A/N:

Well hello all you potential reviewers! This is the mighty chapter four... gonna be one hell of a lemony ride, huh kels?

Def. But who doesn't like to ride the lemoncoaster? Hahah... pun... get it.. lemon... riding...

Ohhhhh Kella... Good thing SMeyer (who owns this) doesn't know about us. She might get mad

Maybe. Or maybe she'd cheer us on for having the ballsacs to do what she couldn't because of the demographic she was writing for. But hey reviews are kinda awesome, yea?

Kella, reviews are better than a Golden Girls marathon on lifetime... or WEtv, as it were :P

BPOV

The next morning I woke up and stretched. God I was sore, but good sore. The kind of sore that comes from a night with a sex fucking god. I went through my morning routine slowly as my body adjusted to moving around with the dull ache. I wasn't sure if it was just from the sex, or from missing Edward.

God I missed Edward. I glanced down at my cell phone, 7:23... too early to call, he was probably still in bed with Tanya. This was getting complicated, just like I had hoped it wouldn't. I was developing feelings for Edward; and come on.. waking up missing him after just seeing him less than 12 hours ago but not missing James whom I hadn't seen in days, just as much? That wasn't right; it wasn't fair to Edward, James or Tanya.

I headed to work trying to push Edward as far out of my mind as possible. I had to end this before I couldn't walk away. The truth was, I was scared it was too late for that.

The ringing of my phone snapped me back to reality as I sat in morning traffic.

"Hello?" I asked, not looking at the caller ID

"Hey Babe." James' voice echoed through the phone.

"Oh hey, what's up?"

"Not much, just missed you. Wanted to apologize again for the other night."

"Oh, yeah. Me too, it's fine. I just overreacted I guess."

"Yeah, a little." He replied offhandedly.

I rolled my eyes, brushing it off. "So how's work? Did you find out when the new schedule goes into effect?"

"Mhm. It starts this weekend, so I won't be around from tomorrow til Monday night - so really Tuesday. But then we have Tuesday to Thursday together."

"So will I see you before then?"

"Um, Bells? It's Thursday, I'll see you tonight at Dr. Carlisle's right?"

I couldn't help but laugh. James actually remembered; not only that but he was reminding me. "Yeah, tonight at 6:30."

He was chuckling a little too and his voice was soft as he spoke. "See Bells, I'm trying."

"I know, I see that."

"And I was thinking, maybe we could do a real re-do of my Saturday night fuck-up date, tonight. If you're around?"

"James, I'm always around. You know me."

"Yeah, I just didn't want to assume. Maybe you had plans with Angela or something."

I smiled. There were times when James was a decent guy, this was why I loved him. "Nope, I'm all yours."

"I love hearing you say that." He replied. "But listen Bells, I gotta get some sleep so I'm up in time for our thing tonight. I'll meet you there, yea?"

"Okay, sounds good. See you at 6:30?"

"Uh-huh. I love you Bells."

"Love you too."

I hung up the phone just as I was pulling into the office parking garage. I had to stop this thing with Edward. James was a good guy, he was trying. And I'm sure Tanya was a lovely woman. Neither one deserved what we were doing.

Through my morning staff meeting, I debated texting Edward and just ending it. I thought about calling him and telling him over the phone. I ran through every scenario, but not one involved me communicating with him and sticking to my guns. I was wrapped up in him and if he asked me not to go, I wouldn't.

I was discussing product launch ideas with my coworker Becca after our staff meeting when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out - Edward. "Becca, sorry - just one sec." I said holding up a finger.

"Sure no prob. I'm going to go put some of these ideas on paper, just swing by later today and we can narrow down the ones to pitch to the management team."

"Sounds good."

She turned and walked back towards her office and I flipped open my phone.

My afternoon just cleared up, are you free for lunch?

As much as I wanted to say no, to stick with the idea I'd had this morning of slowly letting this go, Edward was an addiction.

Sure, I'll meet you at your studio around noon?

He replied back with a confirmation and his address. What the hell was I doing? I was going to wreck everything with James, and Edward and I were going to ruin everything for all of us.

