Zarbon Goes to Charm School, part 2
Zarbon was sitting in his room wondering why his friends were mad at him, he was not usually stupid, he was just a naïve person that enjoyed the luxuries of life, and he did not like to fight. There was a knock on the door, he got up and answered it, it was Icey, Liya and Dasha.
"What a nice surprise, I didn't expect you all to show up!" Zarbon said.
"We need to talk!" Icey said as she and the other girls came into the room.
"So have you applied what you learned to real life?" Zarbon asked.
"Yes and I'm still getting picked on, charm school didn't help what-so-ever, people are now calling me a snob instead of a defect like they used to call me." Icey said.
"Yes I've disappointed my parents just because I yelled at them for not setting the table right." Dasha said.
"I had an argument with my husband because he wanted to save some money and buy our baby cheaper dippers from G-Mart. I argue with him and said that G-Mart is where the peasants go to buy stuff." Liya said.
"I too have been having misfortunes. I think I just realized something! " Zarbon said getting up onto the bed and standing on it.
"What?" asked Icey.
"We're different, we are used to being pampered and people are jealous, they think we don't like them because they have a different lifestyle than them!" Zarbon said.
"I like my lifestyle I don't want to change anything about it!" Icey said.
"No that's not what I'm trying to say, I must imply that we have been taught to listen to certain music, watch certain movies, and dress a certain way! We also aren't allowed to talk to other people that aren't like us!" Zarbon said.
"You mean peasants right?" asked Dasha.
"Exactly! I just realized that the very friends that I've known for years do not have the advantages that I do. I get my fancy clothing from designer stores like Bebe for Men, Gap and Gucci, only because Freezer gives me money to buy that stuff! But I realized lately that my best friends in the world Apple and Kiwi aren't like me!" Zarbon yelled.
"Because they're a different species?" asked Liya.
"No because they're not royalty! They get their cloths from G-Mart, they don't get paid very much, and they have to buy food for themselves if Freezer can't provide them with food." Zarbon said.
"What are you saying?" asked Icey.
"I'm saying that we need to be just like them so that people can like us better! We have to face the facts that we're being brought up to act like the rest of the planet doesn't exist, it's horrible!" Zarbon said.
"Yah right you're not saint!" Liya said.
"I think I'll be the first saint of Planet Freezer when I have this to say, we should do whatever the hell we want to do!" Zarbon said.
"What are you talking about?" asked Dasha.
"In other words, we can talk to whoever we want to talk to, we can talk about whatever we want to talk about, and we can be friends with much poorer people like Apple and Kiwi if our hearts desire it!" Zarbon said.
"But you're not supposed to befriend poor people, mum said that they will take advantage of you and steal your money." Icey said.
"Suck it to your mum! We need to act like everyone else!" Zarbon said.
"That's an excellent idea!" Icey said.
"First we're going to listen to the Beatles!" Zarbon said.
He put the record on and everyone was dancing to "A Hard Day's Night. Everyone was dancing and singing along then all the sudden there was a knock on the door, "Keep it down retards!" Dodoria yelled.
"Now what do we do?" asked Liya.
"We need to think of something else, I got it!" Zarbon yelled.
Meanwhile Apple and Kiwi snuck over to Icey's house where she lived with her mother and father, they wore ski masks so that Auntie May would not recognize them. "Are you sure this is a good idea Kiwi?" asked Apple.
"Yes we have to make her change our friend back, or at least change him half-way back." Kiwi said.
"I can't help but think we could get into big trouble." Apple said.
"Don't be a baby Apple, in a man's world that isn't allowed, only women are allowed to nag." Kiwi said going up to the door.
"I'm not nagging…" Apple tried to say.
Kiwi rang the doorbell, inside uncle Herb woke up, "That's funny, who could that be this time at night?" he asked getting up and going to the door, "Who are you fellows?" he asked. Kiwi hit him with a crowbar and knocked him out.
