcare in their home, and another lady advertised 'Affordable Altering'. Though valuable, none of these things were what he needed at the moment. When Thomas approached Ennis, he turned and said "Mr. Beers?" The man nodded, and Ennis continued, "I'm looking for work, and your daughter was kind enough to direct me here."

"What kinda work you looking for, young man?" Ennis introduced himself, told a bit about his experience, but reiterated that beggars couldn't be choosers and he'd take anything he could get. At last, Mr. Beers pulled a full page of small print out of an envelope, and explained that it had just come that day.

"It's from the Farm and Ranch Employment Service. Don't start till May 1st, but it's for a full summer's work herding sheep. Don't pay much, but includes food and lodging. If you're interested . . ."

" I'll take it, you bet!" and between them, they read enough to know who to contact, and before he left there that day, he had a summer job lined up on Brokeback Mountain.

Mr. Beers suggested that Ennis go talk to an elderly lady on Walnut Street, Mrs. Goebel. She needed help around the house and yard, and offered a nice room and board, as payment. She never advertised, just waited for someone trustworthy to be recommended. Her last helper had left two months ago to join the Navy. She was getting desperate for help and Ennis filled the bill exactly.

Ennis' room was small and clean, but smelled strongly of mothballs. He tried but failed to open the windows to air the room out, but found they were all painted shut. His first "project" was to get those windows open. And he did. She cooked for him every day, but he never knew what it was he was eating. It was all overcooked to the point of being unrecognizable. It was hot and filling though, and did not have a bad taste, quite the contrary. He was grateful to have the food and grateful to have her prepare it for him

Ennis didn't understand most of what Mrs. Goebel said, but figured it out with motions and gestures. It was much later that he realized that she had grown up speaking German, and her accent was still quite pronounced.

She told him that she had been in the concentration camp at Buchenwald. All her family died there. She was a German Jew. He did not really know much about what happened nor why, but he asked her to tell him about it. When he wasn't cleaning the gutters, or weatherstripping all the doors and windows, or mowing the lawn or raking leaves, she would sit with him in the parlor and show him pictures and mementoes from those she'd lost. She told him stories of her family members including her young husband and her two babies who were stripped from her the day she was taken and never saw them again.

They talked often, and eventually she told him of the overalls with color badges they had to wear. Political prisoners such as Communists wore red triangles, She, as a Jew, had to wear yellow, common criminals wore green triangles, homosexual men wore pink triangles, black for Gypsys and purple for Jehovah's Witnesses. Ennis had thought that his loss of family was equal to hers, but he finally realized that his loss was due to an accident, while hers was so much worse for it had been intricately planned with outright hatred. He didn't understand how one group of people could hate so much that they planned to rid the earth of the hated group. But something from his childhood had shown him that it was so.

With Mrs. Goebel's permission, he cleaned out her old unused stable, and went back to the post office to check on that gelding that was for sale. Better by far than a truck, and he would be good company to boot. Ennis walked to his job at Smith's and on errands he ran for Mrs. G. But on his own time, he saddled up Sage, and went out to all the local ranches. He talked to the owners or foremen, whoever he could get to talk to him. He let them know he was experienced, and waiting for a job to open up in ranching. He missed livestock, hard work and country air. No one had anything at the moment, but they'd keep him in mind, they said.

Mr. Beers invited Ennis to come for Sunday dinner at their house, after church services were over. Ennis would be at church anyway as one of his duties was to escort Mrs. G. to the church and walk her home again.

The first time he came over, they invited Mrs. Goebel, as well. In the weeks following, they only invited Ennis. He didn't mind, they were all nice people. Alma's ma never had two words to say about anything; he liked her fine. She was a good cook too. But Alma and her dad kept the conversation lively. Her sister was as quiet as her mom.

Ennis never invited Alma out on a date, though he suspected she'd like him to. First he didn't dare spend the money, and second, he didn't think of her that way. She was a terrific girl, but she was Alma. Just a friend.

During a Sunday dinner about two months after Ennis got to town, Mr. Beers started saying " It's a pitiful thing for a man to not have a son. All I got to show for all my hard work and at that, he winked at his wife is two girls. What's a man to do? Maybe my girls will find me a couple of good sons. What about you, Ennis? You the marrying kind? You wanna save me from being so outnumbered here in my own home? Will you PLEASE marry one of my daughters? Just pick one, I don't care which."

All Ennis could muster, was "Um, no sir, guess I ain't the marrying kind after all."

And both girls were so embarrassed, their faces were flaming red. Mr. Beers never tried that particular tactic again, though he didn't give up on having Ennis for a son-in-law.

In early April, Ennis went back to Shoshoni, for KE's and Barbie's wedding. It was a small affair, but nice. KE looked happy and Barbie was beginning to show a bit. It was good to see his sister again. Maggie said her new life was good, and she was never hungry. Ennis said he was no longer hungry either. KE agreed. This had been a huge motivator in their lives. Hunger and Fear of Hunger. Maggie and KE and Ennis talked about their futures, and they also divided the items their parents had left behind after their untimely deaths. They hated to part so soon, but each was anxious to get back to their new lives as well. Though it was in each of their hearts, none said "I love you" to their siblings. They were not that kind of people. They promised to write and keep in touch. Due to Life's changes, jobs, and loss of jobs, that did not happen.

On a Sunday in mid April, Alma asked Ennis to go for a walk after dinner. The church youth group was holding a dance that night, and she asked him if he'd go with her. He didn't really dance, but he didn't know how to get out of it, since she had done so much for him. So he agreed. He confessed his inexperience with dancing, and she excitedly grabbed his hand, and pulled him home. They practiced to the record player in the living room, and gradually he began to relax about this dancing stuff. At last he felt competent to at least do a slow dance not too many intricate steps to learn and they had one more run through, before he was to go home and get washed up for tonight.

She pulled herself in tight against him, and rotated her hips a bit, startling him with the sensations that raced through him. When she pulled in again, he was ready for her and ground against her too. When the song was almost over, she took his hand and placed it on the side of her breast, letting him feel the fullness there, waiting for him. They were both breathing hard, and they were sorry to hear the final strains of the music.

Ennis had never known desire before. Oh he'd had his share of wet dreams, and he'd experimented with his own hand, but this was different. This was another person. And she seemed to want this too. They clung together at the dance that night, and when they walked home after, Alma made sure that he "accidentally" brushed her breast several times.

They stopped in a small copse of trees and pulled tightly together again. Hands roaming all over each other as far as they could reach, theirs hearts were pounding, and breaths rasping. Ennis pulled her down on the ground and they got into a bit of heavy petting.

His head was spinning.

When she lay back and pulled on his hand, he laid on top of her as she wanted. He went out of his mind with sensations all so new. He began grinding his swollen penis against her, their clothing adding a nice bit of friction. Their grinding and humping resulted in both of them coming in their pants, and when he kissed her mouth chastely, she opened her lips to him. This warm, wet world was very enticing to one who had always been on the outside looking in. No one had ever been "his' before.

When they'd regained their normal breathing, Alma spoke softly into Ennis' ear. "Guess this shows how we truly feel about each other, Ennis. You gonna talk to daddy soon about us getting married then?"

Ennis nodded. Yes, he better do that, after what he'd just done to her, he thought. Besides, when he married her, they could do lots more of this.

Ennis left Riverton, WY, hitchhiking to Signal at the end of April, still a virgin looking forward to his wedding night.

The Beers family had happily accepted Ennis and planned for a small wedding as soon as he came back from that little summer job.