I had the mental tug of war argument playing in my head the entire walk to his studio and nothing became any clearer. What felt right was actually wrong, and what felt wrong was still the right thing to do.

I took the freight elevator up to the 5th floor and looked at which of the 2 doors were his. Well, if that wasn't a metaphor for everything going on...

His studio turned out to be the one on the left and I knocked on the solid steel door, before I could talk myself out of it. The door swung open and he pulled me in by the wrist, slamming the door closed and shoving me against the wall beside it. His hands cupped my face and his lips attacked mine before I could speak. My tongue slid between his lips and he moaned into my mouth. I let out a whimper as his hands moved from my face, around to my back and under my shirt. They splayed across my skin and I felt the familiar warmth that I had grown to crave, spread through me. My fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him even closer to me and he groaned into my mouth. My mind kept asking the same question over and over again as our tongues swirled around each others', "how can this be wrong, when it feels so fucking perfect?"

He let out a big exhale through his nose and pulled away, panting. He rubbed his nose against mine playfully and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "I missed you."

"Couldn't tell." I replied, grinning.

His forehead rested against mine as he laughed quietly. "Yeah, sorry about that."

I shook my head. "Don't ever be sorry for doing what you just did. I loved every minute of it."

His lips turned up into a smile before pressing against mine again, a little less frenzied.

We stayed kissing against the wall for a bit before my stomach grumbled and ruined the moment. He laughed against my lips. "Guess that's my hint to feed you?" I nodded, pulling his bottom lip between my teeth and sucking lightly. "Mhm."

"Good thing I ordered practically every item on the menu from the Chinese place down the street then." He said, pulling away and taking my hand in his. We walked through the wide open space towards a squared off area that housed a leather sofa, plasma TV and coffee table.

"Welcome to my studio within a studio." He said fanning his arm in front of the area.

"Very nice. And the rest? Do I get a full tour?"

He kissed my temple. "Soon. We should eat first, before your stomach decides to pull an Aliens and pop a gremlin out." I laughed a little and walked around to the sofa, kicking off my shoes and grabbing an unidentified container from the table. He followed behind, sitting on the sofa square on the other side of the couch, leaving the middle square as a makeshift table. He handed me a pair of chopstick and I dug in.

"Mmmm..." I said closing my eyes. I heard him laugh. "What, did you not have breakfast?"

I opened my eyes and waited til I had swallowed before answer. "Nope. I'm not a breakfast person. I don't get hungry til 11, but that's not really breakfast or lunch - unless it's Sunday. So by noon I'm usually starving."

"So Sundays are perfect for you then; with brunch and all."

"Yep. Sundays are my favorite eating days." I said lifting up another bit of the chicken in the container.

He puffed out a laugh. "Favorite eating day?"

"Mhm. You know how restaurants have like, specials based on the day of the week? Well, based on my extensiveresearch, Sundays typically have the best options. Plus the whole, Sunday brunch thing which is just, the best fucking meal ever."

"You do realize you can have brunch on other days, right?" He teased, grinning at me as he shoveled some noodles into his mouth.

"Yeah, but it's like a fake brunch. Brunches are for Sundays." I said adamantly. His body shook with laughter. "Fair enough."

"So what about you? Favorite meal?"

"Do you mean, breakfast lunch or dinner or a specific entree?"

I shrugged. "Let's go with both."

"I'm a big fan of breakfast. But I cook the best dinners - I think I'm just better at cooking heartier things. But I love lasagna, even though it's not breakfast food. I could probably eat it every meal every day for the rest of my life and not get tired of it."

I laughed a little at his enthusiasm. "So if you're so good at cooking dinner. Why did I cook last night?"

"Because you offered." He grinned.

"Oh, right." I said, blushing a little.

"But I'd love to cook for you sometime. We could do it here." He pointed to the left, and sure enough the wall of of floor to ceiling windows led to a full kitchen.

"This place is great..." I said, looking around in awe of the size and decor of the place. "Why didn't you and Tanya just move in here?"

He chewed on more noodles and held up his chopsticks asking me to wait. "Because," he said swallowing the last bit in his mouth, "she doesn't like lofts like this. She says they're too industrial and unsuitable to live in. So while it's huge and far bigger than our house right now, she'd rather live somewhere less noisy, and more warm."