"What was that noise?" asked Auntie May, she went downstairs and saw that Kiwi was tying Uncle Herb up to a chair, "Herb!" She said. Apple knocked her out with a crowbar.
Zarbon and the girls went to a bar, dressing like normal people, they bought crappy looking cloths from G-Mart. Zarbon dressed like a redneck, Icey dressed like a prostitute, Liya did too, and so did Dasha. Their cleavage was showing, whereas Zarbon was in cowboy boots and they walked up to the bar and sat down, "Howdy miss, we would like a beer please!" Zarbon said.
"Do I know any of you?" asked the bartender.
"Yes we're from out of town and we would like a few wine coolers to keep us giddy." Zarbon said picking at his nails.
"I thought you just said that you wanted beer." The Bartender said giving them a glare.
"We do, we want beer and wine coolers." Zarbon said.
"Coming right up," the bartender said rolling her eyes.
Auntie May opened her eyes up and saw that she was tied to a chair, "Whoever did this is going to pay dearly!" She yelled.
"Don't worry dear I'm here!" yelled Uncle Herb.
"Herb are you tied up too?" she asked.
"Yes I'm tied to you back to back in another chair!" he said.
"I'm scared Herb!" she said.
Kiwi came out with a toilet plunger, "Well, well, well if it isn't Mrs. Manners and Mr. Manners? Who is the ruler of this roost?' asked Kiwi hitting the plunger onto the palm of his hand.
"I am what's it too you?" she asked pissed off. All the sudden Kiwi went up to her and plunged her face, "Tell us how we change our friend back?" asked Kiwi.
"What on earth do you thugs want?" asked Uncle Herb.
"We want answers!" Apple said.
"Take all the money if you want! I don't care just don't kill us!" Uncle Herb said.
"No we're not going to kill you; we just want to know how you can debrainwash our friend is all!" Apple said.
"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm not a scientist!" Auntie May said.
"We want the money too!" Kiwi yelled.
"Kiwi we came here to get answers not money!" Apple said.
"I need to pay for my rent before my contract is up!" Kiwi said.
"That's your problem, but don't take it out on them!" Apple said.
Meanwhile at the bar Zarbon and the girls drunk to the point of being drunk, "So what do drunk people do exactly?" asked Liya.
"I've only gotten drunk once before, I don't remember what happened, oh yah I pinched Freezer on the butt then I went up and pinched you on the butt Liya." Zarbon said laughing.
"You are horrid!" Liya said.
"I was joking!" Zarbon said snickering.
"I think we need to tear that school down, it's for amateurs and we're better than that!" Icey said.
"You're absolutely right, but we can't tear it down, we need to do something more destructive!" Zarbon said.
"Like what?" Dasha asked.
"Let's teepee their house, I saw this on television where Fat Albert and his friends teepee the teacher's house!" Zarbon said.
"That didn't happen!" Icey said.
"Let's be the first ones to make it happen, come on girls to the bathrooms!" Zarbon then fell down, got back up and they went to the restrooms and got a bunch of toilet paper.
Later on, the bartender went to the bathroom and saw that there were not any rolls of toilet paper in sight, "Hey Nigel, someone stole all the toilet paper!" she said.
Kiwi and Apple were still arguing, "We're not getting any money!" Apple yelled.
"Yes we are I need to pay my rent before my contract is up!" Kiwi said.
"What happened to your money in your account?" asked Apple.
"I spent it on prostitutes!" Kiwi said.
"You moron! How could you be so stupid?" asked Apple.
"I was horny, I wanted to fuck some women, Freezer's prostitutes were far away so I had to go with the dirty ones on the street!" Kiwi said.
"Kiwi that's dangerous, did you at least use a condom?" asked Apple.
"I was trying to survive; I didn't think to buy any!" Kiwi yelled.
"You are so sick!" Apple yelled.
"Excuse me, but who is your friend that I brainwashed!" asked Auntie May.
"Zarbon, you turned him, into a pussy willowed snob!" Kiwi yelled.
"I made him more dignified!" Auntie May said.
"Yah right, he's losing his friends and he's giving people the wrong idea and doesn't even know it!" Kiwi yelled.
"I made him respect himself more, what harm does that do to him?" asked Auntie May.
"Because he's calling Freezer's solders peasants that shop at G-Mart!" Apple yelled.
"Peasants do shop at G-Mart!" Auntie May said.
"Apple the toilet plunger, go pea in the toilet and stick it in there so we can stick it on her face!" Kiwi said.
"Ew I don't want to, besides I don't need to go!" Apple said.
"Give me that!" Kiwi yelled grabbing the plunger and plunging Auntie May's face.
"Are you going to talk now, how do we make Zarbon act more respectful towards us?" asked Apple.
"What do you mean?" asked Auntie May.
"He's walking like a sissy and people are mistakening him for being gay!" Kiwi said.
"I taught him to walk like a gentleman!" Auntie May said.
"Apple go pea in the toilet!" Kiwi said.
"Why can't you go pea in the toilet?" asked Apple.
"Uh just a second!" Kiwi then took the plunger, went behind the kitchen counter, and peed on the toilet plunger and then he came back over there.
"Now we'll get you to talk bitch!" Kiwi yelled.
"Kiwi don't!" Apple yelled.
Meanwhile Zarbon and the girls were on the property of the school, and they had bags of toilet paper with them, "Let's start with the walk studio!" Liya said.
"Charge!" Dasha yelled. They all ran to the studio and threw the toilet paper on it and then they broke into the place not paying attention to the alarm going off.
"This is for saying that my tail should hit the ground!" Icey said throwing toilet paper onto the floor.
"Where are those manner books, I need to rip some up!" yelled Dasha, she found them and then tore some up and threw some out the window.
"How's this for stuff I shouldn't do!" Zarbon then took his pants off and peed on the floor, "Oh that feels good!" Zarbon said.
"This is what I think of your manners period!" Liya took a chair and threw it into the mirrors.
The part was then over when the police showed up, "Freeze you are under arrest for vandalizing and teepeeing someone's property!" a police officer said.
"Zarbon I think we're going to jail, do they have any toilets there?" asked Icey.
"This one is intoxicated!" the officer said.
"So are the rest of these hooligans." Another officer said.
As an officer handcuffed Zarbon, Zarbon decided to seduce his way out of this one, "So handsome what is your name?" he asked slurring his words.
"That is none of your concern!" the officer said.
"To think that this is what I get for trying to be normal!" Zarbon then threw up.
"Ew cleanup on isle one!" the officer said as he put Zarbon in the car.
"Hey officer do you have any female nurses that can attend to my wounds?" asked Zarbon.
"Its jail not a porno convention son." The officer said as he drove Zarbon and Icey in the car to the police station, whereas Liya and Dasha ridden in another car.
Kiwi and Apple were finally able to get some words out of Auntie May, "I don't usually follow the book, the book has great ways that Zarbon can become normal again, but with style!" Auntie May said.
"You're saying that some of those techniques that you made up were fake?" asked Apple.
"No I just exaggerated them a little bit, no harm done!" Auntie May said.
"So where is this manners book?" asked Kiwi.
"It's on the desk upstairs!" Auntie May said.
"Maybe you won't get your face plunged in pea after all!" Kiwi said as Apple went to get the book.
Apple came back downstairs with the book, "Come on Kiwi I don't think she'll be much help, but maybe the book will be." Apple said.
"This isn't the last you have seen of us!" Kiwi said trying to intimidate Auntie May.
"I hope to God that it's the last time!" Uncle Herb said.
Apple and Kiwi went back home, "Is someone going to untie us?" asked Auntie May.
In jail Zarbon was scared, "I'm scared I want to go home! I need a bucket to spit up in!" he yelled throwing up onto the floor.
"I'm not feeling too great either Zarbon," Dasha said.
"I'm not touching another ounce of alcohol ever again!" Icey said.