"I think you could make this place a warm home..." I replied, still looking around at all the detail.

"Yeah well, maybe for another couple. Tanya doesn't want to, so we won't. It's not a big enough deal for me argue with her about; if she's happy, I'm happy."

My heart tightened at his words, but I let out a slow exhale to relieve the pressure.

"These noodles are really good. You should try some before I eat it all." He said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had permeated in the air. He pulled some through his chopsticks, holding it up for me. I smiled and put my container on the coffee table, before moving to sit closer to him. He dropped the noodled into my mouth and I worked to get them all in. I held my hand out near my chin to catch any stray pieces and laughed along with him at my attempt to get the noodles into my mouth without making a big mess.

I chewed them, nodding my head back and forth.

"Well?" He asked, once I had swallowed them.

"Not bad."

"Not bad? They're fantastic!" He exclaimed. At his once again, completely out there enthusiasm, I lost it. I started laughing and couldn't stop. He laughed too, shaking his head. "Really, you just... you're not understanding. Here try some more." He said pulling out another couple of strands. I slid my mouth around the noodles again but just as I had grabbed them all in my mouth he pressed his lips against mine. We proceeded to do this weird, but not all together unpleasant, kissing/chewing motion, while we both giggled through it.

"And now?" He said pulling away, grinning from ear to ear.

I pretended to think about it, and tapped my finger against my chin. "Definitely better the second time."

We continued to talk about the most inane things. I found out that Edward had a puppy named Wednesday growing up because his brother Jasper was in love with the Adams Family. He also ran track through high school and college, and he had planned to go to Med School and follow his mom's footsteps but photography called to him the end of his junior year of college and he threw away a year's worth of classes to change majors. Oh and his TV guilty pleasure? Walker, Texas Ranger reruns.

I glanced down at my cell phone and realized it was nearing 1. "Well, I should head back..." I said looking over at him.

"Yeah, I should get back too. The more stuff I get done between now and the weekend, the more time we'll have Saturday."

I stood up, sliding back into my shoes. "Edward, I told you; if you have a project to work on we can always meet up later."

He stood and moved towards me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Bella, I told you that I want to see you Saturday. I'll get everything taken care of. Just, stop by, okay?" His lips brushed my forehead and the tip of my nose as he repeated, "okay?"

"Okay," I whispered pressing my lips against his softly.

We kissed a little longer before I reluctantly pulled away. His hand quickly found mine and he walked me over to the door.

"Can I call you later?" He asked as he opened the door for me.

"Well, we have therapy - I mean, James and I." I blushed at my obvious statement. "And after... he wants to try and make up for missing Saturday night."

"Oh, yeah. Okay." He said, his voice almost robotic.

"But I'll call you tomorrow?"

He pressed his lips against mine again, and sighed. "Yea, tomorrow."

EPOV

I closed the door behind her, and smiled to myself, touching my fingers to my lips. But then I realized that she would have her lips on him tonight. She might even sleep with him tonight. I got this weird rumbling growling thing in my gut when I thought of them together, and her acting the way she did when we were together with him. But wait, what right did I have to her feelings and what she did with the man she was supposed to be in love with? None. None at all.

This all started as revenge, but now Bella was like... she was like a friend. Who I happened to fuck and make out with. Shit...

She was starting to grow on me. The way she looked and smelled and tasted; it was everything that I had been missing with Tanya, and that scared me more than anything. I used to want that with Tanya. A spark, an attraction, or even just a fucking hug. But I didn't get any of that from her; not anymore. I fell asleep every night in a cold bed, despite the warm body beside me.

A few hours later, Tanya and I were in Dr. Carlisle's office. Arguing. What else is new?

I rubbed my forehead with my hand. She just didn't fucking listen to me. Ever. "Tanya, maybe it'd want to sleep with you if I actually felt like I meant something to you."

"Edward how can you say that! I've devoted 7 of my best years to you!"

I sighed, and looked at her. "Devoted? Please, you devoted three quarters of those years to your job! You're never home on time anymore, you never return my calls. Fuck, I'm not your housewife!"

"I love my job Edward. I love you. I don't get why you're trying to be all caveman and say that my job isn't important!"

I groaned and fell back into my seat. "That's NOT what I'm saying! I'm trying to tell you that I should be just as important to you as your job is. I put everything on hold for you when you ask me, but if I want to see you during daylight hours during the week, I have to make an appointment with your fucking secretary!"

"Hmm," Dr. Carlisle said, "Let's explor--" Too late. Tanya interrupted.

"I have a REAL job Edward. Adults, you know what those are? The people that you hire yourself out to - yeah they have REAL jobs. With meetings during the day and secretaries to keep them from being overbooked! It's not my fault you didn't go to med school! You'd know what I was talking about if you had."

I actually growled at her. That was a low blow and she knew it. "I have a real job; a job that I love doing. Once upon a time, you didn't seem to mind it, either. Does it really bother you that much that I didn't go? Because I seem to recall a conversation where YOU TALKED ME OUT OF IT! YOU told me I was doing the right thing by NOT going!

Dr. Carlisle shifted in his chair and looked between us as Tanya fumed. I'm pretty sure I saw smoke coming out of her ears.

"It was cool when we were 20 and 21 Edward. Dating the 'artist' was fucking sexy. I just thought you'd fucking grow up by now and realize that it's a fucking hobby and not a career!"

"What the fuck do you want from me?" I said sadly. "It's not like I'm mooching off of you, or I need your paycheck to survive. So tell me what the fuck you want."

"Wants and needs are often--" The good doctor wasn't getting a word in edgewise today.

"What I want, Edward?! What I WANT! I WANT to not have to skirt around the issue when my colleagues and friends ask what my fiance does for a living! I WANT to be able to say that my boyfriend has a CAREER and not a 'gig'! I WANT you to better yourself because I know that you could be SO much more." She took a deep breath, and calmed down slightly, before turning to me and saying sadly, "Baby, you could be so much better than this. Do so much more.."

"But what if I don't want that? What if I like what I do? What if it makes me happy? Can't that work for you, too?" I didn't understand how one person could change so drastically in front of my eyes-- and I didn't even notice.

"But you haven't even tried anything else. How do you know you wouldn't be happier with a regular job?"

I scoffed, "Like what?"

"Like anything!" She yelled, throwing her hands in the air. "Like a fucking paramedic or crime scene photographer... just Jesus anything but being pent up all secluded like a hermit in your cold studio taking pictures!"

"But that wouldn't be me!" I yelled, noticing that Dr. Carlisle had long since stopped actually counseling us. "Would you really still want me if I were miserable every god damn day of my life? Would you really want that?"

"How do you KNOW that wouldn't be you?! How do you KNOW you would be miserable!? You've never even TRIED anything but pressing a fucking camera button!"

I just looked at her in disbelief. "What happened to you? What happened to the girl I fell in love with? Cause I'll tell you right now, you aren't her! You aren't the girl who once told me she would love me unconditionally, nor the one told me that I should always do what I LOVED. I... I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

She actually rolled her eyes at me. "You're being a tad over dramatic don't you think? I'm still the same person only... grown up. And I still love you, with all my heart. I just wish you would try and grow and be better and see how great you COULD be."

"Why can't I be great at what I do? Why can't that be my niche? How come I have to push paper in order to be successful? And you aren't the same person; not at all. There's all this... shit between us now, and I feel like you don't even want to get rid of it." I was so unbelievably sad at this point because I realized that being with Bella wasn't this complicated. It was a fucking breeze.

"I do! That's why I'm here - why we're here. Because baby, don't you wanna work on this too? For us? For our future? For our future children?"

I compelled every sperm in my body to die instantly. "Do we even have a future? Because at this point, if you keep acting the way you are, it's not going to happen. I don't care how long we've been together."

She froze, and I watched as tears filled her eyes. She looked between me and the doctor before she spoke. "We'll work through it Eddie. We just need time, please baby."

"I love you," Did I? "But... the things you do to me suck. If I didn't have a relatively steady income, I'd get it, but since I do... baby, this just doesn't make sense. Are you embarrassed by me? Cause if you are, why would you want to marry me? If I make you uncomfortable for the rest of your life, why put yourself through that when we can just walk away."