Zarbon was feeling a little sensual and still a little drunk, "Icey when we get out of here, would you like to marry me?" Zarbon asked.
"I will Zarbon, I will!" Icey said.
Liya was pissed off a still drunk when she heard that, "You bastard! I hate you!" she went over to Zarbon and slapped him on the face.
"What did I do?" asked Zarbon slurring his words.
"You were supposed to have been mine loser!" Liya said slurring her words and belching.
"He's mine I saw him first!" Icey yelled pushing Liya.
"No back off, I've known him since we were six!" yelled Liya.
"You both can have him, as long as I find another man to impregnate me!" Dasha said throwing up.
"Stop fighting ladies! If you both want me just come and get me!" Zarbon said.
They both frowned at him, "On second thought I'll just wait until Freezer dies to find myself a wife." Zarbon said sitting down.
Freezer came into the prison, "Oh damn it!" Zarbon said.
"Zarbon you have a lot of explaining to do!" Freezer said.
All the sudden Icey's parents showed up too, "Icey what happened? I got a call from Freezer saying that you, Zarbon and those other two girls whose names I forgot were caught under the influence and trashing the charm studio!" Auntie May said.
"What do you mean you already forgot my name bitch?" Liya said throwing up.
Then more embarrassing things happened when Dasha's parents showed up, "Даша, я думал что ты непушая!" her father said.
"Папа, Мама почему ты пришли?" Dasha yelled back at her parents speaking in Russian with a thick English sounding accent.
"Could you please speak English, we don't speak Russian!" Liya said. Liya's husband showed up with their infant daughter, "Iram what are you doing here?" Liya asked.
"I'm surprised at you Liya! I expected better of you!" Iram said it looked like he had gained some weight since the last time Zarbon saw him.
"I'm sixteen what did you expect!" Liya said crossing her arms.
"Ew no offence Liya but Iram has really let himself go." Zarbon said.
"Tell me about it." Liya said.
"All right that's enough; we're going to get you all out of here!" Freezer said.
Later on that night Zarbon was in his room, there was a knock on the door, Kiwi and Apple came into the room, "We heard what happened, how could you be so reckless, that's the worst thing you have ever done other than kill people for Freezer!" Apple said.
"I know, I was drunk and I still feel awful!" Zarbon said.
"Why did you go out and get drunk for?" asked Apple.
"The girls and I just wanted to be peasants like you guys." Zarbon said.
"You don't' have to be like us, you can still be vain, but you have to respect our differences at the same time." Kiwi said.
"Besides don't call us peasants, we don't work in the fields." Apple said.
"Done," Zarbon said coughing.
"By the way, Auntie May let us have this book on manners. As it turns out she wasn't teaching you guys the right way of being outstanding citizens." Kiwi said.
"I knew she was a fraud." Zarbon said.
"Look don't fell too badly, we can teach you what is appropriate conversation and what isn't, and we can manly up your walk too." Kiwi said.
"Thank god because walking like a girl was getting on my nerves." Zarbon said.
Apple's eyes grew wide, "Then why did you do it?" he asked.
"Because Auntie May said that to be an attractive individual you had to walk gracefully, I'm a man, I'm clumsy and I am not meant to walk like a pussy!" Zarbon said.
"For once I guess I was wrong." Kiwi said.
"What do you mean you were wrong?" asked Zarbon.
"I thought you were trying to be a girl or a drag queen!" Kiwi then started laughing.
"Shut up Kiwi, give me the book and I'll read it, as long as I don't have to go back to that charm school, then I'll be all right." Zarbon said grabbing the book from Kiwi and starting to read it.
"By the way, you do in fact have a punishment; Freezer said that you, Icey, Dasha and Liya are sentenced to two days of community service." Apple said.
"You mean like helping the poor out?" Zarbon asked.
"No like cleaning the toilets, mopping the floors and dressing up modestly." Kiwi said with a smile on his face.
"NOOOO!" Zarbon said.
End of Story