And just like that, I was this much closer to Bella. I could feel us on the edge of something, and hopefully it would put me in Bella's arms.

"Because Edward, I love you. And if you are truly happy and really don't think that you would be happier doing something, anythingelse I can learn to be okay with your choice of work. I just don't want you to look back in 20 years or 40, when we're old and gray and regret it. I don't want you to regret anything, baby."

"And I won't." I said, calming slightly. "But you didn't answer the question: are you embarrassed by me?"

She smiled at me, and took my hand in hers. "I have the sexiest boyfriend on the fucking planet. Why would I be embarrassed by you? All my friends are envious- even after I tell them what you do for a living."

I snatched my hand away, "SEE! SEE! It's THAT! Why the fuck do you have to take a perfectly good moment and say something like THAT?"

"What'd I say? I'm saying that your looks outweigh any potential smudge that your job would have! That's a good thing!"

"YOU FUCKING DID IT AGAIN! Tanya, my job is not a smudge! It's my job! My looks shouldn't have anything to do with it! At this point, since we've been together for seven years, you should love me for the person I am. I mean, fuck, I'm 27 years old; do you think I'm going to look like this forever?"

"I do love you for who you are Eddie, but it's hard to try and figure out who that is anymore since whenever I'm around you disappear like I'm the last person you want to be with!"

"Maybe that's exactly how I feel," I mumbled to myself, but I could tell from the look on her face that she'd heard. I regretted that, but not enough to take it back or apologize.

"Well," Dr. Carlisle said, standing. "I think that's enough for today. Why don't we work on communication for next week, okay kids?"

We mumbled in his general direction and filed out not talking to each other. Oh, and of course Bella was outside with James. Of fucking course. She didn't see me watching her at first, as she read her magazine and traced her hand up and down James' thigh absent mindedly. That killed me even more. She was happy without me, and I was miserable. Why was I letting myself fall so deep for this girl? Wasn't one girl mistreating my heart enough? I accidentally walked into Tanya, and she turned to me quickly, glaring. "Watch it. I am not happy with you."

I sighed and rolled my eyes-- unfortunately in Bella's direction. Her eyes met mine, and they went from happy to sad to confused to worried in one beat. I wanted her to hold me and fix it, and tell me that she wanted me to come away with her. But she didn't. Almost a second later, James sat forward and started to kiss the side of her neck. I wanted to fucking kill him right then because I wanted that to be me.

Why the hell did I think this was a good idea anyway?

BPOV

I was blatantly staring at Edward as Tanya wrote out the check to the receptionist. I felt James' lips press against me and I instinctively leaned back away from him. "What's the matter baby?" He whispered in my ear. My eyes locked with Edward's and I saw his jaw clench. "Nothing... nothing. I think Dr. Carlisle's ready for us." I replied, nudging my head towards his open door. James' eyes followed my line of sight and he shrugged and stood up walking ahead of me towards the door. I bent down to grab my purse before making my way to the door. Edward was still looking at me, and I bit my lip smiling sadly. I wished I could kiss away whatever the fuck was making him so upset. I knew I couldn't cross this space, staring at him like I had been, with him just as focused on me and not touch him. As I approached where he was standing just a couple of feet from where James and Dr. Carlisle were waiting, I brushed my hand against his, scratching his palm. I felt his fingers curl up to wrap around my hand but I moved out of his grasp before he could get a firm hold. He exhaled audibly and I bit the inside of my cheek willing myself not to run out of the room and into his arms.

How the fuck did this get so messy so soon? Oh right, I was starting to care about him.

I took my seat beside James on the couch. "So how was your week?" Dr. Carlisle asked, turning to James.

"Fine." He said sinking into the leather of the sofa.

"So you and Bella's sexual relationship is strong, and you've become more dependable? Fantastic! Quickest work yet!" Dr. Carlisle chided.

"Uh, no. I didn't say that. Bella's still not... uh, well. She leaves something to be desired in the sack, if you know what I mean."

The doc nodded and turned to me. "This is a good place to start. Bella how are you feeling?"

"Like he expects me to spread my legs whenever he wants me to and I should thank my lucky stars that he's even around."

"You should! Who else would take care of you the way I do? hm? What the fuck are you waiting for, Bella?"

"You to be the person you were a couple of years ago, when everything was better!"

He sighed, crossing his arms in front of his chest like an angry child. "Yeah, and that was when we fucked on a regular basis! You don't even go down on me anymore!"

"Yeah and we fucked on a regular basis because you treated me better. You were reliable and we did stuff together. Now what do we do? Watch movies while your hands try and grope whatever you can on me?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T GET ANY ANY OTHER WAY! Just FUCK me occasionally, and I'll back off!"

"Then BE THERE when I need you, and I'll feel more inclined to want to have you in me!" I scolded. That wasn't even true. Just the idea of him plowing into me was disgusting and made me mentally cringe. Edward was who I wanted buried inside me. Fuck, Edward.

"Whatever, Bella. You'll just find something else to nag me about if I do change, so what the hell is even the point?"

"Then why do you put up with it? If that's really how you feel, if you only think that I nag and withhold sex then why be with me?"

"Because I love you. Because you make me happy-- most of the time. Because you have a good heart." He mumbled quickly.

I really wanted to say he didn't makeme happy anymore, but that would have just been out of spite. I did love him, he did make me happy sometimes. "I love you too James. I just wish you would do more than just say it; I need you to show me you love me - and not by thrusting in me with your dick."

"I do show you! What about the other night when I took you out! Or... or when you needed milk and I got it for you!" he replied grinning triumphantly.

"You 'took me out' by telling me to meet you for happy hour and you were already plastered with your friends when I got there. And I needed milk because you drank the entire carton I'd bought all in one afternoon while eating the cookies I'd made for Angela's baby shower."

"You still asked me and I did it! What the hell's the difference?"

"It matters! Would you have gotten the milk, if I hadn't asked?" I questioned, looking at him pointedly. I knew the answer, I just wanted to see if he'd lie to make himself look better.

"It's not my fucking house! Why would I buy your groceries?"

I looked from him to Dr. Carlisle and began laughing. Seriously? I had really put up with thisfor 5 years? Why again? "Exactly James."

He looked at me bewildered, unsure of what to say next. Fortunately he didn't have to say anything. "It looks like it's about time." Dr. Carlisle's voice boomed. "I'll plan to see you both next week at the same time. This communication... the two way street.. it's a good road. Let's drive on it some more next time."

Really? We were paying $150 bucks an hour for road analogies? Neither one of us said anything as we walked out of his office.

"Well I'm gonna head home." James said as he shut the door behind himself. "Unless you want me to come over and we can make up...?"

I looked at him and sighed. My mind drifted to Edward and how sad he'd looked earlier, but he was hanging in there. He was trying to make it work - and maybe so should I. "Yeah, let me just pay and then you can follow me home."

An hour later we arrived at my apartment. Eight minutes after that we were laying naked in my bed and James had that smug 'I just got laid' smirk plastered on his face; is it even worth noting that the 8 minutes includedwhat he deemed 'foreplay'? I curled up in a ball with my back towards him and sighed. I felt his hand reach over and begin scratching my back. My eyes shut and all I could think was it felt like I just cheated on Edward.

EPOV

"Edward, I just don't want to be around you right now!" Tanya said, running around the kitchen, attempting to make a tuna sandwich.

"Baby, I--"

"No, Edward. Not this time. Just... go, okay? You really hurt my feelings and I don't want to be around you right now. Just leave."

I sighed and looked at her skinny little back. I'd hurt her, but at the same time, she was hurting me. "Okay, I'll go. I'll call you in the morning." I kissed the back of her head and turned to leave, when she called me again.

"I do love you, you know. Regardless."

I nodded, but kept going toward the door. "Love you."

I drove around Seattle for a little while until I found a hotel and got myself a room. I got upstairs and collapsed on the bed, never having felt more alone in my entire life. I wanted... I wanted.... fuck, I didn't know what the hell I wanted. I pulled out my phone and texted Bella, wanting to at least read some friendly words. But none came. I ended up asleep in my clothes, curled up in a ball trying to remember why any of this seemed like a good idea.

But who do you turn to when everyone could turn against you?